Chapter 7

Kiku had promised he would go back to return Heracles' clothes. And to check on the cat, although it was obvious he wasn't just referring to the cat.

But he didn't. Not for a while. It wasn't quite that he didn't want to see Heracles. Something about facing Heracles again seemed frightening, like Kiku would be seeing some part of himself he didn't want to acknowledge. To be fair, he didn't really promise, he just said that he would do it. Which was basically the same.

The clothes lay in a neat, folded pile on the table beside his bed, separate from Kiku's own clothes, and having no predetermined place in the organization of his room. Looking at them filled Kiku with a little shame, for they served as a reminder of what he still had to do. He had already washed them, but the smell of Heracles could not succumb to Kiku's laundry detergent.

He spent his nights falling asleep with the scent of Heracles wafting over to his pillow and spreading from his nose to his lungs out to his fingertips. It poured something into him, an anonymous feeling that yearned for a name, but Kiku's mind swallowed the word every time.

When (why) did it start? The pile of clothes, although its fading scent was pleasant, glared at him constantly like a pair of eyes in the dark of his bedroom at night. His days passed, in lectures and in textbooks, in the antics of his friends. He was happy, he supposed, although he constantly felt unpleasant. Was it irritation or anxiety? He couldn't pinpoint it.

There was only one evening in which Kiku could find escape from these thoughts. Yao and Xiang would only be staying temporarily before exploring America on a Asian tourist bus, and then they would return two weeks later in time for Mei's Vietnamese friend to arrive. It was decided that everyone should go out to eat as a group before everyone was separated.

"You'll probably have to pry Kiku from his computer," Yong Soo warned Mei, teasing at Kiku's expense. "He's a bit of the otaku type and doesn't like to go out very much."

She laughed a little nervously in response. Kiku had struck her as a simply nice, and slightly awkward guy, although she could picture him like that. Well, it didn't make a difference. Kiku showed up outside the building without delay or complaint that evening, clad in clean sweatshirt and walking shoes. They were hitting town on foot.

Yong Soo was impressed. "When I try to make you go out you usually grumble and act all irritated. But you don't have a problem coming if there's a pretty lady involved?"

Mei subconsciously toyed with her hair. Her eyes darted around a bit, only to affirm she was the only lady there.

Kiku's cheeks turned a bit pink, but he wasn't planning on losing to Yong Soo, not when he had sweet, delicious ammo to return fire with. "At least I know a lady when I see one."

Ouch. For a half-second, Kiku regretted those words. Maybe that was too harsh, too soon. Participating in verbal spars was never in his nature. But Yong Soo looked indignant instead of truly hurt, and it felt like victory instead. Xiang regarded Kiku with a look of approval. Yao had a vague feeling they had talked about him and pouted.

The five of them had gathered to go out to eat, brushing aside the chaos that ensued a few days ago in favor of a more harmonious day. Well, mostly brushing aside. Awkwardness couldn't help but cling to the air around them. Yao made sure to walk on the opposite side of the group as Yong Soo, who tried not to feel hurt. Yao had been polite, but cold for the past few days. It would take time after that hot mess for Yao to warm up to him, and well, for him to warm up to the idea of Yao as a man.

At least the weather was nice. It was a cool fall evening, and a constantly warm ocean breeze reminded them that summer was on its last breath. As they crossed streets and traversed blocks, shops and restaurants became more numerous, bustling and pushing against each other for space on the sidewalk. The downtown area was less busy than on the weekends, but nevertheless, a constant flow of people kept the area alive and full of moving light and sound. Yao observed everything with a bit of wonder and wariness, surrounded by utterly foreign signs and people. Xiang, on the other hand, busied himself with his phone.

"You should look around," Yao said a bit too naggingly. "There will be plenty of time to go on your phone later."

"Well," Xiang started without looking up, "I just got a message from an online friend who's staying around here. He invited us over to the beach. We could go there later."

Everyone stopped walking and stared at him.

"What? It's not like he's some sort of sexual predator. I've seen his face, it's fine. We follow each other's blogs and play MMOs together. His name's Ice."

"MMOs?" Yong Soo responded reflexively. "Hey, I play them too!"

And before Mei could ask Xiang about "Ice", Yong Soo had monopolized him in a discussion of online games and exchanging information. How odd. Xiang rarely seemed interested in other people, but this never-before-mentioned Ice seemed like a... close friend? On top of that, an internet friend. She had a few of those too and couldn't help being curious and excited about Xiang meeting his own online friend in person.

They ended up eating at an Italian restaurant that evening, giving Xiang and Yao a taste of what food America had to offer. They were mostly impressed with the amount of cheese on everything (given that cheese was something they rarely ever ate back home). Yong Soo somehow ended up seated next to Yao, much to Yao's chagrin. Yong Soo viewed this as an opportunity to land on Yao's good side and be helpful. So Yao wasn't a chick, okay. Bromance was worth a try.

He went down the menu with Yao, asking questions. "You like cheese?"

"No cheese."

"How about this one? It has olives." He leaned over, moving the menu so that both of them could see it, and pointed.

"Olives?" Yao repeated slowly, narrowing his eyes in concentration. He didn't recognize the word. Yong Soo caught himself watching Yao's lips move. It was stupidly hypnotic.

"Look how close they're leaning in towards each other," Xiang commented casually, not taking interest in Yong Soo's flabbergasted reaction. "You look like a couple."

This prompted Yao to suddenly jerk his body away from Yong Soo, flailing flusteredly a bit in the process.

But Yong Soo was not one for sitting back and being defenseless. Flexible with his tactics, he played along. "You don't have to sound so jealous, Xiang. I'd be happy to offer you the same treatment." He turned to Kiku, who was trying to stay as absorbed in the menu as much as possible. "You too, Kiku." He puffed out his chest and batted his eyelashes a bit too much for anyone's comfort level.

Don't involve me in this don't involve me don't involve me oh god. Kiku raised his menu a little higher and hunched over a bit. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Yao do the same.

The waitress was taking too long.

The rest of the meal went a bit more smoothly. Yao complained about the size of the portions, but Xiang responded that therefore it was perfect for his bottomless pit of a stomach. Yao snapped back at him in Mandarin, but Xiang wasn't disturbed.

After all had been eaten and paid for, they relocated to the beach, where Xiang and Ice would meet in person for the first time. Mei, as Xiang's longtime friend, was beginning to anticipate the cinematic qualities of this planned encounter, and searched Xiang for signs of any emotion. She tried to read his body language for a rare sighting of anxiety or excitement, although Xiang seemed to be moving along as usual.

He did explain on the way that Ice's real name was Emil, but he called him Ice because of his online username. And Ice was a bit like ice. His hair was an unusual shade of silver, but it seemed natural on him, in the same way that some people can pull off blue hair like they were born with it. Maybe he was born with it. And for someone who lived on a beach, his complexion looked like it sprung from fallen snow.

They saw each other at the same time, and Xiang quickened his walking pace to almost-running. His arms opened and tried to hug Ice without saying a word, but Ice made a face and pushed him away.

"What are you doing, Ziang?!"

Xiang normally would have persisted, but he raised an eyebrow and gave up his attempt to embrace his friend. "Ziang?"

"Isn't that your name?"

"No."

"What? Who are you, then?!" Ice started to back away, eyeing Xiang and the four Asian strangers behind him with wariness.

"It's me, Ice," Xiang said, holding out his arms for a hug again. At this point, Kiku could tell that he was doing it just to tease his friend. "Look at my eyebrows. In person. Better than webcam quality." Xiang was holding his arms out, so he flipped his hair back to point out them out.

"It is you," Ice said, his face softening in recognition.

"Hug me." Xiang stepped closer, and Ice resumed backing away.

"No!"

"Hug."

"No way!"

Ice backed right into the water and fell over. His Asian pursuer fell after him and embraced him there, full-on pressing his whole body down, Ice protesting the whole way, yelling about how the water was really cold and now he was soaked and that he hadn't expected "Ziang" to be so touchy-feely the first time they met.

Ice hadn't planned to end up in the water, so he went back up to his room so he could dry off and change, quickly exchanging introductions with the group on his way. He refused when Xiang insisted on tagging along, but didn't protest when Xiang accompanied him inside anyway.

Mei and Yao exchanged slightly worried glances.

In the hotel elevator, Xiang finally brought up his name.

"You pronounced it 'Ziang.' It's supposed to be pronounced 'Shiang.'"

"Oh. You could've told me."

"It was funnier to let you keep mispronouncing it. I did tell you once, but you were probably drunk."

Ice suddenly turned a bit pink. "I don't drink."

"You just don't remember it. You left me, like, 20 drunk voicemails once. I considered picking up after I noticed the 12th call, but I let you keep going. They're all still in here," Xiang revealed, waving his cell phone in front of him. Ice opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. "I should play them out loud."

Ice's outstretched hands went straight for the cell phone as if his life depended on confiscating it, but he was circumvented by a few swift movements. Glaring at Xiang and turning redder with each passing second, he wondered if he should bother trying to take something from someone well-versed in martial arts. He probably looked like an utter fool flailing after someone smaller than him, but those voicemails had to go.

Xiang didn't even look phased by Ice's attempt. He never did seemed phased by much, as far as Ice could remember. That was kinda infuriating too.

Eventually the elevator doors opened again and Ice ceased his efforts, straightening himself so he towered a bit over the Asian boy next to him.

"Don't you have four older brothers?" Xiang asked, following Ice through the twists and turns of the hallways.

"They're out right now."

Xiang didn't blink. "So we'll be alone?"

"It's creepy if you say it like that." They arrived at Ice's front door, but Ice didn't reach for the doorknob or his keys. He looked at Xiang over his shoulder. "What?" Xiang was looking right at him.

"Nothing."

Ice dipped his key into the card reader on the door, and the door's click was like a jolt to Xiang's body, making him flinch just a bit. Behind that door was Ice's empty living space. They went inside.

Xiang felt like he was stepping into a dream. He only met Ice in person for the first time a few minutes ago, and suddenly they were alone. For one of the first times in his life, he felt pressured to say something interesting. As they were removing their shoes, Xiang took all of Ice in with his eyes. The boy was much more stunning in person. His hair was tousled and bit unkempt, but it looked good, like in that flattering bedhead way. He had a slender neck and thick eyelashes that looked as soft as feathers but as shiny as silver. How was someone this good-looking just playing games online all the time? And single? He was slightly taller than Xiang too, which came as a surprise.

"I didn't think you'd be taller than me."

"What else are you surprised about?" Ice replied, hiding his earnest curiosity as best as he could.

"Your face looks even more girlish in person."

"Sh… shut up."

"I'm just saying that it's, like, pretty." Xiang tried to sound nonchalant, but his voice cracked a bit and his verbal tic slipped in. He broke eye contact with Ice, feeling a bit warm. What was he getting flustered about? He'd been talking to this person over electronic forms of communication for almost two years by now. Then again, something about the physical being moving in real time before him, a human mass, awakened something new in Xiang.

Ice's clothes, soaked with seawater, clung to every curve of his torso. Each drop that fell from his silver hair felt like the impatient ticking of a countdown.

He swallowed hard. The dark blue eyes were looking right at him now, as if they could see everything that was going through Xiang's mind and everything that was running through his veins. They also looked more violet in person. Another surprise.

Ice didn't say anything.

Minutes from now, Xiang would see the violet eyes close a mere few inches from his face and feel the silver eyelashes would brush against his cheek. The slight scent of seawater would fill him and warmth would meet his lips, igniting him like a flame.

The other four walked alongside the shore, taking in the warm ocean breeze and the rhythm of the waves crashing off the shore and drawing back into the sea. The sand still gave off the heat it had accumulated under the direct sun of the day, like a glow beneath their feet. Kiku could feel the sand squeeze in between his toes and shift as his heel lifted to take another step.

He wondered how he had lived so close to such a great relaxing spot for years without ever setting foot in it. There were a lot of things Kiku didn't know about the surrounding city.

He heard Yao raise his voice in protest. "D-delete that, right now!"

Looking over, he saw Mei giggling, looking up from the cell phone in her hands to Yong Soo, who was leaning towards the conversation, intrigued. She transferred the phone to him, smiling mischievously.

Kiku caught a glimpse. It was a picture of Yao in a dress. The same one that had led him to believe Yao was a woman. With understanding eyes, he realized that Yao's physique was slightly androgynous but still muscular. He could've just as easily believed that this was a picture of a man in a dress if someone told him. Maybe Yong Soo would've seen it that way if he wasn't a bit horny the first time he saw it.

"You look good," Yong Soo said, grinning widely. Yao's mouth opened and closed a few times, but he couldn't help looking just a bit pleased. It was true. It didn't feel dignified, but his legs really rocked dresses. "But why are you wearing one?"

"He got pretty drunk," Mei explained.

"I never drink too much." Yao spluttered, all hint of feeling flattered gone.

Mei smiled knowingly. "Once, he got so drunk he hit on some British guy at a bar with these huge, thick eyebrows."

The key word for Yong Soo here was "guy." The key word for Yao was "British." For Kiku, he was just trying to picture Yao hitting on someone at all, or someone with monstrous eyebrows. Several anime characters came to mind.

"Don't bring him up!" Yao seethed, genuinely provoked by the mentioning of this person. Mei didn't look at him, but spoke not another word. And Yong Soo was suddenly absorbed in his thoughts. Cue silence.

"So how did he react when he realized you were a woman?" Mei broke the silence with a whisper after waiting for Yao to calm down. She whispered, of course, in Mandarin.

Yao cleared his throat as quietly as he could. "He touched my chest." After I got out of the shower and kicked him in the face when he got too close. But I'll leave that part out.

"What?" Mei put a hand over her mouth, but could not help but look absolutely giddy. This was stuff of Korean dramas. Yao shot her a warning look, but he couldn't hide the pink spreading over his own face.

"He put his shirt back on after that."

"He took his shirt off?" Mei could barely keep her volume down, despite that no one else around them could understand what they were saying. She felt like shouting. "Wait, why did you kick him in the face?!"

"Are you guys talking about me?" Yong Soo butted in, glad that the atmosphere was clearing up.

"Did you really touch his chest?!" Mei asked, reverting back to English for Yong Soo.

"He can touch mine back, if he wants," Yong Soo said, winking.

"N-no way!"

"Kiku can, too."

"Please don't involve me in this."

"Okay." Yong Soo's pectorals went completely untouched and neglected that night. Eventually he ended up chasing Yao around, wanting to reenact yesterday's chest groping for Mei, although it wouldn't be far fetched to also say that teasing Yao was just plain fun.

Even Kiku started to smile and laugh a little, prompting the other three to turn around and stare at him.

Mei came to a realization. "Oh no! Xiang missed it!"

"Missed what?" Kiku said, smile frozen in place. Why were they looking at him? Was he doing something wrong?

"You're smiling! Quick, I have to take a picture!" She brought out her phone and pressed five buttons within the span of a second. "Hold that smile!"

He was confused, but he tried his best to remain natural in front of the camera. The cell phone played a snapshot noise, but Mei frowned at her result, dissatisfied.

"Nope, looks forced now."

Well, he was more confused than happy now. Why did they want a picture of him smiling? Did he really not smile that much that they felt the need to get a picture of it? He felt a little miffed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay! Can you smile for me again?" Mei tried to encourage him. "C'mon, Kiku, you have a really cute smile!"

"Yeah! If you were a girl I'd probably ask you out after seeing a smile like that!" Yong Soo added in, but to his discredit, he asked out lots of girls, and had accidentally made a move on a guy. Kiku was not convinced.

He just wanted to hide his face, feeling shame from the exposure. Wanting to avoid them suddenly, he turned away and kept walking by himself for a few seconds before the sensation of wiggling fingers at his sides prompted him to burst out into laughter. Barely able to look up, but able to make out Mei taking more pictures. At some point this tickling had to stop, before Kiku wet himself or suffocated.

"Please!" he managed to yell out between sharp intakes of breath. "No more!"

The rush of endorphins from that outburst left him feeling like a powerful gust had just swept through him and taken all his anxiety with it. He caught his breath and then smiled for real. He was irritated that they had violated his personal space, but he couldn't but feel happy. He was part of their group. In their own way, they were including him.

So he included himself. Bringing out his own cell phone, he pointed it back at Mei and took a candid shot before she could prepare herself.

"Nooooo," she wailed, fixing around her wind-blown hair as though it would change the picture that Kiku took. Giving up, she came over to Kiku, demanding to see, only to be annoyed that Yong Soo's overly photogenic self had to be right next to her in that shot. "It's not fair. He's a goof but he looks good in every picture anyone ever takes of him."

Yong Soo pushed his hair back, feeling incredibly flattered. "What are you guys saying," he said, not really asking. "Are you saying you want to date me?"

"Hell no," Yao replied, as if the question was directed at him.

At a later point, they attempted a self-taken group picture. A "group selca," Yong Soo had called it. But because he was both the one holding the camera and the tallest of the group, it looked more like a picture of him with the tops of three heads next to him, cut off by the bottom of the picture. Yao, who was in the middle comfortably next to him (or uncomfortably, if Yao willed himself to think so), exasperatedly took the camera from him.

"I'll do it."

And thus came Kiku's first ever visual proof of having friends. When he went home that night, he taped the picture to his wall, feeling tired but fond.

Days passed, until it had been almost two weeks. Kiku knew he would have to do it eventually, before it got to the point where waiting too long meant going back was no longer an option. Every time he built up a mindset to go, however, one more thing stopped him.

Sadiq. A name without a face or body to put it to, a name with disproportionate power.

That was, until Kiku met Sadiq himself.

It was a chance encounter. Kiku was stopping by one of the college cafes for something to drink after his lecture-a routine, weekly visit. The man next to him asked him if he had any recommendations as to the cafe's menu, and Kiku replied. An average, everyday exchange, until the man shifted gears and zoomed forward.

"What's your name?"

"Kiku Honda. Yours?"

"Sadiq Adnan. Nice to meet you."

His appearance struck Kiku like thunder. The voice did seem familiar, and a visual could now anchor the name. Sadiq was tall and muscular. His skin was a bit tanner than Heracles', but dark stubble covered his square jaw, as opposed to the smooth (probably clean-shaven) face of Heracles. His clothes were casual like any college student's, but they did no job of hiding his intimidating stature. Rugged. That was his aura. Light brown eyes, not quite as heavy-lidded as Heracles', but a strange mix of slight feminine allure and masculine assertiveness.

He was friendly, but Kiku felt like choking a bit. This was Heracles' boyfriend. Kiku felt so small, so utterly small, in more than the physical sense.

Their small talk finally lost momentum and it seemed as if they were to part ways, when Sadiq asked, smiling like he had a secret, "You single?"

There were a hundred ways that question could lead, and Kiku dreaded all of them. "...Yes. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious." Oh. Good. "There's this party on Saturday, down by the upperclassman hall. Sound like your thing?" Sadiq was leaning against the wall on his elbow, angled towards Kiku in a way that made him tower over. Oh. God.

It was a bit ridiculous. What part of Kiku looked like the type to party? His glasses and timid, stereotypical Japanese demeanor, not to mention otaku-influenced wardrobe served usually as a useful party repellent. He had only recently upgraded to hanging out within a social circle of his own. If he wanted to socially drink, he would do it in their company, not among a bunch of wasted college strangers.

But he couldn't say no. No, it wasn't his thing, but by saying no, he would be rejecting the offer. That could offend Sadiq. But he couldn't say yes. That would be a flat out lie.

"Perhaps."

Kiku wished he could leave it at that, but Sadiq wasn't about to release him yet. The smile remained plastered on his face as he gave Kiku the details for this party. It suddenly dawned on Kiku that Sadiq was probably hitting on him. And that he had sounded like he was flirting back by responding so vaguely. Kiku leaned back a bit, aware of how Sadiq was pressed forward a little.

Hopefully he was reading too much into it. Sadiq had a boyfriend, didn't he?

Kiku managed a weak smile that felt more like a queasy grimace tugging at the muscles in his face. The party was tomorrow. Kiku had no doubt in his mind that he was not going. He would hole himself up in his room and start playing dating sims again.

"See you there," Sadiq said light-heartedly before leaving the cafe. Kiku adjusted the bottled drink in his hand and left too, through a different door.

It wasn't until his eyes passed over Heracles' clothes in his room again that Kiku realized that this was an opportunity. Sadiq was guaranteed to be out. It would be safe for him to see Heracles. Not that such an occasion should need secrecy, but after that last visit, Kiku got the idea.

This was it.

Of course, as Kiku was actually walking there, another barrage of second thoughts pressed back on him. It was exceptionally warm and balmy that evening, enough that Kiku could venture outdoors in short sleeves. Heracles' clothes were nicely folded, cleaned, and placed in a plastic bag, and Kiku carried them across streets and through blocks, feeling its precious weight tug on his arm with each step.

What if Heracles had went to the party too and wouldn't be home? His social life was a mystery to Kiku. Well in that case, Kiku could just leave the clothes by his door, and avoid contact. Kiku shouldn't really be seeing Heracles anyway. It didn't seem like it was right. Heracles had a boyfriend.

But Kiku was just a friend. And he wanted to see Heracles. It was a normal thing to want to see your friend. They weren't doing anything strange.

It wasn't like Heracles was interested in him that way. Once again, he had a boyfriend. He might be gay or bi, whichever, but he wasn't single.

Then Mei's words echoed in his head. "Promiscuous." Kiku hoped that was just gossip. Well, even if it was true, it wasn't his business what people did with their personal lives. It didn't affect him how many men Heracles slept with or didn't sleep with, or how faithful he was to a relationship that had nothing to do with Kiku. It wasn't as if Heracles had those intentions towards him in the first place.

All his thinking brought him straight to Heracles' door, as if he had warped there. He had no recollection of the streets he had traveled to get there. His heart pounded nervously, and his fisted pounded on the door just as nervously.

He waited.

No answer.

Knock again.

Wait.

Nothing.

Then the crushing disappointment Kiku never expected.

To be continued!

Sorry for delay wow 5 months wow... this would've come a lot sooner had I not left for college and left my fanfiction files behind at home! Thankfully I was able to retrieve them over Thanksgiving break. Originally this chapter was about 6,000 words, but I'm saving the last 1,500 for the next chapter.

I'll keep writing. I wouldn't keep trying to update this fic if I didn't intend to! Thanks for sticking with me and supporting me and writing reviews (even the ones that ask for updates count to me! that means you care). I'll do my best.