The Never-ending Road: Chapter 7 – Unexpected Visitors

By Leitbur

Ton. Ton.

Even though it was only the beginning of the game, Hikaru felt rather bored. This was the second time he'd ever played Kawasaki 3 – Dan, last time in the 3rd round of the Honinbo 1st preliminary. This time it was the 3rd round of the Tengen 1st preliminary, and the early results looked about the same. In fact, it was probably worse for Kawasaki this time.

Hikaru had noticed that his opponent had been perspiring and at times visibly shaking from the moment they both kneeled down before the goban, and Kawasaki hadn't started out well at all. Hikaru remembered this; it had been the same when he'd played Kadowaki for the second time during Isumi's Shinshodan match. Kadowaki had been remembering Sai's strength in that game and the result had been quite clear to Hikaru. His opponent was afraid of him.

Placing another stone casually, Hikaru returned to tapping his fan on his Go bowl. It wasn't that Hikaru lacked effort, that he wasn't focused on the game, simply that his opponent wasn't making it much of a game. The fear of the power he'd shown in their last encounter must have remained with Kawasaki. His moves were timid, soft, as if he feared some terrible calamity with each of Hikaru's moves. This made attacking easier, and thus Hikaru was winning without the effort he usually gave.

Hikaru had only played three games thus far in the last three weeks, and only one had been difficult. June was almost over, and that meant that only one month remained for the Kisei 2nd preliminary. Those were the games he looked forward to these days, the Thursday games against the higher Dans. The only other game he'd played recently that he had truly looked forward to had been the final match of the Young Lions Tournament, the match against Akira.

The lunch bell sounded, and Hikaru quickly rose from his seat. It was about time, he needed to get away. Without even glancing at the board or his opponent who remained seated for a minute longer, Hikaru turned and made his way towards the lunchroom.

As he reached the usual table, Isumi was already sitting down waiting; Waya though was nowhere to be seen. "Waya's off getting his pork rice." Isumi informed him. "Said he's been craving it again."

Taking his seat, Hikaru tapped his fan gently on the counter, then glanced off towards the meal order pick up room. Observing this, Isumi remarked, "Something you wanted to say to Waya?"

Shaking his head, Hikaru returned his thoughts to the here and now and replied, "No, just thinking about how lame today's game is?"

"Lame!?" a loud voice called out, causing Hikaru and Isumi to turn their heads to see Waya returning to the table with his lunch. "Are you underestimating Kawasaki 3 – Dan again?"

Hikaru shook his head a second time. "No, he's just not playing that good of a game today. I think he's a little intimidated."

Sitting down, Waya and Isumi shared knowing glances. They could definitely understand where Kawasaki was coming from, although neither one would yet admit that they feared Hikaru, they'd known him for too long and called him a friend for too long for that. Waya especially though. Hikaru was like a little brother, and to fear his little brother… no, it'd never happen.

"So Isumi," Hikaru interjected into the silence; you're finally playing in a tournament. Today's your first round match right?"

Isumi nodded. "It's great. I've been looking forward to it. I'm playing Mashiba in it today, and I feel really good."

"Ha!" Waya responded, "Serves Mashiba right for the way he always rubbed passing the pro exam in your face. Beat him down good Isumi."

Isumi nodded. "I'll do my best."

Waya then added, "You're right though, tournaments are different from the Dan matches. Playing to advance rank is great and all, but there's just an excitement to playing for a chance to win a title. It's what so many of us, not to mention all the insei still trying to make it here, dream about, playing in that title match. I think it makes the game more fun."

Hikaru smiled and nodded. "Well Isumi then will get to have more fun soon. The Meijin Tournament's 1st preliminary starts in August after all. More tournament matches from there, just have to keep winning."

Isumi then responded, "Well obviously we all want to win, but it's not easy to even get out of the 1st preliminary. Of course Shindo seems to have figured out how to do it nicely. Any tips for your good friends?"

Waya ground his teeth but said nothing. This had been a contention spot between him and Hikaru for months, and to be honest Waya felt like he was losing the argument every time Hikaru won a game. "I don't know," Hikaru replied, "it's not like I try to underestimate the lower Dans or anything, it's just frustrating at times is all. Akira is so far ahead it seems, playing 9 – Dans and here I am playing in games against the lower Dans. There just doesn't seem to be that much of a challenge for the most part. Playing you and Waya, Ochi, Honda, and everyone is great fun and all, but it just doesn't compare to the intensity of playing a higher Dan."

Frustration setting in for Waya as he listened to his friend once again rant about his boredom with the lower games. Part of his frustration he knew came from the sense of his own weakness in not being able to really stop Hikaru, to prove him wrong, but it also came from the fact that these were just not things he expected to here from a 2 – Dan. "Hey now Shindo, don't be getting all lofty on us here. Don't forget you lost your match in the Judan 1st preliminary back in April, and then a couple weeks ago you lost in the Young Lions Tournament finals. The lower Dans can still put up a challenge for you."

Hikaru frowned. Voice rising slightly, he answered back, "You always bring up that Judan match Waya. I told you before; I wasn't feeling well that day and lost my focus. If I played that game today I'd have won easily. As for the Young Lions Tournament…" Hikaru paused a moment, remembering with a slight bit of regret the feeling of falling short by half a point. It had been difficult to accept, but it had indeed occurred. Voice lowering, he continued, "That game… that was different. Akira he's… he's not like the other lower Dans. It's… different."

Hikaru sighed deeply as thoughts of that day ran through his mind. Even Amano had seemed disappointed during the interview afterwards. Certainly he was cheerful and full of praise for both him and Akira, inquiring about how they'd met, thoughts on the future, reflections on the game they'd just played and so on. Still, Hikaru could tell that Amano had secretly been cheering for him, although whether it was out of a desire for a more convincing article with his victory over Akira or something more genuine, Hikaru didn't know, nor really, did he care all that much. What had mattered was Akira's assessment that Hikaru was beginning to play more and more on equal footing with him. The praise had been taken well by Amano, but then Hikaru had already known Akira's appraisal of him, he had his respect. Akira, I'll beat you one of these times. Someday soon.

Isumi, taut-faced, then broke the silence. "He's right Waya. I mean losing by half a point to Akira Toya is not something to mock. It's not like either you or me have ever gotten that close to doing it. Besides, if you want to show Shindo that he can't take the lower Dans lightly, do it yourself. Don't the two of you have your next Dan match against each other?"

Waya's face paled. He'd forgotten about that. "Yeah, next week. Speaking of which, don't you play Ochi next Isumi?"

Isumi nodded. "Yeah, in two weeks. I'm still not doing much right now, the Young Lions Tournament was really a nice chance to play more games." Then turning to look at Hikaru Isumi added, "By the way Shindo, I heard you won your 2nd round match in the Kisei 2nd preliminary last week. Two more wins and you're in the League right?"

Hikaru nodded. "It wasn't easy though. It's not like I'm assured even making the league or anything. Still, I just can't help but tremble a little. I mean, I really don't mean to sound disappointed with the lower Dans, but you have to understand, I've been there now. The higher Dan games, it's like tasting a new and exotic drink, and once you take a sip, you want another sip, and another. The intensity, the challenge of it all; once you guys get there, you'll understand what I mean."

Waya and Isumi glanced at each other, the hair on the back of their necks standing up from what they'd just heard. Recovering though, Waya then added as he took another bite from his meal, "Well you'd better be on your toes then. Aren't you playing Shirakawa from Morishita's study group in your next Kisei match? It'd be a good way to get Morishita-sensei off your back you know."

Hikaru nodded with a sigh. "Yeah, tell me about it. He was all praises and flattery when I beat Ashiwara, but after I lost to Akira…"

"Damn you Shindo," Waya imitated, "how could you let yourself lose to Akira Toya!? How do you expect this study group to show Toya's group whose boss if you keep losing to Toya like that!?"

The three chuckled a little, Isumi more than the other two who knew how Morishita could be all too well. Hikaru then added, "But Sensei has been doing well lately. He's gone deep in the Honinbo and Kisei preliminaries, and he's gotten halfway through the Tengen Main Tournament so far too. Saeki was mentioning a few months ago that Sensei might be back, showing his top form again."

Waya nodded. "Yeah, Saeki mentioned that to me too. I think that seeing you and me playing so passionately had something to do with it, but who knows. He really turned up his game when Koyo Toya retired. I think he doesn't want to be shown up by Toya."

Hikaru nodded. "Well it'd be great to see Sensei win a title or two."

"Hey," Isumi interjected, "that's great and all, but you had best stay focused on yourself. Keep winning Shindo and you just might be challenging for the Kisei title soon."

Hikaru just chuckled, leaving Waya to laugh fully. "Come on Isumi" Waya replied, "Shindo's good and all, and getting into the league would be great and all, but don't you think that winning a title is a little ways off for Shindo still? The players in that League are the best in Japan."

Smiling at his friend, Hikaru answered, "I guess I'll just try my best. You know though, thinking about the study group reminds me, the pro exam is coming up again."

Isumi nodded. "Yeah, time sure flies by huh? Feels like I just passed it myself."

"That's why we can't keep still," Waya added. "The new pros just keep on coming, and they'll pass us if we let them."

Nodding, Hikaru then said, "I think Nase will pass this year. She played a great game against me in the Young Lions Tournament."

"That's true," Waya replied, "but then the best players don't always win. Look how long it took Isumi and I to pass compared to say you or Mashiba?"

Isumi added, "Not to mention the mental pressure to win. Some players never overcome that, no matter how strong they become."

Waya nodded. "Don't get me wrong, I'd love it if Nase passed, she's a great player and more than deserving. It'd be another member of the study group to go pro, since she started coming to my study group last week. You just never know. There are always strong outsiders, former insei and amateurs, and I heard from Komiya that there's a new insei that came out of nowhere and is rising up fast, kind of like how you and Ochi did two years ago."

Hikaru nodded back. "Yeah, I heard about him, Fuku mentioned it at the tournament. Wonder how strong he is though?"

Isumi answered, "We'll find out in two months when the pro exam begins."

Glancing up at the clock, Isumi then said, "We better be getting back though, it's almost time to resume our games."

Waya nodded. "Yeah, let's go."

Holding his fan tightly in both hands as the trio made their way towards the game room, Hikaru added, "I think I'll finish my game off quickly."

Frowning, Waya slapped Hikaru upside the head, "Bastard, stop acting so reckless and cocky!"

"I'm home!"

Removing his shoes as he entered the house, Hikaru glanced into the kitchen where his mother was preparing tea. Turning to look at his arrival, his mother said, "Oh Hikaru, you have a guest waiting for you in your room."

Cocking an eyebrow, Hikaru replied, "A guest? Who is it?"

"I don't know who she is. She said she was a friend of yours though, a real pretty girl. Now what was her name?"

Hikaru however did not wait for his mother to remember the name. Instead he moved off towards the stairs and up to his bedroom. A pretty girl who his mother didn't know. Could it be…?

Opening the door, Hikaru looked into his room to see Nase sitting on his bed, having looked up at him when the door opened. Taking a step in, Hikaru asked, "Nase, um hello. What are you doing here?"

Standing up, Nase gave a reactive bow, then began to fidget slightly, looking away for a moment before returning her gaze to Hikaru, replying. "I'm sorry if I shouldn't have come. I got your address from Isumi, and your mother told me to wait in here. I hope you don't mind… um, that is…"

Closing the door behind him, Hikaru moved towards the bed, stopping a few feet shy and said, "No it's all right, just a bit unexpected. Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

Looking hesitant, Nase answered, "Well…" Hikaru motioned for her to have a seat as he slumped down on the floor next to his bed. Following suit, Nase gazed across the room at the television, organized her thoughts in her mind, then continued, "I wanted to know… if you meant what you said before, about thinking that I would pass the pro exam this year?"

Cocking an eyebrow in surprise, Hikaru answered back, "Sure I did. You've gotten a lot stronger since the last time we played. I think you'll pass the exam more easily than I did. Don't you think you can pass the exam?"

Lowering her head to look into her lap, Nase wiped her hand along her eye. "I guess, it's just… I'm eighteen this year, so if I don't pass then I can't stay an insei anymore."

"So what," Hikaru replied, "Isumi didn't pass when he was eighteen and he was still able to turn pro. You could always take the exam as an outsider."

Nase just sighed. "But that's the question, if I don't pass it this year, I don't know if I should keep trying. Iijima quit two years ago after he failed, and focused on college. I've been trying for so long, just like he did, and I still haven't passed. It's been my dream for so long, just like it was your dream, but it just eats up so much of our lives. If I'm not good enough to pass, if I can't pass, how long do I let the rest of my life pass by before I stop? Should I be trying to focus on college instead, or dating boys, finding a job. Just thinking about it and what it might mean if... I'm just so scared and..."

Concern swept across Hikaru's face. He'd passed the exam on his first try, so he'd never really given much thought on how hard it must be to stay an insei for so long. Sure back when Isumi had almost quit Hikaru had thought about it some, but at the time he'd had other things to focus on. Nase was almost in that same position now, of course she'd be worried. She was strong though, surely she could see that.

A shiver ran down Nase's spine as she went on, "I know I've gotten better and all. When you and Waya passed, I finished the exam with more losses than I did wins, then last year I finished with seven losses. Honda though only had six and passed. Back then I thought that had been my best chance, yet somehow I just couldn't give up Go, so I stuck it out. I just keep looking ahead and seeing this dark cloud of what could happen if I fail." Placing her hand across her chest she continued, "It's like a weight on my chest that just keeps increasing. An ache in my heart, and the more I think about it, the greater the wall of passing the exam becomes. Everything just seems so big, as if the room was shrinking in on me, and I don't know what to do. I've been an insei for so long, been stuck in place without moving forward, and now I see the finish line coming, my chance to join you, Waya, Honda and Isumi in the pros, and yet if I miss it, stumble even a little…

"I don't have a mentor like Waya and Honda do, and I used to go to the Kyuseikai once and awhile like Isumi, but last year I quit. At the time I thought I'd give up on my dreams, but after playing a few more games in the Insei League, plus given the fact that I'd defeated Honda who had passed in the pro exam, I changed my mind. If I had a mentor, maybe I could get some advice, but I just don't know. Then I did so well at the Young Lions Tournament, and even though I lost to you, I felt so happy, especially when you told me that I'd pass. But since then I've begun to have some doubts, especially after going to Waya's study group and seeing how much stronger everyone else was. I've been stuck in one place, unable to move up for so long, watching others like you, Ochi, Mashiba just pass right by me. So I decided I needed to come here, talk to you in person, and find out if you really meant that."

Taking a deep breath, doing her best to calm the emotions welling up inside her, Nase lifted her head and looked over to Hikaru. Hesitation filled him, a bit overwhelmed by all of the things she'd just told him, Hikaru closed his eyes for a moment and took a breath, then summoning up energy in his voice to add conviction he said, "Yes Nase, as I told you before, you're a strong player! I absolutely mean that. You played with a lot of skill in our game, and had me sweating and everything! You'll pass the exam no problem."

She hadn't realized it, but the entire time she'd been listening to him Nase had been holding her breath. Exhaling now, she felt the beginnings of tears starting to form in her eyes. It felt so nice to hear him say that, to know someone believed in her like that. Still, just because he believed it didn't make it so. Sniffing, Nase replied, "Thank you Shindo, I appreciate it, I do but...it's easy for you to say. After all, you've already passed the exam."

Stunned, Hikaru just looked at her as it appeared that tears were imminent. She was right of course; it was easy for him to say such things having already entered the world of the pros. A world that she had been trying to enter probably longer than he'd even been playing the game. Crawling over towards the corner of his room, Hikaru grabbed his goban and pulled it over to the middle of the floor. "Come on Nase, let's play a game. Let's put our all into it and see the strength of the Go we can create." Hesitating for a moment, not sure if he should continue with his next thought, Hikaru watched Nase just sitting there, so sad, helpless even in her own self-doubt, he had to say it anyway. "You're right, it is easy for me to say that, but I do believe it. So if you want, I'll help you improve your game until the Pro Exam starts."

Nase's head rose up in a flash, surprise coverin her face. She hadn't expected that, the idea hadn't even crossed her mind on her way here or sitting in the room waiting for Hikaru to arrive. "You'll help me… improve my game?"

Hikaru scooted over to the bed again and smiling brightly answered, "Sure, that is if you think a 2 – Dan will be enough help. Any day that I don't have to work or have a game; I'll help you every day I can."

Biting her lip, trying to take deep breaths to calm herself, Nase stared at Hikaru as a tear began to slide down her cheek. He was just smiling at her like that. He really did have faith in her skills as a Go player. So much faith that he was willing to take time out of his own Go studies, despite all the important games he had coming, and help her gain strength, help her... to pass. As another tear began to slide down her cheek, Nase sat up straight, turning to fully face Hikaru, fighting back the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. "Thank you. Thank you…"

Nodding in understanding, Hikaru crawled over next to Nase and lowered his head, trying to decide what to do next. What he had just promised to do beginning to sink in now, Hikaru took a deep breath and exhaled. Nase was strong, what he'd said was true, but saying that she'd pass with ease might have been an exaggeration. Still, even without help she should have a decent chance, be a top five competitor in the exam, so she just needed a push beyond, to pull away from the rest. This was something he could do, polish her game, strengthen the weaknesses in her game, they had time to do that.

Suddenly Nase reached over and wrapped her arms around Hikaru's waist, resting her cheek on his shoulder, tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt. This was more than she'd asked for, more than she'd hoped for. How the tables had turned, it seemed like just yesterday she, Waya, and Isumi were taking care of him, teaching him about different aspects of the Go World. Now here he was, Shindo-sensei to her. A smile slid over her face as she closed her eyes, she was truly grateful.

Just then the door to the room opened and Hikaru's mother said, "I brought you both tea so OH!" Seeing Nase wrapped around her son as she was, Hikaru's mother dropped the tray with the tea on it out of shock. Pulling back from Hikaru at the disturbance, Nase straighted back up and looked down embarrassed. Hugging him like that, it hadn't been her intention, it had just... happened. Hikaru meanwhile was looking at his mother in surprise and wonder. Recovering from the shock, Hikaru's mother fell to her knees and began to fuss over the spilt tea, afraid to look up for what she might see. "Oh, I am sorry. I was just startled, and I… let me get something to clean this up with."

Getting up with the dropped cups and tray, Hikaru's mother turned to leave, took one glance back with her hand touching her cheek, then retreated. She wasn't sure what to think really. They certainly seemed close though. And to think I had been worried about his social life. Oh but poor Akari.

Back in the room, Hikaru and Nase stared at the open door. Finally they turned to look at one another, and a few moments later began to laugh at the whole incident. Her face red with embarrassment, Nase watched as Hikaru moved towards the goban. Glancing over to Nase he then said, "So, shall we play?"

Author's Notes:

Hello everyone. I'm sorry, did I forget to mention who won the game last chapter? I don't know how I could have forgotten; it must have slipped my mind, being such a small detail and all. Ok, so maybe the horns slowly rising out of my head give it away. Last chapter though was about tension and the heat of the moment intensity. I felt that to announce a winner in the midst of that would drain away all the tension I had worked to build up. Hope you can all forgive me.

This will not, of course, be the last time I leave you guys with a cliffhanger. In fact, I may use quite a few more, so be advised and prepared mentally for it next time. I find it really helps keep the reader's attention, and makes the anticipation greater for better enjoyment of the next chapter once it's released.

So yes, Hikaru lost, barely, but he lost. Don't worry though, he'll have plenty of chances to win one from Akira, and in far more important games. As promised this chapter was a great change of pace, a sort of chance to see where everyone stands at the moment. For all you Nase fans, rejoice because we will be seeing quite a lot of her in the future. The question that now remains is whether or not Hikaru can actually teach. Guess you'll just have to wait and see.

Terms:

Kyuseikai: Some of you may have heard of this as the Nine Stars Club. This is basically a Go cram school, where young players go to study Go. It was mentioned many times that Isumi went there for awhile. This is not the only cram school like this, and it's likely just a name that Yumi Hotta created. At such places, Go pros who used to study there often return to give tips, and help the young players advance their games.

I meant to respond to this last chapter, but I forgot. Don't feel bad for writing a long review. If any of you ever saw one of the reviews I written before, you'd think I was writing an essay on the chapter. I don't mind long reviews; it's actually refreshing. This isn't a hint to write longer reviews of course, just saying you can use all the room you want to get what you want to say across.

Please continue with the reviews, I enjoy them greatly, and as I always say, reviews effect how motivated I become to get the next chapter out. R&R.

If there's something really important you need to say, feel free to email me and make sure that the Subject is clear so I don't think its spam. This does include stuff you might not want others to read posted on the review list, but if you ask a plot question, you may not necessarily get an answer, as that's really no fun.