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The Mighty Boosh

Everyone seemed to hold their breath and Holly winced at the thought of what her lover had just agreed to. Gregg's angry expression grew into one of pure joy.

' Really? So you love me, do ya? '

Howard sighed,' I said I'll marry you. If you let her go, I'll marry you. '

Gregg seemed to consider this for a moment and then narrowed his eyes,' You'd better be telling me the trust, man peach. Old Gregg doesn't like them people who lie. '

Howard nodded,' Of course it's the truth. I promise. ' Though the fingers of one hand were crossed firmly behind his back, and he was asking whatever God was listening to forgive him for his lies and to help them out.

Gregg tightened his arm around Holly's neck and held the knife right in front of her eyes for a few moments longer just to prove that he could. Then, in one glorious moment, he let go. Holly stared at him with wide eyes and he shoved her aside, turning to Howard with open arms.

Holly ran to her friends before Old Gregg had a chance to change his mind.

Vince caught his sister as she flew into his arms, and he closed them tightly around her, holding her as close as possible. He never wanted to let go of his little sister and tears began to form, matching the tears which Holly was already shedding. When she pulled away from the hug, Vince wrapped an arm around her waist and held her close still, but so they could both watch what was going on between Howard and Old Gregg.

Holly wanted to scream as the man merman bounded over to Howard and threw his arms around him, before kissing him sloppily.

Howard grimaced when Old Gregg pulled away, and Gregg took his hand. Howard threw an apologetic look at Holly and then gave Gregg his full attention.

' I got a ring for ya,' Gregg announced as Vince tightened his grip on Holly in support. Howard stood there in great discomfort as Gregg held out a golden band.

As he forced it onto Howard's finger and grinned, he suddenly looked at Vince, Holly, Naboo and Bollo.

' Are you lot going to before I change my mind? ' he demanded,' get out of here and leave me and Howard in our new love nest. '

Holly's tears had stopped now, but this made them want to fall again. Howard with that thing? Her Howard? Howard?

' Yeah, we were just going,' Naboo said, reaching out and touching Holly's arm lightly. Holly looked at him, her eyes wide as she tried to tell him that they couldn't go anywhere. He nodded in understanding and gave her a smile which told her he had something up his long blue sleeves.

' Well. Goodbye Howard,' Bollo grunted as they turned to the exit.

They were about to leave when Naboo turned back to Gregg,' Oh, by the way, I've got a gift for you. Call it a wedding present, of you like. Or an engagement present for the pair of you.'

Reaching up his sleeves, literally, he pulled out a small bottle of liquid.

Clearing his throat, he held it out to Gregg,' Limited edition Bailey's. Thought you might like it. '

Gregg accepted it and was about to take a drink when he stopped and looked at the shaman with great suspicion. He sniffed it and decided it was certainly not the smell of a good, creamy Bailey's. He threw the bottle aside in anger and glared at Naboo.

' You were trying to drug me, motherlicker! '

Naboo said nothing.

This made Old Gregg even madder. He gave a cry of frustration and stared wildly at the gang of friends,' You were trying to trick me! ' he roared.

' No,' Howard said,' it's not - '

' And you! ' he bellowed,' you have no intention of marrying me! I love you Howard - you must love me exactly as I love you. But you don't! You're a liar, and you only care about that skinny little tramp. '

Howard advanced on Gregg and drew back his fist, punching Gregg as hard as he possibly could. Gregg crumpled to the ground, where Howard kicked him repeatedly. Gregg caught his ankle, and pulled Howard down, the tables turned.

Until Vince dropped his arm from Holly and jumped on Gregg's back, pulling his hair, and fighting like a girl. Gregg couldn't quite throw Vince off and it was made all the more difficult by Bollo running at Gregg and hitting him several times.

Holly watched the fighting in a mixture of shock and worry. Usually when things went wrong, she grabbed hold of Vince or Howard, but only Naboo was around. She threw the small shaman a quick glance and he caught her eyes. Smiling slightly, knowing she wanted comfort and someone else's presence, he reached out with one arm and she clutched at the arm, watching the people who mattered most to her fighting this ugly green creature.

When Howard scrambled to his feet again, Bollo and Vince let go of Gregg, and Howard grabbed him by the throat and ran him acorss the cave until his back hit the wall harshly.

There was a tense pause, which Old Gregg broke.

' This is it then, Howard? ' he asked,' we're over? '

' Over? ' scoffed Howard,' there was never an us to begin with, was there? It was more of a kidnap. You're nothing to me. '

' Don't,' Gregg said,' I want you to love me. Me, not her. '

Howard tightened his grip,' I love Holly Noir. She's the most important person around and she's mine. I'm hers. Not yours. '

Gregg said nothing.

Howard suddenly banged Gregg's head against the wall,' If you ever come near us again, I'll kill you. You even think about her, and I'll tear you apart, you got that? '

Gregg frowned,' You're not going to kill me now? '

A pause. Howard bit his lip and looked down before looking back at Old Gregg,' No, I'm not. I won't kill you. But if you ever come near us again, I will. No second chances, no nothing. YOu come near us, and you're dead. '

Gregg nodded.

Howard let go of him and looked at Holly,' Let's go home, Sunshine. '

He'd almost got close enough to hold Holly's pale, slender hand in his own rough, much larger one, when Gregg had run at Howard and pushed him hard, almost knocking him to the ground.

' Ha!' he jeered,' you thought I was just going to let you go? '

Naboo sighed,' You just don't learn, do you? '

And then it was over in a flash, as Naboo stuffed his hands into the pockets of his robes and when he brought out his hands, they were full of dark brown dust, which he flicked into Old Gregg's face. The powerful dust caused him to be knocked out cold.

' Is he -? ' asked Holly fearfully.

Naboo looked thoughtful,' Nah, shouldn't be, but I never know how strong this stuff is supposed to be made. '

' Let's go home,' Howard said, after kissing Holly's forehead and putting an arm around her shoulders.

As the couple, the ape and the electro poof left, Naboo waited behind a moment.

He smirked down at Gregg's body, and added some partin words, ' Don't try and take me on 'cos I'm Naboo, that's who. '