(If You Could Only See)

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Previously on If You Could Only See:

I don't really know who started to lean in first but at that moment it didn't really matter. Sirius was about to kiss me. That's what mattered. I tried to pull away but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to. And then I tried to think of Matt but for some reason I couldn't even remember him. It's like my mind was completely blocking him out and in that moment Sirius was the only guy who existed. The only person who existed. The only person who mattered. And with that thought I closed my eyes and made a decision. The decision to close the gap that separated us. And believe me when I say that is what I fully intended to do…

…

"Oh, hey, wait, before you guys go," I stopped them, suddenly remembering something, "Matt's having this party thing out on the quidditch field tonight and he told me I could invite who ever I want so if you guys want to come," I gestured to everybody, "Then I would really like it if you did."

CHAPTER SEVEN: THORN IN MY PRIDE

Part One

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I can't find Matt anywhere. I've been walking around this stupid party forever looking for him and… nothing. Nowhere. God, for someone who wanted me to come to this party so bad, he sure isn't making an effort to spend time with me. But on the other hand, he is hosting the party. It's not like I'm the only one who he needs to pay attention to. I shouldn't be so clingy. Plus, I invited people so I should just go hang out with them and when Matt isn't so busy then he can come and find me. Then we can talk. Finally. I'm pretty sure he's ready to end this too.

Don't get me wrong though, I still love Matt, but I'm not in love with him. Not anymore. There was a time when my entire world revolved around him. Yes, I was one of those girls. That's probably why I've never really had friends here. I was always so satisfied with just Matt that I never even bothered to meet other friends. I didn't think I needed anybody else. Now that Matt's slipping away, I realize that that was a mistake. I do need other people. And I think I'm finally getting that.

Speaking of new friends, one of the people who I invited happens to be arriving right now and I would be a hypocrite to my own thoughts if I didn't say hello. Which, of course, I would have done regardless.

I smiled brightly, excited to finally have something to do other than look around for Matt, and made my way over. When I finally reached him, he smiled, "Hey Devyn," he said, while leading us over to some logs that were put off to the side for people to sit on.

"Hey Sirius," I followed his lead and sat down next to him, close enough so that the side of our arms were lightly brushing against each other, but far enough away so that anyone passing by wouldn't think anything of it.

We both just sat there, silently. I was continuously searching through my mind, trying to think of something interesting to say. Anything at all. And nothing. Absolutely nothing. My mind was at a complete blank. Why do I always have to make an idiot of myself whenever I'm around him? It's like my minds thinking 'Oh hey, Sirius is around, time to act like a complete moron'.

I was about to start freaking out until I realized something. We may have been sitting in silence but for the first time in a long time it wasn't an awkward silence. I was completely comfortable just sitting here. I was completely comfortable with not saying anything. I was completely comfortable with Sirius. And that felt good.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" Sirius asked me. Oh great. So much for the comfortable silence. You always know something bad is coming when someone asks that… can I ask you a personal question. I don't even get why people ask that first anyways. It's like their thinking, 'I'm already going to ask you a question that is going to completely invade your privacy and make you extremely uncomfortable but I thought I would just warn you before hand, you know… give you a little time to freak out about it and all.'

I took a deep breath and nodded my head slowly, afraid of what he might ask, "Um, yeah, sure, go ahead."

"Well," He scratched the back of his neck nervously… okay good, that means that he's nervous too. I can work with that, "I was just wondering, umm… are you, you know… happy with Matt?"

Okay… Well that was not at all what I was expecting. And it wasn't too personal. Plus, the question did bring something to my attention. When did I start to become unhappy with Matt? We started out as really good friends in the beginning of fourth year, or more like the summer before fourth year. Right around the time my mom and Kyle's brother died. We met at the hospital. Surprisingly it was a muggle hospital. As I had mentioned before I'm a muggle born but Kyle's a half-blood. His brother had apparently gotten some horrible disease that the wizarding world hadn't found a cure for yet. The muggle world hadn't either but taking him to the hospital was at least worth a try. It didn't help though. From what Matt's told me he just got worse and worse until everyone was just praying that he would die. It's sad but they just wanted him out of his misery. He was only 16.

His name was Brandon. Brandon Hastings. And I wouldn't be the first girl to admit that he was the very first guy I ever fancied. I had only spoken to him a couple of times and that was mainly due to the fact that he was a prefect, but from the second I heard his voice… I thought I was in love. Brandon Hastings was the definition of Perfect. He was every girls dream. I mean, I'm not even exaggerating when I say he was the nicest guy I ever met. And he loved his little brother. Kyle was his whole world. He always kept him out of trouble and made sure that he was respectful to teachers and nice to everybody and ate all of his food and he was always just…there. No matter what. Kyle was his first priority. Any time Brandon and his friends went to Hogsmead he would always bring something back for Kyle.

Its like his whole life revolved around looking out for his little brother. Actually that's a lie. A big portion of his life revolved around that but another thing that meant a lot to him was Lyla Dawson. I guess that's something else that Kyle learned from his brother. Worshiping his girlfriend.

Lyla and Brandon were the 'it' couple, I guess you could say. She was the girl every girl wanted to be and he was the guy every girl wanted to date. In every teenage girls eyes she was the luckiest girl in the world as well as in her own eyes.

She's in Hufflepuff and she's never had another boyfriend since. Its sad to think about but I guess it would be safe to say that Brandon Hastings was irreplaceable. And he would never be forgotten.

My mom on the other hand, her death was a lot more sudden. She died in a car accident. We didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. By the time we made it to the hospital she was gone. My dad was a mess but he was strong for us. I remember Sean holding me and just rocking me back and fourth. We were both just crying and crying for what felt like hours…days. I was fourteen at the time and he was twenty. Him and Josh had come home from college for the summer; Josh is our neighbor and Sean's best friend.

I met Matt the next day. I don't remember why we had to go back to the hospital but we did. I knew I had seen him around school so I sat next to him. We just started talking and I told him about my mom and he told me he was sorry and why he was there. After that we just sort of clicked and by the end of fourth year, we were dating.

So back to the matter at hand, when did I become unhappy with Matt?

That summer after fourth year was great. We hung out almost everyday and Molly and me sort of became friends and Kyle was really nice. I thought that my life was finally good again.

And then fifth year came. The beginning was great. I was still over the moon with our relationship and Matt treated me like I was a princess. He honestly is a great guy. He's just lost himself a little bit. I think the middle of fifth year is actually where our relationship started to go downhill. You want to guess why? If you guessed Justin then you would be right.

I remember sitting at the Gryffindor table for lunch. Me, Ryan, Molly, Kim, and Kyle were talking about prostitutes. Don't ask why because I don't remember. But I do remember Kyle looking away from our conversation and suddenly becoming so angry. Kim, Molly, Ryan, and me were looking at him like he was crazy.

"Hey, babe, are you alright?" Molly had asked him.

"I just really don't like him is all," he had replied. And that's when I noticed. Matt had walked into the Great Hall. With Justin. And they were laughing about something together. And I swear, in that moment, I felt my heart break a little bit.

I never said anything to Matt about it. Mine and Justin's past I mean. But he knew. I know he knew. Everyone did. And still they hung out, all the time. We all hated Justin at first but slowly things started to change. Like one day I walked to our spot at the Gryffindor table and for some reason Ryan wasn't there. And it was weird because him and Matt had always been really close, they were cousins. He never sat with us again. It was never spoken out loud but we all knew why. Justin never did like him so Matt got rid of him. Poor Ryan was never the same after that. He was probably stoked when him and Kyle were partnered together for that muggle studies project.

But after Ryan was gone we were all kind of scared. Scared that one of us would be the next one to go. But that never happened. Instead Kim and Justin became practically inseparable. And suddenly it was like them three against us three. Matt and Justin and Kim against Kyle and Molly and Me. That's how it's been ever since.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said and I was suddenly reminded of where I was, I had completely spaced out, "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."

I shook my head, "Don't be sorry, you just caught me off guard is all. I had to think about it for a minute."

"Oh, okay," he said, but didn't push for an answer. See that's what I love about Sirius, he knows when to drop a subject. But I didn't really mind answering his question.

"The answers no by the way," I told him and he turned his head toward me so quickly that I wouldn't have been surprised if it snapped off, "I'm not happy with him, not at all, and I haven't been for a while."

"That's awesome!" He exclaimed, then immediately followed with, "I mean that's terrible… sorry." I had to try really hard not to smile.

"Its fine," I replied with a shrug.

Sirius nodded and let out a relieved sigh, "Well, Why?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Why what?"

"Why aren't you, you know, happy with Matt?" He asked.

I shook my head and sighed, "I don't know."

"Come on, there's got to be a reason," and he was right. There is a reason.

I closed my eyes and just decided to let it all out, to finally tell someone about how I feel. "Well, I guess its just, I don't know…I just, I feel like… and I don't even know if this makes sense but… I feel like Matt doesn't see me anymore, and when he does see me it's only because he's angry about something." I paused to look at Sirius for a second and he seemed to actually be listening, "You know, I cant remember the last time we laughed together or, and I know this is going to sound dumb but, I cant remember the last time we just sat quietly together…alone. Is it weird that I would like to just sit with him? You know, be a couple. But every time I try he's never here. It seems like there's always something or somebody more important. And I have always been so naïve so I just thought that maybe that was normal. But then I see Molly and Kyle and they seem to have this great relationship, and at times I cant even stand to be around them because…that's all I want. And that's a really bittersweet feeling. Knowing that that kind of love is out there but also knowing that I don't have it. It's just not fair. I'm tired of feeling bad. Id rather feel nothing." I finished. Once again I turned to Sirius and he was looking at me too and suddenly I was embarrassed. I turned away and put my face in my hands. I can't believe I actually just said all that. He probably thinks I'm a weirdo now. Why was I so stupid around him?

Gently he pulled my hands away from my face and spun my head so I was facing him and said, "You'll get it someday," I looked at him, confused about what he was saying.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You said it sucks to know that that kind of love is out there but that you don't have it. Well, I'm saying, you'll get it someday," He said with a small smile. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster but I tried not to look into what he said too much. I mean, I would like to think that he was implying something about us but I don't want to embarrass myself by voicing that thought and end up being wrong.

"Yeah, well I'm not going to hold my breath," I said, trying to act nonchalant but I'm pretty sure I'm just starting to sound depressing now. Great. Totally not what I was going for.

"Why not, it could be closer than you think," Well I hope it's close. And by close I mean I hope its sitting right next to me and goes by the name of Sirius. But still, I could be wrong. I can't just assume that that's what he's hinting at. Come on Devyn, play it cool…play it cool.

"I don't know," I shrugged nonchalantly. Score. "I just don't see that happening for me,"

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows, "Why not?" he asked.

"I just feel kind of…empty," I said then mentally slapped myself. Pep talk time. You're supposed to be acting cool Devyn, not having a heart to heart. Pick up your game. You can do it. Be cool.

"Well you don't deserve to feel empty," he said back and I smiled.

"And what do I deserve Mr. Black?" I asked, excited to hear his answer.

He looked at me for a few moments before speaking silently, "You deserve to be… worshiped."

I stared at him and he stared back and we just sat there. Alone. Comfortably. Quietly. And suddenly I realized, I have been working so hard to have this with Matt but when it came to Sirius it was easy. Simple. Natural. It almost seemed like for a moment the world was quiet and it was just us and nobody else even dared to ruin it. I selfishly let the silence stretch out a few moments longer before I spoke softly, "You really think so," I asked, almost scared to hear his response.

"Yeah, I really do," He said back without a hint of hesitation.

"You know what?" I said.

"What?" He asked.

"You're probably the nicest person that I've ever met and I'm really glad to know you," I said quickly and in one breath. I was afraid that if I didn't get it all out at once I would get to nervous to finish.

Sirius smiled brightly, "Is that right?"

His smile was infectious and I suddenly found myself smiling back, all my nervousness slipping away, "Yup," I said with a nod of my head and then, feeling slightly courageous, added, "so please don't ever leave me."

Sirius looked surprised by my comment but continued smiling nonetheless, "That would never even cross my mind."

I bumped my shoulder against his in a playful way and replied with a simple, "Good."

"Thanks by the way," He said, while bumping me back.

"Your welcome."

We were once again sitting in silence before I saw something that surprised me. Kyle was walking towards us. But that's not what surprised me. It was who he was with. Ryan. And it almost broke my heart to see how happy he looked in that moment. After so much time of anger and sadness and bitterness, one conversation with Kyle and he's himself again. He's smiling and happy, and I feel guilty for not wanting to be his partner when Professor Adams originally proposed for us to be. On the other hand, Sirius and me never would have met, but still, it's heart breaking to actually come to term with the fact that this kid was lonely and miserable and it was all our fault. He was part of the group and we cut him out because someone we hated decided that we had to. What kind of person does that? What kind of person let's that happen?

Kyle and Ryan finally reached us with Molly and Peyton trailing closely behind, "Hey Dev," Kyle said as he sat on the log that was placed in front of where Sirius and I were sitting. Molly waved and sat on the ground between Kyle's legs. Peyton also said hello and sat beside them.

"Hey guys," I replied.

Ryan had been staring at the ground since he walked up, it almost seemed like he was debating on whether or not he should say hello to me. I decided to make that internal battle easier and make the first move, "Hey Ryan," I said.

He looked up hesitantly, as if he wasn't really sure if I had said anything. I smiled and he smiled back, he looked excited as he said, "Hey! How's… umm… How's life?"

And that's when it hit me. It's been so long since I've even spoken to Ryan that the only question he can ask me is how's life. How broad is that? That's the question you ask somebody when you literally know nothing about them. And that's a sad thought. And suddenly the guilt overpowered me and I couldn't take it anymore. I flung myself at Ryan and hugged him until even just a little bit of the guilt went away. That was really out of character for me because I knew an awkward situation was going to follow that and I always try to avoid that but I couldn't help it.

"I'm so sorry Ryan," I whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

He shook his head slightly and said, "Don't even worry about it, don't even worry about it."

I stepped away from him and sat back down, feeling only slightly better about myself, "Anyways," I said with a heavy sigh, "How's life? Umm… I have a feeling it's about to get a whole lot better. How's yours Ryan?"

"Same," he replied with a smile and suddenly we were all smiling. And conversation started and we were all laughing. Having a good time. And it was almost like nothing changed. Almost. And only 'Almost' because I knew that in the back of my mind I would always remember the way I treated Ryan and the way I allowed Justin to push us around. I didn't even try to stop him. And I know Ryan will always remember the way it felt to be pushed away by the people he thought he could trust the most. Almost like we didn't even care.

But now, here we were. All of us, minus Matt for now, together. And happy. It felt like one of those moments where you look around and you see all the people you love and you wish you had a picture of this. Because you want to remember how it feels, its little moments like this that in the end you want to look back on, remember, and realize that you did have a great life, and you did mean something. To someone. Somewhere. At some point. Its moments like this that you pray will live on forever.

"I'm going to go get a drink, anyone want anything?" Sirius said. We all nodded our heads. As he walked away I smiled after him, hoping that he was right about me someday having what Kyle and Molly had, and also hoping that he would play a huge role in that.

"So," Kyle said as I pulled my eyes away from Sirius, "You two looked pretty cozy when we walked up… What's going on there?" he asked.

My face turned a light shade of red and I shrugged, "Nothing."

"Wait," Peyton said with one of her hands held up, "Do you and Sirius have a thing?"

I was about to answer her but Molly beat me to it, "It's adorable isn't it!" She said enthusiastically to Peyton, "I'm totally rooting for them! Oh! They need a couple name!"

"Hold up a second," Ryan said then aimed a question towards me, "Did you and Matt break up? How did I not hear about that."

"Umm," I said nervously, "You didn't hear about it because it hasn't really happened yet," I explained.

"Oh," He almost seemed upset about that, "Well, Sirius seems like a good guy."

"Yes, he does," Molly said, "Which brings us back to what I was saying before. They need a couple name!"

"Were not even a couple Molly," I reminded her.

"If you're going to be a downer then we here by exile you from the conversation," Kyle said in an official kind of voice.

"You can't exile me from the conversation! I'm the conversation!" I exclaimed but they wouldn't hear it.

"Did you hear something babe?" Molly asked Kyle with a hand wrapped around her ear as if she was trying to hear something from far away.

Kyle copied her hand movements and shook his head, "No honey, I don't think I do…"

"Oh, come on guys, really?" I complained.

"Wait there it goes again!" Molly said in an urgent voice.

"I hear it too!" Ryan said and I glared at him.

"Not you too Ryan," I warned but he just ignored me.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Peyton added, "It sounds a lot like… like…" she started to say but allowed Kyle to finish.

"Like the sound of someone who's been exiled from the conversation!" He said and zeroed his eyes in on me. Everyone laughed, including me.

"Zinger!" Molly and Peyton yelled at the same time, leading to them giving each other a high five.

"Alright, where were we," Kyle said while tapping his chin.

"Couple names," Ryan reminded him.

"Yes, thank you for that Ryan," Kyle said, "Couple names… since Ryan remembered he gets to put the first suggestion in the hat."

"What hat?" Peyton asked in confusion.

Kyle smiled, "The metaphorical hat that we don't really have."

Peyton nodded, "Oh I see."

"Yeah, anyways," Molly interrupted, "What's your pick Ryan?"

Ryan scratched his head and thought for a moment, "How about…Sirvyn?"

"Yuck," Molly said.

"Peyton's turn," Kyle said.

"Umm… I don't know, Sirievynus?" She suggested with a shrug.

Kyle scoffed while Molly said, "God, you guys really suck at this!"

"Alright, if you're so great then you guys pick one," Peyton defended herself and Ryan.

"Fine, we will, just sit back and watch the masters at work," Kyle said, "I go first, how about…. Sirevyn?" he asked, aiming his question toward Molly.

"We can put that one on the back burner for now," She said, "Let me think of one though… umm… it could be, umm… how ab-… Oh! I know, Sevyn."

Kyle looked at her with his eyebrows furrowed, "Seven what?" he asked.

"No, not seven," she said, "You know, like 'Sirius' 'Devyn'… Sevyn."

"Umm," Kyle said, "I don't think so."

"What!" she exclaimed, "why not, it sounds great!"

"No Molly," Kyle said carefully, "That sounds dumb."

"Yeah!" She said angrily, "Well so does Sirevyn!"

Kyle scoffed, "Sirevyn is an awesome couple name!"

Molly laughed, "Yeah, in what world Kyle?"

Kyle glared, "Well at least mine wasn't a number!"

"At least mine didn't sound like some kind of disease," She retorted.

"Sirevyn does not sound like a disease!" he shouted. It was kind of funny to watch them argue about something as stupid as this because if there's one thing you realize about Kyle and Molly it's that they never fight.

"Yeah," Molly yelled back, "It totally does."

"Fine," Kyle said trying to make his voice sound like he didn't care.

"Fine," Molly repeated.

"Whatever," Kyle said, and brought his arms away from being wrapped around the front of her waist to cross them over his chest.

"Whatever," Molly said and scooted out of between his legs.

A couple seconds went by like that before Kyle said, "I'm sorry."

Molly smiled in relief and sat herself back down where she was before, "Me too!"

"Friends?" He asked as he inched his face closer.

"Always," She tilted her head backwards and kissed him softly. My face broke out into a smile and I just knew that I would have that someday. I never used to think I would but now I do… and I can't wait till that happens. Because that will be a great day.

"Oh, I have one!" Molly pulled back to say.

"Go for it," Kyle said with a smile.

"Devius!" Molly suggested hopefully.

Kyle nodded excitedly, "That's perfect babe!"

"Devius it is then," Peyton said with a laugh.

"Since the conversation is concluded I, Ryan Hyslope, here by reinstate Devyn Forest into the conversation." Ryan said with authority.

"Yay," I said with fake enthusiasm

"Wow Ryan," Kyle said, "very official, I liked that, welcome to the group… or more like, welcome back to the group."

Ryan smiled, "Almost feels like I never left."

"Isn't that the truth," Molly said. And all I could think was, if only it was the truth.

"I come bearing drinks!" A voice from above us said and we all looked up to see Sirius standing above us, struggling to carry all the cups in his arms. I immediately jumped up and started to help.

"You do know you could have used your wand to levitate those, don't you?" Molly asked as I handed her one of the cups, "But, still, thank you."

"Yeah," Sirius said as he took a sip of his firewhiskey, "But I take pride in knowing that I can do things the muggle way too."

I smiled as we sat back down, far closer than we were before. He switched his drink from his left hand to his right so that he could wrap his arm around my wait, and pulled me closer. As conversation continued on as it did before Sirius left, I went back to thinking.

Sirius and Devyn. Devyn and Sirius. Devius. I would never admit this to Kyle and Molly but it actually does have a nice ring to it. A great ring actually. And it was right there that I decided… I'm going to make this work. I'm going to end things with Matt and then Sirius and me are going to be happy. For a long time. And Matt will understand. Because he's ready for this too.

"What's going on here?" A new voice said, once again forcing me out of my thoughts. I looked up and froze. You know that saying, speak of the devil and he shall appear. Yup, well that's true.

My eyes widened and I sprung up and out of Sirius' arms as if he was on fire. Only three words came to mind as I stood there staring at the man who was most definitely mentally throwing flaming darts at Sirius head.

"Matt, you're here."

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A/N: Dont hate me! I know it's been forever and this is only half of the chapter but i'm sorry. I swear it will never take me this long to update again and as for the whole 'only half of the chapter thing' I just couldn't wait to update any longer so I just went a head and made two parts for this one.

Anyways, I wanted to dedicate this chapter to one of my reviewers, Forever Siriusly Sirius, because they have reviewed on every chapter and came up with the couple name Devius, so I cant take any credit for that. So, Forever Siriusly Sirius, thank you. I really appreciate your reviews.

And as for anyone else who will review or has reviewed thank you a lot because that really encourages me to keep writing. You guys really make me smile when I read your reviews. And remember if you have any ideas, suggestions, or complaints i will totally listen. I'm totally open to writing new people into this story if you have any ideas or just want your own character in here. I'm also open to plot ideas. Thanks for reading!

~ Iris Stone