A/N: Hi everyone! Did I mention how lovely your all being to me considering how badly I am treating this couple?

So a long chapter but I promise the ending is worth it.

A quick note about the ending. You might think how did that happen? That's not possible is it? Yes I know but just read it and be happy. Hopefully.

Thanks for reading!

Cora was too busy over seeing the setting up of the saloon to even hear the car coming up the drive. She was expecting them but hadn't had time to look at a clock. Mary had seemed a little annoyed that morning but she had just ignored her and carried on as normal. Isn't that what the English do? Have a cup of tea and move on? She knew deep down it would take more than tea to fix whatever was broken between Mary and Edith. She wasn't sure what to think and frowned slightly at the set out of the chairs against the stage. It all looked wrong, had she really asked for red flowers? She didn't want her mother in law to have a go at her about running Downton again. Hearing Carson and seeing her husband come out of the drawing room she turned round her head still in a spin. She had no idea where her other daughters where but she had least wanted them to be there to greet Edith. She had been gone a whole month. Never mind, she thought as she smiled brightly at them advancing towards them. They looked very tired and she decided she must send them to their room for a rest.

"Edith, Anthony! Welcome back to Downton. I trust London went well."

"Very thank you mama."

Edith said feeling so tired and trying hard not to show it as she placed a kiss on her mother's cheek. She seemed awfully excited about seeing them and she wasn't really sure why. She noticed how she looked her up and down before giving her a hug. Was she expecting someone else? She prayed her grandmother wasn't around she would call hugging middle class. Having affection from Anthony now made her realise how much she had missed it at home, receiving a hug from her mother made her feel all strange about it. Anthony politely took Cora's hand before shaking Roberts. He hoped they didn't know anything about his ill health. He didn't want to tell anyone until he was sure what was going to happen. Then he could arrange them around Edith properly to support her if, dare he even say it let alone think it, he was no longer around.

"Nice to see you Anthony. Your looking...well."

Cora said faulting slightly her hostess manners slipping for a moment. He looked very pale but she just smiled warmly at him as he looked up the stairs to the first floor, Edith was looking less enthusiastic. She was lost in thought, hoping her and Anthony would be in the same room. She knew she was just being over protective but what else could she do? She felt absolutely helpless for the first time in her life and it scared her so much. Without him she knew she would fall apart. How had she let their relationship get so bad? She sighed meeting her mothers eyes. Her mother could be known to be more cunning than her grandmother at times and it scared her. Cora spoke her smile still in place.

"Robert said he'd show you the library. I'll show Edith to her room."

They parted and climbing the stairs to her room Edith kept a watchful eye on Anthony. Her mother being kind was a nice change but it felt so strange, she was now stepping into a new house. One that had cared for her and loved her. No that wasn't Downton. That was Anthony's house. Edith slowed down on the way to her room. She felt nervous going back to her old room, wasn't it there where she had imagined being with Anthony? It almost felt wrong to let him in there and she couldn't even say why. Like two of her worlds coming together. She was at least glad that they would be together she thought as she heard her mother speak as they walked along the corridor, she almost never wanted to be apart from him now.

"We have a lot of guests and unfortunately a few plumbing issues if your father asks why Anthony is staying in your room."

"Thank you mama."

"He's not too ill I hope. He did look awfully tired."

"Oh no nothing like that. Just a few headaches is all."

Edith said slowly pushing the door open and wondering round the room. How different it all seemed now since she had last visited. Nothing had moved but it almost seemed like it belonged to a different person. A shrine to her old self she thought feeling herself shiver in the cold room. She was here now, again but this time with the life she had longed for. How funny, she thought, that all her priorities had shifted. She looked over at her mother who had shut the door and had sat on the bed. She felt a horrible sense of dread as her mother patted the bed next to her. Was she really going to have a talk with her now? She tried her best not to roll her eyes as she sat herself down next to her.

"So dear is there any news?"

"I'm sorry?"

"About grandchildren?"

"Honestly mama. Is that all you ever think about?"

Edith said with a sigh unable to control her self rolling her eyes as she got up and went over to her dressing table. She opened the draw wondering what she had seen fit to left behind. Not much she noted. Just a pair of earrings she had got one Christmas from Mary. She picked them up and decided that she still thought they were ugly. Cora sighed feeling at her wits ends. It had been a whole year and she knew everyone was starting to talk about them. She often worried now that her daughter was married if she should have given her more guidance when she was younger. Would they be having this talk now? Would Edith be telling her truth? She spoke again her daughter turning to her folding her arms. Though not looking at the floor like she normally would, she was looking ever so determined and it was then that she realised how alike they were and how close they could have been if she would have made the effort.

"But don't you want children?"

"Maybe I just want to get to know my husband first."

Anthony had felt curious at seeing Edith's room. He had never really thought about it before but it would be interesting. A room, he often thought, reflected the person. Clearly she was different now but this room is where she had gotten ready for their wedding, where she had hopefully laid awake with excitement the night before, where she had written many letters to him and where she had probably dreamt off their life together. How different it was all working out now he thought as he made his way to her room trying to remember the directions he had been given. How he wished he could stop worrying. He knew he was tiring her asking if she truly wanted to be with him now. She had said yes she wanted to be with him but still he felt like he was such a terrible burden. These were meant to the best years of their, her life. Now she was caring for a sick old man. He stopped outside her door hearing voices. Hearing what her and her mother was talking about he decided he really should stop listing the other side of doors.

"But all you ever wanted as a child was a family of your own..."

"Mama please. Anthony and I aren't even sure if we want children and besides it will happen when it happens."

Deciding to save his wife from the torture she was clearly facing he knocked loudly cutting Cora short on what she was about to say. He entered slowly, smiling at them both trying hard not to act like he was spying. Cora stood politely and clasped her hands together. Clearly her and Edith would talk about this later and she gave a look to her daughter to tell her this. She made her way to the door turning slightly before leaving a slight frown on her face.

"Where is Robert?"

"He had to go. There was a problem with one of the cottages apparently."

"Honestly that man...I'll go find him. I'll see you for tea."

Cora said remembering that although Anthony was married to her daughter she shouldn't bad mouth her husband in front of him and with a quick smile she left. Anthony took a walk round the bed suddenly feeling more tired than he remembered. Was this really a good idea? Feeling Edith watching him he looked up and met her smile. Edith looked away at the view and when she looked over again Anthony had sat on the bed. Was he alright? She sat next to him and rested her head on his shoulder sighing. Maybe she should let him rest, maybe they both should rest. It was exhausting thinking, worrying all the time. Did he think she was weak and so cruel for being tired too? She saw it now all the little things that she had missed and saying I'm just tired meant the worst. He could not help but wonder if that's all she ever wanted was a family. What could he do to make it better? He rested his head on hers and spoke filling the quite room patting her hand slightly.

"Are you quite alright?"

"Yes, thank you. I'm just tired."

"Me too dear, me too."

"Are you well Anthony?"

Robert said noticing his walking companion had slowed down. Anthony nodded and just said it had been a long day. Cora had said he was unwell and Anthony had protested saying it was just a few headaches but he couldn't help but feel it was something more. He had offered him a walk through the grounds so he wouldn't feel overwhelmed more so after he had hardly anytime to talk to him when he had first arrived but he was increasingly quite and something was nagging at him. He guested to the bench next to the path seeing the poor man needed a sit down but knowing he would never say. Anthony took it gladly sighing as he sat down. He had tried to keep up but it was just too difficult. Did Robert know something was wrong? He ignored it as he looked at the large house in front of them as Robert joined him, his dog sitting next to the path clearly annoyed at having her walk cut short. Is that what Edith would have for god knows how long? A useless husband? It pained him to think of life without her. He knew it wasn't about him anymore it was about both of them and he couldn't help but think if he left her then she could find a decent husband. Was that really the right thing? He turned to Robert his head full of thoughts and idea. Not one seeming right.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"When you married Cora did you ever...do you ever worry about what will happen when your no longer there?"

It was a strange question but Robert would answer it. He sighed relaxing on the bench the air starting to turn cold. Why was he even asking? Was he more ill then he made out? He had never thought about it that much now the estate was going to be in good hands but he had never thought of Cora in all of it. He felt guilty knowing he had never thought about how she would fair if he was no longer there. Would she turn out like his mama? He saw it all so clearly now Violet was fiercely lonely but she could never admit to it. No Cora wasn't like that, she was American, strong and so very brave. He met Anthony's eyes taking a moment to think it all through. Was he worried because Edith was younger than him? He almost felt sorry for him knowing the worry he must be carrying.

"At the start I never did I guess because we had so much time ahead of us but then I fell in love. It changed everything. Yes I do worry an awful lot but we must not let fear stop us."

"Robert I just...I just need to know that no matter what happens Edith will be taken care of. I need to know she will be alright."

"Of course we would take care of her but if anything did happen...well I see it now. She's changed and shes' ever so strong. You did that Anthony, no one else but you. You mustn't worry you've prepared her for the future without ever knowing it."

He let Roberts words sink in, the wind dancing with the trees near by, the birds circling in flight above them. He knew he was right but still he was scared. The future had seemed so set and then Edith had changed it all and it was so wonderful, so full of hope but now. Now. That was the problem. The hard times, the times he hoped they would see through together. Would she still love him if she had to care for him every day? His head felt heavy and his heart even worse. He could not ask what would happen in a year or even in a week because they didn't know if that time was theirs to have. The time now was theirs and he decided he would find Edith and let her know he loved her just in case there wasn't another chance, if tomorrow wasn't their time.

Edith thought the day went fairly well but she was never sure of anything being at Downton. It seemed like a different world and she wasn't sure where she fitted in anymore. She was Anthony's wife but still she felt she would never have a place at Downton. She was looking at the book in front of her not really reading it. Glancing to her side she saw Anthony watching her, she thought he had gone to sleep and felt worried. Could he not sleep too? She put her book down and turned to him as he looked up at her. She was having a hard time sleeping too. The bed didn't feel like hers anymore and she longed for home. Her real home. She smiled at him rubbing her tired eyes. How she would love to know what he was thinking, he always seemed so lost in thought sometimes.

She slid down into the warm bed and rested a hand on his arm. She lent froward to kiss him goodnight like she always did but he wanted more trying to deepen the kiss. Like it wasn't enough to just have her next to him. That the growing closeness between them had to be shown otherwise he felt it wasn't real at all. She was awfully tired and was sure he needed rest too so she pulled away but he misread the single and tried to sit up so he could get closer to her wanting more than just kisses and only feeling her body heat through her nightgown. She was about to tell him to stop when he greyed slightly. She sat up pulling even further away from him turning on her bedside lamp flooding the room with light, the soft glow of the fire almost invisible now. Her worry had turned into confusion. Why was he trying so hard to prove himself?

"Anthony are you alright dear?"

He swung his legs over the side of the bed refusing to look at her. How could he? The pain in his chest had gotten considerably got worse. What kind of husband was he if he couldn't even make love to her? He hanged his head slightly clutching at his chest. It hurt but not much as the pain of knowing his wife would think him weak and silly. He just wanted to hide away and never have to face her again. He had not noticed that she had climbed over the bed and now sat next to him. She saw how his eyes were tightly shut his hand on his chest. She sighed feeling so sad, the poor man was struggling and all she wanted was for him to let her in. Let her be there for him. He was proud and stubborn but she was sure she could help him, if only he'd let her. Help him like he had helped her. She rubbed her hand on his back in soothing circles trying to take some of the pain away. Comfort was all she could offer. She held her hand out to him and spoke quietly aware the house was sleeping.

"Take my hand. Squeeze it until the pain goes away. Please."

She added knowing he would take some encouragement. He took his hand from his chest and placed it in hers taking deep breaths. He didn't feel like a husband in that moment, not even a man. It was so awful and sad all at the same time. This wasn't fair on anyone and he knew he shouldn't be so hard on him self but he had let her down in the worse way. He sighed the pain easing. He felt that Edith was almost as strong as the medication he had been given for the pain. She could take it all away and he was feeling so stupid for not giving her a chance sooner to help him through. Opening his eyes he met hers as she brushed the hair out of his eyes before she pulled him to her wrapping her arms round him so she could have him ever so close knowing he would want to run away. His hands stayed at his side. He felt so unworthy. He spoke but still she did not let him go.

"You deserve someone so much better."

"Shh Anthony. You mustn't..."

"But I can't even make love to you Edith! I can't even try to give you a child!"

She felt him pull away and stand up struggling to get his balance. She watched him with such sad eyes as he struggled to stay upright. He rubbed his eyes refusing to let him self cry. This was not like him at all and he was scared. It was all going wrong. She shouldn't be with him and the guilt he felt was bringing him down so badly. Feeling so very exhausted he sighed and sat down next to her wardrobe leaning on the wall. He didn't care that he was on the floor as he rested his head in his hands. What could he do to make it better? To take it away? He spoke into his hands so angry unable to control himself.

"Maybe you did well to kiss that young man. You saw it even before I did."

"Oh Anthony. My poor dear."

She crossed the room as quickly as she could. She knew it was difficult but she didn't care, she wasn't ever going to leave him no matter how hard he made it. She knelt next to him and took his hands away from his face refusing to let him be. Her first thoughts were juts to get him better and if he couldn't be cured then she would stay with him until the end. She almost winced thinking about it but she knew it was a possibility they both had to face. They could only do that together. Facing the future with honesty.

"I should have told you so very long ago. To stop this worry."

"What is it?"

"You mustn't worry that you're doing anything wrong. The day doctor Clarkson visited he said there might be complications."

He let every wall break down at that moment unable to keep it together. Yes he was sad at not being able to give Edith a child, something to keep her going after he had gone but it was the fact that he had now failed much more than he had first though. He burst into tears not having the strength to hide it anymore. Not having the strength to carry on being the gentleman she had grown to know and love. What he would give to go back there so neither of them had to have this pain. Edith sat next to him unsure what to do, how to handle him. So she lent froward and kissed him his salty tears mixing with hers as she held him close to her. All she could do was pray and hope. They stayed together for a very long time until finally getting the message that they were so very right for each other and now the only thing that mattered was that they tried. Tried so very hard to put right the wrongs.

Edith was reluctant to visit the doctor for her self. It had been over two months since they had their first talk and she had been putting it off ever since. She felt guilty for even telling Anthony as he probably had enough of seeing doctors so she insisted on going alone. He seemed happy to rest a bit longer in bed still wounded from his breakdown a few nights before. Anthony noted his wife's sadness and quiet mood. Edith now seemed to understand what he was feeling without him saying a word. He felt worried at first in case he wouldn't be able to read her as well as she did him but he knew exactly how she was feeling as she had gotten ready to leave that morning. They finally felt like a couple and he was only a little bit sad feeling that the last year had been wasted time.

In a way she was glad if the news was bad as the doctor had predicted then they would face it together no more lies. She dragged out the walk as long as she could, knowing the visit would change everything. Strangely she thought she would be glad if he said they couldn't have children. Then there would be no pressure about it all and no worries about having to raise children if Anthony was so very unwell. Edith played the conversation over in her head as she entered the village surgery. "You mustn't worry. What ever happens we will face it together. We seem quite good at that." And she had kissed him and told him not to worry. She knew he was right or at least she had hoped so and never before had she felt ready to face the future no matter how bad it might be. Edith had realised rather quickly and rather recently that the future, their future was uncertain now and they couldn't change it. It would happen no matter how much they worried or analysed it. It was their appointed time to face their darkest hour but Edith knew what ever would come would come. After her visit with the doctor she sat trying to work out what the look on his face meant as he spoke.

"I was really not expecting this. You are quite the exception."

"I can have children?"

Were they about to be given a break in their run of bad luck? She shifted in the chair not sure what to think, the doctor seemed quite happy. Did this mean they could have children? She clutched the arm of the chair so hard her hand almost went white. Would they ever get a chance to have children? Was this worse than being told you couldn't have children, knowing you could have something but never being able to attain it? Doctor Clarkson leaned back in his chair sighing slightly meeting her worried eyes. Edith spoke again breaking the uneasy silence that had built. She did not want false hope, not now she was facing everything that she was.

"Are you quite sure I can have children doctor?"

"Well considering your pregnant Lady Strallan I'd say we can be pretty sure. Congratulations."