Heyyyy~! *^* So we see each other again xDD I even wrote a slightly longer chapter- yay- xDDD Nawww you guys are so sweet ;/; You love my new baby~! xD I will give my best to keep it going like this *^* and not make it bad or something xD
Actually I couldn´t view any reviews for about 4 days or so- seems fanfiction was doing some sort of update or something cx But hey I could finally view them yesterday *^* since I was done with chapter 7 already anyway xD And awwwwwwww ;/; I love you guy was thinking maybeeee, just maybe you didn´t like the last chappy, because I made Shizuo hit the flea and stuff- but hey Cx hehe~ you loved it! *0* xDD
Hehe, I tried extra hard to make this chapter even better xD And I think I succeeded~ hehe~
Special thanks to my beta- nephillim, who actually DID find a ton of mistakes! *^* Don´t believe her modest words, she is doing a great job Cx xD
Enjoy~!
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ஜ Chapter 7: Strange ஜ
- Izaya´s point of view.-
"…of course not..."
The words barely left the raven´s lips in the form of a whisper.
Shit… he wasn´t prepared for that…
He tilted his head to the side, avoiding Shizu-chan´s stare. His eyebrows furrowed into a frown and he bit his lip.
He didn´t think Shizu-chan would be smart enough to see that much.
He thought if he just made him mad enough, he would kill him before he could even realize what he was doing.
He always thought so. Whenever the blond chased him, he was sure that, if Shizu-chan got him, he would actually kill him.
Without meaning to of course.
He knew Shizu-chan was no murderer.
But Shizu-chan had a temper problem.
He thought he could use it.
He really thought-
"You want to die." Izaya flinched when he heard the words slice through the cold and now silent night.
Way too silent for Izaya´s taste.
He could hear his own breathing. He could hear his heartbeat; a little faster than it should be. He could feel his arms, hanging loosely left and right to Izaya´s frame, cold and shivering, but not moving in particular.
He hated it.
He hated it when it was quiet like that.
"I don´t know what you are talking about." He blinked, a little surprised when he felt something grip his left arm harshly and tug it forward.
If it weren´t for the other hand that still had a firm grip on his collar, he would have crashed straight into the blond´s chest.
A ripping noise reached his ears. Before he could even start to struggle, the blond had already ripped off quite a large part of his black sleeve.
It was torn up all the way to his ellbow.
"Then, what is this?" the voice the blond used when he asked this question was way too soft for Izaya´s liking.
Sure, he could hear the anger and maybe even something akin to disgust in it, but still...
It was a sort of voice he didn´t want to hear from Shizu-chan.
A glare left his eyes as he stared at the blond and he gave a shrug.
"Just as you said, I did it to frame you." He said, repeating the conclusion the blond had come to in that alley- knowing it wasn´t valid anymore.
But he didn´t care.
He wasn´t oblidged to give the blond any sort of answer.
If Shizu-chan wouldn´t kill him, then fine-
He was stupid for panicking before.
He was Orihara Izaya. His mind might be messed up, but he knew he could deal with Shizu-chan.
Somehow, there was always an option.
-but he definitely wouldn´t talk to someone like him about this topic.
"Don't bullshit me flea, I know now, that´s not what this is." Shizuo sort of hissed, his stare was still kinda locked on Izaya´s arm.
The raven hated that.
He felt the need to pull his arm away from the brute.
Not because he was afraid that Shizu-chan would hurt him, that´s not it- but he hated this stare.
He hated how he looked at those lines on his arm.
How his skin felt like it was burning- and it was not the usual kind of heat.
He knew he couldn´t pull away.
Not as long as that blond was gripping his arm that tight.
He could see them all.
Line after line, some longer, some shorter, some had formed a type of scarred lump.
Pale ones, almost healed and covered ones, hidden by a thin crust- they were all there - reminding Izaya of all the times he used his favourite flickblade on himself instead of Shizu-chan.
And on top of them all, were the red ones. The burning ones. Those that aligned right above his wrist- those that still ripped open at each movement.
Would it be crazy to admit he loved those the most? Those that were fresh? That still burnt whenever he moved his arm?
He did love them.
Because they kept him sane. The constant soft pain that would accompany him, as crazy as it might sound to anyone except himself, it calmed him. It kept the thoughts away.
But when they didn´t hurt anymore, that magic was gone. He didn´t even want that many scars.
He just wanted the pain.
But always cutting in the same place was something he found himself getting used to.
Sometimes the usual pain just wasn´t enough.
So he drew more.
And more.
In different places, at different angles, different deepness, different lengths-
But the more he did it- the more he felt it wasn´t enough.
-the more he had started to feel that he needed to do more.
Funny.
Maybe if he hadn´t started cutting himself, things wouldn´t have gotten this far.
He still remembered it; compared to now- he was almost fine the first time he did it.
His mind was no-where near as messed up as it was now.
He had tried to get better.
He thought this was a way to do so.
But he failed.
And now Shizu-chan was staring at them.
At the evidence of his failure.
… but he was glad.
More than glad-
Because it was his left arm he was looking at.
And not his right.
"Where you trying to slith your veins in that alley…?" almost having forgotten where he was right now, he snapped his head up, meeting Shizu-chan´s eyes.
A feeling familiar to anger washed through him.
He had wasted the time he could have used to think, by using it to remember the times he drew on his arm.
His eyes turned to sliths at the question.
"You tell me. I can't follow your protozoanish thoughts." He hissed, drawing his arm away- and, surprisingly, the blond let go of him.
Moreover, he didn´t even say anything in response to Izaya.
Halfheartedly, Izaya pulled at the torn end of his sleeve, trying to cover his arm up- at least a little- again.
The blond just watched him.
Irritating.
"What are you even doing here?" It was the same question as before.
But, this time, Izaya actually wanted the blond to answer.
He didn´t see the sense in all this.
First, he appeared out of no-where and took his knife away.
Told him that he should disappear and left.
The conclusion he had come to was perfectly plausible- even if he didn´t see it coming.
But this-
Shizu-chan appearing on that bridge, asking him if he wanted to kill himself all of a sudden- pushing him out of the truck´s way and now even running after him.
This… made no sense at all.
He didn´t get how it came to this.
He was kneeling on the cold ground of a random street and Shizu-chan crouching in front of him –asking him things that shouldn´t be of his concern.
Why?
"I´m just trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with you." Shizuo mumbled after a while, the frown still neatly placed on his face.
"Why?" Izaya didn´t intend to make it seem as if he was interested in what the blond had to say.
But he was intrigued.
What he received from Shizuo was just something akin to an angry growl though.
"I don´t know why, okay?!" he answered, glaring at the raven.
"I hate you! You piss me off every single day! You made my life hell! You really should just disappear!"
Izaya blinked- a little taken aback by the response.
He said it again… heh...
Nothing had changed after all-
"If you want me gone that bad, then it makes even less sense why you are here." He replied, still keeping eye contact with the blond though.
Shizuo merely blinked at the response- hating how the flea had managed to twist his words yet again into something he wanted- and growled, obviously annoyed.
"Not like that-! Disappear- go away, out of Ikebukuro. That´s what I want the most!" he repeated, and turned his gaze away. He didn´t really look the flea into the eyes anymore.
He hated those bloody eyes.
They had a certain look to them that just made his skin crawl.
In a bad way.
Izaya could almost see the struggle with which Shizuo was trying to express himself. He really doubted what Shizu-chan said though.
Shizu-chan was Shizu-chan.
Sure, he wouldn´t let Izaya kill himself in front of him.
But if he got news of his death randomly, from Shinra or something, then Izaya doubted he would even want to know what it was that did him in-
He doubted anyone would even be interested.
Look at it.
He had been stabbed before.
He was in hospital.
And who came?
A girl that held a grudge against him- and she came to finish him off.
He knew how everyone was thinking around him. They were all predictable.
All.
Except Shizu-chan maybe- but even he sometimes followed Izaya´s rules.
"Why do you even want to kill yourself?" Another question-
It sounded like a sort of annoyed question, only fuelling Izaya´s hatred against that blond. There it came. That judging undertone he had been waiting for-
He laughed and threw his head back, his glare still settled on his face.
"Shizu-chan, did you hit your head too hard before? I said I don´t want to kill-"
"WHY?!"
Izaya scowled when the blond bellowed at him.
"You think yelling will get you anywhere?" he spat, venom dripping from his lips. He was sick of this conversation.
He was so sick of it.
He tried to get up- to walk away, obviously, but a shove to his chest, sent him right back on his ass, preventing him from doing so, efficiently.
He snapped his head up, meeting the blond´s angry stare halfway-
"Can I fucking leave now?!" he has had enough of this bullshit!
He has had enough of speaking to a protozoan that didn´t even know what he was doing anyway-!
But when he tried to get up once more and he felt that fucking hand push him down to the ground again, he just felt something snap inside him-
What right- what fucking right did the blond have to fuck with him like this?!
"You want to DIE Izaya!"
He could feel the rage build inside his stomach and before he knew it- he was yelling back-
"SO WHAT IF I DID?!"
…
A second too late, he realized his mistake.
The second he saw the blond´s expression go from raging- to blank.
Shizu-chan didn´t see that coming.
Funny- Izaya didn´t see it coming either.
"… you–" and he wasn´t going to leave it at that.
"I didn´t admit anything." He made clear immediately. "But even if I did, hypothetically speaking, it´s my life and I can do what I want with it!"
…
Silence was met with his statement while the blond just kept wearing this blank expression.
He admitted it. He, Orihara Izaya, made a mistake.
That brute had sniffed blood- now he wasn´t going to let go.
"You are insane."
Ouch
He probably was.
But the blond had no right to judge him.
"I don't think I have to explain myself to an insane monster, like you." Satisfied, Izaya observed the blond´s blank expression convert back into a pissed one.
How easy it was to anger that brute.
"You fucking piss me off flea."
As easy as taking a lollipop away from a kid.
"Likewise. Just leave already. I don't even know what you came here for." Izaya mumbled and quickly shuffled backwards on the ground.
Gladly too fast for Shizu-chan to react, and got to his feet- making the blond get up quickly as well-
He wasn´t going to let that stupid prick shove him down a third time.
But once Shizuo noticed that Izaya wasn´t about to run away again though he stopped trying to reach out for the flea.
Instead, he just deepened the growing frown on his face.
"Leave? Just so you go and try killing yourself another way?" he growled lowly.
Izaya put on a smirk. It was getting easier and easier to talk to the blond.
He put his hands into his pockets and shrugged.
"Would be a fucking convenience to you now, wouldn´t it?" The question was, literally, dripping with malice and sarcasm- making the blond tighten his fist.
"Fuck you!" he spat, growing more and more irritated with the flea.
It was the same for Izaya though. He could feel the blood run down his shoulder and the little that had dripped from his forhead get cold and sticky in his hair.
A headache was starting to assault him.
"Just shut up already, Shizu-chan!" he hissed, annoyed. "I´m sick of talking to you."
He was pissed- he was really damn pissed by now- this fucking flea-!
"Why do YOU even want to die?" he yelled once more- "What the fuck is wrong with you flea?! Other people have problems, real problems, way worse than you could ever have and they don't want to die! So why?!"
….
…he didn´t expect the blond to say something like this.
Izaya lowered his head a little.
His bangs covering his face slightly.
Why?
Why indeed?
Again, he didn´t see it coming.
And the worst was- that brute was right.
Something wasn´t right with him.
Something was wrong. Terribly so.
He knew he must be having some kind of defect. He figured that much a while ago, when he tried to chase these thoughts away by counting up what he had.
By telling himself all the things that he should be happy for.
Humans could be happy even without anything.
And yet he was like this when he had everything.
It was when he realized this, that he started to hate his beloved humans.
But he couldn´t hate them.
Because he needed to love them.
"… just leave me alone already, Shizu-chan."
Shizuo knew he had said something wrong. He knew it the second Izaya dropped that grin of his.
He didn´t even realize himself, Shizuo guessed. Not by the way he was looking at the ground.
He hated the flea´s guts- but this kind of situation didn´t sit well with him at all.
And yet-
He couldn´t stop this fucking rage that welled up inside of him-!
This feeling of anger- this-
When he looked at Izaya, standing there like this- it pissed him off!
For no reason- it just did!
Just leave him alone, huh?!
It fucking pissed him off!
Without a word, Shizuo stepped forward and before Izaya could even do as much as stare surpised at the blond, he had already hit him in his face-
He fell on his ass, his left hand shooting up to his cheek-
Then, he saw Shizuo raise his fist once more and he squeezed his eyes shut-
He didn´t want to see it coming-
He thought he finally did it.
Whatever he said, he thought he finally did it and he angered the blond enough to flip out.
But the second punch never came.
Shizuo had frozen.
Still gritting his teeth, he stared at the raven below him.
His fist was still raised, aiming at the informant´s head.
He was ready to punch another time.
Ready to finally get that ungrateful bastard, like he always said he would-
And yet-
He couldn´t tear his stare away.
Not from Izaya, but from the hand that touched his cheek.
His left arm.
The one whose sleeve had been torn.
The one that was covered in scars.
And blood.
And then, he lowered his fist.
Slowly.
Wondering why the punch hadn´t come yet, Izaya opened his eyes again, only to see Shizuo lowering his fist.
A questioning expression crossed his face and he blinked at the blond.
"Shizu-cha-"
He flinched when the blond suddenly took a step closer and yanked him up by his shirt-
"Just shut up okay?" Shizuo growled darkly, but calm- and threw the raven to his right.
Izaya squeezed his eyes shut once more, when he felt something hit his back hard and the sound of shattering glass reached his ears-
THUD
He didn´t know what Shizu-chan had thrown him into, but damn-
It hurt-
Dizzy, he pushed himself up-
Glass fell from his hair and he heard steps approach him once again.
He looked up, only to meet Shizu-chan´s eyes- and noticed where he was.
It was a closed pharmacy.
C:
Oh-
Well~ xD I guess you wonder now what Shizuo is going to do~ Something dangerous maybe? Is he seeing red again~? Or something else entirely~? I would love to read your guesses xDDD
I hope you liked this chapter cx Thank you for reading~ cx
And see you SOON (most probably since I´m already writing on it) in
Chapter 8: Quiescing due to 12thJanuary2016~
Cx xD I think- you are going to LOVE it *^* -maybe~ I don't know~ hehehehe~
Or maybe Im joking and you will hate it? *^* I could murder Izaya right about next chapter~ ohohohooho~ what shall I do~