Thought: I understand that if I don't update, it'll never get done.

no point of view.

la regola sette
piangere è il ricatto

Kendall was thinking aimlessly about nothing. Literally. It was the only word in his head at that particular moment, and it was possibly the first time that had ever happened in his life. He felt like Carlos for a moment; who was usually thinking about nothing. In James's thought's usually consisted of narcissistic comments about how great he was looking that day. Logan's mind was far too complicated for Kendall to even being to decipher.

Kendall, himself, usually thought about hockey, or family, an upcoming test, or an upcoming match. Sometimes he thought about girls, but he mostly just thought about Logan. But in that moment, he had nothing. Nothing was going on in his brain. No hockey match, not one family member, nor a thought about a test. He was blank, and empty, just sitting in his room, staring at Logan's bed. He wasn't even wondering where Logan was, or who he was with.

Just, blank.

His own mind couldn't keep him company, and he was starting to feel extremely lonely. He mindlessly stood up and went into the kitchen, looking around only seeing Carlos. Then, he went into the living room to only see James. "Where is everybody?"

"Well, Carlos is in the kitchen and Mama K is at the store, Katie's at her friend's and Logan is out."

"Out where?"

"Just…out."

"Logan doesn't go out. Please, just tell me where went."

"Why? Can't you ever just hang out with me for once? Or even Carlos? What's so bad about us?"

"You're not Logan."

"What's the -"

"You and Carlos have dads."

James bit his lip. He and the guys hadn't forgotten what today was, and they'd been kind of waiting for this moment. "We didn't forget, Kendall," James said.

"I didn't ask that. I just - where's Logan?"

"I can't tell you ,Kendall."

Kendall's eyes watered purposefully. Kendall knew very well what he was doing. "Why not?"

James took in a deep breath of air. "Crying is blackmail, Kendall. Come on, just trust me. He'll be back soon."

Kendall was not satisfied by this answer and plopped himself on the couch, sulking in his own grief, his heart full of never ending pain from the sorrow. He just wanted this day to end. He wanted this nightmare to be over. He wanted Logan to be here with him, fully understanding everything he was feeling because Kendall wasn't the only one who lost someone in the war.

In fact, Logan's father was killed first. Kendall had over heard his father on more than one occasion telling his mother that, "It could have been me instead. It should have been me instead." Nobody knew how hard he'd tried to save his buddy's life, you know? When he went back, his buddy tried just as hard to save his life, and went back home thinking the same thing.

James sat next to Kendall and rubbed his arm. Carlos walked in with a sandwich and some chocolate milk, "Awh, Kendall," he said, bread flying out of his mouth. "Here, have some chocolate milk."

"I don't want any friggin chocolate milk, Carlos, I want Logan!"

"Well, he's at his old house trying to find a picture to cheer you up," Carlos said clearly feeling genuinely bad for his friend.

James face palmed and Kendall jumped up. "He's not!" he shouted. "He's not stupid enough to actually go in there is he?"

"He says he knows -"

"James! How could you let him go! The friggin thing's halfway burned down! He could get hurt!"

James sighed, not wanting to be apart of this argument, but clearly Kendall thought this was his fault. "Kendall, buddy," he said, "You're the one who trusts Logan's word the most. He promised he'd be okay."

"He's a friggin klutz!"

"Who's a klutz?" came Logan's voice from behind them.

"You!" Kendall screamed, turning around and seeing Logan. He ran up and hugged him. "You're so stupid, Logan!"

Logan's cheeks turned red. "Kendall, I'm a genius," he said matter-of-factly. "And I found it."

Kendall's heart fell in his chest when he saw the picture Logan held. It was a picture of their fathers together the last day they were with each other. They were looking pretty clean, they were in their uniforms, big grins on their face. Kendall's father looked just like him; those eyes, that nose, the dimples. Logan's father was just the same, looking like his son.

The photo wasn't in the best shape, but it wasn't completely ruined. Kendall tried to swallow away the lump in his throat. "How'd you know it didn't burn in the fire?"

"I had a hunch," Logan said. Kendall was crying again, looking at the photo with his head down. Logan bent to get a better look. "Hey, you crying? What did you tell me, Kendall? It's just another day to remember him. It's the day to remember him. What's that rule? Crying is blackmail no matter what end you're on. So stop it, okay? Don't cry because he's gone, smile because you knew him. Right?"

Kendall took a deep breath and dabbed his calloused fingers against his tears, trying to subtly wipe them away. He looked at Logan and Logan was looking at him, a kind of 'please be happy' smile on his face, desperate to get the leader to stop crying. It was rare when Kendall got like this, but it was Kendall's original rule; crying is blackmail.

But he had a hard time applying it when the death anniversary of his father rolled around. Logan usually sucked it up well; Kendall knew it was because he was embarrassed of having feelings, but it was only human. Everybody has feelings.

Once Carlos finished his sandwich, he asked his friends a question they'd heard every time the word was used, "What's blackmail?"

Note: So, my Macedonian coworker proposed to me. I don't think he's legit, but I'm still pretty psyched. Thanks for reading. (: