TW: isolation, feeling of loneliness, implied "overeating" (it's not as it seems), fatigue, feeling guilty, sudden outburst of anger, yelling, (almost) crying, lying, verbalized nonverbalized self-deprecation, repeating habits, secrets, miscommunication, hateful thoughts of another, and the contents of Makoto's bag.
Haruka was surprised (although he didn't let it show) to see the futon vacant. He strained his ears, hoping to hear any noise in his house that could be caused by Makoto.
Silence. He sighed. Might as well take a bath now that he was awake.
He had to leave in the next five minutes, with or without Makoto, or else he'd be late for school. He tapped his foot. He did not want to leave without his closest friend. It just wouldn't feel right without his presence next to him. However, five minutes had gone by and Haruka had to leave. Sighing, he walked down the steps and made his way to school, barely on time.
Makoto was not there for the whole day, or for swim practice. For the first time in a while, Haruka felt lonely.
"Hi," Haruka said to Mrs. Tachibana after she opened the door.
"How are you, Haruka?" she said, her motherly smile not unlike her son's. Correction, her son's gentle smile not unlike her own.
"Fine. Is Makoto here?" Haruka asked while taking off his shoes. Mrs. Tachibana's face fell and she stared at the palms of her hands.
"I was hoping you'd stop by, although I thought you would be able to tell me. Makoto came home at around four in the morning and locked himself in his room. I tried to get him out, but he didn't even bother to acknowledge me," she explained. So she didn't know either. At least now Haruka knew where Makoto had been the whole day. But why did he do this?
"Did he eat anything today?" Mrs. Tachibana's face brightened a little.
"Yes he did. I was worried because he hadn't been eating much during dinner, but he has been clearing his plates clean to the point where I doubted if I actually had to wash them," she chuckled as she answered the raven. Haruka let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. Makoto was okay. He was okay. He was okay.
"I'll try to get him to come out," Haruka said before heading upstairs. He knocked on Makoto's door. "Open up." He heard squeaking from the bed and soft shuffling before the door opened, revealing a fatigued Makoto. A guilty expression shaped his face.
"Hi Haru-chan," he muttered. He gestured for Haruka to enter his room, then shut the door behind him. Makoto sat in his chair while Haruka sat on the taller teen's bed.
"Why weren't you at school today?" Haruka asked, straight to the point. After a minute of thinking, Makoto shrugged. "What do you mean?"
"I guess I just felt sick today. I'm sorry, Haru-chan," Makoto apologized.
"Drop the -chan," Haruka answered automatically. "Why did you leave my house when it was four in the morning though? That's extreme, especially for you." Haruka said it almost as a joke, yet Makoto winced at his words as if they physically pained him.
"I... I didn't want to bother you, Haru. I woke up not feeling so good, so..." Makoto let his sentence falter. Then, out of nowhere, he smiled at Haruka. "So, how was school? What did I miss?"
Haruka gaped, surprised by the sudden change of the subject. "Uh- okay. It was okay. You didn't miss much," he finally pieced the words together into a sentence.
"Did you take notes?" A quick shake of the head. "I don't even know why I asked that. Of course you didn't," Makoto chuckled.
Was... Was that supposed to be a roast? Haruka internally rolled his eyes. Really, it was the truth; he hated taking notes, even when they were necessary. Before he could come up with a snarky remark, the door burst open as Ran and Ren entered. Their laughter and chatter instantly filled the room.
"Onii-chan, onii-chan! We want to play!" the twins cried out and began to climb on top of Makoto. He yelped in pain and Haruka held back the laughter bubbling in his chest. So cute.
"Ran, Ren, please stop. Get off me," Makoto whimpered to no avail. Either the twins were too loud or just didn't care to listen to their older brother, but they didn't stop.
"Onii-chan, I want to play house!" Ran shouted.
"We did that last time! I want to play a video game!" Ren screamed. Makoto's face was scrunched up, trying to block out the noise and pain of his siblings' voices and bodies climbing his. Haruka would've helped but he enjoyed what he saw. Suddenly, everyone in the room jumped when Makoto snapped.
"Ran, Ren! Get out of my room!" Makoto yelled. He yelled. He almost never did that. Panting, Makoto glanced at each face in the room- a scared Ran, a teary-eyed Ren, and...
A surprised Haruka. The guilt returned, this time gripping both Makoto's throat and heart.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. That was horrible to do," he whispered remorsely. "I'm just... Really tired, I have a headache, and all this noise is not helping me," Makoto explained. It was subtle, but Haruka noticed the taller teen's bottom lip trembling. He started to bite it to keep it still. His green eyes were glassy as well.
"Makoto," Haruka's mouth blurted out before his brain gave consent. When the addressed teen looked up, Haruka froze. He wasn't planning on speaking, but now that he did, he wasn't sure of what to say. "Uh. Ran, Ren. Maybe you should go. Your brother's tired."
The twins grumbled but did what they were told. He wasn't completely certain, but Haruka heard one of the twins mutter something about Makoto being in his room all day. He turned back to look at Makoto, who was busy entertaining himself by stroking the leaves of one of his plants. Makoto does a good job keeping them alive; they were the same plants from middle school.
"Why?" Haruka asked, finally knowing of what he wanted to talk about. Makoto took one glance at his face and he understood what the blue-eyed teen was talking about. Why were you locked in your room all day?
"I... I don't... Haru, I haven't been feeling so great lately. But don't worry about me, Haru!" Makoto waved his hands in front of him. "I just needed a day alone. I feel better now." He scratched his cheek and smiled.
That makes no sense. You said you were sick.
"I... Did?"
You're lying to me.
"Why would I do that, Haru? I'm not that horrible of a person!" Haruka jumped again, this time from the choice of words instead of the volume of Makoto's voice. The moment the words slipped from his mouth, Makoto's eyes widened and he covered his mouth too late. "Haru..."
He was not one for physical contact, but Haruka knew that it ws needed. In a split second, his arms were wrapped around Makoto's torso. The taller of the two went limp, not returning the hug.
"Don't say those things about yourself. You know that's not true. Makoto is Makoto, and that's how it should be," Haruka spoke into the cloth of the shirt. He felt the taller teen's breath against his neck. It felt weird but he couldn't complain. He sensed that Makoto wanted to say something else but for some reason couldn't do so. It probably didn't matter at the moment, Haruka thought. "Don't do this again, too. I missed you today." He felt the smile against his skin.
"I missed you too, Haru-chan," he whispered.
"Drop the -chan." Makoto giggled. God, he missed that too. "I have to go. See you tomorrow, Makoto."
"See you tomorrow, Haru." He missed that smile as well.
However, he did miss the message in the emerald eyes. I don't know that.
Before he left, Mrs. Tachibana stopped him. She threw a towel over her shoulder. "Haruka, I need to speak with you."
"Hm?" he hummed. He wanted to go home to have dinner and then a bath, but from the tone of her voice, Haruka knew Mrs. Tachibana's message was urgent.
"I've been thinking about it and this has not been the first time Makoto had done this." What? "He had done this twice before. The first time was when you were first began middle school, and the second was when in the winter of your first year," she continued, as if seeing the question in Haruka's eyes.
"Why?" She shrugged.
"I'm almost completely in the dark with those two as I am with this one. All I know is that the first time he locked himself in his room, he told me before about how one of his senpais had to go through surgery. He also mentioned something that happened between you and him." Oh.
"Did you just realize this?" Haruka asked, trying not to sound harsh. He wasn't angry; he just wondered how such a wonderful, caring, observant mother like Mrs. Tachibana not notice these actions occurring when they did.
"Unfortunately, yes. At the time, I was a bit too distracted with the twins."
"What about in the winter?"
"That one I'm uncertain about. Makoto did not say anything about what happened. Although," she paused momentarily, staring straight into Haruka's soul, "it was around the time you had that race with Rin."
For a few seconds, it felt like the world froze in place for centuries. His race with Rin? What did Nao-senpai have to do with Makoto's situation? Mrs. Tachibana smiled and the world began to turn once more.
"Ah well, hopefully you'll be able to figure it out, Haruka. You know my son well, perhaps better than me," she teased. Haruka laughed through his nose. Yeah, hopefully.
"Mako-chan!" Nagisa screamed, jumping onto the third year's back. "We thought you weren't coming back!"
"Nagisa, relax. I was only absent for a day," Makoto reassured, detaching the smaller boy's limbs from his body.
"Besides, Nagisa-kun, you were the only one who had such an idea," Rei chimed in, pushing his glasses higher up his nose. While the two second years bickered, Makoto smiled.
"Ne, Haru."
"Mm."
"I'm going to miss this."
"Me too. But we can always visit."
"Uh," Makoto stuttered. Then he tried to correct himself. "Yeah, that's what I meant." Haruka stared at Makoto from his peripheral vision.
What did he mean? Was he not talking about how he's going to college in Tokyo?
"I can't believe we only have the rest of this week before summer vacation!" Nagisa cheered and ran to class.
"Nagisa-kun, please do not have a repeat from last year and forget to return at the beginning of September!" Rei followed, albeit slower so he wouldn't be caught by a teacher. Makoto laughed out loud.
"I hope he doesn't do that this year or the next," he chuckled. Haruka, although still perplexed from Makoto's earlier statment, let a small smile form. Even though he got on the third year's nerves sometimes, Haruka was definitely going to miss seeing the boisterous blonde everyday. The same went for the spectacled teen. He had come a long way.
They all did. Haruka looked over to Makoto again.
"I've been meaning to ask," Haruka started once they sat down at their desks. Makoto turned his head and followed Haruka's gaze. It landed on the bag Makoto had been carrying everywhere he went for the past week. "What's in there?"
Makoto hesitated. Why did you hesitate? You have no reason to hesitate. Don't fucking lie to me again, you gargantuan- "Let me show you, Haru-chan." Makoto smiled, and instantly Haruka felt sick to his stomach. Where did those thoughts and anger even come from? Never in his life had he thought of Makoto of anything other than a blessing to this earth, an angel, and anything else related that were positive. He was so ashamed with himself that he didn't notice Makoto lining up objects from his bag on his desk. It was fortunate for the green-eyed teen because he purposely left a few items in the bag.
Good thing I took some of the bigger things out. "Here, Haru-chan," he said with a smile. Artificial.
He didn't know what he expected, maybe something actually worth hiding or important to carry at all times. However, Makoto pulled out pencils bundled up by a rubber band, mints, two pencil sharpeners, a yellow container, some chocolates, and a pair of scissors. Haruka felt guilty all over again. With the exception of the container, these items were very innocent. He huffed and, not knowing what else to do, said, "Drop the -chan." Makoto chuckled.
"Sorry, Haru." This time I mean that.
Haruka didn't hear that thought because class started.