Jacob
Thankfully, she laughed and put the dish pan in the oven.
"I'm glad its that easy to get a proposal out of you but maybe you should try it first." She told me. She headed to the fridge and pulled out two beers and another container. She handed me the beer and opened the container. Spinach dip! She set it on the table next to the bowl of pita chips she left out for me.
"Thanks!" I told her. She smiled and opened her beer before she sat next to me on the counter eating chips and dip.
"Alright Jake. You've ditched work at least 3 times since I met you. Should I be concerned about you young man?" She asked in a condescending voice.
"You should be very concerned mam. There's this woman that's totally taking advantage of me." I told her. She nodded.
"You really shouldn't let this woman take advantage of you like that. At least make her give you something in return." She told me. I leaned towards her as if we were conspiring together.
"Ahh. So what should I ask for?" I asked her in a whisper. She looked at me contemplating as she leaned in closer to me.
"Well that depends." She said.
"On what?"
"On what she has to offer." She said softly. The tension between us was tangible. It had been like that all day.
"I think I know exactly what I'm gonna ask for." I told her as I leaned back towards my chair. I rested my hands behind my neck and stared at her smugly. She smirked.
"Oh, really? And what's that?" She asked me, mimicking my stance.
"Oh I'm not revealing that yet. It'll be a surprise." I told her. She laughed and rolled her eyes before she reached out for more chips and dip.
"I'm sure she'll just love that." She said sarcastically.
"So when are we getting the inside painted?" I asked her looking around the house.
"I guess I need to go to Embry's tomorrow and order some paint and tarps for the floor, so maybe tomorrow or Saturday." She told me.
"Need help?" I asked her and wiggled my brows at her. She looked at me suspiciously.
"I'm not so sure anymore. I don't like surprises." She told me. I laughed out loud and finished my beer.
"We'll probably need to move these boxes over to the barn to get the floors covered." I told her.
"Yeah. I'll do that tomorrow morning before I head into town." She said.
"Naw. Come on. I'll help you now. There's not a lot of them." I told her and got up.
"Don't you ever get tired?" She asked me with a smile.
"Nope." I told her while popping my "p" for emphasis. She chucked and took one of the boxes in the living room.
"Can you please take the other two?" She told me and headed out the door before I could answer. I smiled at her posy pants and took the two boxes. I followed her to the smaller barn where she planned to put up her art studio. She was using it as her storage for now. She opened the door and tuned on the lights.
"You can set them, there on the corner." She told me as she set her box on another big box in the barn.
"What are those big boxes?" I asked her.
"Furniture. I plan to set it up after everything is painted." She told me. I nodded and turned around to head out for some more boxes when I very ungracefully tripped on one of the boxes that was lying around.
"Shit, I'm sorry." I said quickly and started collecting the items that had fallen on the ground.
"Just leave it." She said but I had already started. Among the items on the ground was a sketch book that had fallen open. I went to grab it but she had already picked it up. She did it so quickly that I almost thought it was supernaturally fast. Finally, I got a chance to look at her. Her face was pale, her hands were shaking.
"You should back and check on the lasagna." She told me in a soft shaky voice. I was still crouching on the floor so I got up and walked towards her.
"Leslie? Hey…" I started but she took a step back.
"Please just give me a minute. I just need a minute." She said shaking. I didn't want to leave her but she looked like she was about to implode.
"I'm going to go turn off the oven and then I'll be right back." I told her seriously. She nodded holding the sketchbook tightly to her chest. I couldn't help myself. I reached out and I stroked her arm. She just closed her eyes and backed away again.
I left the barn and went back to the house to turn off the damn oven and make sure the house didn't burn down. I remembered the sketches on the floor and I got this horrible feeling that something was terribly wrong. Three sketches had fallen out of the book, all three were of Leslie holding a baby. I felt my chest compress at what those images could mean. Did she have a baby?
I took a deep breath and headed back to the barn. I found her on the floor against one of the boxes staring at the sketches. There were tears streaming down her eyes.
"I just need another minute." She said quickly and tried to wipe her tears. Her voice was cold and hard as it often got when she went into her dark place. I walked over to her and sat next to her. She started shaking again. I took her hand in mine and stroked it gently. With her free hand she stroked the image of the child in front of her.
"I'm your friend remember. Friends don't walk away when the other one is down." I told her. She nodded.
"This past week with you… I had almost forgotten what I had lost, but mother never forgets…" She said softly. Again her voice was hollow, empty.
"I'm sorry…" I whispered. She took a few deep breaths as if she were trying to fight the sobs that so clearly wanted to escape her. She was trying to be strong. She was trying not to fall apart.
"I hate sleeping because I see him every night in my dreams asking me, why? Mornings are the worst. If I don't keep busy I feel like I'm going to drown in this pain." She told me.
"I'm so sorry Leslie." I told her.
"The thing is that I didn't even want him. He died inside me and the only thing he ever felt from me was that I didn't want him." She confessed. For the first time since she saw the drawings, her voice was affected with emotion. She was so heartbroken that it brought tears to my own eyes. It only took a few more moments before she started sobbing. I grabbed the sketches from her and took her in my arms as she cried.
I didn't know what to say. I remember holding Leah in my arms several times when she cried for the babies that she would never have. I remember her pain but this was much worse. This was the pain of a mother who lost a child mixed with the guilt of a mother who hurt her child. The pain that radiated from her was excruciating.
"I used draw him over and over again as if I am trying to remember him, the only thing is that I only met him in my dreams. It was a miscarriage. Like my body decided to reject my baby but sometimes I think that he rejected me. That he knew I didn't want him. I didn't even get to hold him." She said after she calmed a bit.
"It wasn't your fault. These things happen sometimes. He didn't even know what was going on." I told her. She shook her head.
"No. Trust me. He knew. He felt." She said against my chest. I held her a little tighter not wanting to argue with a grieving mother. What the hell did I know about babies?
"All I know is that your baby would have been the luckiest little boy in the world to have a mom like you. The fact that you care so much… that you're mourning him. I think that in some cosmic way he knows how much you loved him, even if you didn't know it yourself." I told her.
"I hope you're right." She said softly. She seemed calmer. She finally sat back and looked at me.
"I'm sorry I just dumped this on you. Its just, when I saw the sketches…" I put my finger over her lips.
"Don't apologize. I'm your friend and that means that I do more than just carry boxes." I told her. She gave me a sad smile and nodded.
"Thank you Jake." She told me and she kissed my cheek. I felt my heart flutter at that moment. I kissed her forehead in return.
"Any time." I told her and helped her up. The darkness was still in her eyes but she didn't try to fight it anymore. It was as if she was letting me in, as if somehow she decided she was going to let me carry some of her pain.
We went back to the house and had dinner. She told me her story. She told me how 6 months ago she found out she was pregnant and her ex's father wanted her to get an abortion because he was afraid that the baby might have some inherited illness from his side of the family. She told me how he practically kidnapped her to make her get the abortion. Her ex's father was a doctor and he was going to do the procedure himself.
Her ex helped her escaped but after everything that happened she had a miscarriage and she couldn't help but feel guilty because even though she didn't want her boyfriend's father to force her into an abortion, she still wasn't sure she wanted the baby. It was a horrifying story. I could feel my blood boiling and my wolf roared at the realization that someone hurt her. It took every ounce of control to keep my human form as she told me her story.
"I never told anyone what really happened. Not even my family." She said after a while. I was surprised by this.
"Why didn't you?" I asked her.
"Because I was ashamed." She said honestly. She was a lot calmer. She only let a few tears out as she told me the story but she was strong all throughout. I really admired her. She was very brave.
"You have nothing to be ashamed of Leslie." I told her. She smiled but I could tell she disagreed.
"Why did you tell me?" I asked her out of curiosity. She looked at me contemplating.
"I don't know. Ever since I met you, I feel different, safe. I feel like I can tell you anything." She told me. I smiled at her. I wanted to kiss her but I didn't dare.
"I'm glad you told me." I told her.
"So am I." She said.
We talked about her family for the first time after that. She told me little about her parents and how they died in a car accident. She told me about her grandfather, he was a doctor which made sense considering most of Leslie's things looked nice and expensive. After talking about her family, she seemed a little lighter, as if the darkness had receded a bit. I was relieved. I took her empty plate and mine to the sink.
"You don't have to do that." She told me. I shrugged.
"Its kinda the house rule on my house. If you cook, you don't do the dishes." I told her and finished up cleaning all the dirty plates. She came over and sat on the counter next to the sink looking at me.
"May I asked you a personal question?" She asked.
"Of course."
"Why aren't you married?" She asked me. I smirked at her train of thought.
"What? A guy who does the dishes and is a good listener so he must automatically be gay or looking for a wife? How very 1990s of you." I teased. She smiled a little of the light returning to her expression.
"You're a really sweet guy. I guess I'm surprised one of these town girls hasn't snatched you up." She told me. I chucked.
"Oh they tried. They keep my brothers quite busy but I've sort of been heartbroken over my high school sweetheart for the past few years." I told her.
"Oh. I see. Is she the one that got away?" She asked me.
"No. I never really had her to begin with. She was more like an obsession that I couldn't shake. She was my best friend but never really gave me the time of day. She was in love with someone else but I still loved her. She died shortly after high school and I don't know. Maybe after loosing my mother and my best friend, the idea of falling in love again seemed a little scary. I haven't seriously dated anyone after that." I told her.
"I'm sorry." She told me.
"Its ok. She died a long time ago. I think I just got used to being alone. It was easier, safer somehow. I didn't even have female friends until you." I told her. She smiled.
"What about Leah?" She asked me.
"She's family. She has to put up with me so she doesn't count." I told her. I heard my phone buzz and looked to see Seth had sent me a message. I also noticed it was after midnight which meant I was late for patrols.
"Shit. I didn't realize how late it was." I said looking at my phone. She looked at it too and her eyes widened.
"Oh wow. I'm sorry I kept you so late." She said as she slid off the counter top. I shook my head.
"Don't be. I like talking to you. Its kinda the best part of my day." I told her causing her to smile. I leaned in and kissed her cheek.
"Good night, Leslie." I told her.
"Good night, Jake." She said.
It was getting harder and harder to leave her and now that I knew what she went through it was actually painful to leave her. My only comfort was that I was running patrols tonight so at least I could watch over her.