I don't own Game of Thrones, My Love by Sia or A Song of Ice and Fire. Reviews are greatly appreciated, and a big thank you to those who already have, particularly Akira Darkness and don'tstopbelieving123. Any requests for particular songs are usually put in.
Chapter Seven
Liam
The only sound I could hear, other than the buzzing in my head from lack of sleep, was the ring of blunted swords off each other. It bounced off the stone walls and made me wince. Training had commenced that morning, and I bore several new bruises that I'd received from my fellow recruits, including Jon-who was the only person who could hand my arse to me on a trencher, as per bloody usual. That didn't mean to say, however, that the others hadn't gotten in some lucky whacks.
"If that were a real sword you'd be dead," Ser Alliser snarled at Grenn, who had been fighting Jon and was now bleeding from his nose. I'm no healer but I had a feeling it was now broken. Ser Alliser Thorne, the single biggest arsehole in Westeros as we'd all discovered, was our instructor. Oh, the fucking joys. Not only do I get to freeze my tits off at the Wall, I get to do it while being yelled at by a complete tosser. I repeat-oh, the fucking joys. "Lord Snow here grew up in a castle, spitting down on the likes of you. Pyp, do you think Ned Stark's bastard bleeds like the rest of us?" I scoffed quietly at this remark. Jon wasn't high-and-mighty. If he was, why would he make friends with a blacksmith's daughter? Ser Alliser knew fuck-all. Even so, Pypar (or Pyp, depending on whether or not you were friends with him-though of course, Thorne made friends with no-one and vice versa) took his turn to have his arse well and truly kicked, and ended up prostrate on the ground. "Next!"
And so it continued.
The look on Jon's face when he fought now was not of determination or concentration. It was of disgust for his partner, and even arrogance, something I hated and never thought my best friend would even border on. My best friend, who now thought I was a boy called Liam. Who wasn't my best friend anymore. Now he was a stranger, someone cold and distant, who I no longer knew.
"Well, Lord Snow, it appears you're the least useless person here. Go clean yourselves up. There's only so much I can stomach in a day." The last part was spoken to all of us. I ripped my protective padding off straight away, and made for the armoury, considering sticking a fork into Thorne's neck when no-one was looking. I doubt anyone would mourn. As I walked into the room, however, I knew a full-scale confrontation was bubbling up. I sighed. Shit.
"You broke my nose, bastard," Grenn hissed with a glare. Jon put his sword away, considering this for a moment, and turned around. I prayed that he wouldn't say anything stupid. Please, please, please...
"It's an improvement," he replied. Oh, brilliant. Well, he was almost a man grown, he could fight his own battles.
Jon
Three of them grabbed me, holding me in place while Grenn held a blade to my throat. Liam left, muttering under his breath, and I scowled after him for not trying to help. "If I threw you over the Wall I wonder how long it would take you to hit," mused Grenn, threateningly.
"I wonder if they'd find you before the wolves did," Pypar joined in. Just then, the door opened, and who else but Tyrion Lannister walked into the room?
"What are you looking at, half-man?" Tyrion pondered this for a second.
"I'm looking at you," he answered shortly. No jests meant. "Yes, you've got an interesting face. Hmm. Very distinctive faces, all of you."
"What do you care about our faces?" growled Rast.
"It's just-I think they would look marvellous decorating spikes in King's Landing. Perhaps I'll write to my sister, the Queen, about it." Grenn, Rast, and Pypar let me go. But not without a word of warning.
"We'll talk later, Lord Snow," whispered Grenn. Tyrion approached as I realised something.
"Everybody knew what this place was. And no-one told me. No-one but you," I thought out loud. Tyrion looked wry. "My father knew, and he left me to rot at the Wall all the same."
"Grenn's father left him too. Outside a farmhouse when he was three. Pyp was caught stealing a wheel of cheese-his little sister hadn't eaten in three days. He was given a choice, his right hand or the Wall. I've been asking the Lord Commander about them. Fascinating stories," he offered.
"They hate me because I'm better than they are!"
"It's a lucky thing that none of them were trained by a master-at-arms like your Ser Rodrik. I don't imagine any of them have ever held a real sword before they came here. Oh," he continued, "Your brother Bran." He held out a message, and I took it quickly, frightened now. "He's woken up."
Jon, the paper read,
Bran woke up two nights ago. Nothing seems to be wrong with him mentally-he speaks and remembers everything except his fall-but Maester Luwin says that he has lost the use of his legs. He sends his love, as do I. I hope the Wall is everything we dreamed it would be.
Robb.
I almost wept in relief, but controlled myself and went to lunch. Bran would never walk again. He would spend his life having to rely on others to get him around. But he was awake, alive. And that was the best news I'd ever had. A huge weight rolled off of my shoulders. Maybe once he was stronger, he would be able to visit, or maybe soon I would be allowed to go to Winterfell to see him. Either way, my brother was alive. I walked with a spring in my step all the way to the hall.
Upon entering, my ears were filled with the sound of chatter and spoons scraping bowls. Grenn, Liam and Pypar were sat at one table, laughing about something or other. As I caught the last wisps of their discussion on food, Liam's head turned and his eyes caught mine. And my happiness, my relief, my reprieve from everything that had happened today vanished from my mind. Because, not as I'd thought before, Liam's eyes were not brown. They were hazel green. A specific shade of hazel green.
They were Lyara's eyes. The very same ones. Not a mistake, not a coincidence. They were Lyara's, and hers only.
Damn it.
She'd disguised herself quite well to anyone but me. I should have looked at the eyes first, as soon as I'd had even the shadow of a doubt. Because she had been there, in Liam's smile, in 'his' personality. I just hadn't seen it fully until now, until I had taken a good look. Her face tightened suddenly, her jaw tensed. She knew that I had worked it out. But nevertheless she turned back to Grenn and Pypar, and ignored me.
Night fell. I wasn't on watch duty until early tomorrow morning so I was free to sleep for tonight. I had no intention of sleeping. Instead, I waited on the end of the bottom room's bed. It took a while for her to come in but come in she did, and as soon as she spotted me she glared. "What are you doing in here?" she fumed.
"What're you doing here?" I asked, rising.
"What are you on about?"
"You know perfectly well what I'm on about. Lyara, have you gone mad?" Her jaw set again.
"You knew?" Her voice was its normal pitch now, no longer deliberately gruff. She sounded hoarse.
"Of course I did! What do you think you're playing at?"
"What do you think you're playing at?! I don't even recognize you anymore! You're being such an arsehole to every other recruit in the place! That's not you, Jon."
"How would you know?!"
"Because I've known you since we were twelve! You're not arrogant like that, or vindictive, or up yourself. Yet somehow in the space of a few days you've become all of those things, and none of them are characteristics of a nice person. What's happened to you?" I was getting frustrated now.
"Nothing's happened to me! I'm the same as I was before." This made her shut up, for a moment.
"If you are, I don't know how I was ever friends with you. I don't know how I ever even liked you. I suppose you want nothing to do with me now, after all, I'm just a lowborn blacksmith's fostered bastard. You're a lord's bastard-and there's such a difference, isn't there?" I glared at her. Why would she say this to me? Tyrion's earlier words came back to me, and I felt suddenly ashamed. "And not even he wanted me. He packed me off to the Capitol without a backward glance!"
"And you should have gone there!"
"Oh, so you wouldn't have tried to escape? Jon, you know me well enough now to realise that I'm not the kind to follow orders. I didn't want to waste my life in King's Landing! That's fair enough, isn't it?"
"Why here? Why the Wall?"
"Where else could I go? I'm safe here-men of the Night's Watch take no part in what happens in the Seven Kingdoms!"
"Men, Lyara, men. You're a woman."
"Oh, well done. I'd never noticed that I had tits and a twat. Are you going to turn me in? Send me back to Winterfell?"
I hesitated. What was I supposed to do? If I turned her in she would be cast out or at the worst she would be killed. All right, and maybe I wanted her here. "No," I sighed. She calmed down, took a breath.
"Thank you." She paused. "You know, you were the deciding factor. If you hadn't come here I wouldn't have been so dead set on being at the Wall. I still feel that way, even though you've been acting like a cunt." Silence ensued.
"You cut your hair," I noted eventually.
"I had to."
"It's...nice."
"I did it myself. It probably looks like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards-not that I care."
"Now I know why you didn't write or see me off." She snorted.
"And the penny finally drops, does it?"
"You gave your life up for me."
"Not completely for you. But, yes, partially, and I'd do it again. You're not allowed to feel guilty." My face softened.
"Lyara, I don't care about getting married or any of it, but you are never going to marry either. You'll never lie with a man; you'll never have his children."
"It's more than worth it to be free. It's more than worth it to see your face every day. So I'm not complaining." I wasn't sure how to answer. But my arms were, and they wrapped themselves around her waist. "What would I do without you?" Lyara laughed.
"Whatever you were doing before I came into your life," I replied dryly.
"How very boring. I'd almost prefer King's Landing." It was my turn to laugh then. "I wouldn't have given this, o-or you, up for the whole of Westeros."
It happened then, spontaneously and without warning. My lips somehow touched to hers, soft, loving. A real kiss that was undisturbed and private. Her lips were slightly chapped from the cold-and that's not a bad way for a girl's lips to be, I can tell you. I felt her arms hug me closer, drawing both of us further into the kiss. I knew it was wrong, I knew if anyone found out about any of this we could both die, and I didn't care. "I love you," I whispered, breaking off.
My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, you have found peace
You were searching for release
Lyara
"I love you too, Jon," I breathed. His smile then made the rest of the world fly away in a burst of bright colours and wings, and take my heart with it. His lips explored mine again, but went further than that this time, moving slowly, steadily along my jaw and down my neck, landing only fleetingly, like the flutter of a butterfly. His stubble tickled, but I liked it. It wasn't scratching me, just making me giggle like a fool. My fingers searched blindly for the fastenings of his damned jerkin; the leather was slippery and annoyingly good at hiding any laces. I finally happened upon them, but the fact he'd gotten down to my shoulder and was kissing me there was extremely distracting. It hadn't felt like that when Theon had done it, right now it felt so natural it was like breathing or blinking. I fumbled around with the knot until I had it undone, and the garment came off nicely. He pulled away for just a second but that was enough time for me to jump and get my legs around his waist. The bed was tantalisingly close, but the floor made do and I wanted him. All of him, right here, right now. Yes, even on the floor.
"Do you think we should stop?" he asked as we came up for air.
"Why?" My answer was almost petulant under the pants of my breathing. I didn't want to back out now.
"If I get you pregnant and you're supposed to be a boy what are we going to say?"
"You won't get me pregnant. My red flower's blooming-it's a one in a million chance."
"The vows of the Night's Watch-"
"To bloody hell with them! All I know is that I love you and I'm not losing you again." I sat up, pinning his waist (which was still irritatingly covered) to the ground, and took my own shirt off, baring my breasts to the world. "I am begging you to take my maidenhood, Jon Snow. Please, take it." Jon wasn't quite pinned, because he managed to roll both of us over so I was underneath him. He hesitated then.
"Are you sure?"
You gave it all into the call
You took a chance and
You took the fall for us
"Yes!"
Done with hesitation and shyness, I dove for his shirt and ripped it off, impatient, and got started on his trousers while Jon's strong, rough hands moved down to mine and slipped them off, along with my underclothes, leaving me completely bare. I was actually surprised when I found him already hard. He blushed, but it made no impact on him as he gently pushed my shoulders down, and I felt him come inside me for the first time. My fingers tangled into his thick, jet black mane of curly hair.
I had expected it to feel wonderful and it did at first, but then reality hit and something tore painfully. It made me wince and made Jon immediately pull out. "Am I hurting you, Lyara?"
You came thoughtfully
Loved me faithfully
You taught me honor
You did it for me
"No. No. Sorry." It took me a moment but I ensnared his hips again. This emotion, the primal hunger that was stirring in my loins for him helped push aside the pain. (It was only after we'd finished that I'd realised the soreness was him breaking my maidenhead. How stupid I was.) He seemed content with that and started again. It didn't hurt as much, though the twinge was still there. The funny thing was, I couldn't break my gaze away from his. His eyes just drew mine and locked them there. My whole body was responding to him, all of our (inexperienced) movements happening together, and I feasted on his full lips as I felt myself tense, and then shudder when his seed filled me.
Tonight you will sleep for good Now I am strong, you gave me all
You will wait for me, my love
You gave all you had
And now I am home
I sighed happily as he rolled over and gripped my naked body to his, finished. "I think that rule was meant to be broken." He smiled and pressed a quick kiss to my nose. I grinned. "I have an idea-if you're ready."
Jon
The second time we made love was less difficult than the first. I wasn't thinking too much about rules and vows (I was telling myself I hadn't taken the Black yet so it didn't count) but thinking more about how her small breasts felt under my palms. Wonderfully firm, yet fleshy, almost like ripe peaches. Thinking about the way it felt whenever I felt a glorious shiver run through her after we reached a peak. We were meant for each other; this I knew more than anything.
My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, leave you blind
My love, look what you can do
I am mending, I'll be with you
I dipped my head to playfully tease her left nipple with my teeth, and felt it toughen satisfactorily. I had heard from both Robb and Theon that bedding a woman was life's greatest pleasure, but I hadn't known that it could be this enjoyable. Her hazel-green eyes glazed over as a final climax took both of us by surprise, and I emptied myself into her, drawing a moan from between Lyara's teeth. "What was that about never lying with a man?" she asked shakily, chuckling.
"It became an untruth shortly after I said it," I laughed. I felt better than I had in a long time-but the worry that, especially after we had done it twice, I had gotten her pregnant. Hopefully she was right, and I knew it was likely that she was correct that her bleed would probably stop a child being planted inside her. It wasn't one of my goals to father children, but to give her a bastard and have her killed just for the sake of an illegitimate child was something I couldn't do.
Then a memory came to my head, and an admittedly smug sense of satisfaction washed over me. Theon hadn't had her maidenhead, I had. She'd asked me to take it, whereas Theon Greyjoy had gotten a few token kisses and no more when he'd repeatedly asked her to go to bed with him. Childish though that smugness was, it wasn't going anywhere just yet.
You took my hand and added a plan
You gave me your heart
I asked you to dance with me
You loved honestly
Did what you could release
"Did you enjoy that as much as I did?"
"No, not at all," I replied in a mock-serious voice. Then I switched back to normal. "Unfortunately, I don't have it in me to mount you again so we can reverse that. What a shame."
"Ah, well." She sat up, wincing and cussing. "Gods be good, you did me over. I'm aching from that." There was a mischievous glint in her eye. "Want to kiss it better?" I shook my head, hiding a grin.
"The only place on your body I'll be kissing will be your lips, and count yourself lucky."
"Too bad." A smile settled on the very same place. "I love you, Jon Snow. I love you more than anyone else in the world. Don't forget that. You're my dark-haired, grey-eyed angel."
"I love you too-but far more than words can say. You've made me feel whole again."
I stood up, feeling a healthy breeze around my naked manhood, and bent down again to lift her onto the bed and under the covers. "Goodnight, Lyara. Sweet dreams."
"Are you staying?" I thought about this for a moment. Would I rather stay and get warm under the covers in this room with my lover or walk up a few flights of cold stairs? In the end, I chose the former, and slept peacefully with my arms hugging her bare body.
I know, in peace you'll go
I won't relieve this love
Now I am strong, you gave me all
You gave all you had
And now I am home
My love, leave yourself behind
Beat inside me, I'll be with you
I was woken early by the sounds of a castle also stretching and waking. Lyara was still sleeping, so I dressed quietly and slipped out of the room, closing the door softly as I went.
I had never seen the world beyond the Wall, and a rush of excitement filled me as I padded along the road to the winch. It was snowing, and freezing cold to boot compared to Lyara's body sleeping next to mine and warming the bed. Even so, I entered the cage and was winched up to the top of the Wall, shivering as it grew even colder. Uncle Benjen awaited me and was already standing over a fire held by a brazier. I smiled and hugged him by way of greeting.
The wind howled and raked at my cloak, filled with what could only be described as bloodlust, as I looked over the edge of the Wall. Miles upon miles of trees, snow-covered and nearly malevolent-looking, stretched out, ice mist from the Wall settling over them like a wolf's mantle. It sent a shiver of adrenaline running through my frozen veins. "I wanted to be here, when you saw it for the first time," my Uncle told me. "I'm leaving this morning."
"You're leaving?" I asked, surprised.
"I'm the First Ranger. My job is out there. There's been disturbing reports."
"What kind of reports?"
"The kind I don't want to believe." His voice was grave.
"I'm ready. I won't let you down," I promised.
"You're not going," he answered. "You're no ranger, Jon." A spark of anger lit inside me.
"But I'm better than every other-"
"You're better than no-one! Here, a man gets what he earns, when he earns it. We'll speak when I return." He placed a hand on my shoulder, and then left, leaving me to think about just why I was so hated by the others.