March 2015
"Sorry I bailed last week, Jess. Last minute work issue. Mad at me?"
"Never. Yes. A little. The lack of answer is killing you, isn't it?"
"Maybe a little. Just don't disappear off the face of the earth again. If you do, I want an old fashioned smoke signal."
"I promise I won't this time. If I am planning on disappearing, I'll give you three months notice, Rory."
"Only three months?"
"I'll take you with me?"
"Good response. You're not the only one who wants to get away from reality from time to time."
"Why wait? Let's jump into a M. C. Escher's painting."
"I thinking living inside a M. C. Escher's painting would make it a tad more difficult for us to be in the same room together than our current circumstances, Jess."
"At least our lives would be a lot more interesting."
"I wouldn't argue with that."
xXxXxXx
April 2015
"Rory, Luke is contemplating on getting a minivan."
"You're kidding."
"Nope. Called him today and he went on a spiel on safety statistics and potential cost-saving measures compared to his, and I'm quoting him here, 'gasoline eating monster enslaved to the corporation disguised as reliable transport'."
"Jess, did you tell him that selling his truck he'll lose all his small town charm? I could hear my mom nagging and/or making fun of him for this decision."
"Apparently Lorelai was the one who suggested it."
"No! Not my mother! The wealth of comedic jokes waiting to be told."
"I think she meant it as a joke, but you know Luke. He took it seriously."
"This is too good to be true."
"I swear on Hemingway. He was heading out to the dealer when I called him."
"You? Swearing on Hemingway. My, how the sky has fallen."
xXxXxXx
May 2015
"Jess, you cannot be serious."
"The pictures of me bathing in pig's blood has flooded the internet? Carrie has made it fashionable, I dare might say."
"You watched the remake? Didn't I tell you to stay away from the remake?"
"Rory, Julianne Moore was in it. I had to watch it."
"Ahh, your thing with red-heads."
"You mean my thing with intelligent women."
"Who happened to be red-heads."
"I only dated that one!"
"And quite an impression she made."
"Rory."
"Jessica Chastain. Bryce Dallas Howard. Emma Stone."
"Emma Stone's a blonde."
"She became known while as a red-head. But I'm going off topic. How dare you!"
"I plead the fifth."
"Jess, you could've told me that you were planning to visit Luke and Lorelai!"
"Oh. That. It was a last minute thing."
"Well, guess where I am now."
"The moon?"
"Stars Hollow."
"We should definitely had coordinated our plans."
"Jess, the universe is definitely telling us something."
"And, pray tell, what is the universe trying to tell us?"
"We suck at this."
"Or, Rory, we are brilliant at this. More chance meetings in our future."
"At least we are talking regularly."
"And yet information is barely exchanged. Texting is not really talking."
"But yet you told me all your deepest secrets and desires."
"Rory."
"Your love for Ann Rand. Your affection for the banana loving minions. Your distaste for decaf coffee."
"Rory, that's all about you."
"Next time, coordinate. We can catch up properly."
"And spill liquids on me."
"One time, Jess. One time."
xXxXxXx
June 2015
"That was the most awkward double screening we could've done," exclaimed Rory. She squinted her eyes a bit when she walked out of the movie theatre, her right hand immediately went to block the sun from her face. Jess pulled her back a bit, getting her out of the way from a group of tourists scanning around and looking for a place to eat. The air outside was stiff in comparison to the crisp cool air inside with barely a breeze coming through the streets from time to time.
"What did you expect? I wanted to see Inside Out and you had to go conventional and picked Jurassic World," said Jess. They were both in New York City for the day. Jess was visiting a writer friend of his and Rory was talking to a few reporters at the Times about a possible in-depth series about various towns and its characters throughout the country, the whole good, the bad, and the ugly sort of piece. Once Jess realized they were in the city together at the same time, he automatically demanded Rory to hang out with him for a few hours, the first since their time at Portland a few months ago, each already done their respective duties that brought them to the Big Apple and now had the rest of the day to be free and laze about. Rory and Jess were constantly texting back and forth, this time both sides were keeping up with one another and actually "communicating," though the effectiveness was still up in the air. But it got the two of them together, in the same room, for what seemed like forever.
"I thought that it would be better than it was! How is it that the director was able to squeezed all the charm out of Chris Pratt? That is literally impossible," exclaimed Rory. She began to walk away from the building, dragging Jess along with her. She pointed across the street and tilted her head in a quizzical way, silently asking Jess if it was fine to head over and check out the local coffee shop. Jess shrugged his shoulders and Rory smiled. She continued to drag him along, her fingers intertwining with his, in an effort to not get separated from each other in the crowd, as she lead him away from the theatre and to the heavenly aroma-filled shop across the way.
"This is the same movie where even though Bryce Dallas Howard is the head of the whole operation, everyone was butting heads with her, because let's face it, she's a girl and this film wants to punish her for her gender," answered Jess. He stood closer to Rory, chest to back, as they wait for the lights to change. The people around them were eagerly waiting for traffic to stop, pushing Jess ever so closer to Rory in their effort to just go.
"And she kept those heels on for the whole movie, running through the forest and from T-Rex. How is that possible? Wouldn't the mud and a freaking dinosaur get in the way?" asked Rory. She lifted her head for a bit, letting the light bathe down at her, feeling the heat from the sun and the coolness of the sudden breeze, and wondering for the fifth time how beautiful the day was.
Jess let go of her hand then and crossed his arms, suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious. Rory opened her eyes at the sudden lack of touch, but made no motion to give a response to his sudden change.
The lights finally changed and they began to move across the streets, following the natural flow of the crowd and societal rule that green means go. "Or given that out of all the limited female speaking roles," continued Jess, "one is the nagging sister saying that having children is a godsend and therefor magically solves all the problems in the world, another apparently deserved a very lengthy death scene, and let me just say the only lengthy death scene, because she was talking on the phone instead of babysitting, and one who no one cares to follow orders from even though she's everyone boss."
"Or how people cheered for the raptor pack. No matter if they just killed a bunch of people earlier in the film, but just because they saved Chris Pratt, all is forgiven," said Rory, shrugging her shoulders. Rory made a motion to grab Jess's hands again after they made it across and walked to the storefront, wanting to drag him inside and be the little girl in a candy shop, but, given his earlier reaction, she decided instead to increase the distance between them ever so slightly.
"And the kids needed to go," Jess said. He made no comment about Rory's slight step to the left, nor did he hold it against her. Instead, he opened the door and gestured for her to step inside.
"Remind me to never let you near Emily," Rory called out as she head into the shop.
"Emily adores me. She only tolerate you," replied Jess, following in line behind her.
"She's my sister! I deserve to have some sibling on sibling hate."
xXxXxXx
The sun was beginning to set in the distance, the silhouettes of the buildings surrounding them creating a safe haven, the shade and the darkness providing a cool spot for them to sit and talk. Rory and Jess were currently in Washington Square Park, sitting on the bench Jess used to sit back when he was a child, back when his need to find a safe spot to hide and escape for awhile was a constant thing. Jess didn't know how they gotten there, at this particular spot of all places, but he didn't mind sharing his hiding place with Rory, the girl who knows a thing or two about the need to get away from time to time.
The conversations throughout the day were playful and teasing, like it usually was, but Jess could feel the undercurrent for the need for more. They would test the waters, waiting for the other to go over the bridge, to finally actually give in and talk. However, it has yet to happen. Rory will do something to remind Jess of Elizabeth or suddenly a flash of memory will cross his mind and he will feel guilty about leaving Rory all those years ago or something. Excuses after excuses after excuses. Jess wanted their relationship to be something more after all these years. Cause it had to be her. It needed to be her. Though timing was a bitch. However, this time, he was waiting on Rory's response. He allows himself to be there, to signal to her that a relationship was possible again with him, but he wants her to dedicate when. It was not going to be like the first time, when he forced her hand.
(Mind you, he means a platonic relationship, not a romantic one. Romance will only spell disaster, given his track record.
He doesn't want to screw it up again.
But if it goes down that road…
Something will fuck it up, like it always did.)
Nevertheless, Jess wanted to actually talk to Rory, knowing that she will never intentionally judge him. She will give her opinions freely and without guilt. She would be his cheerleader, calling out on his shit as he would do so with her. Jess knows that she feels the same. He could see it in her eyes, the way she will look at him askance, her eyebrows bunched up a bit, her lips in a tight line for a split second. It has to be her. She needs to break the mold.
(Yes, Jess knows her a bit too much. If he was the one to break the unspoken rule, she would closed up and run away. It what she does. It what they both do.)
"April asked about you, Jess," said Rory, seemingly out of no-where. There was still a hint of teasing in her tone, but Jess could feel the underlying tension beneath the words. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was what he was waiting for.
"Funny, so did Lily," replied Jess, a slight hesitance in his voice, not sure if he really want to reveal the reason why his step-sister was asking about Rory.
"Lily?" questioned Rory. Rory only met Lily a handful of times, whenever Jimmy and Sasha visited Jess for his book releases. She seemed so out of place (and so was Rory, to be honest) and they gravitated to each other, bonding over their shared love for literature (and tormenting Jess).
"You made an impression on her, Rory," said Jess. Lily really enjoyed the story about the time Lorelai and Rory deviled-egged his crap car. The words bloody brilliant and idol were uttered. His mother had made it an enduring habit to enquire embarrassing stories and mishap happenstance
"All I did was recommend her a few books to read," admitted Rory, not sure why it would make such a huge impression on Lily. Rory fidgeted a bit, pulling on the sleeves of her blouse.
"Which is all anyone needs to do to get into her favor," said Jess, shrugging. It was the truth.
"Well, then, she's an easy person to get close to," said Rory. She moved away from pulling on her blouse to taking Jess's right hand into her own and tracing the lines on his palm. The last time she done this was too long ago, back when she was still in that school uniform of hers and he still had that notepad of his to take orders at the diner.
Jess made no motion or sound with her sudden interest in his hand.
"Don't worry. I made her watch the standard after-school specials."
Rory laughed, her head leaned a little toward his as her laughter came bubbling out of her. "Why?"
"It was better than having me lecture her about the proper use of mace and how all boys are sleazebags," admitted Jess.
"There is some truth in that matter. You, included," said Rory, a smile still lingering, lighting up her whole feature.
"I made some questionable choices in my life and I owned up to them." Jess clasped his hand lightly around Rory's fingers, giving her a little squeeze.
"I think everyone could say that. I stole a yacht, for example," said Rory, giving him assurance that she did had a little mishap in her life, as so did he. Being perfect was overrated sometimes.
"That must lighten up a party."
"Or bring about dead silence," said Rory. It was the go to line when she didn't want to talk to anyone particular at her grandparents' parties. Rory could be so civil for so long before she eventually turn into her mother. (Though this did not happen often. She was after Rory. She still cared a bit too much on what people think of her. They only time she didn't care about what people think of her was when she was with Wade. And Jess. Do not forget Jess.)
"That, too."
"What did Lily want?" asked Rory, bringing the conversation back to the beginning.
Jess paused for a bit, before saying, "She wants to interview you for her writing class, but was too afraid to actually pick up the phone and call you about it."
Rory smiled. "So she has you to do the dirty work?"
"Hey, I just want her to pass all her classes with flying colors," said Jess. "It would be an affirmation that Jimmy, of all people, could actually raise a kid and send that said kid off to college to, you know, be an actual well-responding adult pursuing a higher degree." One out of two was still a pretty good odd.
"And not steal a yacht," said Rory in a deadpan tone, the edge of her lips still tugging in an upward direction.
"And not steal a yacht," said Jess with a smirk.
"Sure," agreed Rory. "Have her call me so we can set up a date and time to talk." Anything to help another pursue a higher education.
"She was actually going to call Elizabeth first," admitted Jess, "but she didn't want to bug her when she just had a baby."
"And I was just a pity choice?" said Rory in a shock tone. Fake, of course, but with an added effect of throwing her hand to her chest as if she had chest pain, letting go of the warmth of Jess's hand. "Way to make me feel appreciated."
"You get what you are given, Gilmore."
Silence filled the space between them; both suddenly unsure on where to take the conversation. This doesn't happen often, but it does happen. A group of young children were kicking a ball back and forth on the grass in front of them. A occasional pedestrian would pass, walking their dog or running here and there.
Finally an intake of breath.
"How's Elizabeth?" asked Rory.
Jess didn't answer right away, not sure if it was his place to say or if he wanted to admit that his ex was doing exceptionally well without him. "I heard she was good," said Jess. Finally he admitted, "We don't actually talk."
"I thought you were trying to be a mature adult, Jess," teased Rory, trying to bring back the playful tone of before. "I thought being friends with your ex is a sign of maturity."
"You don't count. You're family."
Rory rolled her eyes. "I still talk to Wade from time to time." Lorelai actually kept tabs on him, a rare occurrence with one of Rory's ex-boyfriends. The only reason why Lorelai knows what was going on in Jess's life was because Luke informs her about him, trying to bridge the gap that was made long ago from the time Jess took a beer from Lorelai's fridge. Nevertheless, Rory could see the pride in her mother's eyes whenever Jess had a book release or had a favorable review in the papers. It was slight, but Rory sweared it was there.
"The one that didn't end well," said Jess.
"I'm pretty sure I have several "ones" that didn't end well," said Rory, sighing. Wade, her sweetheart. He tried to respect her decision, calling off the engagement, but he only lasted so long before he confronted Rory and asked her why. Why did she put him through the pain and the hurt if she knew he wasn't the one? Why couldn't she looked him in the eyes when she proposed? Why did he ignored the signs?
She couldn't answer any of them. She didn't want to answer any of them. Rory knew that if she finally told the truth it would shatter any lasting faith or love or companionship or whatever he still had with her.
There were no dress. No ring. Just nothing.
She was using him to escape. She was using him to run away. She realized she didn't need him to run away. She could do that all by herself.
"That particular one didn't end well," said Jess, sensing the change of tone, the nature of their conversation. They were teetering on the edge. Now they were ready for the deep side of the pool.
Jess could almost feel the words she wasn't telling him, the loneliness, the despair. He wanted to say that he almost did the exact same thing with Elizabeth, but Elizabeth saw right through him. The red head knew when to cut through the bullshit. Even if Jess didn't want to admit it, Elizabeth knew him inside and out, just like another girl in his past, the one sitting right next to him.
Jess knew what went wrong with Rory and Wade and he bet his life that Rory knows what he knew.
"I'll give you that," said Rory, the words rolling off her tongue slowly and reluctantly. "Are we really talking about this? Last time we tried to talk, like talk talk, it didn't end well." This time it has to end well. She wants it to end well. (Please let it end well.)
Jess shifted his gaze outward, away from her face and her big doe eyes. He knows what he will see if he glance into them: hope, fear, yearning. "We gotta start somewhere, Rory," Jess finally said. "It's not going to be comfortable and it's not going to be easy, but I always speak my mind."
Rory suck in a breath. "I feel like an unknown truth will come barring out." When was there any unknown truth between us?
"We are stuck together for better or for worse. You got to thank Luke and Lorelai for that."
"Those darn kids," said Rory. She let her head rest lightly on Jess's shoulder, a little bit too afraid on what she'll find if looked him face to face. Or maybe she wanted to find some comfort, the heat from his body radiating off, giving her cheek warmth. "Why must they get married?"
"Is it fine if I ask you something that has been bugging me for awhile," asked Jess, noticing that she has yet to pull her hand away from his.
Silence, before a small voice finally uttered, "Sure."
Jess began to rubbed his thumb on the outskirts of Rory's hand. "You called me right before you were going to marry Wade, asking about Hemingway of all things." This was the question he been meaning to ask for almost six years now. When he was with Elizabeth, Jess felt he would betray her if he sought out Rory and demanded to know the reason why. He was content and happy and afraid to know the answer. He wouldn't know what to do with it if he did ask and she responded. He still don't know what he will do with it.
"I called my mother, and you picked up the phone. Remember, you didn't exactly give me your phone number back then." Her words were a slightly tensed and rushed, feelings of neglect trying to show through. Maybe she regretted not speaking with him much back then, waiting till now to reconnect and restart their relationship or friendship or whatever you call this thing between them.
"And you were calling your mother about Hemingway," asked Jess. Night had fallen by now; the only light given were from the streetlights. The one directly above them shone down as if it was creating a halo of yellow around them, creating a healing circle and protecting them from the harsh world outside.
"No," said Rory, not sure if she should tell Jess the real reason why she called home. "I was calling her about yellow daisies."
"Yellow daisies?" There was a mild surprise behind Jess's response.
"It's a thing we have."
"Rory..."
Rory turned her head inward, still resting on Jess's shoulder, but now facing the bench behind them. "Don't you want to know what April asked about you?"
Jess sighed, barely hearing her question, but still went along with the change of direction. "What did she wanted to know?"
"It wasn't a question, really," said Rory. "Just an observation."
"Observation?"
Rory didn't speak for a minute, not sure if she wanted to ask him about something he particularly didn't want to revisit. "How you proposed to Elizabeth right after I came back from the Middle East."
Rory could feel Jess's thumb paused and hovering a bit above her hand.
"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Jess. He turned his head a bit, away from Rory and toward the street opposite of him.
"I'm not sure, but April insisted the two events were related," admitted Rory. She could feel him shifting and wanted so badly to tell him it was okay and everything will be fine. She rested her chin now on his shoulder and directly gaze his way, memorizing the feature the was so different years ago but yet still the same. The same harsh bone structure, the mole behind his right ear. Rory gave a slight squeeze with their intertwining hands. "I just told her that you loved Elizabeth and Elizabeth wasn't ready to settle down with anyone at that point in her life."
"Or you could just told her the truth."
"The truth?"
Jess could feel her breath kiss his neck. "She was just using me to get over Matthew."
"You shouldn't think that," said Rory. "You two were totally head over heels for each other."
"Rory, the romantic." Rory could see the smile filling up his feature.
"I got to believe in something with all the evils and wars currently taking place." She shrugged.
"We did love each other, but, in hindsight, I don't think we were right for each other. I'm sure you can say the same for Wade." He finally turned his gaze away from the street and to their still intertwining hands.
Rory rested her cheek back on his shoulder. "Something was missing and when I broke things off with Wade, my world did take a downward spiral down the rabbit hole for awhile. It didn't help that everyone I know at the time were happily coupled off."
"You mean people were living their lives? How dare they!"
"Like I said before: Head over heels." Rory could remember all the times Jess glanced at Elizabeth with such adoring eyes, filled with love and admiration and giving.
How she so wanted that with Wade.
Jess sighed. "It took a long time for me to get over Elizabeth. I'm not sure if I'm over her yet." Rory began to flatten his hand, palm outwards, tracing each finger with one of her own.
"The whole marriage and baby thing?" asked Rory.
"That hurt a bit. I demand that you must wait at least five years before you move on with someone else."
Rory laughed. "You are totally living through the plot of (500) Days of Summer right now."
Jess said nothing in response, watching Rory continue playing with his hand.
"Do you things would've been different if we got back together that time at Truchon or if you never went to California?" asked Rory. It was a question she asked herself from time to time and she was sure that he thought about this as often as she did. Maybe more. Maybe less. Maybe not at all.
"I think we might mutually destroyed each other."
"Why?"
Jess finally looked at Rory, nose to nose, eye to eye. "We wanted different things. We would hold each other back. We had too much history. We had too little history. We would start to resent each other. We had other people in our lives," said Jess, his words slightly rushed and not at all. "Timing was never our strong point."
Rory slowly nodded, taking in the implication of his words. "Can we go back to talking about Bryce Dallas Howard's heels?"
"Sure."
xXxXxXx
"Are we going to reenact the parting scene from Before Sunset? The lingering question, the impending decision," teased Jess. There were standing on the streets, the city still alive as it was during the day. They were mere feet apart, hands slightly touching each other, the urge to pull one another in was overwhelmingly strong.
"Jess," said Rory, his name short but light on her tongue.
"I'm saying that there's history between us," he stated. They were blocking the sidewalk, taking up too much room between the street and the building. They were a rock in the middle of the stream; everyone had to go around them as they stood still in time. "And you asking me back to your hotel room will probably won't bode well for either of us."
"I'll make sure to keep my hands to myself," said Rory. She could totally see the raised eyebrows directed at her. Her hands were so not at her side right now. "Like I did for most of our time together today. I am a girl with self-control."
Jess made no motion to contradict it. "And I'm just a guy with an incredible body..."
"Who is currently objectifying yourself," said Rory, cutting him off.
"With girls falling head over heels in love with me, especially after I tell them I'm a writer. The kind with deep emotional pain and a tortured soul," said Jess.
"I'm also a writer." Somewhere in the recess of her mind, Rory could hear a voice that say that this was a bad idea. A very bad idea.
But she wanted this. She wanted to see how this will go.
"Yes, but like I said before, I'm the kind who is fueled by deep emotional pain. Girls dig that."
Rory laughed, head tilted forward, eyes lighting up, the sound engulfing him whole. One of his favorite things about her. "And you just said 'girls dig that.' I ignored the phrase 'incredible body' but I can't ignore 'girls dig that'," said Rory. "Jess, what have you become? Are you shamelessly catering to your delusional demographic?"
"Watch any movie nowadays, Gilmore. Apparently acting this way will get me all the girls. Ever seen a Zac Efron's frat boy movie?"
"Yes, but I'm asking Jess Mariano, not Zac Efron. Jess, who is my friend. Jess, who knows that this is a platonic relationship…" Maybe she shouldn't of said that.
Jess stared right into her eyes, letting go of her hand, and angling his body slightly away from her. "Even if we want things to be anything other than platonic, it won't end well."
Rory could feel the sudden chill of the night air hit her hands. Was it always been this cold? "No. It wouldn't. Even if we both want it to end well."
"Than what are we doing? Why are we here? Here at this place and having this conversation?" asked Jess. He didn't like the sounds of desperation in his voice.
"I missed you, Jess," said Rory, her voice small and her words seemingly loss in the night air. "And I know you miss me."
"What if it didn't need to end well? What if we try again just for the sake of it?" Jess resisted the urge to touch her hair, to touch her hands again, to touch her.
"Jess." Her eyes were pleading him to stop.
"I'm being serious right now," said Jess "Should we at least give it another shot?" Please don't answer that.
"I'm seeing someone right now."
Silence once again settled between the two. Only the sounds of footsteps and car horns filled the air between them.
"Clearly wasn't expecting that," Jess finally said. "Actually, given history, I should expect that." His words were harsh, wanting to push her away or to put distance between himself and her, he didn't know.
Rory gazed downward, not wanting to admit this, but promised herself to at least be truthful with him. "It's nothing serious, but I am sort of seeing someone."
"Then forget what I say," said Jess, taking a step back, away from her and away of what could've been. "Forget that this day ever happened. Forget that we actually spoke to each other without pretense."
"We can't leave it like this," said Rory. She took a step forward. She didn't want to let him go again. "I still want to be a part in your life."
Rory could see him thinking a mile a second, weighing the benefits and consequences of her implied question.
Finally, Jess sighed. "So how good is this band of yours?" A step closer.
"The best."
"Where are you staying?"
"Just three blocks down the street." Another step closer.
"I think I have time."
There was barely a space between the two of them.
"Good." Rory leaned in close to Jess and kissed him on the cheek. She lingered a bit, smelling his cologne and him in general. She pulled away and looked him in the eyes, seeing regret and pain and possibilities dancing behind them. She took his hands into hers, barely a breath separating their two bodies now. Maybe asking him back to her hotel room was a bad idea, not for herself, but for him as well. But there was always something between them. Something unfinished, or maybe it never got started in the first place. Maybe this was where they get started again, or this was where everything falls apart. But she didn't want to think too much about this right now. She didn't want to make a pro and con list. She needed to do something spontaneous. Nothing might happen tonight, or everything might change tonight. She'll let the evening play out. She'll deal with the consequences later.
Author's Note: There's always a heading at the beginning of the chapter, usually describing either the content of the chapter or the time period in which the chapter is set. Just FYI. :)