Everything You Want – Chapter Seven
xx
Rachel smiled at Chandler over her pasta, genuinely surprised by how much she was enjoying herself on her 'date' with him.
When she had insisted that he take her out to cover her slip up, she hadn't been expecting much more than coffee and doughnuts at the local Starbucks, but Chandler had insisted on taking her to dinner as a show of thanks. Even then she hadn't been expecting much. It was Chandler, after all, since when was he known for his sweet gestures towards women?
Her first surprise of the night had come when Chandler had handed written instructions to their destination to the driver on a scrap of paper, insisting he wanted it to be a surprise. She had indeed been surprised when 15 minutes later their cab pulled up in front of her favourite restaurant. How had he known? She hadn't told him, had she?
He had looked nervously at her, clearly wanting her to appreciate the gesture. She had smiled back and hugged him, touched by his thoughtfulness. She flushed remembering how comforting and familiar the hug had been… and how, just for a moment, she had managed to forget Ross in her happiness over Chandler's consideration.
"Rach! Hello, earth to Rachel! Rachel!" Chandler called, peering at his friend with concerned eyes, relieved to see her finally snap out of her daze and meet his gaze, "You've been staring off into space for a few minutes! I thought you were having a seizure or something!"
Rachel flushed, embarrassed by where her thoughts had been. "Sorry. I was just thinking," she apologized.
"Are you okay?" he asked softly, "All night you've been kind of… on edge," he ventured carefully, as if worried about offending her, "Am I doing something to make you uncomfortable?" he wondered.
Rachel met his eyes in an attempt to reassure him she was fine, consciously trying to ignore how beautifully blue they were. "I'm fine, Chandler," she insisted, "Tonight has been fun. I'm glad we decided to do this."
Chandler smiled at her, "Me too."
"You know," Rachel commented, "If this was a real date… I… I think I'd really be looking forward to date number two. You're not so bad at this whole dating thing, Bing."
Chandler's smile grew wider, "Well, after the ten thousandth and third failed first date, you kinda start to get a hang of how the whole thing works."
"Speak for yourself," Rachel teased, "I think I've had a pretty good hold on the dating thing since eighth grade."
"Sure you did," Chandler scoffed, teasing, "I've heard stories from Monica," he smirked knowingly.
"Oh yeah?" Rachel questioned, raising an eyebrow challengingly, "You're bluffing. You know nothing!"
"Am I?" Chandler smirked, the competitive spark in his eye, reminding Rachel of Monica for a moment.
Maybe her friend was a good match for Chandler. As different as they were, they had their similar points, too. Rachel shook off the thought, focusing on Chandler's challenge, nodding emphatically. "Yes!"
"James Woodland, ninth grade," Chandler said, his smirk threatening to split his face in two.
Rachel gasped, pausing in twirling her linguini around her fork, in horror. "Monica told you about him! Oh! That is it! She is so dead!"
"Come on, Rach," Chandler said taking a sip of his water to conceal his smirk, "It's no big deal. Everyone accidentally gets their lip caught on their boyfriend's braces on a first date at some point during their lives!" he managed to say with a mostly straight face, his voice cracking as he was unable keep his laughter in any longer.
Rachel shot him her most evil, cower-inducing glare. It wasn't nearly as effective as Monica or Phoebe's, and he merely stared back evenly. "Haha," she deadpanned, "Monica is so going on my list!"
Chandler raised an eyebrow questioningly, "Do you really think it's in your best interest to go after Monica? First of all, she could kick your ass with both of her hands tied behind her back, and secondly, without Monica you'd starve to death."
"Are you calling me a pushover, Bing?" Rachel growled, "Because let me tell you something–"
"No," Chandler interrupted with a laugh, "I'm not calling you a pushover. I'm calling Monica freakishly strong."
"Yeah, okay, fine," Rachel groaned, "Still, who does she think she is spilling all my secrets?"
"Uh Rach," Chandler wondered, cutting off a piece of his steak, "Don't you think that's a case of the pot calling the kettle… a big fat gossiper?"
"Ugh," Rachel stewed, knowing he was right; she had no right to be mad at Monica when she had spilled secrets ten times worse.
Rachel and Chandler were both quiet for a moment, the only sound at the table, the chinking of silverware. "By the way," Rachel finally said, unable to let the story pass by without comment, "I'll have you know that was a one time incident! My first date skills have improved immensely since I was 14!"
"I beg to differ," Chandler countered with a smirk, "Monica's told me other stories you know! Much more recent stories," he added meaningfully.
"I'll show you!" Rachel insisted glaring at him in response.
Chandler watched Rachel stab at her pasta savagely for a moment. That didn't stop him from commenting, "How exactly are you going to 'show me?'" Chandler wondered, looking at her doubtfully.
"I don't know! I just will!" Rachel growled.
"Alright. You showed me!" Chandler laughed, then sobered, a tiny smirk peeking through his serious expression, "I'm on your list now, aren't I?"
"Sounds about right!" Rachel glared at him. Him and his stupid smirk… that made his eyes sparkle. Dumb sparkle. Ugh. She would show him.
"Aww, lighten up, Rach," he said, taking her hand, causing Rachel softened a little, "I was just teasing," he continued, "I don't really think you're a bad first date, Hey, if we were a couple and this were our first date, I'd call it a rousing success! It sure as hell beats my first date with Janice!"
"Yeah?" Rachel asked, the coldness slipping from her voice, curiosity inching in instead.
Chandler flushed, "Well, yeah, but let's not go there. Lets just say tonight has been a much more pleasant evening. I mean, I know this is only a fake date, because we're only a fake couple, but I've been having fun. There's none of that nerve-wracking am-I-doing-okay first date wondering, because you're already one of my closest friends."
"I know," Rachel smiled at him, "I'm sorry, I was being kind of bitchy earlier. I feel the same way," she agreed, squeezing his hand, which was still holding hers. Suddenly getting an idea, she began stroking the back of his hand gently, her number one get-the-guy-to-open-up first date trick. Not a good first date? He'd see. "So," she said, adding a sultry note to her voice, "Since this is our first date, why don't you tell me about yourself, Chandler?"
Getting the idea and playing along, Chandler smiled back at her, "Well there isn't that much to tell. I'm a data processor. Been living in the city, since college; had to get away from my parents. They're a little crazy."
"Yeah?" Rachel asked, still caressing his hand, "Are you close to your parents?"
Chandler looked down, shyly, "Not really, I talk to my mom, once, maybe twice a year, if she remembers to call on my birthday. And my Dad… I haven't talked to him since I left for college. They're not the most reliable parents in the world."
"That must be hard," Rachel sympathized, continuing to stroke his hand.
"Yeah, sometimes it is," Chandler agreed, his tone a little melancholy, "It's hard when you feel more responsible than your own parents." He looked down at Rachel's hand on his and suddenly gasped realizing what she was doing. "You're using your first date moves on me!" he accused.
"I'm sorry," Rachel said insincerely, "But you wouldn't listen when I said I was a good first date!"
Chandler tilted his head appreciatively, "That was pretty good!"
"Of course it was!" Rachel smirked immodestly, adding a moment later, "I rule at first dates! Do you have any moves?"
Chandler flushed, "No-not, not really," he stuttered, "Maybe that's my problem?" he considered, "I just kind of wing it, and hope for the best. Girls like spontaneity, right?"
Rachel shrugged taking a bite of her pasta, "Some of them," she shrugged indifferently.
"What about you?" Chandler smirked at her, over his water glass, "You're a woman, right? Maybe you can give me some pointers."
"Yes, thanks for noticing," she deadpanned, before answering the question seriously, "Spontaneity is good with me," after a moment of thought, she added, "Monica not so much. If you want to have a good date with her, have a plan. Show her your itinerary ahead of time and you're pretty much guaranteed to get lucky," she joked.
Chandler, uncharacteristically breezed past the joke, his tone serious, "You think we'll get to that point? She's still with Pete," he added glumly.
"Are you kidding me, Chandler?" Rachel scoffed, "It's just a matter of time, trust me. Monica is going nuts over the thought of you and I together. She's only with Pete because her mother's put all this junk in her head about how she's never going to get married. She wants you, but wants the security Pete offers, too. Trust me, she's gonna realize eventually that love is more important than security. I did, with Barry. She just needs a little time to come to terms with her feelings."
"You really think so?" Chandler wondered, trying not to sound too needy.
"Yes," Rachel confirmed, "Trust me on this one. I've been there before. It's not so easy to realize you have feelings for your best friend as you might think. Monica's still in the denial stage, trying to convince herself that she loves Pete, because she thinks that's what her mother would want."
"You're really putting that two and a half months of psychology classes in college to good use, huh?" Chandler teased.
"Like I remember any of that!" Rachel waved him off, "I was too busy making out with Tony Dawson in the back row! He was so cute! This is just woman's intuition."
"Yeah, well," Chandler commented sarcastically, "I don't really have that. I have to stick with plain ol' regular intuition, and apparently mine doesn't work so well."
Rachel smiled at him, "I think you're better than you think you are. You did good bringing me here. How did you find out what my favourite restaurant was, anyway?"
"Ross," Chandler answered quickly, "Just kinda asked him casually while he was watching TV, and he told me without thinking."
"Yeah?" Rachel asked, unsure what to think of that.
"Yeah," Chandler nodded. Understanding why she was asking, he commented, "Even with all this Emily stuff, he hasn't forgotten. He still knows you, Rach. There's hope yet."
"Yeah, I – I know," Rachel agreed, quietly. Though there was the tiny doubtful thought in the back of her mind, questioning if she wanted there to be, anymore. Having dinner with Chandler tonight, she realized she'd not had so much fun in a long time, not even with Ross.
xx
Monica squeezed her eyes closed tightly, forcing back tears, burying her head deeper into her pillow. She lay with her back facing Pete, who was asleep on the other side of her bed. She felt him stir, and tensed, not wanting a repeat of their conversation from earlier in the night.
When he had initiated sex, she had put him off telling him that she wasn't in the mood. That was only a half truth. Sure, she wasn't really in the mood, but a nagging voice in the back of her head was telling her that her lack of interest in sleeping with Pete had more to do with Rachel and Chandler than Pete. Well, more Chandler than Rachel, if she was being honest with herself.
The thought of Chandler sleeping with Rachel made her more than a little uncomfortable, and Rachel had said in no uncertain terms, that that was what was going to be happening tonight. Monica had been unable to think of anything but the looming possibility since the couple had left on their date.
She had called Pete over in an attempt to distract herself. It hadn't worked so well; instead of providing a distraction, she had ended up ignoring her boyfriend most of the night, irritating him by continuously tuning him out as her thoughts wandered to wondering what Chandler and Rachel were doing then.
She had been surprised when Pete had decided to stay the night at her place, after she had been such bad company, and even more surprised when he had initiated sex. Men were so much different than women, she thought with a wry smile, the first one she had cracked all evening. It quickly disappeared when she heard a key in the lock on the front door. She held her breath, listening to the sounds of Chandler and Rachel traipsing into the apartment. It was almost like they wanted her to hear them.
Fighting the urge to pull her pillow over her head to block out the sounds of their conversation and Rachel's patented flirting-with-a-guy giggle, Monica stared hard at the wall opposite her, trying to think of anything but the couple in her living room. She was suddenly envious of Pete and his ability to sleep so soundly, through the racket Chandler and Rachel were making. 'Didn't they know people were trying to sleep?' she wondered bitterly. It was one in the morning, for God's sake.
A sudden horrific thought shot down Monica's spine, as she recalled from experience how paper thin the walls in the apartment were. She'd heard Rachel through the walls, many a night, but it had never really held any significance before. As much as she had pondered over and dreaded the thought of Rachel and Chandler sleeping together, she hadn't considered that she might actually hear them doing it. Not caring if it seemed childish, or caused Pete to wake up, Monica snatched her pillow from beneath her head, burying her head underneath it.
Wondering if she was a glutton for punishment, Monica found herself straining to hear the muted sounds of Chandler and Rachel stumbling into her bedroom, through her pillow barrier. They were both in there. Sign number one she wasn't going to like what was coming. It was a long shot, she knew, but part of her had been hoping that Chandler would walk Rachel into her apartment, maybe give her a goodbye kiss, and bid her goodnight. No such luck.
Monica held her breath, remaining totally silent, listening for any clues to what was happening in the next room. It was quiet. The lack of noise in the next room was almost as nerve-fraying as the alternative. The lack of identifiable sounds made it only too easy for Monica's imagination to conjure up more harrowing possibilities. Maybe they were just going to sleep. It was past midnight, after all, and Monica knew Rachel had to be in for work at 7. But then… there were the possibilities she didn't want to think about. Except, all she could do was think about them. Were they kissing? Or worse… undressing?
Monica groaned at the unwanted mental picture and began to hum loudly in her head, trying to think of anything but what could be happening in the next room. She was so into her personal rendition of 'Jenny/867-5309,' she failed to notice that Pete had woken up, until he tapped her on the shoulder.
She jumped, yanking the pillow off her head, flushing when she realized Pete was looking at her oddly. "You okay, Monica?" he asked, concerned, "You've been acting weird all night. Is there something going on?"
"No," Monica stammered after a moment of awkward silence, unable to come up with a suitable lie on the spot.
Pete looked at her doubtfully. "Do you usually sleep with your pillow over your head?"
Monica flushed, "No. I was just trying to get comfortable. I'm having trouble sleeping."
Pete's eyebrow raised in confusion, "And you find it more comfortable to sleep with your head under your pillow, than on top of it?"
"Sometimes," Monica muttered, flushing, her excuse sounding stupid even in her head, "The cool side of the pillow, y'know?"
"Yeah," Pete nodded in half-understanding, his forehead still creased in confusion, "But usually people just flip the pillow over. 'Cause, ya know, it's easier to breathe and all."
Monica flushed deeper, pretending to consider the suggestion, "Oh, I guess I'll have to try that next time, it sounds like a good idea," she nodded.
Pete looked deeper into her eyes, "Are you really okay, Mon?" he asked, genuinely worried for her.
Monica sighed, taking a deep breath, half-considering spilling everything, before deciding that would be the stupidest thing she could do. Then she'd be boyfriendless in addition to being the biggest loser that ever existed. "I'm fine, Pete," she finally said.
From his expression it was obvious he was doubting the truthfulness of that statement, but didn't press the issue further.
The awkward silence was broken by a loud banging noise from the next room. Like the sound of Rachel's creaky, annoying headboard, and other accompanying noises. Grrreat. Monica was torn between being pleased at the distraction and mortified that the sound confirmed her worst suspicions about what was going on in the next room.
Pete seemed much less embarrassed, oblivious to his girlfriend's discomfort, "Sounds like Rachel and Chandler are back from their date. I guess it went well!" he snickered, sounding for a moment like Joey.
"Uh huh," Monica mumbled, deadpan.
"At the risk of sounding completely unmanly... they make a really cute couple," Pete commented, "Granted, I only saw them together for like 10 minutes in the coffeehouse, but they just seem to… click. And if this," he gestured to the wall, and the groaning sounds wafting through it, "is any indication, it seems like they have fun together."
"Yeah," Monica repeated, "Fun."
Pete smiled at her charmingly. "Speaking of having fun. Want to have some fun of our own? I'll even let you make it into a competition if you want! See if you can be louder than Rachel!"
"Gee, as appealing and romantic as that is, I think I'm going to have to pass," Monica muttered, sarcastically.
Pete looked a little taken aback at her reaction to his joke. Truthfully, he had been half-serious. It was just like Monica to want to make a competition out of anything she could. "Come on, Mon, I was just kidding."
"Yeah, you're hilarious," Monica said flatly, "If you don't mind, I'm going to get some sleep. It's past midnight, and I haven't got any sleep, yet." she said, turning her back to Pete, staring hard at the wall separating her room from Rachel's, suddenly wishing the right side of the bed was her side. At least she'd be three feet further away, then. She closed her eyes to further the illusion that she was attempting to sleep, and prevent Pete from attempting to ask further questions.
Pete cast one last glance at her back, wondering why she was being so touchy. He couldn't recall anything that he had done that would upset her. Pushing the thought aside, he sighed deeply, and scooted down under the covers, preparing to sleep.
Monica tensed slightly as he settled in, sighing inwardly in relief that he had let the conversation slide so easily. Her mind was full enough without worrying that she had upset her boyfriend.
Why did she have a feeling she wasn't going to get any sleep tonight?
xx
"I cannot believe we're actually doing this," Chandler groaned, moving to take Rachel's place by the headboard of her bed, rocking against it, so it banged lightly against the wall adjacent to the wall separating Monica and Rachel's bedrooms.
"Geez, lighten up," Rachel teased, pausing to moan loudly for Monica's benefit, before continuing, "I think it's kind of funny. I cannot wait to see Monica's face tomorrow morning. You saw her face when we were leaving on our 'date,'" Rachel claimed, using air quotes for the word 'date,' "Don't tell me you of all people can't see the humour in this."
"Yes, this is hilarious. I'm so desperate to get one woman's attention I've resorted to having fake sex with another one. You're right, that is funny!" Chandler muttered, sarcastically, "The joke where Chandler can't get a real date, hilarious!" Rachel looked at him pointedly, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth as he conceded, "Okay, it is kind of funny. Still can't believe were doing this, though."
"Yeah, me either," Rachel smiled, pausing mid sentence to groan again, Chandler following suit, "It feels like a college prank or something."
"I feel like a little kid who's just waiting to get caught for doing something he was told not to," Chandler admitted, before faking another groan.
"Yeah," Rachel nodded with a laugh, "I'm half expecting Monica to barge in here, and tell me to get off of you."
"Yeah," Chandler laughed, "that'd be the day. Can you imagine? What do you think she'd do if she found out we were faking it?"
"Ask us whether we'd like to be buried or cremated?" Rachel suggested, with a laugh.
"Yeah, sounds about right. She'd probably catch you first, though," Chandler smirked, "so I'd have a chance at escaping."
"Oh yeah?" Rachel challenged, "How do you figure?"
"Well," Chandler explained, ticking off reasons on his fingers, "For one, this was all your idea, so if need be I'm blaming you, so she'll probably go after you first; two, you're still wearing your heels and dress from dinner, and I've seen from experience you can't run in those, though it sure was funny watching you try to hail a cab; and three, I'm just so much faster than you."
Rachel looked down at her attire, "Hmm, yeah. Is it weird that we're doing this in our nice clothes?"
"You mean, more weird than it already is that we're doing this fully-dressed?" Chandler laughed, "Doubt it. I think faking sex hits the maximum threshold for weirdness before clothes even have a chance to factor in. Now get over here," Chandler gestured to the headboard, "It's your turn to do some banging."
Rachel moved from the end of the bed, towards him, to switch places, inadvertently tripping on one of his legs which were extended out on the bed, and landing so she was straddling one of his legs, half sitting in his lap.
Chandler laughed at their compromising position. "When I said get over here, that wasn't what I meant, Rach. We agreed we weren't going to do that… just… fake it."
"Oh haha," Rachel deadpanned, picking herself up, standing on her bed, "Move over, fat ass, so I can take over. Oh Chandler!" She suddenly groaned for Monica's benefit.
Chandler laughed at the odd combination of sentences, ignoring the latter and pretending to be offended, "Are you calling my ass fat, Rachel Green?" he asked, "My ass is not fat."
Rachel smirked, pausing in banging against the headboard to cast an exaggeratedly doubtful glance at his butt, "So sure, are you?"
Chandler nodded vehemently. "Yeah. My ass is very toned, thank you very much."
"Wow," Rachel teased, "You managed to say that with a straight face and everything!"
"Oh please," Chandler joked, as he moved past Rachel towards the foot of bed, "You know you want it. Joey told me he walked in on you girls talking about my tushy."
"Tushy?" Rachel giggled at his word choice.
"Yep," he nodded, "And apparently all three of you are hot for this butt," he said, waving it, as he crawled down the bed.
Rachel tilted her head appraisingly and nodded, conceding, "Yeah, okay, you have a cute butt. I take back my 'fat ass' comment; you happy now?"
"Score!" Chandler laughed, sitting down, with his legs crossed, facing Rachel. He turned suddenly serious, "Hey Rach?"
"Yeah?"
"I just want you to know that I had fun tonight," he admitted, "I mean, this has probably been one of the weirdest days, in the history of ever, but I've had fun doing it with you… and I suppose I mean that in several ways," he laughed at the inadvertent pun, "I wouldn't want to fake sex with anyone else."
Rachel laughed, "I'm not sure whether that's sweet or offensive, but ditto."
After a moment of semi-awkward silence, they looked into one another's faces, the serious expressions they each wore causing them to burst out laughing, all awkwardness gone.
"Hey," Chandler asked conversationally, "Not to rush our relationship here, or anything, but where do we go from here? Excuse me if I'm not exactly down with the post-fake-sex protocol."
Rachel shrugged, continuing to bang the headboard against the wall, "I'm new to this, too, but venturing a guess, I'd think it'd be the same as after real sex," Rachel suggested reasonably, explaining, "since we're trying to make everyone else think it is."
"Yeah," Chandler nodded in understanding, adding seriously, "So once we're done here, I'll be heading back to my apartment, then?" At Rachel's 'what's wrong with you' expression he laughed, "Just kidding. So I'm crashing here?"
Rachel shook her head at the attempt at a joke, muttering, "It really is a miracle you've experienced a healthy relationship."
Chandler looked at her sarcastically, "Are you kidding me? I've never experienced a healthy relationship. Unless you count being cheated on as healthy." Rachel shrugged, conceding the point.
Chandler yawned, his tiredness from the unexpectedly busy day catching up with him. "Who knew fake dates ending in fake sex were so tiring? I'm beat. Are we almost ready to sleep?" he asked through another yawn.
Rachel nodded, glancing at the clock, "Yeah, it's been almost half an hour. I think that'll be sufficient to drive Monica crazy. Ready for the big final?" Rachel questioned, smirking at him. After a moment, they both groaned calling out one another's names loud enough for Monica to hear on the other side of the wall.
"Well, now that's done…" Chandler commented, "I'm going to sleep. Fake sex is just as tiring as the real thing," he claimed, burrowing under Rachel's bedcovers after stripping to his boxers and t-shirt, too tired to even make a joke about the fact he was undressing after 'sex.'
"Typical man," Rachel joked, "Always wanting to sleep after sex."
"It's hard work!" Chandler defended, before changing the topic abruptly, "Your bed sure is soft," he said as he pulled the covers around himself.
"Don't get too comfy," Rachel told him, following suit, getting ready for bed, "We're waking up bright and early for round two."
"Yeah?" Chandler asked, already sounding half asleep, "Go me."
Rachel smiled at his dozing form splayed on the bed; he really was cute when he was sleeping, she thought. She began to get undressed, not even bothering to tell him to close his eyes as she changed into a t-shirt and a pair of flannel pants, he was so out of it. She felt a little thrill at the idea he could see her naked if he cared to, but shoved it aside, crawling into the bed next to him. He had sprawled in the middle of the mattress, so she was forced to snuggle right against him to fit on the bed. She leaned over to her night table and pulled the chain on her lamp, plunging the room into darkness.
She smiled at the silhouette of Chandler's sleeping form, as her eyes adjusted to the darkness.
"Night Chandler," she whispered to her sleeping friend, kissing his cheek gently, sliding deeper under the covers, wrapping one arm around his waist, finding it the most comfortable position to sleep in, promptly following him into dreamland.
xx
Ohemgee. Yup, I've finally updated. Didya miss me?
Well I've missed writing this. I should be more regular in updating now that it's summertime. School got in the way, then I started my job. But, I've got my grades back and it's all good, so I can have a happy carefree summer. My job is much less stressful than school, and requires no homework, so evenings are usually free to write.
This is one of my favourite chapters so far, so I really hope you all enjoyed it, too :) Oh… and leave me a review if you liked it, it'll make me smile, and coincidentally enough, the more I smile, the faster I update.