A/N: Almost 60 reviews!Oh guys, thank you so much. I truly love to read your inputs and talk a little more about what's going on my mind when I write certain things. Sometimes I don't even notice these processes without your remarks, and sometimes I get really good ides from you. So, please, never stop. :D
The Life of the Party
"Where are you?" Shelby texted, an uncharacteristic anxiety sipping into her. She had always done this alone, but this time she had invited a date, he wasn't there and she was getting fretful. Everything was okay, though. There was plenty of liquor, and the Vocal Adrenaline parents had been as fast to start downing it as she was to smile politely at them, introducing Alicia and then making a dash for the kitchen.
"I'm so sorry! The kids didn't go home, I got a call from one of the parents, everything is a big mess! I'll be late." Shelby read Will's response, getting a little flustered. Of course the kids had caused some sort of mess, they were teenagers! What the hell was Will thinking suggesting they went to the invitational by themselves? Couldn't the freaking counselor have chaperoned? "It's fine. I get it," she texted back, willing herself not to bite his head off because she had also been there. He wasn't the first teacher to be naïve enough to trust his students, though hers were typically too scared of her to give disobedience serious consideration. She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose to dissuade the headache she could already feel coming.
"You know, I was wandering upstairs, don't kill me, and I passed this room that seemed strangely similar to a baby nursery."
Shelby turned around to face Connor Ormond standing casually against her door frame and wearing an amused smirk on his ever-handsome face. She smiled delicately, like an infatuated girl; could she ever help herself with this man?
Connor was one of the big donors of her booster club. A Carmel alumnus from a zillionaire family, Connor was a successful lawyer in Washington, but he never forgot his roots. So he donated and came to these things, and spent holidays with his family at the huge mansion they had in the city. His ancestry had been into the oil business and his family was the wealthiest in the entire freaking district.
It had always raised whispers though, why Connor had taken such a big interest in show choir. Surely, if she was honest, she had to admit that even if Connor told everybody that he had a big fascination with show tunes and flashy performances and was a Broadway fan (which was kind of true, as she had watched Spring Awakening, Next to Normal and Grey Gardens with him in New York, and he had always been the one to invite), she knew the reason for the thousands of dollars he regularly put into Vocal Adrenaline was her. In her defense, he was already a donor when she had started sleeping with him.
It had been one of these parties when it started. It was after her second national victory, when she had finally proved that she wasn't just a fluke. There was a party with the kids in New York, and then a week later, the booster club had organized a party at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Columbus. They had paid for a suite for her for an entire weekend and Shelby had been in the clouds, being the most outgoing she could remember being with those people.
They had just started spoiling her rotten, a privilege she would be privy to for the next four years. She had been amazed and got a little carried away at the time. After the colossal failure of her career in New York, Shelby's confidence had taken a hit. Music education was not something she had been particularly eager to try, and she was more than a little shocked to find out that she actually could like it, a lot, and that even if she wasn't performing she could still be a star.
Connor had showed up at the party after the second hour and made a beeline for her, introduced himself and extracted her from some tedious conversation with the overwhelmingly demanding father of one of her seniors. They had hid in the bar, she had a coke and rum and he sipped at that same expensive whiskey whose bottle she now kept in her own liquor cabinet just because it was his favorite.
They had talked a little about Vocal Adrenaline and got comfortable with each other (and the alcohol certainly helped) and started sharing stories, finding out almost immediately that they were both Vassar alumni. Except Connor had graduated three years before her, but nevertheless, they had spent a whole year in the same small campus and never met. So Connor started this cute game of coming up with scenarios where they might have crossed paths and they had fun together until thirty minutes later, when they just gave up the charade, got in the elevator and made out feverishly all the way to the top, where his suite was.
She still had no idea how nobody noticed that the special guest for that party, her, had disappeared before anyone even had gotten enough to drink to be off the wagon and showed up almost two hours later with swollen lips and a wrinkled dress. If someone did detect it, at least they were polite and left her alone. They were all adults, her students had no way of knowing about it and she was off business hours.
The problem was her one night stand with Connor had shifted with him turning up at breakfast and gallantly offering to take her for a spin at the town, then slipping her into his box for a performance from BalletMet Columbus, followed by dinner and ending once again in his room.
Shelby wasn't stupid or an ingénue. Connor was a Don Juan. He would never be her boyfriend, let alone something more serious, but he was an alluring, 'perfect on paper guy' who showered her with genuine adoration every time he was with her, and that was pretty much every time he was in the city. She often joked, saying she was his Lima lover. He had even taken her to his parents house one Christmas, though that was not a day Shelby was particularly proud of. She had been terribly depressed; it was right after her health issues and finding out she couldn't have children anymore.
She knew Connor had taken her because he pitied her and was worried about her sitting alone at home feeling like that, and she was quite aware that if Connor ever became resolute in settling down, it would be with some fantastic Washington career woman, a lawyer, doctor or lobbyist, not someone who coached Glee Club in Ohio for a living. It had been a good Christmas though, as everybody treated her wonderfully and Connor made a show of acting like they were actually an item without the tiniest effort.
Shelby's affection for Connor had grown into a friendly love that day. But they knew where they were going, or rather where they were not going, and that took the pressure off. They were occasional lovers and friends but they would never be a couple, and Shelby's only regret with him was that she had cultivated this very solid line. If only she could be courageous enough to put some of her pride in the line and pick the phone to dial him every once in a while, maybe she wouldn't have become so lonely. It had been almost a year she had seen him, and he had missed so much. So much joy, so much pain. She could tell him but it didn't make up for the fact that he wasn't there. He wasn't in her life, and in two days or so he wouldn't be again, and for the first time she felt distant from him.
"Long time no see, stranger. Missed you in New York." Her lips twitched up in a playful half-smile.
Connor entered the kitchen, opened his arms and engulfed her, backing away a minute later to kiss her mouth. She felt herself respond a little coldly, and put some effort to reciprocate before pulling out completely and staring at his green eyes. Connor had to be the most handsome man she had ever met, with those eyes, the perfect dark hair, full lips, square jaw and flawless smile.
"I'm sorry, I had court that whole week. But I saw the U2 presentation. Somebody filmed it and emailed it to me. It was fantastic. You've outdone yourself."
He pushed her away from him a little and took a good look at her. "You look stunning for somebody who just gave birth." She laughed, for it could only be a joke. Connor knew she couldn't have children at all, otherwise, he'd probably be calling for a DNA test right now.
"Her name is Beth, and she went to the zoo with the nanny, but they should be here any minute." Mary had called her fifteen minutes before, and Shelby had asked her to come back. Shelby trusted Mary, but she had never been away from her daughter during the night and she just wanted her back home already.
"I'm happy for you," he said softly, still smiling, but for some reason his smile didn't reach his eyes either. He kissed her forehead, and she felt very self-conscious. When had they become the forehead kiss type?
"Do you want something to eat? You shouldn't drink on an empty stomach, Connor." She shot at him with a recriminatory stare, embarrassed that there was something odd between them and wanting to get away. Shelby opened the fridge, and Connor leaned against the counter behind her, spying over her shoulder.
"Did you become vegan this past year too?" he chuckled.
Shelby tensed. How could she explain Rachel to Connor? And why did she feel like she had to, at all? "No. Long story. I'll explain later." Finally, she grabbed a raspberry pie and put next to him. "It's vegan too, but you'll live, right?" she asked teasingly, trying to bring the humor in the room up a notch.
"Yeah, I think I'll be fine eating vegan once in my life." He met her half-way, and they exchanged an amused smile for the sake of each other.
Shelby went to the cabinet for plates and when she turned back, Connor had already taken the silverware out. It was a new kitchen, but of course things were roughly in the same place because she was anal about organization, so Connor found himself around rather easily.
"Is Beth the reason you abandoned Vocal Adrenaline?"
Connor's tone hadn't been accusing, he was always anything but judgmental towards her, but Shelby grew defensive all the same.
"I didn't abandon them, Connor. I might not be Artistic Director anymore but I still handle most of their vocal training, and their formal music education, and their budget and bureaucratic crap passes through me too. I just wasn't content anymore," she finally confessed, bringing her eyes up to meet his. "The fact that Beth came along and I needed better working hours was just a happy coincidence."
"Hey, I think it's fair," he said, throwing his hands up in mock surrender. "You made that club, but that club didn't make you. You should have a life. You look so much better now. Not that you were not always so beautiful. But your skin is even smoother." He came up behind her and caressed her arm. "Your hair is shinier; even your house seems cozier. Did you get to go back to ballet like you wanted?" His hand finally settled in her belly, his head supported by her shoulder, where she had full access to his delicious aftershave and it was already driven her crazy. That aftershave was the smell of the best sex of her life.
"Yeah, I'm finally putting that studio to personal use."
"Cat, what's wrong?" Connor had called her Cat ever since he had taken her to a karaoke bar at the end of a long night, after dinner and two previous stops at more upright places. And she was so wasted he actually convinced her to go up at the stage. Even bordering an alcoholic coma, Shelby had performed a supposedly flawless rendition of 'Memory' that she didn't remember at all.
"I could ask you the same thing," she answered, sneering more each passing minute.
"Fair enough." She felt him pull away, but before she could turn her attention back at him they were interrupted by Alicia, who timidly stumbled through the threshold and cleared her throat to announce her presence.
"Shelby, everybody's asking me about the set list for Sectionals, and I don't know what to do. Can I even disclosure that kind of information? And was I supposed to have it this early?" Shelby watched the petite blonde woman fidget in front of her and got a little impatient, heavily sighing to show discontentment.
The truth was the parents did ask about songs a lot, but she knew they were trying to test Alicia. Shelby would always give them some nonsense and then change it about ten times. It didn't matter, but whatever Alicia told them now would be a statement of how fit she was for this job, as it had been when Shelby first started.
"Just tell them whatever is on your mind, Alicia. And if it feels wrong further down the road, you change it. Just don't be too scared of them."
Alicia nodded, not very convinced, and Shelby knew she hadn't helped a lot, but didn't care. She had faced them by herself for years, Alicia would have to find a way to survive. You didn't get to direct Vocal Adrenaline without a very thick skin.
While Shelby got rid of Alicia, Connor had served them both pieces of pie and seated down. He patted the stool next to him and she propelled herself to the empty seat.
"Where were we?" she asked, frowning a little at her pie. Connor put a finger under her chin and pushed her head up, forcing her to look into his marvelous green eyes.
"Well, I was about to tell you how weird it is to be without contact with a woman I consider myself intimate to, and find out she changed entirely in the meantime. And that I'm afraid I don't know you at all anymore."
Shelby felt like a little girl being scolded. His gentle touch and tender tone just made it more embarrassing.
"Look, I'm sorry." She exhaled noisily, and pinched the bridge of her nose to try and unwind. "I just never called you while you were away, it was not the type of relationship we had. So it didn't feel very appropriate to pick up the phone to announce to you I had just finished my run down early mid-life crisis lane by adopting a baby. Let's face it; we've always been a crime of opportunity in each other's life. Do I even get to exist for Washington Connor?"
"Sometimes. Sometimes I listen to a song, or watch a movie or a play, or just sit in my window when it's raining, and I think of you. I think of what you'd say, or how you'd love a rainy day in Washington, or how I would love to just stay inside with you in rainy day in Washington. And sometimes I'm upset or stressed and I think that you could say something to make me laugh, but I don't call you either because you just have a whole life going on here that I don't know anything about, except for when I show up, and it feels like it's not my place."
There was something about Connor that Shelby never expected to see there: loneliness. In a way, it just felt wrong to add that little piece of information to the puzzle after all of those years. She had always imagined Connor being perfectly happy with that existence of changing women faster than he changed suits. Shelby knew very well what it was like to be alone, and it made her heart ache a little for him.
Shelby patted his arm soothingly, shooting him a sympathetic look. Connor slid his already empty plate aside and extended his hand, grabbing her arm, pushing her out of the stool and maneuvering her into his lap. Shelby had forgotten completely about Will already or she wouldn't have been doing this in her kitchen. Considering it was a party and there were people in the next room, she shouldn't either way, but she just wanted to kiss Connor, badly.
Connor put a soft kiss in her clavicle and she couldn't help but moan softly. He kept going down, towards the cleavage of her red mini dress.
"Connor. Party. People. Baby," she managed to choke out. He stopped at the last one and looked up at her. She was terrified he would be upset for a moment, but then he just smiled mischievously at her. "I'm not over with you, Cat. Or with that conversation. As a lawyer, I've learned that when you hit a wall, you either crash against it or step around it. Start deciding which you prefer." He kissed her mouth once again, making her melt like butter, and then lifted her off of him kindly so he could step out of her kitchen.
Shelby wasn't sure if they had crashed against the wall or stepped around it. She just knew that Connor had showed up at her house at nine, not looking even half as hung-over as he should be, even though he had about four whiskeys the night before. His hair was wet, but even if it wasn't, she could tell he had just stepped out of a shower, because she knew his soap and it was all over her living room within a second.
Connor had watched Beth while Shelby showered, pulled on a fancy blue summer dress he had given her ages ago and that was honestly way too short to be appropriate for a mom, pulled her hair up in a ponytail and slipped on some flats so he could take them out for breakfast.
Connor was planning a day out, but then it started to rain, and he looked at her adoringly because she had told him she loved the rain once, but the baby was with them so they just went back home. However, when Beth had settled down for her first nap, Connor had grabbed Shelby and dragged her outside while she tried to protest furiously without making noise, and made her, well, both of them, shower in the rain. She pouted at him, but was actually delighted and he knew it. Connor hugged her and kissed her hungrily under the rain and soon enough he was pressing her against the back wall of her house and reaching for her underwear. Now, eight hours later, they had had sex in almost half of the rooms in her house during the times little Beth took her naps.
They had stopped doing it just for Beth and to eat. They had cooked pasta, Connor doing the sauce because he was so much better at his than she was, had sex against the counter and then ate at the dining table, because Shelby threw a fake tantrum about how her counter was just not hygienic anymore and it was all his fault.
Now they were lying at the floor of her dance studio, listening to the rain, eating the Swiss chocolates Connor had stolen from his mother's house and talking about Heidegger, and Shelby was having a hard time remembering why she hadn't just quit Carmel, waltzed her way to Washington and married this man.
And then it came back to her. It was because she didn't know if he would want her, or rather, how much of her he wanted and in which ways. Even at breakfast, when they tried to finish the conversation from the night before, since with Beth and Will showing up she had been totally unavailable, he never said he had any intention of changing them, now that she had obviously transformed so much. He said he wanted to be more present, but to her it just sounded like he wanted to do this more often. And now that she had the kids she always wanted, Shelby found herself craving a companion. She was a little old for dreams of a white wedding and all of that, but just someone that she could count on would do.
She could count on Connor, but only when he was around. He would do anything for her, but she wouldn't dare to summon him for fear that she would be met with his absence. She looked at him, suddenly very sad and he noticed it. He squinted his eyes at her, because it was dark and he wanted to be certain, but then he just pulled her up and over him, and after she was comfortably laid in his chest he hugged her.
He didn't say anything to her. Didn't even ask why she had suddenly gone like that. And she knew why. The only way Connor knew how to be intimate to her was physically. He was already fondling her again, when her bell rang and she jumped five feet in the air and ran desperately upstairs to put a jeans on. When she finally held the doorknob in her hand, she was panting and didn't even bother to check who it was.
Which turned out to be a mistake as her teenage daughter just waltzed into the house, babbling happily about how she had brought the DVDs of Hair and Godspell for them to see.
"Also, I just got the DVD for Chess in Concert, and I don't think we'll have time, but I thought to bring it anyway because maybe we can fit it in."
Shelby frowned, still trying to get her breathing steady and trying to figure out if that last one coupled with the big bag was an indirect for Rachel wanting to stay over. She had forgotten her child. How could she?
"Rachel, slow down. My brain cannot process all that information at once right now. Just go into the kitchen. I bought you some soy yogurt. I'll be there in a minute." Rachel nodded, but put on dejected face like Shelby had scolded her or something. She was turning on her heels when Connor came into the living room, and Shelby's only luck was that at least he had had the decency of putting his pants on. She would scream at him for not wearing a shirt too, but his Hugo Boss button blouse was actually on her body at that very moment.
"Cat, what's wrong?" Connor looked at Rachel, then at her, then back at Rachel. A very confused expression crept on.
"Connor, have I ever told you I was a surrogate when I was young and that I have a biological daughter?" She tried to sound nonchalant and put some humor into it. Usually she could count on Connor when it came to odd sense of humor, but today was the day he decided to just stand there looking dumbfounded.
"No, if you had, I'm sure I'd recall." Shelby nodded and then sheepishly walked towards Rachel, putting an encouraging hand on her back and propelling her forward.
"This is Rachel. Rachel, this is Connor. He's a friend of mine."
They shook hands and Connor looked embarrassed, but curious. Shelby had the impression she was witnessing the end of the "Shelby Corcoran and Connor Ormond Story" right in front of her eyes. She felt incredible saddened, but not enough to try and do something about it. It was like seeing a favorite piece of clothing that doesn't really fit anymore get ruined.
"I'm gonna check up on Beth, why don't you two make yourselves comfortable in the kitchen for a minute?" she added so tiredly that she was sure she hadn't sounded very nice, but turned her back on them and stalked out anyway.
After a staring contest that lasted a fair amount of time, Rachel led Connor into the kitchen, even though it seemed like Connor needed little leading. He seemed more comfortable there than she was.
"So, I'm going to rummage through your mother's food cabinet for something that isn't made of soy, gluten-free or... well, baby formula," he joked at her, but Rachel promptly blushed, feeling really ashamed about the fact that Shelby had been going out of her way to please her food sensibilities and that that was somehow a laughing matter. Connor picked up on it, and then it was his time to look sheepish. "Oh, you're the reason for Shelby's new and improved food habits." He added a smile that was genuinely nice and nonthreatening, but that was of little use.
"To be fair, she didn't really stop eating what she likes," Rachel tried in her defense. Connor seemed to be really intimate with her mother, and she didn't want him thinking Rachel was pushing her will through Shelby like a spoiled little girl, when she had no right to. Obviously, when it came to Shelby, Connor had more claim. "She just says it doesn't make much sense having two of a bunch of things, when she's perfectly fine with soy and gluten-free. She stills eats meat. And real chocolate. She says soy chocolate is torture."
"Oh yeah, she's picky with that. Don't try and take away her gourmet chocolate, she'll kill you." He laughed, trying to break the tension, but Rachel didn't know how to loosen up to him. Thankfully Shelby walked into the kitchen right then, Beth in one arm and the button blouse she was just wearing in another, stretched out to Connor. He grabbed it, and dressed himself, perfectly at ease.
"Rach, do you mind waiting in the TV room? Connor and I need some privacy."
Rachel agreed, not the least bothered to get away, but didn't leave right away. "Do you want me to take Beth?" she asked innocently, and only realized how huge was her question the minute Shelby looked back at her with wide eyes and staggered an, "Are you sure?" Rachel's issues with the adoption had not vanished, but she didn't have a valid reason right there not to take the baby and play with her for five minutes so Shelby could have a conversation without an infant bouncing on her waist. So she just stretched out her arms and let Shelby carefully place her adopted half-sister on her arms, and felt the warm of her little body seep into her.
Beth had always been an obstacle in Rachel's life somehow. Their connection was already bizarre and full of resentment. Yet, she couldn't make herself loathe that beautiful creature she held. She was completely innocent. And having those big pure eyes on her just made Rachel heart melt, and the brunette felt a strong desire to squeeze the adorable baby like she was the sibling Rachel never had. Maybe one day, it would feel like she was. But that day, Rachel just smiled timidly and hurried away from the kitchen.
"If you're going to kick me out, can I at least eat first?" Connor joked, and Shelby thought bitterly that they were indeed disconnected emotionally that weekend. Right at that moment, she was in an absolute non-nonsense mood.
"I need to know that this won't impair our professional relationship, Connor."
"What exactly is this? And what professional relationship?" Connor tried to play dumb and Shelby felt some anger rise.
"You're one of my sponsors."
"No, I'm one of Carmel's sponsors, it just happens that I think the arts deserve some attention and sports not so much."
"You were a jock, Connor."
"Look, I'm not going to whine here. I know I haven't been a boyfriend to you; it's just a little overwhelming to parachute into your new reality. We used to be two free adults doing a casual thing, and I'm not so sure I'm ready for more commitment."
"Well, Connor, I'm not so sure you'll ever be ready for more commitment. I'm sorry that I moved on in the short time of one year that you completely forgot I existed, and I know that it used to be ok, so you don't get it. But I grew lonely at some point and it just wasn't okay anymore. I'm gonna need that boyfriend now. But don't worry, I never expected you to pull me into your arms and tell me you'll stay, adopt my baby, and grow old with me. I just keep seeing this picture in my head now, but funny enough you were never in it to begin with."
Shelby just shrugged, actually quite relieved to let all of that out of her chest and she intended to just go meet Rachel and let him find his way out when he called her back.
"What if you were in mine?"
"Was I?" She arched an eyebrow at him, accusingly.
"I'm just saying you never stopped to consider that maybe the reason I keep coming back it's not just because I like you and we are good in bed. This town is not so freaking small. I can have my pick of attractive women, but I always pick you. I'm not a moron, I know Shelby Corcorans are not easy to come by. Even for a guy like me, finding a truly intelligent woman who is hard-working, fascinating, gorgeous, grounded, and not interested in my money, is not easy. It's very hard, Shelby. Even in Washington. Mostly I'm between gold diggers, blood suckers and the uptight, home-schooled millionaire heiresses. I've been looking, and there are just not that many Shelbys out there. You're not being fair. You never said you wanted to marry and have a family; you were a freaking workaholic, just like me. And while I am exceptional in many ways, but I haven't quite mastered the art of reading minds. I'm down here for an invitational; you can't just expect me to settle to all of this immediately, get on my knees and propose. And what? Uproot myself from Washington, forget about getting to the Supreme Court and come live in Lima? Uproot you and your baby, tell you to kill your successful career and separate yourself from your recently found teenage daughter? Seriously, am I just supposed to hold you, tell you that love will keep us together and that we'll figure it out?"
Shelby just stared at him at shock for a moment, wondering from where all of that had come.
"No, I don't," she finally answered, a bit too sincerely.
"But we're back at the beginning. You're not being fair. You never asked me if I wanted to get serious with you, you just assumed that I wouldn't. Just because I've been sleeping around and being casual about us, it doesn't mean I would be opposed to something else."
"All right, Connor. Are you saying you want to be serious about me, and engage with all of this that I have going on?"
"Maybe. It's just a lot to figure out, and I need some time to do it."
Shelby took a deep breath. This was all too new for her to take in. She understood what Connor was saying, and it was that he was more or less feeling like she was right now. She had sprung the family on him, and he had sprung the sly possibility that they could have a real relationship on her— a few years too late if she had a say in it.
She wasn't stupid. She didn't love Connor, but she was a 40-year-old woman with so much baggage, and she wouldn't be as moronic to turn Connor down if he ever pulled his shit together and decided he wanted to come through for her.
However, she wasn't really holding her breath, for their lives were running pretty much on ways she doubted they would ever effectively get them crossed and unified. Not without a lot of sacrifice involved, and she knew she wasn't willing to give up the aforementioned things. Her daughters and her career were the only things she had to show for. They were the only things that made her worthy of breathing the air on this earth.
But if he did come around, and she was still alone... Connor was a good man. He'd be a good life companion, even if her cynicism kept her from fully believing he would give up on having sex with other women, and he would be a good father. If only he could make himself want all of those things. Really want them, not just do it because it would be good for his career or because he was getting old and thought he should settle. It was cute of him to say that she was amazing, but she wasn't amazing enough to even get her current best friend to show up for a date on time. She was high-maintenance and far from a catch, and she would be lucky to have Connor if he thought otherwise. She didn't think she would have him, though. Her instinct was telling her he would go to Washington, think about all of this and forget she ever existed. So she just walked up to him and kissed him once more. But this time, it was a sad and tired goodbye kiss, for her hopes were low and she was just too old for this to be more promising or more heartbreaking.
"Okay. Go and figure it out. Take as much time as you want, just don't expect me to sit around and freeze my life while you do it."
Shelby looked up at him and saw what was a mixture of gloom and anger. She would have been afraid if she wasn't completely sure Connor would never harm her, or anybody for that matter. He was too good of a guy. She could have made herself love him, she just wasn't sure about the rest. She had more to lose in that very moment than ever before, and casual was just not an option anymore. It was time for Shelby to commit to life. And life was waiting for her in the TV room, and if that was all she was going to get, if the right man never came around, it was okay. It was enough.
Will sat at the piano, gathering the music sheets distractedly while the students vacated the choir room, some of them still belting a few things from their Disney Movies assignment.
"Bye Mr. Schue." He looked up to say goodbye back to Finn and saw that Rachel was still seating there, patiently waiting for everybody to leave. She gave him a small smile and he indulged by smiling back, even though he knew that those private chats Rachel liked to have with him tended to be annoying. "Rachel, if this is about the solo..." he started to warn her.
"There'll be other solos, Mr. Schue. That's not I want to talk to you about." Will raised his eyebrow, completely baffled, because since when Rachel was okay with not getting solos?
"What is it then?"
Rachel looked accusingly at the closed door. "It's private. Can we please wait until Mercedes and Kurt stop listening?" Will walked to the door and ripped it open, and sure enough, Mercedes and Kurt almost fell in the ground from leaning in against the door. Tina, Artie, Santana and Brittany were hanging around just behind them and tried to either act casual or disperse discreetly, very unsuccessfully.
"Guys, go away. This is not acceptable." They tried to look ashamed, but Will caught the nasty look Kurt sent Rachel's way and he was starting to get a little sick of this. He had tried to adapt Shelby's strategy to help her students cope with adversity but ran into a very solid wall he never saw coming: internal bullying. And Rachel was the number one victim of this too. She was for sure a little abrasive and he couldn't stand her diva tantrums, but maybe she wouldn't be like that so much if she didn't feel threatened all the time. When Rachel felt welcomed and safe around people, she was a sweetheart. The few times he had crossed her in Shelby's house she had actually been pleasant company. He sat in one of the chairs next to her and spoke softly.
"So, what is it, Rachel?"
"It's about my mother," Rachel replied timidly.
"What about her?"
"What's going on between you and her, Mr. Schue?"
"We are friends, Rachel. I thought she had filled you in."
"She did. Except, Finn and I saw you two in the park when we went for a picnic the other day, and it didn't look just friendly."
Will knew he was busted. That day in the park had been a fluke, though if he thought carefully, Shelby and he were becoming rather touchy-feely. She was becoming more comfortable around him and opening her doors. She first had let him touch her hand that night back at Beth's nursery and then one day they were having lunch and he absentmindedly started caressing her wrist. She had looked up at him, and for a moment he was sure he would get in trouble, but she just gave him her best mischievous smile, eyes glistening in amusement. Eventually she had slipped a finger into his palm and subtly caressed him back. If the effect that minor display of affection had had on him was any indication, Rachel was dead on. And there was the picnic and how he felt that day, serenading his 'friend' to sleep, having her on his lap or just simply watching her. Will didn't have many friends, but he was sure that when you start getting butterflies over that stuff, you are screwed.
Then, along came that party; when he finally made to it, of course. He expected to find her furious at him, but she just nodded understandingly at his apologies and walked away. Will had followed her into the study afterwards because he thought she might be keeping it discrete and want a word with him alone. How surprised and jealous was he when he walked into some guy fetching himself some liquor from her private cabinet and then kissing her neck like it was nothing! Like Shelby let people kiss her like that all the freaking time!
Will hadn't been able to resist interrupting and asking for a word, but of course all he got was an earful from her. All the fake tolerance came crumbling down and she got to him like a mad bull, and literally used six different ways to call him a moron and another four to express that it was none of his business what she was doing with Connor because he was three hours late.
He had considered leaving, but knowing full well the only thing that would accomplish would be her being twice as pissed next time they met, he took upon himself to look after Beth and told Mary to go home. After everybody had left, she gave him a nasty look and went up to change, but he put Beth in the crib and followed her, begging her to let him apologize. After almost forty minutes of him trying to talk his way through her defenses and her screaming, he had finally mellowed her enough that when he gently held her by the elbows and put a not so candid goodbye kiss at her cheek, she didn't downright killed him. And all of that, if he was honest, was not just 'friendly'.
But depending on what Rachel had seen, it wasn't just an issue of Will tenderly touching her mother in public. It could be more, as Will remembered very vividly he had let his mind wander to places it shouldn't. So, he just shrugged at her, at a loss.
"Are you in love with her?" Rachel pressed further.
"Would you mind if I was?"
"Mr. Schue, don't answer a question with another question. And no, I wouldn't mind. I'm not saying it wouldn't be weird at first if you two dated, but I could get used to it. But, are you? In love?"
"I don't know, Rachel. I really don't," Will growled, frustrated, making her get out of his face and look down at her hands.
"Well, we're still in a process of getting close, but she's my mother, and she's not as hard as she likes to let people think she is, so please don't hurt her. I know I'm young and inexperienced, but I had a boy playing with my feelings before and all of that fake friendship stuff, and it was really awful."
"I'm not going to play your mother. If I have feelings for her, I'll deal with them. We'll deal with them. You don't have to worry."
"Maybe you'd want to hurry..."
"Why?"
Rachel bit her lip and looked away from him. "Well, don't tell her that I told you because she'll kill me, but there was this guy in her house when I came by the other day. And she was wearing his shirt."
"A guy?" Will repeated, feeling as though he had been punched in the stomach.
"I think his name was Connor. He seemed nice, but I think they got into a fight."
Fucking Connor had slept with her! Will wanted to kill that guy, he really did. But he couldn't let Rachel see how upset he was. "If he seemed nice, then what's the problem?"
Rachel just shrugged. "I know you and I haven't always got along, Mr. Schue. I'm a pain sometimes. But I know that even though you don't really like me, you wouldn't try and pry my mother away from me. I'm just now getting to know her. And what happens if she gets married? Beth is one thing, she's a baby, the guy could easily take her as his. But the deranged teenager biological daughter that she doesn't even has to take care of? She wants a family. She told me that. She has barely managed to open a little space for me in her life, and I know she wouldn't if she had a shot at a real family and I was unwanted."
"Rachel, I think you're totally wrong. I think your mother will never just cut you out."
"She would. She has before."
"She was trying to do what's best for you."
"And then she might have to try and do what's best for Beth, who is her real child right now. And that would be having a family, with a suitable father."
Will wanted to fix Rachel's messed up ideas about her relationship with Shelby, but it still felt like it wasn't his place. So he tried to come up with something else to tell her, just so that conversation wouldn't be left hanging.
"I can't just profess love to your mother because you're afraid..."
"Of course not. I'm just saying in case I am right, and the way you were touching her face that day was really way too intimate, Mr. Schue, you should go for it. I'm rooting for you."
Rachel got up and walked to the door.
"Rachel." She turned. "I don't dislike you."
Will expected her face to light up like it usually did when somebody paid her a compliment, but it remained impassive and hard, just like Shelby's would when she thought she was being patronized or lied to.
"Yeah, right." Rachel retorted cynically. It really hurt him to see her talking like that, but before he could do anything, she was out, leaving him with his thoughts. And how complicated those thoughts were.
A/N: So, my beta, NastElliBurg, just founded and is presiding the Connor Fan Club. If you care to join, you can always PM her. If you care to kill her for choosing Shelby/Connor over Shell, it would mean a lot to me if you waited until she's done editing the fic. Really, it would be too hard to find someone as awesome as she is.