CC: I feel guilty about the mysterious lack of updates here... So, yeah.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Many, Many, Many, MANY Plotters

It was pink, long, and breezy, and he didn't like the feeling it gave him at all. The way it billowed around his ankles when the wind blew was most unpleasant, though he had been assured that it wouldn't do so normally. However, they had been unable to find a skirt small enough to fit him, so they had simply tied a large one up at the waist with a rope so it hung on.

In that moment, he hated the miko, especially as she had been the reason he was now forced to endure such chagrin. How could she have gotten captured?

He wrinkled his nose and with a sigh, wiped the rouge from his mouth. He wouldn't even wear that for his friend Kurama; what made those damn humans think he'd do it for Kagome? Though admittedly, she did have a certain charm, and the way she smiled at him with those white teeth...

Not that he was attracted to her in any way.

He began to stroll, using the feminine gait Sango had shown him. He needed practice. Had one not known better, though, one might have assumed that he was enjoying it.

Then he saw her: she was reflected in a puddle of water, her bright reddish eyes glaring up at him. She looked rather nice, with her ebony hair contained in that magenta scarf and her rose kimono hanging about her tiny figure. He blinked, and she did the same. He leaned forwards, and she imitated him. Suddenly, a sickening feeling in his stomach told him that this was no ordinary maiden: he wondered if her name was Hiei.

It was about then that he heard a female's voice calling a greeting to Sango and Miroku. "Nice to see you two!" she exclaimed. As his back was to the speaker, he turned and found himself face-to-face... with Kagome.

She stared at him openly for a few moments, her jaw dropping in alarm before she turned scarlet. "Hiei? Is that you? I had... no idea you were into that sort of thing..."

All the previous glares he had turned on living beings were no match for the fiery heat of the look he now turned on the monk and demon exterminator, who cowered behind her companion. He didn't have to say anything. They already knew that they were dead.

"Now might be a good time to make our exit," Miroku suggested. Both of them turned and ran. He could catch them later.

"What was that about?" Kagome wondered. How could this have happened? How could he have gotten coerced into such humiliation? He was already plotting her friends' demises.

"You saw nothing," he answered, and fled before she could ask more questions. Denial was one of two ways to solve his problem; the other would be to kill all witnesses to the incident, and he didn't want to harm Kagome in any way, for some odd reason. Not as though he was attracted to such an ugly girl at all.

In about ten minutes, he was back to his old self, and already plotting how to get back at Sango and Miroku. Death by sword was too good for them. Perhaps if he were to lock them away together for a long period of time, they would kill each-other. They certainly seemed to argue enough... He grinned maniacally as he perfected his plan.

The following day, he slipped up beside Miroku like a shadow. It took a few moments for the monk to notice him, but suddenly the man turned towards him and his jaw dropped. "Hiei? Where did you come from?"

"Hn. I have a message for you," he answered.

"Oh. I'm sorry about yesterday, but Sango and I thought that you would look..."

"You are forgiven," Hiei lied as he ushered the monk to his feet. It had taken much observation to come up with this plan, not to mention massive amounts of sugar to rally certain parties to his cause.

"What might this message be?" the monk inquired. It had taken keen observation, but Hiei had discovered the monk's weak point: beautiful women. And so he had built this plan about that concept.

"Hn. There is a beautiful woman in yonder hut," he stated, indicating the sturdiest shack he had been able to find. Now he prepared himself for the longest speech of his life. "She requires the aid of a monk with a matter of utmost importance, and says that she will do anything to thank him for completing this task, even--"

"You need say no more! Being the noble man that I am, I shall aid her in her plight!" he cried. As an aside, he asked, "You did say she was beautiful, correct?"

"Hn." The monk was gone, running off. Now to send the woman there as well... Hopefully his accomplice could distract the monk for the necessary amount of time.

Sango was chattering away with Kagome when Hiei arrived on the scene. This was trouble; Kagome might be caught up in his vengeance as well if he wasn't cautious. He decided to listen in to their conversation before making his appearance.

"...ght he liked me back, but if he's cross-dressing, he's probably more attracted to Inu... I never throughout I'd be put in this sort of situation before," Kagome was saying.

"Inu's the better one for you, Kagome," Sango stated. "He may be a violent maniac, but at least he's a predictable violent maniac, unlike..."

"Hiei!" Kagome exclaimed suddenly as she looked right at him. Oops. Cat was out of the bag.

"Good afternoon Kagome, Sango," he stated. The gears of his devious mind were turning rapidly, but he still didn't have a way to send Sango off without including Kagome. His original plot, "There's a demon in that shack!" would no longer work, as Kagome would go along to "help", and his assistant probably couldn't distract Miroku for much longer.

So if a lie won't work, why not try the truth? he pondered.

"Sango, Miroku wishes for you to meet him in that shack immediately," he informed her. A diluted version of the truth...

Sango ran off in that direction, a concerned look on her face. That worked well. So busy gloating in his success, he forgot the wild card, Kagome.

"Why do you look like you've just done something terribly evil?" Kagome inquired.

"Hn," he stated, using his universal response.

"Did you do something to Sango?"

"..."

"Hiei!" she scolded before running after Sango.

She was about to ruin his revenge! He leapt after her, hugged her, and stated, "I simply wanted to spend some time with you." He nearly winced. Lying to those... liars... didn't matter to him, but to Kagome...

"...why do you have fox ears?" Miroku asked suddenly. "And why a... tail? Is that you, Shippo?" His eyes narrowed, and suddenly he suspected that there were forces at work here which he didn't quite understand.

Before the fox could respond, Sango stumbled onto the scene. "What's wrong, Miroku?"

That being his cue, Shippo reverted to his original state and with a quick shout of, "Bye!" ran outside, shutting the door behind him.

"What was that about?" Sango wondered.

"I can only wonder. Lets go catch him and ask him about it," Miroku answered simply. Only one thing he hadn't factored into his plans: the door was locked.

"I need an idea," Naraku sighed, "but the mighty book has been destroyed, and my coffee consumed."

Kagura rolled her eyes in a silent plea for help.

Kanna whispered one word to her master: "Look." She held her mirror up to his face and showed him an image of Kagome's kit seated atop what looked to be a mountain of something white and granulated with a blissful smile on his face.

"That... is POWER!" Naraku exclaimed.

Shit. Here we go again... Kagura moaned.

Kanna removed her mirror from Naraku's face and began switching the image rapidly on the screen. "There is nothing interesting on in the daytime..." she stated in her usual detached voice...

They sat there in silence, pondering their escape. "I suppose we could get out if we really tried..."

"Yes, but would escape truly be worth destroying some poor person's home?" Sango pointed out again.

"Indeed. And I believe he will release us eventually..."

"I don't know... he seems like the type to hold a grudge," Sango groaned, rubbing her forehead.

"Who are you talking about?"

"Hiei! Who are you talking about?" Sango exclaimed, frustrated.

"Shippo..." Miroku responded. "Though come to think of it, Hiei is the one who asked me to come here."

"He asked me to come here as well..."

"Could it have something to do with yesterday?"

"I can't think of another reason... can you?" Sango said, exhasperated by her friend.

"Nope... Unless calling him a midgit behind his back counts. And the first time I saw him, I thought he was female. And then yesterday, as a joke of course, I asked him to bear my children. And then there was that time when..."

Sango groaned. He's not attracted to anything female... he's so desperate he'll go for anything in a skirt.

Naraku went over the plan again. "Kagura, you will help me to gather the power while Kanna distracts the kit. It will be like stealing candy from a baby, only considerably more complicated..."

CC: Now I have SEVEN chapters!

Dancing Bagel: ...You're running out of ideas, CC...

CC: No I'm not! It's just that...

Dancing Bagel: YOU ARE SO LOSING IT!

CC: You wanna go back in the freezer?