Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Unsung.
Note: I'll focus on Santana a bit more in this chapter. She hasn't really been around in this story so far; I've moved her to background character since she was so prominently involved in "Phoenix". Please keep reviewing!
If only I could get into the corner of your head
Where things finally match and meet the standards that you set
Oh, how I wish I was the treasure that you were looking for
Bet I would fell better if only I could find the door
"Kurt, where were you?" Burt demanded when Kurt walked through the door, his clothes soaked.
"Out," Kurt shrugged.
"In a massive rainstorm?" Burt raised his brows.
"I like the rain," Kurt shrugged again.
"You missed dinner," Burt narrowed his eyes. "What's up with you, Kurt?" Kurt avoided his gaze. "Did you have a fight with Puck?"
"I really, really don't want to talk about it, Dad."
"Okay, Kurt. Dinner's in the oven for you."
"I'm not hungry," Kurt tromped up the stairs to his room. He closed the door behind him and began stripping off his wet clothes. He looked down at his stomach to see the scars that he'd made months ago. "How could Noah Puckerman ever love a freak like me?" he muttered as he threw his clothes into the nearby hamper. "A scarred, dirty freak, that's all I am." He pawed through his sock drawer to find his secret stash; a book of matches that he'd bought the day before and stored away, hidden from his parents and Finn. His eyes lit up as he slowly struck a match, hoping no one was listening outside the door.
I am crying
You aren't trying
I am melting away
Kurt stared into the flames, loving the way they looked. The family had avoided using candles since Kurt had gotten home from rehab, and he hadn't seen a flame up close since the day he'd attempted to take his life. "So beautiful," he whispered, gazing into its depths. He lowered it to his arm, a familiar feeling spreading through him, warming him from the outside in. He let out a sigh of relief and pleasure as he felt it scorch his skin. A couple of moments later, he removed it, looking with pride upon the new mark he'd made on his pale flesh. There was a knock on the door, and Kurt hurriedly blew out the flame, hiding the matches under his math book. "I'm in my underwear," he warned.
"It's me," he heard Finn call. "Dude…can I come in?"
"Just a sec," Kurt's eyes darted around the room. Couldn't very well have his stepbrother walk in on him practically naked, or risk seeing the new red mark on his arm. Kurt grabbed his bathrobe from where it hung on his closet door, tying it around him. "Okay," he called.
Finn walked in. "Kurt, why'd you run out of Glee today?"
I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue
I'm only as good as the last one
Well you decide, and I abide
As my song goes unsung
"None of your business," Kurt sat on top of the trunk at the end of his bed.
"Well, I think it's my business, because you're my stepbrother, and you seemed really upset back there."
"Wow, Finn, you're so observant!" Kurt said sarcastically.
Finn closed the door to Kurt's room, going over and kneeling down so that he was eye-level with his brother. "Cut the bullshit, Kurt," he said in a low, scary voice.
Kurt's eyes widened. "Whatever do you mean?" he asked innocently.
"You know exactly what I mean," Finn said.
"I'm pretty sure I don't."
"I found those matches in your sock drawer," Finn hissed.
"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," Kurt rolled his eyes. "And why were you in my sock drawer anyway?"
"I was looking for a clean pair of socks," Finn said lamely. Kurt shot him a Look. "Okay, so Mom wanted me to spy on you," Finn admitted, blushing a little.
"What?" Kurt glared at him. "She wanted to you spy on me?"
"It's not that she doesn't trust you," Finn said in a rush. "But…she just doesn't want to lose you again. None of us do. Puck doesn't, and I don't, and…"
"Ugh, don't mention that name," Kurt muttered.
Finn looked confused. "Puck? Why not? What's going on with you two, anyway?"
Things are going crazy, and I'm not sure who to blame
Everything is changing and I do not feel the same
I'm slipping through the cracks of floors I thought that were strong
I'm trying to find a place where I can feel like I belong
"I don't know," Kurt whispered. "We were doing…okay…until…"
"Did you tell him?" Finn asked, reading the look on Kurt's face. Kurt looked away, not wanting to answer that question. He didn't have to; Finn knew right away. "Oh, God. How'd he take it?"
"We had a fight," Kurt said quietly. "That's why he sang to me today, I think. And…I couldn't handle it…I'm not broken…why would he sing that to me?"
Finn shrugged. "I think he was just trying to let you know that he's there for you and that he really does care about you."
"How do you know that?" Kurt forced himself to look at his stepbrother for the truth.
"He was always talking about you, when you were…you know. Away. I mean, I was the first one he told about him being…gay."
Kurt frowned. "I wasn't the first to know?"
"No," Finn looked down at his hands, which he was fumbling. "He, um, he told me before he told you. It kind of slipped out…it was a heated discussion…he told me that he was in love with you. And then later, we got to talking about it, and he, um, he asked me if he could ask you out…wanted my approval, I guess, 'cause I'm your brother and all…"
"And you approved?" Kurt raised an eyebrow.
"Obviously," Finn said, "seeing as how you're together."
"But…why? Quinn cheated on you with him…so did Rachel…didn't you ever stop and think, for once, that he was going to hurt me, too?"
Well, I am crying
You aren't trying
I am melting away
"Of course I thought about that," Finn said, trying not to stare at the scars on his brother's hands. "Believe me, Kurt, the last thing I'd want is to see you get hurt."
"If you didn't want me to get hurt, you would've never approved of Puck asking me out," Kurt spat. "Because I am hurt, Finn."
"Puck didn't hurt you. Karofsky did," Finn reminded him.
"Yes, and Puck hurt me, too," Kurt said angrily.
"How?"
"Finn, if all you came here to do is play Twenty Questions, you can leave," Kurt stood up, tightening the robe around him.
"Why're you wearing that robe?"
"I'm in my underwear, you perv," Kurt stuck his tongue out at Finn.
"Prove it," Finn demanded.
"N…no," Kurt stammered, folding his arms across his chest.
"Why not?" Finn advanced towards him. "Got something to hide, Kurt?"
"Finn, you're scaring me," Kurt backed up, running into his vanity.
"Well, you're scaring me," Finn took another step towards his brother. "Now, take off your robe."
"No!" Kurt yelled, perhaps a little too loud.
"Is everything okay up there?" Carole called up the stairs.
"Fine," Kurt called back breathlessly.
"Take off your robe," Finn said slowly.
"Fuck you, Finn," Kurt kneed his brother in the groin before storming out of the room and locking himself in the bathroom, turning on the shower full-blast before beginning to scream.
I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue
I'm only as good as the last one
Well you decide, and I abide
As my song goes unsung
"So he just ran out of the room? Just like that?"
Santana nodded. "Right after Puck sang him a ballad and everything."
"Wow," Tallulah looked surprised. "That doesn't sound like Kurt."
"Well, he's done it before," Santana told her girlfriend of three months. "But…not since…" Tallulah nodded, understanding. "I'm just worried about him," Santana admitted.
"Well, have you tried talking to him?"
Santana shook her head. "He won't talk to anyone…doesn't help that I'm not living with him anymore. I have an idea about what happened, though."
"And what is that, my love?" Tallulah intertwined their hands.
"I think he may have told Puck about what happened to him," Santana said softly.
"You mean…?"
"Yeah. The rapes," Santana sniffled, feeling tears come to her eyes for her friend. "And if Puck knows…if he knows about what happened to Kurt…" she trailed off. "Who knows what it could mean for them? He could try to fix Kurt just as easily as he could abandon him. And that's what I'm afraid of most…Kurt being abandoned and spiraling back down again."
If only I could be the lesson that you learn, you learn
If only I could be the last one that love burns, it burns
If only I could be the lesson that you learn, you learn
If only I could be the last one that love burns, it burns
Kurt rocked back and forth on the floor, the shower going full-blast still, steam flooding the room and impairing his vision. Everything seemed to be in even more of a haze than it already was. Sighing, he shed his robe and his boxers, leaving them in a pile. He stood up slowly and climbed into the shower, feeling quite sluggish. He let the scalding hot water hit his skin, and it felt delicious. He sighed as it cascaded over him, burning him sweetly. He looked down to see his skin turning red, and sighed with content. "Yes," he whispered. This was one way he could feel the wonderful sensation of being burned and not have anyone know. It didn't involve fire; just scalding water and a locked bathroom door. He let it scorch his back, his stomach, his chest, his legs. He turned around and around, letting it hit every inch of his body. Finally, he let the last few drops of burning hot water hit his crotch, hitting the very thing that he hated. He turned off the water, not wanting it to end. Kurt got out of the shower, pulling a towel around him, drying himself off slowly, rubbing his body down, admiring how red his skin looked now.
If only I could get into that corner of your head
Where things finally match and meet the standards that you set
Oh, how I wish I was the treasure that you were looking for
Bet I would feel better if only I could find the door
Kurt, wrapping a towel around himself like a dress, scooped up his robe and boxers, and retreated to his room, not stopping for anything. He quickly locked the door, letting the towel fall to his feet, standing naked in his room. He threw his underwear in the laundry hamper and hung up his robe. Sighing, he opened his closet door to look in the full-length mirror that hung on the back of it. He closed his eyes at first, not wanting to see what was there. He counted to three, took a deep breath, and opened his eyes. He gasped at how red his skin still was, at how many scars littered his arms and stomach. "My face may be ugly," he murmured. "But my scars are beautiful."
Well, I am crying
You aren't trying
And I am melting away
Kurt forced himself to close the door, to stop looking in the mirror. He pulled on a pair of pajamas, crawling into bed. Now that Finn knew about what was going on with Puck, and now that he had blackmail against Kurt…what would happen? Kurt was suddenly terrified that Finn would tell his dad and Carole about finding the matches in his drawer. He hoped that Finn wouldn't just betray his own stepbrother like that…God knows he did it already in the past…Kurt shook his head, turning out the light. He'd had a long day, and this Finn situation was just another thing to worry about. He sighed, turning over to stare at the wall that his window was on. He could see the moonlight shine through his blinds, washing over his face. Slowly, Kurt closed his eyes to sink into a deep, dreamless sleep.
I wait for the words on the tip of your tongue
I'm only as good as the last one
Well you decide, and I abide
As my song goes unsung