Thank you all for your reviews! Sorry its been a little while since I updated. This was one chapter that I had a hard time continuing on. I know I got some mixed reviews about the last chapter, and for a little bit I was a little uncertain about how the story took a turn I was not really planning. Yet, now that I put it out there, and found my way back to the story, I am pretty happy with the last chapter and the new challenges that will go on with the story. So I hope you keep reading, and I really appreciate people's reviews. I hope I don't disappoint!
We'll Get Through It
Think
The young half saiyan half human always did have a hard time keeping his mind at peace.
For as long as he could remember, Gohan was always told to think. Think about the question, think of a situation, think of the answer. That was something he always had to do when it came to studying, think about the problems he had in front of them, and find the path to the right answer.
His studies had always been cut and dry, black and white, right or wrong.
All his life he was told to use his mind, to put as much information as possible into it. There were always tests, quizzes, homework, and assignments. Before everything had happened, he used his mind to cram information in. He was always in his head.
Meditation was hard for Gohan to catch on at first.
It only became a habit because his mentor pressed the issue daily, sometimes instead of physical training, they would sit and mediate.
"Clear the mind," Piccolo always instructed, "Clear the soul."
He didn't know how to do that. He didn't know how to stop that little voice in his head from speaking. When he alone in the forest, sometimes that little voice was the only thing that kept him sane. Working on homework, learning how to survive, those things kept his mind active, allowed him not to be so afraid of what was happening to him.
So to take it away, to clear his mind, was such a foreign concept. What did clearing the mind have to do with becoming a better fighter, to becoming a better person?
"To know your enemy you must know yourself," Piccolo always stated at the end of their meditation.
Gohan knew he was a smart kid, but even he never understood what Piccolo meant by that.
Right now, his emotions were all over the place.
Dad had been gone for about a day now. Since the whole ordeal, Gohan had been standing in the middle of his room, staring into the ground. He thought about going to bed, about going downstairs to get some food, but his feet didn't budge.
He heard his mother call for him once, but he choose to ignore her.
Standing in the middle of the room was the only thing he could think to do.
If he moved, he would go.
That is what got him in this mess in the first place.
Piccolo's words would enter his mind, he knew if he was just standing there he had to be productive, he knew that mediation could help him sort out his emotions.
Gohan would start to close his eyes, but the look his father gave him would enter his mind, and he jerk his eyes open again.
He didn't want to think.
A soft knock from the other side of the door caused Gohan's eyes to widen, back straightening, turning his head toward the door. He knew he had to speak, and it took him a moment to find the words.
"Yes?" He had answered back, an unmistakably crack in his speech.
"You haven't been down for lunch," Gohan's eyes drifted back towards the ground, disappointed, once he heard his mother's voice, "I know you must be busy with your work, so," there was a pause, "I brought it up to you."
Glancing over at the pile of work on this desk, the boy's eyes widen. He was supposed to do his homework. It was his punishment for sneaking out; and it wasn't even a lot, to his mother's standards.
"Shit," Gohan mumbled, and in one quick motion ran over to his desk and opened the first book in front of him.
The door opened behind him. He felt his mother staring at his back as he pretended to be invested in the book in front of him. He hoped that she wouldn't check his work; he should have had this work done hours ago.
Gohan felt his mother move behind him, a tray of food in her hand. He felt her as she peered over him and at the book in front of him.
Chi-Chi breathed in slowly, but breathed out in a puff.
Gohan knew what that meant.
"Gohan, have you done any of your school work today?" Chi-Chi set her tray down, taking a small step back from the desk, "Nothing looks done."
Gohan didn't trust himself to answer. He leaned his hand against his head, his eyes wondering outside again. He tried to sense his father, again, but for some reason he couldn't sense his father's ki. It was gone, like he vanished from existence.
Again.
The boy heard as his mother shifted her weight. A heavy silence in the air hung between them.
Gohan had no idea why his mother was acting like this. Didn't she care that her husband was gone? It was like it didn't even affect her.
"He always comes back." His mother stated as if she read it from one of his textbooks.
Gohan's eyes shifted towards her.
Although his mother's body was tight, her hands placed squarely on her hips, her legs shoulder length apart from each other, and her back straight and tall; her eyes gently landed on his. He wanted to look away from her, but he couldn't. Her eyes were hard to turn away from.
Her voice was stern, "Believe me, he will hear it from me the moment he comes back," there was another pause, as Chi-Chi breathed deeply in, and as he breath left her lips, she spoke, "We had agreed your punishment for sneaking out would be to do extra homework, and that is what you must do now. I don't want you to stop your education because of this. I won't allow it."
The half saiyan could not believe what he was hearing. He stared at her at awe.
He felt the flame inside of him get lite. He felt warmth in the depths of his soul. It was a flame that rarely was lite, but once the fire was in him, the only way to release it was to let that fire out. His thoughts were no longer his thoughts, his ki was no longer his ki, in this mist of all his pain the one recurring thought was anger.
Anger was easy to release. It was the pain that was hard to keep hidden.
He couldn't think anymore.
"Why don't you care?" The boy did, clenching his teeth, "You don't care about anything, don't you?"
"Gohan, that is no way to talk to your—"
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS ANYMORE," suddenly there was a ball of energy in his hand, pointed towards the desk behind him. Without thinking he released it. He felt as the small energy ball made impact; he heard the blast as it exploded behind him, he felt the shards of wood and book as it hit his back.
He didn't think as he took a step towards his mother, she took a step back.
He clenched his fists, shaking, a part of him trying to keep his emotion in check. Ki was starting to grow, he felt it, and he felt his vision go red.
Clenching his teeth, he looked up at his mother.
He looked into her eyes, and a part of him saw her fear, but he couldn't think about that.
Where was his father when he needed him the most?
"I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE," words escaped his lips as he shouted them, not realizing what he was saying, "ITS ONLY GOING TO BE ME LEFT! I HAVE TO BE READY FOR THEM!"
His ki was spiking higher and higher.
A new ki entered the room. Faintly the boy could feel the energy in the room shift, but he did not allow his mind to search for who was now in the room. Instead, he closed his eyes, clenching his fists until his fingers turned white.
Something grabbed the boy's arm, and in one swift motion he was off the ground and hanging in the air. Instincts kicked in, and the boy tried to fight off his attacker, he kicked, punched with his free hand, "LET ME GO!"
The boy was starting to prepare an attack, his eyes shooting open as he stared into his mentor's eyes.
It was Piccolo.
"Gohan," Piccolo's stern voice hung in the air, eyes locked onto the demi-saiyan's eyes, unable to look away, "What the hell are you doing?"
"Um, I?" Suddenly blinking, Gohan's ki seemed to lower in an instant as he stared at Piccolo, his vision coming back to him, he gave his mentor a puzzled look.
"LET HIM GO!" Both student and mentor eyes glanced over at Chi-Chi, forgetting for a moment she was in the room, "LET HIM GO!"
Gohan looked at his mother's expression, her eyes were wide with terror, staring at Piccolo as she squared her shoulders back, raising her arms into a weak fighting position.
Without speaking, Piccolo released Gohan's arm, as Gohan floated along side his mentor. He blinked, suddenly remembering that she was there, "Mom?" He had asked, tilting his head to one side, "It's okay, Piccolo-san didn't hurt me."
"What is going on?" Piccolo folded his arm, looking at Chi-Chi, "What did you do?" Piccolo's eyes glanced over at Gohan's attack before looking back at Chi-Chi, "What did you do to him?"
Gohan's eyes followed Piccolo's as he looked down at his now ruined desk. At first, the boy appeared confused on what had happened. He slowly walked over to the mess, noticing his drawing of his family he did only a short while ago, now burnt and damaged. He picked up the drawing, staring into it.
It took Gohan a moment to remember what had happened just a moment ago, as it always took his memory a while to adjust to his anger. It had always been something that the meditations were suppose to help with, in the beginning he never remembered the fits of anger he had; he only was a victim to the damage he left behind.
The boy dropped the paper instantly, backing away from the ruined desk, his eyes shifted over to his mother.
He saw her looking back at him.
It was a look of a stranger, as if she didn't know who she was looking at.
Gohan could feel the world crumpling around him.
Chi-Chi didn't even have a chance to call out his name as her son ran pass her. She couldn't move as she felt the gust of her son's ki blast off away from the house.
All she could do was look at the green alien in from of her in confusion. The mother couldn't even find the words in her throat to address the Namek in front of her.
"What is going on?" Piccolo barked at her, taking a step forward. The alien was like a skyscraper, she could feel the shift in light as he took a giant step towards her, and out of instincts she took a protective step back.
Piccolo didn't move closer to her then, he folded his arms around his chest, waiting for her to answer him.
It took the mother a moment to find her voice before she answered, "I don't know."
"Where did Son go?" He had asked her.
"I don't know." Chi-Chi answered, straightening her back, "He left."
Piccolo didn't answer at first; he closed his eyes, and didn't speak.
Chi-Chi didn't know what to do. There was no way she could get ahold of her son or husband, and now this villain was in her home, just closing his eyes as if he was trying to go to sleep.
Her eyes glanced over at the ruined desk where her son was at just moments before. She walked over to the mess, noticing one his books ruined on the floor. She picked up the damaged book, her fingers lightly touching the cover.
She never had seen her son react like that before.
There were times when she could tell her son did not agree with her. She counted back to the times when she discipline her son, and he would stare at his feet, head bow, listening to her as she explained what he had done wrong and how he would be punished for it. There were a few rare times when he had wanted to argue with her, but he had always bitten the side of his cheek and never said a word against her.
Chi-chi didn't think her son would ever do this. She held the book to her chest, feeling lost.
What was happening to her family?
At that moment she just wished her Gokuu-sa was there to help her.
She didn't want to do this alone.
"He's not here." Suddenly Piccolo's voice broke the emptiness around the room as Chi-Chi turned her attention back to the Namek. He met her eyes with his blank expression.
Chi-Chi huffed at that remark, "Of course he isn't here, I just told you that."
Piccolo grunted softly, before rephrasing, "I mean I don't sense him."
Suddenly her world turned ice cold, "What does that mean?"
Was her Gokuu-sa dead? Is that why he wasn't back here? Dropping the book in her hand, Chi-Chi tried to find her voice, "Did he die?"
The Namek shook his head, "I doubt that is the case, Son must have transported somewhere off planet. He must be far since I am unable to sense him."
It took her a moment to catch her breath again. She suddenly remembered her husband taking her to Krillin's house in a blink in an eye. The memory almost felt like it was years ago, rather then just the other day. Putting her hand to heart, she sighed in relief, "You almost gave me a heart attack."
Piccolo didn't respond as Chi-Chi found her breath again, she leaned against the wall, her eyes finding her way back to the ruined desk.
A part of her had always wondered about the time her son was away from her. It was something that the mother always kept hidden in her heart, unwilling to let the though surface. It was always the elephant in the room that no one talked about.
Yet, as her eyes laid on the Namek that was staring back at her, she knew that if there was one person who knew what was going on with her son, it would be him.
"Do you-," the mother took a pause to try to sound strong, but she knew her voice would crack when she finally said, "Do you know why he did this?"
"This was nothing," Piccolo flat tone hung in the room, "You should count your blessings this is all he did."
A deep chill went down her spine.
"I'm not sure if anyone has told you, but the boy has a deep hidden power inside of him. This power is rooted by his emotions, and it very well could take the rest of his life for him to learn to control. This kind of outburst," Piccolo jerked his head towards the desk, "Is because of his lack of training. If I didn't get here when I did," Piccolo crossed his arms, "You very well might not be here right now."
This was very unsetting for Chi-Chi, and in that moment she couldn't think straight.
The only thing that rung through her mind was how much of a failure she was as a mother. Why was this green alien telling her things about her son that she herself should know about? When did her boy become this totally different person?
How could a mother not know her son?
"Son has told me that you are strict about the boy's education," Piccolo broke the mother's train of thought, as she brought her attention to Piccolo, "As today clearly proved the schedule that you both provided is no longer working. The boy will have more training days, starting this very instant."
Memories flashed in her mind when Master Roshi told her that her son was kidnapped by Piccolo. She remembered the pure fear she felt not knowing if her little boy was going to be okay. Now, it felt like it was happening again.
Squaring her feet, straightening her back, she stood as tall as she could, and in one could tone she stated, "You. Aren't. Taking. My. Son. Away. Again."
Piccolo merely rolled his eyes at the remark; "I have no interest in taking the boy away from his home," Piccolo turned his back, beginning to walk away, "However, the boy will have longer and detailed training sessions with or without Son."
Chi-Chi stood still her body tensing. Ready to fight if she needed to. She heard Piccolo's words, but did not trust him. Instead, she stooped her foot on the ground before her, "You do not have any say about my son's life. I don't care about the battle against the androids, my son—"
Piccolo merely glanced back at her, and without a moments thought, Chi-Chi swallowed her words.
"Do you want this to happen again?"
"Well, no, but—"
"Then I will continue to train the boy," Piccolo turned to walk away.
The green alien had a point, and although Chi-Chi did not like the way Piccolo was talking to her, Gohan needed help controlling his emotions if he did this when he was angry. Without her husband around, she would be useless if Gohan did something like this again. She needed Piccolo at this moment.
Hopefully when her husband came back, they could figure this out together.
"Fine," Chi-Chi crossed her arms, turning away, "Only until Goku-sa comes back."
Gohan sensed as Piccolo left his house and was flying toward him.
The boy thought about hiding his power so his mentor could not find him, but he didn't have the will to do it.
Gohan didn't want to be alone.
Instead, he sat on the beach, watching the waves slowly touch the sandy beach. He heard the gentle waves splashing; he let the breeze run through his hair, he felt the sun as it lightly burned his skin.
This was the place where he had built his boat, and where he escaped the island Piccolo put him on.
It was a changing moment in his life. When he made it back home, and saw his mother through the window, he knew that deep down she would be okay.
His mother was constantly worried about him; back when he was a child when he left her side for only a moment, she would scream his name, and if it took a while for him to get back home from playing, he could hear her voice cracking as she called out his name. When he finally got back to her, she would scoop him in his arms and hug him as tight as she could.
So when he saw her through the window all that time ago, he knew that she could be without him for a little longer. That going back to her was the wrong thing to do.
He had to prepare for the saiyans. Just like had to now prepare for the androids.
It was harder to do this time.
Just like those moments in the woods, he wished his father was here now.
If only he wasn't so weak.
He knew he had to get his emotions better in check. Especially in front of his mother.
Yet, the overwhelming amount of guilt was hard to bare sometimes; the guilt of his weakness, of his power, of his own mind. He felt the pressure on his shoulders to survive, to continue on even if hope was lost.
To keep going after the things he seen; it almost felt impossible.
Piccolo landed next to him, the boy didn't need to look up to feel his mentor next to him.
"Explain yourself," Piccolo stated, not wasting any time.
Gohan quickly stood to his feet, but once he was up he didn't know what to say. He tried to speak but the words weren't coming out.
Piccolo didn't say another word, with arms crossed he merely just looked down at the boy.
Gohan wanted to find the right words; he looked down at his feet, kicking the sand from under him. He didn't want to say it out loud. He didn't want Piccolo to think any less of him. He didn't want to be regarded as a weakling and tossed aside. He wanted to keep training. He wanted to be strong.
He wanted to make his father proud.
"If you can't say it out loud," Suddenly Piccolo's thoughts entered his mind, when Gohan looked up at his mentor, he saw Piccolo looking straight ahead towards the water, "Say it here."
The mind was unable to lie, Gohan knew, and almost felt trapped by the request of having this conversation telepathically. Finally he thought, "I don't want to lose anyone."
"You won't." Piccolo told him.
He knew Piccolo couldn't lie, but to Gohan this felt like a lie, "I already lost Krillin, you, my dad… Dad just left and what if he doesn't come back." It hurt to think about his Dad not being here because of him.
"Why did Son go?" Piccolo asked.
"He said he was disappointed in me and he just left," the saiyan child wanted to cry, he felt his heart screaming at him for letting his father go because of him, and now it felt like the world was falling apart, "What if he doesn't come back? It's my fault he left. What if it's only me that's left?"
Piccolo didn't answer.
There was a silence between them for a moment, staring straight ahead at the ocean, it felt like the future was so far away, yet they lived in the constant reminder that everyone could lose their lives in three years time.
Three years wasn't long at all, he would be ten by then, and in that moment he felt so young. How could he go through his teenage years, his adulthood, without Piccolo or his father? The thought made him sick to his stomach, "I won't be able to live with myself if I lose you all again."
"Good." Piccolo responded.
Gohan looked up at Piccolo, his eyes widen at the simple remark, not expecting Piccolo to respond in that way, they caught each other's eyes.
The student and teacher looked at each other; finally Piccolo broke the silence, "Live in your pain, let it be a constant reminder of what not to do. Don't hide from it. Embrace it."
Gohan didn't know how to feel about this. He felt the words hang in the air. Knowing he could never get away from it.
So the young boy breathed in, absorbing Piccolo's words, and exhaled, letting the words leave his body. Without another word, the student and teacher crossed their legs, floated into the air, and closed their eyes.
Training would go on as always.