Tenacious

A painful echo of a lady's cry; the chatters which filled the air; sounds of metal crashing into each other; the final blast of orange and gray which filled the scene, only to turn blur without his acknowledgment. Those were the things Shizuo last remembered before the next thing he knew was seeing the informant grabbing his hands.

"Let's go." Shizuo heard the informant murmur as he whirled around and began to run. The blonde didn't know why, but he couldn't find his voice to speak back nor the strength to slap those hands away. He was rather shock to find himself running along with the informant. However, he found the hand which gripped his wrist warm and comforting.

While the two continued to run, Shizuo played those things over and over again in his mind. Each time he did so, before he got to understand anything, his mind would go blank; almost as if his conscious wouldn't allow him to understand what happened; as if it was some kind of taboo.

It wasn't long before he gave up; if he wasn't allowed to remember, what could he do?

Nothing, that was the answer.

Shizuo looked at the informant's back before he scanned the passing scenes. Where were they now? Where were they heading to next? He couldn't help but to be curious. When he opens his mouth to ask, he couldn't quite tell why, but he remembered the scene of the little girl who was crying. Was her name Shinako or Chiyoki?

As soon as he felt the informant's grip of his wrist tightening, the thoughts in his mind were washed away and replaced with a question. Who were they running from? Shizuo remained silent as both the man ran down the alley, slowly being covered by the overlapping shadows of the buildings – just as if they were being swallowed by the darkness.

"Tsk...dead end? Well, this ought to be far enough." Shizuo heard the informant mumble to himself before he felt Izaya let go of his wrist. Rather, as soon as Izaya let go of them, the blonde felt himself being pushed back until his back hit the cold concrete behind. While there weren't any pain felt, Shizuo let a low growl out.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Shizuo glared into those crimson red eyes before he took a quick look at Izaya's two arms which were pressed against the wall. It was as if the informant was trying to keep the blonde in place, to make sure that he wouldn't escape.

"Did you have enough time to finally understand what happened?" Shizuo was shock at the moment he saw Izaya's serious face – one rid of those vulpine smirk, annoying grin, loathsome smile. He was sure he had never seen the informant like this; never believed that the informant could even have a face like this.

"Understand? What do you mean by that?" Shizuo questioned.

"All of that...don't you remember?" Shizuo shook his head, holding back the urge to land a punch into the informant's face because of his curiosity. The blonde watched as Izaya let out a sigh, "I'll give you a few hints. The vending machine; that car; the cry which I'm sure you couldn't have missed. Oh, and not forgetting the flames and smoke."

It was strange; no matter how many times he recalled all of those while they were running, before he had the chance to piece them together, his mind would shut them out. But when Izaya said them out loud, his mind didn't shut them out. Instead, his mind finally came to realize the situation which took place back then. To understand why they both had ran.

"I..." Shizuo spoke softly, trying to keep his voice steady and firm; if he was to speak anymore louder, he was sure the informant would notice the trembling in his voice – and that was something he didn't want. "There...wasn't anyone in there...right?"

There was. Why else would there be that cry? That...heart...wrenching...

The blonde hide his eyes behind his blonde bangs, glaring at the ground. Did he just killed someone? He did, didn't he?

"I..." the blonde whispers this time, clenching his fist. He knew it, he was a monster. First he kept on injuring people, and now he had just killed someone. He had finally became a monster he never wanted to be.

"It was a...brat." The informant hissed.

"Ahaha...and she smiled at me..." Izaya lets out a flat laugh before he slumped his head into Shizuo's chest. Normally, Shizuo wouldn't have allowed the informant to be this close to him. But it was the words that Izaya said next that made Shizuo froze.

"It's my fault that she's dead." It was soft and barely audible, but enough to annoy Shizuo.

"You're fault? Don't try and take the fault; it's me who killed her!" The blonde hated it; hated how the informant was trying to take the blame on himself despite the obvious fact which laid before them. Was Izaya trying to pity him by taking up such a blame? If that was the case, he didn't want any; a monster should continue being hated, not pitied.

"I don't need your fucking pity. If you think it's because you provoked me, made me mad, it's not your fault! It was mine." Shizuo yelled louder as he shoved the informant away, watched how Izaya stumbled back like a ragged doll.

"You don't..." Izaya murmured before Shizuo cut him off.

"I don't understand? Is that what you're trying to say? Well, sorry to say that I do!" Shizuo didn't know why he was trying to do. Was he trying to comfort the informant? To assure the very existence he hated that it never had been his fault? Maybe, maybe not.

"I fucking threw that goddamn thing! I fucking killed someone! So don't..." Those words Shizuo had just spoke were like poison he feed himself. "Don't get yourself involve with me anymore! Don't take some blame which is mine!" His thoughts, actions and words seemed foreign and unconnected. How was him killing someone connected with him asking the informant not to get involve with him?

It makes no sense; it made no sense; nothing's connected.

Shizuo's mind went blank at that moment as he felt everything lose meaning. It felt as if there were much more thoughts running through his mind, more than the mind could progress. He felt as if he was turning into a mess of colored strings. His mind overloaded and shutdown down. But despite this, there was a clear thought inside.

What am I going to do now?

"Ha...don't get involve with you anymore? Don't take your blame? What kind of joke is that suppose to be?" Izaya growled, before he looked into Shizuo's eyes with such firmness and confidence. "When did I ever get myself involved? When did I ever take blames which isn't mine?" There it was, a smirk which spoke everything Shizuo needed and didn't need to know. For once, it amazed the blonde how he didn't get annoyed.

The closer the informant approached him, he finally understood why he didn't get annoyed. Through Izaya's eye, he could see the reflection of his own eyes; one which seemed to scream resignation.

"What are you going to do now, after telling me that it isn't my fault? Turn yourself in? Lock yourself in your home? Suicide?" Izaya wore his smug smirk as he spoke such words. Though to Shizuo, it felt as if the informant was pushing himself. But it might have been his imagination. Either way, he was envious of how fast the informant could recover.

Of course he could. He didn't kill anyone.

"Let me inform you, turning yourself in won't work." Shizuo wanted to ask what did the informant meant by saying that, but he felt too tired to bother anymore. There were too many things which happened already, and he didn't want anymore. All Shizuo wanted as sometime to let the words sink in, for him to understand it more clearly and sort his thoughts aside. He just wants to go to sleep...

"What I'm going to do, is something I decide for myself. I don't need some flea to get involve." Shizuo pushed the informant aside, but more gently this time; the blonde was afraid that he might hurt Izaya if he pushed anymore harder. It was only when the informant grabbed his wrist, Shizuo felt something flooding within him.

"What?" He turned around and growls. Shizuo wasn't stupid enough to have not caught those doubts which swirled in Izaya's crimson eyes.

"Shizu-chan's...really a pitiful monster, ne?" Instead of getting insulted, Shizuo couldn't help but to feel nonchalant as Izaya plastered away those doubts with a forced grin. Why does it seemed so forced? Why did it seemed as if the informant was afraid of something? He couldn't help but to wonder.

"Really pitiful." Shizuo felt something stab him hard when the informant repeated it for the second time, but with a more menacing tone this time; one which flowed out without any trouble; didn't give the blonde the feeling of it being forced. It was as if the informant took a 180 degree turn within those few second.

"Really pitiful..."

A female's voice echoed at the back of his mind, in the exact same tone and rhythm as Izaya's. Shizuo's blood turned cold as he slapped those hands away.

"Yeah, I'm pitiful." The blonde hissed as he watched Izaya's eyes widen. "But not pitiful enough to get help from someone like you." His voice was low and serious, held no hatred nor anger; as if the words he had just spoke was the fact and nothing more.

With that, the blonde turned around and left the alley. It was almost as if he wasn't bothered by the fact of killing someone. But Izaya knows more than anyone that Shizuo was really bothered with it; the blonde didn't show anything mainly because the recoil hasn't come into action yet. However, once it does, Shizuo would seek help from him; whether he wanted to or not.

Izaya had no base to be that sure of what he was; it was just this way.

"Keep struggling; keep fighting. If you do that, you'll eventually break and become mine." Izaya whispers after the blonde was long gone from the scene. "Even if you don't, you'll be mine."