So this is a quick update, but in order to wrap this story up in a way that gives you guys a well written and satisfying ending the next chapter will be coming more down the road.
Previously: "You know, sometimes you are one of my weaknesses."
That makes no sense. Is Joan purposely toying with her emotions? No, she can't think like that. She came here to repair the broken trust between them and now is not the time to doubt Joan's intentions. But the statement still brings a nervous concern about where the conversation is going. Everything has gone fairly smoothly but her being a 'weakness' does not seem good and contribute to smooth.
"Excuse me?" Her tone comes out sharper than she wants. Annie flinches at her own harsh sounding words. She doesn't want to push Joan away by slipping into that angry, hurt little girl who threw a temper tantrum in Joan's office a while ago. Yes, that is what she has decided to call that section of her career/life. Starting from the Israel misunderstanding to Amsterdam, that's all she was: a scared, hurt, angry girl who let her emotions take everything too far. She shifts her gaze once more to Joan, who shifts in the seat.
"When Arthur and I agreed to not have children because of our jobs, I was crushed." The pained expression she saw when she came in appears again on Joan's features. It creates lines not seen by her eyes and she sees all the things Joan gave up for her job. Immediately understanding settles upon her and she feels pride swell up in her for the woman in front of her. Joan has sacrificed so much and she has asked for nothing besides for respect back. "I guess I always searched for something to fill the hole that was left by that agreement. And when you came into my office, so headstrong, smart and so like me when I was younger, you reawakened that search that I thought I had buried. I don't know what it is but you are different than everyone else who has come into my office. I didn't realize that I found what I was looking for until you were nearly killed by Lena. Seeing you lying on the hospital bed- without a heartbeat scared the hell out of me. I constantly worry that something might happen to you and there would be nothing I could do…" A moment of silence. "My weakness." Holy shit, is s Joan really admitting what she thinks she is admitting? Annie's mind races and spin with the new information. She has to look away, a new feeling settling in her stomach. Hope. She barely breathes as her mind finally catches up with her ears. Joan sees her as someone she wanted for a daughter. The role of…daughter is being offered to her? Is that what Joan is getting at?
Joan suddenly stands up and it startles her, cementing her thoughts into that one question. Her wide eyes look at Joan, who is starts to pace. The realization of her role in Joan's light makes everything so much clearer. The pacing she always thought of as contemplative is Joan's way of gaining control. Their whole conversation Joan was shifty and could hardly sit still so… she felt vulnerable the whole time.
"I know that you have a family of your own and I don't have a lot to offer but-" She doesn't want Joan feeling out of her element and willing to take back her 'invite'. She wants everything that Joan has to offer. Annie stands up too, attracting Joan's attention back to her and less on the nervous walking. Joan looks so fragile and afraid- it's disconcerting yet it fuels her determination to say her next words.
"Joan," She breathes out in a sigh interwoven with relief. "I'm so sorry. I hate that I didn't trust you when I should have. You didn't deserve any of my words and if I could, I would take them all back. And for me being your weakness… well it sort of fits because you are my strength. I know I can always rely on you to be there for me- to protect me and be there for me, even when I don't know that I need it. So if you could forgive me for practically everything in the past year than I could not think of anything better than to help you deal with the dream you had to give up." She hopes her words convey her message.
She nervously keeps her eyes on Joan, monitoring her reaction closely. Joan's eyes widen and for a moment she is afraid that she read into Joan's speech too personally, but then Joan's eyes soften and the light that had so long been missing from the gaze of her mentor returns. Annie tenses up as she watches Joan cautiously walks towards her. Lingering for a second, Joan just stands a couple feet in front of her, so close and yet so far. The situation has already been unnerving but Joan studying her with eyes filled with pride is too much; so she does what she's always done, relied on her instincts. She closes the distance and wraps her arms securely around Joan's waist and buries her head in Joan's shoulder. Annie forces her eyes shut when she realizes that Joan is tense and the hug seemingly one-sided. It hurts to say the least and she just wants to keep her eyes shut and pretend like she isn't making a huge mistake and possibly not ruining her career.