Final Omake: Technophiliacs

Gensokyo was a land not renowned for its use of modern technology. Indeed, because of its abundance of magic users, advanced technology simply wasn't needed in the country. Youkai don't require the conveniences of human technology to live day by day, and the humans of Gensokyo simply know no other way beyond the technology present in the area prior to it becoming landlocked in the late 19th century.

Yet there were two groups of people who did use modern technology; the kappa, and the tengu. Both races lived on Youkai Mountain, effectively sequestering the later inventions of the outside world to themselves. As time marches on, technology that becomes obsolete in the outside world finds itself in Gensokyo, and the first adopters are always the kappa, wolfs, and crows. Just think of all the things they possess: the printing press! Distilleries! Flushing toilets! Electrical lighting! Lawnmowers! An argument could be made that the Yakumo clan also has access to modern equipment, but considering that said clan currently only consists of three members, and that the head of said clan trusts only her closest friends with the location of their mansion, they are usually ignored in reports such as this.

Most other Gensokyans didn't really care one way or the other about outside technology. One exception to this, who was indeed in favor of modernization, was the Moriya clan. As it should stand, Sanae, Kanako, and Suwako had lived in the outside world, having only relocated to Gensokyo a few years ago. Deprived of electricity, heating, air conditioning, and running water, it was especially hard for Sanae to adjust to the land of illusions. Aside from a few odds and ends from the Human Village, and the shop ran by Rinnosuke, she had no place to go to for modern invention. Indeed, most people didn't know about technology, aside from the kappa and tengu.

So naturally, on one sunny day, Sanae flew over to Youkai Mountain. The trip was ostensibly to develop nuclear fusion power for their region of Gensokyo. Little did anyone know that Sanae had another purpose in coming.

She found herself inside a building filled with computers networked to each other. Numerous kappa were in wait, including Nitori, "Ah! Our human guest has arrived! We can begin!"

Sanae shouted, "I am so ready for this!"

She seated herself at an empty seat. She and the kappa loaded up a computer game. Sanae had played games as a child, but since moving to Gensokyo, she hadn't been able to play anything until just recently. Today, she was playing a game that had become popular in the outside world after she had moved into Gensokyo. It was a shooter game involving team-based combat. Two teams were pitted against each other, and players chose a class of soldier to fight as. The game's aesthetic was reminiscent of American cartoon shows, and the players reveled in imitating the different soldiers in the game.

Once the match had started, a cacophony had started, one filled with gunshots, explosives, men shouting, "Fire fire fire!" in a ridiculous French accent, and the numerous things the players were saying. "Stop camping!" "Rocket spam for the win!" I AM BOO-LEET PROOF!" "I just sniped your turret; WITH A SHOTGUN!"

At the end of the match, Sanae spoke to Nitori, "Man, that was awesome! And to think, I used to hate shooter games, but now, now I can't get enough of them!"

Nitori responded, "I know! With games this addictive, does anyone get anything done in the outside world?"

"Oh they do, they just have to set aside a lot of free time for games like this."

Sanae eventually returned to the Moriya Shrine. An ecstatic Suwako greeted her, "Sana-chan! Sana-chan! Look what we got!"

Sanae touched down, "What is it?"

"Those kind fairies found something for us!" She took out a device.

Sanae widened her eyes, "Is that an ipod?"

Suwako exclaimed, "Yes! So long as the batteries run, you can listen to music again!"

Sanae looked at the MP3 player. She looked over the playlist, "There's a good variety of music on here." Her eyes then caught a selection that read, "Anime OSTs." Inside the folder was another one for opening songs. She opened it. She read the list, then gasped, "Could it be?"

"What is it?" Suwako asked with an air of curiosity.

"Is that . . . really . . . the theme song of my favorite show?"

Suwako read aloud, "'Moonlight Densetsu' . . . which one was that again?"

Sanae put on the ear buds attached to the player, "Excuse me for a moment." She pressed the play button. A song played, one she had heard many times as a child. She was transfixed by the melody she heard. She even softly sang the lyrics out loud. When the song finished, she took the ear buds out and promptly hugged Suwako, "Thank you so much! I'm so happy right now!"

"Don't thank me! Thank Kanako! She was the one who got it for you!"

"Of course!" Sanae ran inside the shrine. Kanako appeared to be meditating, but was interrupted by Sanae's embrace, "Thank you so much, Kanako-sama!"

"Oh, the player!" She remarked. "Yes, one of those fairies was kind enough to spare that in exchange for some acts of divine intervention on my part. I think it was worth it, if only for this new moment of happiness."

Indeed, the Moriya clan was in high spirits that day.

In the Forest of Magic, there laid a cottage, one inhabited by a girl with puppets. Alice was sewing clothes for her many puppets, which is a common activity for one gifted in dollcraft, but something was different in the house. While Alice was sewing, her eyes were fixed on a surface displaying an image, "Today, we can expect an overcast over the Forest of Magic throughout the daylight hours. Expect light showers tonight. In Heaven, we can expect-"

Just right then, something loud was interrupting Alice. What sounded like loud, bombastic music was blaring right outside of her house. Irritated, she opened the door. She saw Marisa flying on her broomstick, bearing a "shit-eating grin," wearing black sunglasses, and carrying a music-playing device on her broomstick. (It was held on with duct tape.) Alice, covering her ears, shouted, "WILL YOU SHUT OFF THAT INFERNAL NOISEǃ?"

Marisa responded, "NO WAY MAN! THIS IS THE MUSIC OF THE GODS!"

Alice threw a bomb doll at the witch. "AGH!" Marisa weaved, then pressed a button on her speaker set, muting the music, "No fighting!"

Alice crossed her arms, "So, did you come here to show off some outsider technology?"

Marisa answered, "Yeah! Some fairies handed these things to me! They called this," she pointed to the speakers, "a 'boombox', and they called what it plays a 'see-dee.' I had to show Rinnosuke what they were, just to figure out how to use them. I only got one see-dee, but the fairy said I would really like the music. My God, they couldn't be more right! But, the case it came in, it's written in English. Can you transcribe it for me?"

Alice stepped outside. Marisa handed her a jewelcase. Alice looked at the cover and the words. The first word appeared to be a compound of "Metal" and "Lika." She read the other words, and frowned, "Is this your idea of a joke?"

"Huh?"

Alice pointed to the case, "It reads, 'Master of Puppets.' Are you deliberately trying to insult me?"

Marisa was more confused, "Eh, really? It says that?"

"Yes, dummy."

Marisa blushed, "I had no idea, eh heh heh!" She took back the case, "Alright, so whenever I hear this from now on, I'll think of you!"

Alice looked disgusted, "Ugh, seriously?"

"Yeah!" Marisa flew up, "I'd stay, but I got more important things to do. See ya!" As Marisa flew away, loud music boomed from her broomstick.

Alice stepped back into her house, "If she comes here again, I'll just have to play music of my own."

A girl was walking down a dirt road with a woman. "Thank you for watching out for me."

"It was nothing. You are of the Hieda clan, after all, and today is a day with no school, so I had the time."

Akyu smiled, "Always so considerate!"

The two of them had approached the fame Korindou shop. Upon stepping in, a man greeted, "Ah! So good to see you again, Akyu and Keine."

Akyu bowed, "The feeling is mutual." She pulled out a pen and an empty book, "So then Rinnosuke, you say you have something to show us?"

He answered, "Indeed. Look here." He displayed what looked like a computer that could fold up.

Keine asked, "Is this one of those 'notebook computers' I've heard so much about?"

"Indeed, but I didn't request you to come here just to see one of these. I came to show you a movie."

Akyu questioned, "A movie? Like The Great Train Robbery?"

"Eh, something like that. You see, many films in the outside world are not contained within physical film reels like in the previous century, but rather, on digital files. Many of these digital videos have been brought into Gensokyo, however, many of them are not in Japanese, but fear not, for I have completed a subtitled translation for one such video. It's not very long, so enjoy yourselves."

He then played a video obtained from the outside world. It showed two young men watching a film. One of them complains, "God, this movie is so dumb! Do they honestly expect us to believe that aliens are gonna set up a battlefield exactly like a board game? A board game from Earth?" The other guy says, "Of course not, dude! It's just a movie! Can you imagine how stupid movies would be if they actually were like real life?" It then played a montage of clips showing what appeared to be various scenes from films from the outside world.

Keine was impressed, "My goodness! This is . . . this is a movieǃ?"

Rinnosuke said, "Yes indeed."

Keine continued, "But, it wasn't in black and white, and there was sound, and the film wasn't weathered; it was like I was standing there, in person!"

Akyu was writing in her journal, "Yes, but I get the feeling that this would be really enjoyable if I had seen more than Charlie Chaplin films in my life." Indeed, the only movies available in Gensokyo for the longest time were beat-up film reels from the silent era.

Keine exclaimed, "Wait till the kids see this!"

The Hakurei Shrine, a place currently occupied by Reimu Hakurei. She was sitting on the steps outside, drinking tea, when someone approached her . . . from the side, "Enjoying yourself?"

Reimu, recognizing the voice, did not flinch, "I was . . . for a while."

The speaker revealed herself as a woman in a white-and-purple dress holding an umbrella, "You're untainted, still."

Reimu, knowing Yukari frequently babbled about things beyond human understanding, ignored her.

Yukari continued, "It all started with those fairies in the red mansion. They would sneak past the Boundary, take books from the outside world, and bring them back into the library managed by Patchouli. One day, Remilia got an idea; bring in other items from the outside world, and profit from them. So then the fairies brought in modern conveniences and technology, things outsiders still believe in. They shouldn't be here, and with good reason; Remilia's 'goodwill' is damaging the fabric of our society."

Reimu looked up, "And you want me to do something?"

Yukari flashed a smile, "Oh, I'm not forcing you to take any action. I was just saying that an incident is under way, and thought I'd point you to its source, or you could let someone else do it."

Reimu muttered, "Sure, how about," she pointed her finger at Yukari, "The master herself?"

Yukari responded, "I'm sorry, darling, but Ran and I must work together to break Chen out of her Sgt. Frog addiction."

What? Reimu was confused by that last statement, "If you say so."

Yukari said, "Be seeing you." She formed a gap and disappeared.

Reimu thought there was something strange going on the last time she was in the Human Village. For one thing, it seemed like a lot of the houses were playing records, records that had no fuzz nor scratchiness. On top of that, she heard children shouting "OWNED!" at one point. She couldn't have known then that it was the end result of yet another incident.

With gohei rod in hand, Reimu took to the skies, flying in the direction that led to the Scarlet Devil Mansion. There were few fairies on the way, so she had no difficulty in reaching the red mansion. The first thing to catch Reimu's eye was the lack of something; Hong Meiling wasn't standing guard. "This should be easy." She flew to the side, "Isn't this where Marisa sneaks in?" There was a window that led into the library.

The shrine maiden was now inside of Voile, however, the fairies that normally maintain the massive library were mostly gone. She stayed at the ready in case of an attack, yet no one showed up. She knew her way around the mansion, and was about to see herself out into the main hallway, when she spotted a familiar face. Patchouli was lying on a chair, looking at something like a book, even though it wasn't a book. Reimu approached her, "Hey you, where are all the fairies?"

Patchouli tapped her "book" and faced the intruder, "They are gathering items from the outside world at Lady Remilia's request."

"What for?"

Patchouli sighed, "She was 'bored' with things in Gensokyo, and wanted to make things more interesting."

Reimu asserted, "Well I've come to tell her that she's disrupting the equilibrium of Gensokyo! She can't just do something like that without consequence! I intend to confront her about it, and if you're against that," she drew a spellcard, "then prepare yourself."

Patchouli, unmoved, responded, "I'm not interested in combat. Go ahead and see her. I could care less one way or the other what you do."

Reimu eased her arms, "You're not standing up for Remilia? Fine by me! By the way, what's that you're holding?"

"A Kindle."

"A what?"

Patchouli sighed, "A device that lets me read digital books. Now, if you'll excuse me." She tapped the "Kindle" and moved her eyes like she was reading.

Reimu, not one to waste such an opportunity, flew out into the main hall of the mansion. There were a few fairy maids, but none of them tried to stop her. She checked all the rooms; the kitchen, the bedrooms, the dining hall, the music hall, the small space Remilia called her "quiet room", and did not find anyone. There was only one last place to look; the basement.

Reimu dreaded the thought, but she had been there before, several years ago, when she was younger, less experienced, yet still able to defeat both Patchouli and Flandre (with Marisa's help). She approached the door that led to the basement, breathed deeply, and reached for the handle. Oddly enough, it was unlocked. She swung open the large door.

The moment she did, her ears were assaulted by loud music, music that sounded alien to her. She would not be deterred by this. She flew in, and saw something even more alien. She saw Meiling and Flandre observing a gigantic panel on the wall. The panel was showing a man dancing vibrantly to the music that was playing, and both Meiling and Flandre were imitating the video man's dance moves. On top of that, the songs' lyrics were indecipherable to Reimu.

Reimu flew in front of the screen. Flandre, having to scream to communicate, shouted, "LOOK! REIMU'S IN THE GAME! WE'VE UNLOCKED A BONUS!"

Meiling, looking scared, yet still dancing, responded, "I DON'T THINK THAT'S A PROJECTION! I THINK THAT'S THE REAL DEAL!"

"DOES SHE WANNA PLAY?"

Reimu drew purifying needles when the music stopped. Meiling and Flandre stopped dancing as the door guard proclaimed, "What do you want, Reimu? You interrupted our performance of Billie Jean, so this better be important!"

Reimu creased her forehead for a moment before questioning, "Where's Remilia?"

"Oh, Sis! She went to Heaven to give new toys to the celestials!"

Great, she's now corrupting the celestials, Reimu thought. "Thank you very much. That'll be all for today."

"Huh? You don't wanna play? This game is a lotta fun!"

Reimu shook her head, "I can't. I have business with your sister, but please, do carry on."

She left the mansion and flew in the direction of Youkai Mountain. She continually gained her altitude, reaching the peak. There before her laid Bhavaagra, the realm of Heaven that existed within Gensokyo. Lush mountainsides could be seen, as well as buildings of marble, where the celestials lived.

Normally at this point, Reimu would observe celestials either dancing in festivity, or hosting a philosophical debate. Neither was happening at that moment. Instead, a number of celestials were riding in vehicles. Some of these vehicles were large, and could hold several people. Some of them were small, and only seated one. A few of them had two wheels instead of four. Regardless of what they were riding, the celestials appeared to be enjoying themselves, even though the noise they made irritated Reimu to no end.

It was then that a celestial that Reimu recognized appeared. Her long blue hair danced in the wind as she rode up to her, "Ah, the Hakurei girl? I'm not being punished, am I?"

Reimu flew down, "What is that you're on?"

"Oh, this? This is a dirt bike! Remilia gave us all vehicles that can traverse the terrain here in Bhavaagra! Everyone's either driving these, or ess-yu-vees, or quads. Or, wait, were those ei-tee-vees?"

Reimu asked, "Have you seen Remilia today? Is she still here?"

Tenshi pondered, "She should be somewhere close by. I'd stick around, but I just love the way this thing goes up and down whenever I go fast!" She zoomed off into the distance.

Reimu went back to flying around, looking for any sign of Remilia. She saw someone else flying, someone holding a rather large umbrella. Reimu flew up to the girl, "That's a different parasol."

The pale girl replied, "Yes, I know. This parasol holds no aesthetic value, yet you can get them anywhere in a 'hardware store' in the outside world. Apparently, you're supposed to hoist them on tables, not carry them, but then again, these weren't marketed to vampires."

Reimu stated, "All weirdness aside, you're going overboard with this. Why would you even do something like this?"

Remilia said, "Put simply, I was bored."

"I heard that part already. Seems fitting that you would admit that here, of all places."

Remilia narrowed her eyes for a moment before continuing, "As I was saying, I had come from the outside world some time ago to settle within this country, and one of the first things I noticed about Gensokyo was, put simply, many of the wonderful toys outside didn't make it inside! Patchy's staff of fairies is able to sneak past the Boundary, abduct books, and bring them back into Voile. One day, I thought to myself, why not do that for other things as well? So now, I have modernized our country, bringing joy to everyone, human and youkai alike."

Reimu protested, "But such things shouldn't ever be here! The rule is only technology that is no longer wanted, indeed, no longer exists in the minds of outsiders, can fall into Gensokyo!" She drew a spell card, "Stop this at once!"

Remilia, nonchalant as ever, said, "Very well."

Reimu look surprised, "Huh? You're not, you're just giving up?"

Remilia espoused, "Soon, I will grow bored of this as well. And I better rein in the fairies before they start importing weapons and such. Hold on a moment." She took out some device, pressed a series of buttons, and closed the device.

"What did you just do?"

Remilia answered, "I sent a text to all the fairies."

"A text?"

Remilia explained, "Yes, a message filled with text. It reads, 'Stop doing what you're doing, go back to the mansion, and await further instructions."

Reimu withdrew her spell card and her gohei, "Wow, I can't believe you actually listened to me for once! Have all your defeats finally made you scared of me?"

Remilia chuckled, "A ha ha ha! No. I fear no human. I just am not in the mood for your shenanigans today." She snapped her fingers, "Oh, even though the fairies have stopped, what will you do about all the technology that's now scattered throughout Gensokyo? Are you really going to dispose of everything, all by yourself?"

Reimu looked away. She had nothing to say for the longest time, until, "I don't know. All I know is, you called them off, and my job is done for now."

In the Netherworld, Youmu was gorging on a meal with Yuyuko. In-between bites, Yuyuko stated, "Ever since we incorporated new technology into Hakugyokurou, your job has become much easier!"

Youmu, in-between stuffing her face with warm food, said, "Yes indeed. Everything from cooking our meals, to tending to the garden, to preparing your baths can now be all done with just pressing a button; the machines do all the rest!"

Yuyuko commented, "I know! You've put on some weight since you last did anything strenuous."

"Ehǃ?" Youmu nearly choked. Indeed, her dress seemed stretchier than usual, and her arms weren't as petite as they used to be. While human doctors would mostly likely only classify her as "slightly overweight", to be reminded of such a fact caused Youmu to blush, "Please don't say that, Yuyuko-sama! My family's reputation will be destroyed!"

Yuyuko laughed heartily, "Oh, silly Youmu! There's no need to be embarrassed! There's plenty of pictures of you when you were still skinny as a pole! And even then, if you're that self-conscious, we could always visit Eirin, and she can remove whatever fat you don't want."

Youmu gasped, "She can really do that?"

"She can now!"

Youmu made a wide smile, then flew into Yuyuko's bosoms, hugging her tightly, "You're the best, Yuyuko-sama!"

The Hakurei Shrine was looking a little different these days. For one thing, the shrine, and its gate, no longer appeared to be made out of lumber, or indeed, any antiquated carpentry material. Everything looked modern, for lack of a better description.

The house portion of the shrine was much larger than before, easily able to accommodate more than two people like in the past. Modern conveniences were everywhere; a plug-in scent for a pleasant smell, enka music playing, a meal being prepared in a proper kitchen, and heating to keep the house appropriately warm.

Reimu had finished preparing a meal. She sat down on a sofa, since she got used (really quickly) to Western furniture pieces, and proceeded to eat. At that moment, she was interrupted, although this time, she was not perturbed, "So, this is the path you chose."

"Yup!" Reimu cheered, in-between her slurping. "I saw how happy everyone was, and I thought, why should I hold back such wonders for Gensokyo? Besides, only obsolete technology falls into here, right? The outside world must be even more advanced than this!"

Yukari's eyes were closed, for she was lying on the floor, "I love the carpeting you got for the floor, Reimu. You could fall asleep on it."

Reimu, still happily eating, noted, "So you wanna have a sleepover? Mind you, I can't sleep for weeks on end like you."

Yukari, still ignoring Reimu, said, "Oh, from one leader of Gensokyo to another, I never told you my vitals, did I?"

"Your what?"

Yukari floated up, "You know, my measurements!"

Reimu finished her food, "Is that really important?"

Yukari fixed her gaze on the shrine maiden, "If we're to get to know each other, then yes. You've become far less irritable since the big change, so now I can speak to you without you displaying some level of annoyance."

"Keep pushing your luck." Reimu scolded, as she washed out her bowl with running water in a sink.

"Ah, there's the Reimu I know!" Yukari changed her tone, "But, I'll tell you a little about myself. I stand, from head to toe, sixty-seven inches."

Reimu tried to process this information, "Eh? What is that? In centimeters?"

Yukari continued, "It's funny, because here, that's an above-average height for a woman, yet the last time I was outside of Gensokyo, I was in a place called, 'Boston', and many of the women there were about the same height, or even taller! And none of them could call themselves youkai! Oh that reminds me, last time I weighed myself, I was one-hundred twenty-nine pounds."

Reimu became frustrated, "This would be a good conversation if you didn't use terms I don't recognize!"

Yukari said, "I used to be one-twenty-one, I wonder what happened? Maybe I developed more muscle. Hmm, well, speaking of you, you're a bit smaller than me, more Chen's build than Ran's, I would guess you're . . . sixty-two inches? And a hundred-and-one pounds?"

Reimu had balled her hands into fists, "What are you doing hereǃ? Seriouslyǃ?"

Yukari stood on her feet, "Oh yes, right! The technology in our country, you didn't stop Remilia?"

Reimu pointed out, "Actually yes, I did. However, the process of cleaning up . . . met some opposition. The villagers were against it, the Moriya Shrine was against it, Heaven was against it, Hell was against it, the Scarlet Devil Mansion was against it, Youkai Mountain was obviously against it, Eientei was indifferent, as was the Netherworld, but I saw the people there enjoying new technology anyway. About the only group that supported me was Myouren Temple, but then I found out that was simply because Remilia was, in Byakuren's words, 'stealing my thunder.' Then it looked like they had no support for my cleanup effort. Also, everyone knows you and your family use modern technology, and then it hit me, the people here are so much happier with new stuff. Sanae frequently dances to music, the fairies play Minecraft instead of pranking humans, and I'm more comfortable than ever. So I decided, this was a conflict not worth fighting."

Yukari smiled, "You have learned to pick your battles, Reimu. You are my greatest accomplishment yet." She then looked away whimsically, "I suppose it was hypocritical of me to send you on that mission. After all, Gensokyo, when you were born, was more industrialized then when I was your age. No one complained about modern conveniences then, so why do it now?"

Right then, the house started shaking. Not from an earthquake, but from vibrations caused by soundwaves. Reimu covered her ears, "WHAT IS THAT?"

A figure wearing a pointy hat entered. She was carrying a speakerset on her shoulder, "WHADYA THINK?" A flurry of danmaku flew at her, "AGH!"

Marisa was chased out by Yukari. The blonde girl skedaddled on her broomstick. Reimu flew outside, "What is she thinking?"

Yukari glared at the shrine maiden, "Forget everything I said! The house, the games, the music, all of it goes back into the outside world, pronto! Failure to comply will result in you becoming Eirin's newest test subject!"

"YES MA'AM!"

[Author's Note: The title is no joke; this really is the final Touhou Omake I'm doing.

If you follow my other stories, you know why that is; I'm moving on to making ebooks that I can publish by myself for money. I can't keep writing fanfics if I seriously want to make a living off of doing that. That, and also, I'm out of ideas for my Omake series. You'd think making nonsensical oneshots wouldn't be all that hard, but maintaining the level of quality that I pride myself in is . . . a feat in of itself.

For those of you following my other fanfics, I intend to end Gensokyan Backstories too. I wanna do at least one more of those, then . . . I guess the door to Project: Touhou Monogatari will finally come to a close. That's what I collectively call my Touhou fics that aren't these omake shorts. Everything will end, but I'm sure you'll find other Touhou fanworks to keep yourselves occupied. Hopefully.]