AN: This didn't come yesterday as usual. It was the weekend...*wink wink*
Eventually Jane gathered her strength and dried herself. It was only a little after 9pm but Maura was already tucked into bed by the time Jane exited the shower. The brunette quietly walked to the chest of drawers and picked out a pair of underwear and warm pyjamas. She was now feeling cold from the extra long time she spent in the shower. Carefully, she pulled the panties on. Maura was propped up by her pillows pretending to read but actually watching Jane instead. The detective feared this, because she did the same when Maura was changing. Trying to appear as casual and unbothered as can be, she pulled her towel off and swiftly put the pyjama t-shirt on. She repeated the same fast motion for the pants and, leaving her towel where it was, walked into bed. Maura always played clean up in the morning. No matter how much she told Jane, the brunette still left a trail of mess behind her. And no matter how much she complained, Maura still cleaned up.
''How was your walk?'', Maura shut her book, tired of pretending to be reading when all she wanted was to just talk to Jane.
''Refreshing'', the casual reply came. Jane placed her head atop her arms on the pillow and lay facing Maura.
''I'm a bit jealous. I haven't been out for a walk in two weeks''
''We should take a morning walk tomorrow''…..''if murder doesn't call on our weekend off'', she added.
Maura duplicated Jane's movements and they were now face to face.
''I would love that very much'', she said sincerely.
''Just not at the crack of dawn please''
''Whenever we get up Jane'', Maura smiled. It felt good to not have a heavy conversation for once.
It was short lived.
''I am sorry about cancelling dinner tonight. Would you like to go out tomorrow night?''
''It's fine Jane. We can see how we feel tomorrow and decide as the day goes'', Maura smiled again.
They just lay there, in silence for a long while, unsure of where to begin – or if to begin at all.
''I made some plans for Sunday afternoon?'', Maura broke the silence.
''What sort of plans?''
''After your mother left I went online''
''….and?'', Jane prompted.
''There are sessions held at a community hall here in Beacon Hill for 'women impending motherhood', they call it. They have sessions for pregnant woman and for adopting and fostering mothers. This Sunday afternoon there is a session for adopting mothers, from 1 – 4 pm. I saw it online and I registered to join the sessions for the next month. I feel it's something I need to do''
''That sounds like a good idea Maur. Do you need me to come with you?''
''No thank you'', she left it at that and smiled at Jane. The brunette's intentions were always right, but Maura felt she needed to do this on her own. She had had a minor evaluation of herself before Jane's return, and she was disturbed with the results.
The mistake she made twelve years ago is what led her to her current predicament to date. She had heavily relied on Margo in university. She was a loner and when Margo came around she gave herself completely to the strong force of Margo Bellamy. And when the woman had cheated on her and fallen pregnant, Maura had clung onto her regardless. She couldn't let go. Margo had been everything to her, and the thought of suddenly being without her frightened her. So she made the stupid choice of agreeing to parent with Margo, all because she didn't want her to leave. All because she didn't know how to be without her. All because Margo made her feel like somebody, made her recognized. She depended on the elder woman. And though she had told herself she wanted Margo to keep the baby because she didn't quite support the idea of abortion. It was a half truth. Part of it, maybe even a bigger part of it, was that she felt like having this child with Margo would bind them together forever.
She was dependent on Margo back then. And she is dependent on Jane now.
She doesn't want history to repeat itself.
She loved Margo, and she trusted her, but look where it got her. She loves Jane and trust her too. But no one can tell what the future holds. She doesn't want to fall victim to what happened before. She feels helpless now, and her only strength is Jane. She knows its not healthy, and that she needs to find strength within herself. Jane is supposed to help her, and support her. But she should be able to do this on her own as well.
The classes are her beginning step. She wishes she had more time, but she will have to work with what she has. It is better than nothing. The decision to do this without Jane is her first step at independence. She needs her confidence, and she needs to be able to ground herself on her own. She isn't only doing this for herself, but for Joyleen as well. What kind of mother would she be if she didn't even know what she was doing? What kind of mother would she be if she had to run to Jane or Angela for every little thing? What kind of mother would she be if she failed Joyleen? What kind of mother would she be if Jane (for whatever reason) left and she was left to face motherhood alone and unprepared? And what kind of person would she be if she failed herself?
What kind of lover would she be to Jane if she couldn't even be a decent mother to Joyleen?
She was a grown ass woman, and she needed to step up. She had gotten herself into this mess, and she needed to fix it.
''I made an appointment with my lawyer for Monday'', she whispered. Jane had just been watched several emotions pass through the blondes face, and was still wondering why she wasn't welcome to join Maura on Sunday.
''For what?'' Jane was hoping nothing had gone wrong again.
''I need to speak to him about the terms of this arrangement thoroughly. Like Angela mentioned, I don't want future complications. I want it sealed and settled before Margo leaves''
''That's a good idea'', Jane swallowed hard before asking, ''Will you be able to co-parent if it comes down to it?''. Jane asked, but she was terrified of the answer.
''In all honesty, I don't think so. Margo and I lead very different lives. Even back in university''
''How did you stay together for three years then. How did you even meet?''. Jane had made it a point till then, not to ask many questions about Maura's relationship with Margo. She simply just didn't want to know.
''We were having a fundraising for the university and it was just for basically anyone who wanted to support the cause. My roommate was doing the project and she invited me to join her. Turned out that a friend of hers was a friend of Margo. So we formed a group and that's how I got to know her. I was incredibly geeky, and much more reserved. For whatever reason, she just took an interest in me. So she started inviting me over to all sorts of things – picnics, dinners, parties. I went. It felt good to have someone take an interest in me for once. And over the holidays when my parents were always away she invited me over to her place. And it just somehow developed into a relationship. She was the first woman I was ever attracted to, and it grew into love I suppose. And just like everyone else she got bored of me. I couldn't keep up with the parties and she was so vibrant and outgoing so I let her go without me. A person can only try for so long right? She tried, I just wasn't the girl for her''
Jane wished she hadn't asked. She didn't know what to do with the information now.
So she asked something else.
''Why don't you want me to come with you to this parenting class thing?''
''I feel like I should do a few things alone Jane'', Maura was resolute in her tone, Jane couldn't counter it.
''I understand. If you change your mind though, I'll be ready and waiting''
''I know Jane, thank you''.
''It feels too early to sleep. Do you wanna watch something?'', Jane shifted to face the ceiling.
''Sure'', Maura didn't mind really. She was emotionally drained.
The detective picked up the remote that always stayed on her side, Maura didn't much care for television in bed. Jane channel surfed for a bit until she got to comedy central and just started watching what was playing. Apparently it was showing a rerun marathon of Friends, and Jane didn't really mind some Jennifer Aniston. They watched until midnight, both completely content with having a good laugh and escaping reality for a while. Maura was the first to have fallen asleep. She looked so peaceful and beautiful, Jane allowed herself some moments to just gaze at her.
''You're so beautiful'', she whispered to the sleeping form. ''You have been through so much sweetie, I hope to God this thing isn't going to be another disaster. But whatever happens I'll be here. I love you'', she placed a light kiss to the blonde's forehead and moved to turn off the light before trying to fall asleep herself.
Saturday brought with it a lot of tension, it was so thick it suffocated them - even Angela didn't want to be around her girls. After having brunch, the elder Rizzoli made a quick exit, something so out of character for her. Jane had woken up at her usual late time, around 8:30. To her surprise, Maura was still asleep. She'd busied herself for a while, think the doctor would be up in no time. But it had seemed Maura was in no hurry to wake up. So Jane had gone downstairs and began preparing breakfast with her mother. The task was done in relative silence, both parties only speaking when need be. Maura had finally made into the kitchen just after midday. The two Rizzoli's had not mentioned anything, neither had Maura given an excuse or explanation, which made everything even more weird that it already was.
''I didn't do anything wrong did I?'', Jane ventured. She'd followed Maura back into the bedroom where the blonde had slipped back into the warm blankets after eating very little.
''Of course not, why would you think that?'', Maura responded calmly, making herself more comfortable.
''Well for starters, you have barely spoke more than four sentences since you got up, at 12pm might I add''
''I just have a lot on my mind Jane, you haven't done anything wrong''
''So you're going to spend the whole day in bed?'', Jane gestured to Maura's current position.
''I think I just might, yes. I don't really feel like doing anything''
Jane thought for a brief moment, before making up her mind. ''I'm just going to take care of a few things then. See you later?''
''Yes''
Jane planted a soft kiss on Maura's temple. ''Call me if you need anything okay. Or if you just feel like talking''
''Thank you Jane''
And Jane left.
They knew each other so well. Jane had sensed that Maura needed some time alone from the moment the blonde walked downstairs that 'afternoon'. The doctor had hardly had a second to herself since everything started going on. She was either with Jane, Angela or at work. Jane knew from experience how overwhelming that could be. Just yesterday she had stormed out needing some time to herself, and she knew how great she felt on her return. Maura deserved that too. And if the blonde didn't feel like leaving her bed, then Jane would leave her house.
Maura was grateful for how considerate her friend was. The doctor hadn't missed the excuse Jane gave to leave. Maura knew Jane had lied about having something to do, just because she didn't want Maura to feel bad about wanting to be alone in her house for just one day. They looked out for each other. Even the unspoken words spoke so much. Maura feared however, that this care they had for each other could be the cause of problems one day. And unbeknownst to her- to them both- it was the cause of some problems. Jane was holding back on letting her feeling be known because she had herself convinced that Maura didn't want to hear that now. Maura was also holding back because she believed that the timing was inappropriate and would be unappreciated. It was a little sad sometimes how much they cared for each other, but wonderful nonetheless.
Jane had been in her apartment for all of one hour and she was bored to death. All she wanted was to be with Maura. The detective had absolutely nothing to do. Everyone she knew was either working or enjoying their peace. Normally she would have relished this time alone, but today she just wished the day would end already. Her only option for company was Angela. And that was something she didn't have to waste time thinking about – it was a no go area.
She began to pack a few belongings. If she was going to be at Maura's for two weeks she at least needed a few more things. Bag placed by the door, she found herself with nothing to do once again. it was so bad that she began cleaning. House spotless clean, she decided to check out this group for motherhood Maura had said she was joining. The detective thoroughly went over everything until she was convinced the program was going to be helpful to Maura. What she still couldn't quite understand was why Maura had firmly stated that she wanted to do it alone. Fear began prickling through her at the thought that maybe Maura no longer wanted her involved in everything. She quickly dismissed it, that was something she didn't even want to consider. She'd have to wait for the blonde to tell her that herself.
In Beacon Hill, Dr Isles hadn't moved from her bed except to go to the bathroom. It was 5:25pm and she had spent the day in her head, conjuring all sorts of scenarios and selecting what course of action would be the best to take. She had thought of just about anything, to even the possibility that an attraction to Margo may resurface. She had considered what she thought to be everything, and as depressing as it was, she was glad that she had thought things through enough to have a better handle on whatever may happen once her ex-lover and soon-to-be daughter arrive.
She wouldn't say it out loud, but she has thrilled to hear the door open and close downstairs. Her Jane was back.
In no time at all, the brunette was opening the door to the bedroom. ''Hey'', Jane said in that deep raspy voice that echoed endlessly in Maura's heart.
''Hello Jane''
''I missed you'', Jane hated sounding sappy, but this was Maura and this was just the truth.
''I missed you too'', Maura sat up finally.
Jane slowly walked into the room, from behind her back she pulled out a plant and a box of chocolates. Maura looked at her suspiciously, but with a growing smile on her face. ''I brought you something'', Jane shyly stated, placing the plant and box of chocolates forward so their owner could reach for them.
''You got me a plant?'', Maura asked in disbelief.
''You didn't look too happy when I left, so I wanted to bring you something to cheer you up a bit. Granted a plant isn't the best way to go but…..I was in the shop, and they were there. You know the Chinese shop you bought that weird herbal tea?''
''Yes'', Maura smiled.
''The man said they are great house gifts for friends, and they symbolize long-life and bring happiness to the person you give them too. They're called-'', Jane started to pull out the plant keeping instructions so she could find the name.
''-Chinese evergreens. This is the Silver Queen variety if I'm not mistaken'', Maura cut in.
''Yeah. That's correct. And I figured the chocolate would do you some good as well''
''This is so sweet of you Jane. I don't even know what to say''
''I wouldn't mind a hug'', the 'non-hugged' begged for.
''Come here then'', Maura placed her gifts down and pulled Jane into a hug. She needed it as much as Jane did, maybe even more. ''Thank you''
''It's okay Maur. I want you to be happy. Now this China plant needs to do its trick'', Maura laughed at Jane's antiques. She didn't really need a plant to make her happy – she just needed Jane.
''I have a confession to make'', Jane said again as she pulled from Maura's embrace.
''What have you done?''
''You see, for whatever reason you are always feeling much warmer than me, so its always freezing in here. And the man from the store said the plant needs to stay in warm temperatures, above 60 degrees or something like that. So I bought it also in the hopes that you could keep the temperature higher for me and the good-luck plant''
Maura actually laughed out loud. Jane melted inside. ''Only Jane Rizzoli can bring me a plant as a way of telling to turn the heating up''
''Well its serving multiple purposes here you know'', the brunette defended.
''I know it is Jane. I will make sure to keep the heating up for you and my lovely 'Silver Queen' here. You do know its best for the bathroom right''
''Yeah, the man said. Figured we could spice things up a little in there while we're at it''
''Very funny Jane. So does this mean you are going to be decorating my place while you're staying over''
''Hmmmm'', Jane pretended to think. ''I'll have to see as time goes. I've never been a fan of those African masks you know. Maybe I could replace them with some sports stuff''
''Don't you dare Jane Cleme-''
''Stop right there!'', Jane did not like the middle name calling one bit.
Maura began to dig into her chocolates hungrily.
''Have you had anything to eat?'', Jane asked when she looked at her friend.
''Not since breakfast. And I didn't eat much of that either''
''I'll go make some dinner. Something quick?''
''I'd appreciate that Jane, I'm very hungry''
''Coming right up''. Jane exited the bedroom and headed downstairs to make them dinner. She hadn't really had anything herself, too preoccupied with wanting to just come back to Maura. She was pleased with herself though. As much as she had loathed being away from Maura, the blonde appeared much happier and less tense. The time the doctor had spent alone all afternoon was needed and very beneficial to her.