SingMyLullabySweet666: I know, I know; it's been a long time since I last updated but come on! Give me a break people! I do have school as well as homework and projects and now I have exams staring next Tuesday! Please be patient with me.
Hiei: All you do is complain, complain, and wine. Why don't you tell them something useful?
SingMyLullabySweet666: Alright, I made straight A's on my last repot card!
Hiei: Dumbass! That wasn't useful!
SingMyLullabySweet666: Well, what else am I suppose to say?
Hiei: Anything but that would have been better!
SingMyLullabySweet666: Rubber Ducky!
Hiei: ……
Kurama: (laughing) That is something.
Hiei: That's not what I meant!
SingMyLullabySweet666: Well, you said anything and plus, rubber duckies are cool!
Hiei: (sigh) Just do the damn story!
SingMyLullabySweet666: No!
Fans: (throwing staplers) HURRY UP!
Hiei: (easily dogging staplers) ASSHOLES!
SingMyLullabySweet666: (gets knocked out by a huge stapler)
Kurama: Oh, dear….
Hiei: Great….. (looks at Sing) Look what you fuckers did!
SingMyLullabySweet666: ………………….
Hiei: (splashes water on Sing)
SingMyLullabySweet666: I'm up! I'm up! Now onto the story!
Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Yu Yu Hakusho but I do own Ms. Saiyuki and the baby even though I do not know his or her name.
Warning: Lemon and language in this chapter!
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
(Hiei's POV)
I sighed as me I sat on the floor with me knees pulled tightly to my chest. My crimson eyes had been leaking tears for a while now and I'm not really sure for how long but I know is that the man I despise and yet still love is sitting in the kitchen down stairs. I know not of what he is doing but I do know that he will never understand what I am going through but he never did really. Look at the way he beat me everyday since we basically got married but that stopped two years later. I blame myself sometimes but it never does anything to make him happier. I changed my ways for that man down stairs; that monster; the killer. So he was sent to juvy big deal, right? I mean it couldn't have been worse then what he put me through, that stupid mother fucker. I hate him and yet…. I love that man to death that it hurts so much and I don't know what to do anymore. I wish he would tell me about what happened while he was anyway but whenever I ask him he looks away and completely ignores me until I am either fed up with him or I go tried of asking.
I tried my tears before pulling me tired and warily body off the ground. As I reached my feet I almost fell instantly from the lack of blood reaching my legs as well as not using them in a while. Sighing, I walked across my bedroom and pulled the curtain open to reveal the clashing of strong wind against the trees in the backyard as well as a brutal thunderstorm raging out of control. Tree limbs were scattered about the deserted streets of the town on the outskirts of Tokyo. Huffing with annoyance at the storm for interrupting my plans, I closed the curtain once more and turned to look at myself in the mirror. My appearance was less then tolerable for my liking; so, shaking my head in disapproval, I walked out of my room and down the hall and to the first floor.
I reached the kitchen were Kurama sat, staring into oblivion with those lifeless eyes that made my heart clench in guilt and regret. I know that I am the one who caused the only person who I thought loved me, in such pain. I know that this monster deserved all the pain that fate dealt him but it still hurt when I made contact with those 'dead' eyes. Knowing that I caused this; that I was the one who left him after he had no one to turn to anymore cause tears once again to sting at the back of my. I refused to let them free in front of the demon, to allow him to see my weakness would be the end of me, this I know already. Taking a deep breathe in I held it for a brief moment before walking up behind Kurama and lying a hand gently on his shoulder, trying my best to 1) not scare him, and 2) to control my heart that was beating uncontrollably within my chest which caused me pain.
"Kurama," I whispered quietly, causing him to turn and look at me with those eyes; god not the dispassion eyes that I loathed and despised. Kurama tried to smile at me but it made him look even more miserable than he already was. I sighed before I finished my sentence, "Kurama, I'm going to take a shower and I was wondering if you would make dinner for the both of us. It's getting late and you and I both need some food in us." Kurama looked at me for a moment longer before shrugging my hand off his shoulder and standing. He turned and was completely oblivious to the world around him as well as me. Rolling my eyes, I once again climbed the stairs and went back into my bedroom. I know I should call it our bedroom but it doesn't seem right when we're no longer a couple anymore, even though we both still hold undying love for the other. Shaking my head of the thoughts that swirled in my mind, I walked over to the bed and picked up my night clothes, before crossing the room and into the master bath. I liked the master bath better than any bathroom in the house, even though the wash rooms were really nice compared to other ones I have been in. The room was a dark red that almost matched my eyes and had black marbled flooring. The sinks and counters in the room were a crème colored marble that glimmered in the light. A huge jet tube lied in the corner of the room and was made as the same material as the sink with golden handles. Off to the right of the bath was a large duo shower with a sliding glass door that of course, censored what wasn't to be seen by the other occupants in the house. Three doors lined one wall, one leading to the pantry, one to the toilet, and on to the closet. Smiling, I took another few moments to admire the bathroom before turning on the light and closing as well as locking the wooden door.
I tossed my night clothes onto the marble counter top and then crossed the floor to the tub. Reaching for the knobs, I turned on the water and fixed the settings so the water was steaming hot. I waited a minuet before adjusting the water temperature to the right degrees before plucking the over sized tub that could pass for a hot tub. Walking back over to the counter, I took a good look at my appearance in the mirror and was disgusted at how I looked. My hair was disarranged and dark circles made themselves known as they formed around my eyes; signs of sleepless and restless nights. A few wrinkles lined my forehead from worrying too much. What completely disgusted me about my appearance was that my eyes seemed to tell my whole story; they were dull and seemed almost lifeless; without a soul to occupy them. Sighing, I looked over to the tub and muttered a curse as I dashed off to turn the water off. It was a little over the limit Kurama had set but oh well, no real harm done.
I climbed into the tub with some difficulty due to the growing baby within my body but I managed to get in without hurting myself. Leaning back against the tub, I signed in content and allowed myself to relax. 'Kami, I needed this so much.' My mind told my as my body relaxed even further. I thought that if my muscles loosened even further that I would turn to mush. Chuckling to myself, I closed my eyes to allow the warmth to wash over my tired and emotional exhausted body. Then, a picture of Kurama came flashing into my eyes that caused me to sit up quickly. I growled in frustration. How could this be possible? How could I continue to see him and his haunting eyes every time I closed my eyes? I was beginning to piss me off. This was why I lost sleep at night because I always felt guilty for the fading look in my ex-lover eyes. 'It just doesn't seem fair; I mean even though he hurt me greatly, I still love him.' I shook my head of the thought. NO! I couldn't love him, he hurt me and that was all there was to it but…. I sighed in exaggeration as I finally realized my love for Kurama would never fade away like I had hoped it would to.
I leaned back and tried to relax but it wouldn't come. Instead, I could feel the wetness of tears in my eyes and I forced myself to push them away. I hated it when I got so emotional. This baby was making me experience more than my fair share. I don't I could handle this; the baby needs both its parents to survive, I have to make amends with Kurama and I had better do it soon. With that thought settled in my mind, I leaned back into the tub once more and closed my eyes.
Swallow me, then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
I guess I must have fell asleep because when I opened my eyes, Kurama was leaning over me with a panic look on his face. When I looked deep into his eyes I could see things I have never before within those emerald greens. I could see compassion, love, caring, panic, fright, and many more loving emotions I have longed for. I smiled at him to ease his panic and fright, this cause Kurama to sign in relief and smile. He stood up and I noticed he was only in a towel and the thought of this for some reason did not bother me as much as I thought it would have.
Kurama smiled at me before stripping and climbing in the tub behind me. I sat up and allowed him to hold me within his arms. I could feel the butterflies within my stomach as he pressed up close to me but nothing more happened to me. I thought for sure that I would have felt uncomfortable but instead I felt safe and happy, thus throwing me off guard. Kurama nuzzled my neck and placed a tender kiss there that caused me to blush and shiver from the affection ness touch. Kurama tensed and I knew that he thought he had done something wrong but to ease his panic, I snuggled back into him, seeking warmth and affection that I had been denied since two years after our marriage. I signed in complete solitary as Kurama wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Kurama….." I groaned out as he began to rub my chest ever so lightly before trailing to one of my hardening nubs before pinching it slightly. I gasped lightly and arched into the touch. This is what I wanted for the longest time, I wanted his affection. I knew I fell for him again and I know there is nothing I can do about it. I love him and that is the final answer to this riddle. I opened my eyes and lightly pushed away from Kurama causing those talented hands to stop. I turned around and met frightened and compassionate orbs of emerald green. I smiled slightly before turning to face him fully.
"Kurama, you and I need to talk. I can't put this off any longer." I said in a low hushed tone that seemed almost comparison to a whisper. I could see Kurama stiffen but he relaxed when I laced my fingers with his.
"Go on Hiei, you have my undivided attention." Kurama spoke back in the same hushed tone that I used with him. I nodded and took a deep breathe in before exhaling it back out.
Looking him dead in the eyes, I began, " Kurama, I know that things haven't gone the way we had planned it to go when we first got married but I can see now that we both are trying our best. I want you to know that I still, even after the horrible things you have done to me…. I still love you; that will never ever change. Believe me, I have tried to tell myself that the only reason why I felt this way was my baby's fault; our baby if you please. Kurama, I want to try and amend things between us and for that to happen I need you to know that I love you and I'll try my best to make you happy. Kurama, this isn't the easiest thing to do since I….. We have a baby to worry about but I am willing to try. Kurama, I want you; I need you in order to survive only if you'll have me again."
Kurama sat speechless by the whole thing I didn't know what to make of the silence. It was both unnerving and uncomfortable for me but I felt relief wash over me as Kurama allowed himself to smile. Not one of those false smiles he tried to use on me but the true smile he used to show me when we first had started 'dating' as the humans called it. Kurama nodded his head vigorously, letting me know that he was ready for the challenged ahead of us.
Kurama opened his arms and pulled me into them; into the most affection ness hug I ever had in my entire life. Not even my sister, Yukina, hugs were like this. I felt truly happy for the first time in truly long awaited years. I leaned up and planted and hungry yet passionate kiss on my reviving lover's lips. Kurama sighed before kissing back with just as much passion and lust as I. I sat up straight, not once breaking the kiss, and leaned down into the kiss causing it to become bruising but still loving. I pulled away, gasping slightly for air but dove back down only seconds later for another kiss.
I groaned out as I felt Kurama flick one of my overly sensitize nibbles that looked a little swollen. After all, I was preparing for a child that would be here in three months since my pregnancy only last for five months and I'm already on my second. Kurama released my lips only to latch onto my neck like some kind of leech. I groaned out Kurama's name and slightly began to rock up against his rising heat. Kami did this feel good after so long. I chocked on a pleasure filled sob as Kurama licked down from my neck only to roughly, but more than welcomed, suck on my nibble while rolling the other between his pointer finger and his thumb.
"Kurama, more!" I gasped out as he pushed his growing erection against my heatedly. I could only moan and gasp in pleasure as he tortured me with that skilled mouth of his. Small gasp of his name and 'Oh god' sweetly rolled of my tongue causing Kurama to suck harder. Kurama finally let go of my nibble which was bruising slightly but I really didn't care much about it. Turning us around, Kurama sat me on the counter like think that surrounded the tub before he kissed my bruised nibble lightly. Planting wet kisses down my chest, to my navel, before kissing it and then traveling down to my hard erection, Kurama smiled. I sighed as Kurama blew on my manhood lightly. Looking up at me for a moment allowed me to see within those beautiful emerald green orbs; they looked so happy; so wishful and I didn't want to break that. His eyes smiled and danced to the waters movement causing my breathe to leave me as I starred in awe at the happiness I saw in him, something I haven't seen since forever. I think I really missed his smiled. Yes, I do miss it and here it was all this time hiding behind those gorgeous eyes of his; hiding away from reality; away from the world; away from friends; away from me.
With a nod of me head I told him to continue silently and he allowed a small smile to adorn his face before closing those eyes that I loved and opened his mouth. Kurama licked the tip of my erection experimentally before he took me completely inside his wonderful and skillful mouth. I threw me head back in satisfaction and pleasure as Kurama sucked hard, just the way I liked it; hard but not to hard that it hurt. Kurama bobbed his head slowly up and down my chaff, never once breaking rhythm. I groaned out loudly as I began to rock my hips into the willing mouth, trying to bring my release closer. I wanted him; oh god, did I need Kurama, not just for the baby's health and insurance to survival but for my own wellbeing as well. Without Kurama at my side during the whole experience I would nearly die; no, I would end up driving myself mad by telling myself that it would be alright and everything was going to be okay. I hated those words; despised them with passion. I knew that there was no way I could go threw this experience without him. Kurama was needed here and here is where he will stay.
Seeing you, it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside anymore
Anymore
Kurama let go of my erection and kneeled before me with his head bowed as if I were some king. Reaching out with my tattooed arm, I lifted his head and stared into the eyes that were asking permission to go on which I nodded too and allowed Kurama to over to the side and grab a bottle of the baby oil that I used.
(Normal POV)
Kurama gave the bottle of oil that was sitting on the side with all the other bathing products to Hiei. His eyes smirked at Hiei as well as explaining the whole plan to him but Kurama never spoke a word. His eyes said all. Hiei chuckled before popping the cap to the baby oil and allowed him a minuet to inhale the sweet aroma from the bottled before pouring a small amount of the oil in the palm of him hand. He worked the oil onto his fingers and smirked at Kurama. Hiei slowly slid his slick hand down his body, stopping to tweak a hardened nibble. Deciding that he was done torturing him and Kurama with the little act, Hiei placed a finger at his entrance before pushing a slick finger in. Hiei breathed a mute moan and pushed the finger deeper into his willing but tight body. Kurama groaned as he watched Hiei pleasure himself before reaching for the bottle of baby oil that was left forgotten on the side of the bath tub. He squeezed a very small amount on his index finger before rubbing in slightly and sticking it at Hiei's entrance to join the other finger.
"Ready, Hiei?" came the musky and lust filled voice of Kurama as he ideally watched Hiei finger himself. Hiei nodded and that was all Kurama needed before he plunged his finger inside the tight heat to join Hiei's. Hiei let out a muffled moan as he rocked against his and Kurama's finger. After he got comfortable with two finger in him, Hiei pulled out his a little before pushing in with two fingers.
"Oh god," Hiei moaned out as he continued to push his body onto the fingers causing them to be forced deeper into the waiting body. Hiei groaned out before looking at Kurama. Hiei moan out, "Hurry Kurama, please; oh god, please. I need you… unnh…… inside… nghhn…. Fuck me!" Kurama nodded before he and Hiei pulled their fingers out of Hiei's shivering body of pleasure. Kurama began to reach for the oil once more but Hiei stopped him.
"No! No lube! Just please hurry and fuck me." Hiei moaned, thrusting his hips into the air, trying to relieve him of the building pressure in his lower abdomen. Kurama looked on for a moment before he protested.
"It will hurt you Hiei and I don't….."
"I don't give a shit what you want or if it's going to hurt! Just fuck me now gods damn it!" Hiei hissed out as he tried to glare at Kurama but it didn't come out quite right. Kurama sighed and nodded before placing himself at Hiei's entrance and with a sorrowful look in his eyes he began to push in. Hiei hissed at the slight pain he received from the intruder but thrust his hips forward against the pain to take Kurama in deeper. Kurama groaned in anticipation as he was buried completely inside of Hiei's tight heat. Hiei made small mewling noises as he let himself adjust to the chaff of his fox. When he felt he had adjusted enough, Hiei moved against Kurama, letting him know he was ready.
Kurama looked into the fire demons eyes as he pulled out only to thrust quickly into Hiei. The deep, deep crimson eyes that were clouded over with lust and almost looked black never wavered or left his forest green ones. Like Hiei, he too had eyes clouded by the need of Hiei and there was another emotion there, love. Kurama thrust quickly into Hiei body and somehow managed to hit the demons prostate every time he reentered his fire demon. Hiei moaned in pleasure as he thrust his hips forward and onto Kurama's cock that was embedded deep into his heat.
Climaxes drew nearer for both candidates as the duo moved together in fire heated passion of lust, need, and surprisingly love. Hiei moaned aloud as the friction of Kurama body against his erection and the continuously pounding of Kurama's cock against his prostate grew to be too much for the demon to handle. Hiei came with a loud moan that came close to a scream causing his inner walls to clamp down on Kurama, forcing hi to come as well.
The duo leaned against the counter behind Hiei in exhaustion and satisfaction the two had shared moments before. Hiei closed his eyes and began to think while Kurama lied his head on Hiei's shoulder and rested a bit.
(Hiei's POV)
What did we just do? Why did we do it? I'm so stupid! Why did I give in to the temptation like that, as if my body had meant nothing? Is this a sign or some kind of sick joke? Or was it, dare I say the damn blasted word that has caused me nothing but fucking trouble from the start? Should I even think of that despicable word that I hate, that damn fucking word won't seem to leave me be I peace I long for. I hate it, I hate it! I can't stand that I'm once again in this position that I have to make a decision that will either break or mend this relationship. I could say that what had happened just know was just a one time only thing and ruin the happiness that is needed in this hell hold or I can say that we should try and work things out and become a family I desire to have. God damn it! Why does life have to be so hard and fucking complicating? Damn it I give up on trying making everybody happy! I'm sick of being let down over and over again! It's so fucking irritating that I'm losing my ever loving fucking mind!
Shit! What the hell and I suppose to do? Am I supposed to just walk away and pretend that this moment of true happiness slip away into nothing for it never happened? Or do I embrace the moment as a step into fixing this relationship that even though it has cause me pain, I want so badly it hurts. I don't what to do any more and I'm sick of it. I hate this, this, this feeling of helplessness. I can't stand being weak another waking moment and it's tearing me apart. I fucking quit! I can't take the pressure that comes with this job, life, whatever the hell you want to call this fucked up world that I am to constantly remain in even though I despise it so much.
All I want to do is go home. Not here but to Makai, my real home even through there are no real memories there but only nightmare but it still is a place I rather be…. No! This…. This is why I am unhappy all of the time, I long for my home in Makai I know Kurama will never leave with me. It is not the love I want it's the home that is causing me my unhappiness.
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
This act that has just accrued between the both of us really meant nothing to me. It was the longing for my home that caused me to give into the loving touch of Kurama. That is what caused me to go along with the love making and not back out of it. I want my home back and I am no longer able to since the portals leading to Makai have long since closed and I am stranded here with this feeling of longing ness. I want a real home where I can feel at peace and not have to worry about exposing my secret, my dirty little secret. I hate this! I hate this! I want to go home, I just want a place to belong; a home. I just wanna go home.
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you wont get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
SingMyLullabySweet666: Well, that took me forever. I started this on the second to last week of May and I finished it at 2:12 in the morning of June 18th.
Kurama: You're a slow at typing.
SingMyLullabySweet666: I'm not slow; I just kept putting it off saying I'll finish it tomorrow.
Hiei: Lazy bum.
SingMyLullabySweet666: I know, and you are a potty mouth.
Kurama: (rolls eyes)
Hiei: You are the authoress.
SingMyLullabySweet666: Shut up! I'm tired so I have to say good-bye and R&R!