Ch 7- You Will Be Alright

Jude took a deep breath, the fresh mountain air filling her lungs as she closed her eyes, her gaze now totally occupied. Nothing but two beautiful orbs of chocolate brown, speckled with little bits of hazel, remained in view. A tear slipped from her own eyes, running down her cheek, as her focus remained engaged with the large pools before her. She couldn't get over how pure and sweet they were and how with each blink they just seemed to entrance her all the more, reeling her in. Jude was blown over that after nearly two years they had not changed. The light and wonderment in them remained, burning like the most steadfast of fires. And although time and space had kept them apart she would know them from anywhere.

…..

June 1965

"He-he-who-he-he-who…" Jude panted. "Oooh! Ohhhh! Oh! Please! Please give me something…ha…give me something to manage the pain." Jude cried. "Oh! Please! Please!"

She was in agony and could barely think straight. She couldn't completely fathom why Timothy and the nurses weren't even replying to her desperate pleas but figured it had something to do with why she was here in this little room, about to give birth without the assistance of a doctor.

"Ooh! T-Timothy please!" She begged as she pinched him.

Jude was becoming increasingly panicked by the second, the pain overwhelming her. Her situation was surreal and was making her feel all the more lost and worried. As the patient in the scenario, she should've been the center of their attention, but the nurses attending her birth offered her no comfort and wouldn't even look at her, except to sneer. Timothy hadn't been much better.

He sat by her side and offered her his hands to squeeze, he'd given her a few comforting words over the course of her labor, but had mostly been nearly as cold as the nurses. Jude began to feel abandoned as soon as she caught on to his disinterest and was wracked with worry about what that met for her and their child. She felt so oddly alone and distant from all three of them, like she was in this all by herself and the baby was her only partner. Jude could feel him moving, even during some of her hardest contractions and knew he was okay.

"What's wrong?" Timothy asked one of the nurses coldly, not looking down at Jude. "She's been pushing for over an hour and her medications have clearly worn off."

"It can be slow for some first time Mothers…" One of the nurses explained. "The baby's head is just now beginning to descend into the…"

"Ohhhh! Oh! T-Timothy…" She plead for his help; grasping for his hand.

"Pull it out." The Monsignor commanded, no emotion in his voice. The nurses were shocked and exchanged glances.

"E-excuse me Monsignor?" The second nurse asked.

"I don't have time for this. Take the forceps and pull it out."

"But Monsignor…" The first nurse protested.

"We've waited long enough; as soon as you can see the head, take it and pull it out."

Jude's eyes widened at the sound of this and she sat up, deciding to make a run for it. She couldn't let this happen to her or her baby. She barely moved a few inches before Timothy grabbed her by the arms, his nails digging into her skin. He laid her back in the pillows and held her down, blocking her view of the nurses behind him. She could tell they were preparing to do what he'd asked.

"No!" Jude cried. "No! Please! Please! Please Timothy!" She sobbed. "Don't do this to me! Don't do this ta yar baby, please!"

"We're ready Monsignor."

"Please get me Arden, get me Dr. Arden!" Jude cried, knowing Dr. Arden wouldn't let it happen simply because it wasn't the right way go about this, in that moment the full realization of what this could do to her and her baby hit her and she began to sob. "No, please…" She whimpered; backing up in the bed when she realized there was no escape from Timothy's senseless edict. "Ahaaa…"

Jude's heart began to race and she closed her eyes tight not wanting to see what was about to happen. In the future, she wouldn't be able to describe to you the kind of pain she endured within the next few moments but would later know it wouldn't come close to rivaling the birth of her second child. She would only recall that she found herself begging, not for herself but for the baby. She cringed as she felt Timothy touch her lower back, rubbing little circles in her bare skin to try to soothe her….or pretend to. His touch was cold and she found it revolting in a way she'd never experienced before.

"Please, please don't, yar gonna hurt him, yar gonna break his neck, please!" Jude sobbed issuing one last plea and realizing in that moment that perhaps that was Timothy's objective: death for her child. "Please have mercy on yar own little baby Timothy, on yar flesh and blood owww!"

Jude didn't remember much after that moment except for searing pain. After a few moments everything went black and red and she was overwhelmed with this incredible sense of dizziness. Jude was sure this was it: the moment she would just pass out or perhaps even cease to be but the next thing she knew, her ears were flooded with a powerful, reassuring cry: it was the baby.

"Waaa-aaah-ahhh-waaaa!"

Once she heard the baby cry, she let go and allowed Timothy to lay her back down in the pillows. She kept her eyes shut tightly, flinching when she felt him wipe her hair out of her face very gently. Jude would never forget when she looked up and saw her beautiful baby for the very first time. She laughed in spite of her tears and the pain she was still in, reassured because no matter what Timothy had been trying to do, the baby was fine and had made it.

After that she'd held him, her beautiful little boy. And in those moments she was fooled into thinking she was going to get to be his Mother. Every time Jude had closed her eyes, from the moment he was taken, up till now, two years later, she saw her son's beautiful little clear brown eyes staring back at her. Even though he'd just been born; his eyes seemed to gaze up as if they were searching her. Mother, and son hadn't needed time to bond as many did; that had been done during Leo's first nine months inside her, and solidified the moment he looked in her eyes.

For a mere moment in time, Jude and her baby belonged only to each other. Neither had belonged any place else before, or since. Jude could see into her long awaited child's soul and within seconds seemed to understand everything he was. Leo had been all love, and all her in every sense. Jude worried about how he faired now, living with his Father when he was so much her. She was glad, in hindsight that she didn't know what would happen at the time: that her boy would be named Leo, that he'd be taken and she'd not be permitted to have anything to do with him.

"Oh! Oh there ya are!" She'd whispered, her voice sweet despite being ragged from exhaustion and screaming. She cuddled and kissed her son, not believing he was there in her arms. "Mommy loves ya so much, so much more than anyone in the world is ever gonna love ya."

It was only moments later that Timothy ripped the baby from her arms just as he'd had him ripped from her womb, not giving him the chance to finish being born naturally, or to rest from the ordeal in his Mother's arms. Jude didn't know this was how Timothy treated their son even to this day: rushing him in dangerous ways, urging him to be ready for things he was not, just to suit his own tastes.

"Give our son a kiss and say goodbye now." Timothy had told her calmly, the baby screaming frantically now in protest.

Goodbye. That had been it? His words, much like the baby's eyes, haunted her everyday. While while the child's gaze gave her solace, Timothy's words equivillated to a challenge: one she'd rather die than loose. Jude shuddered, remembering being left alone, bleeding, empty and wanting to die. She pulled herself into a hug, shutting her eyes tight as she shook.

"Jude, Jude!"

"Oh, oh Lana…" Jude said with a panic, she'd almost forgotten where she really was: in the car with Lana on the way to New York.

Her memories of Leo's birth were so vivid she felt like she was reliving the experience most every time she reflected on it, which was just about everyday, and today more than most days because she was finally on the way to find her son.

Jude looked down, realizing she'd been cradling her stomach as she remembered Leo's birth. The new baby was growing quickly and she was visibly pregnant now. It brought back harsh memories of her first pregnancy and Jude hoped that even with what she was going through now; in trying to get her son back, she could have a more pleasant experience this time around.

"You okay Jude?" Lana asked.

"I…" Jude didn't realize that she was crying, and absentmindedly reached up to wipe her eyes.

Jude looked down at the picture of Leo she held in her hands; glad her son's eyes remained the same even after all this time. It reassured her that no matter what Timothy was trying to do with him, he was all right and she had a fighting chance.

"It's going to be alright Jude."

"He's so perfect." Jude laughed, tracing her finger along the image of her son's jaw. "Against all odds."

….

February 1965

"Good morning Jude." Timothy said, kissing her cheek.

Jude had come upon the scene late and surveyed her surroundings quickly as everyone else was being hauled away in separate directions, leaving her and Timothy all alone in the hall.

"W-what was that about? Where are…" She inquired nervously wrapping her sweater around her middle tightly. Her pregnancy was still a secret to everyone save the two of them.

"Jude, don't worry about these things; you've got to have your rest."

Timothy pushed her against a wall when he was absolutely sure they were alone. Jude noted he held her there with some force but moved in closer to her, trying to act as though this were an intimate thing. She knew it was not.

"Where are ya takin' that baby?" She asked pointedly, hearing Grace cry bitterly in the distance.

She knew, of course, where Kit's baby was going but was giving Timothy the chance to tell her straight. She'd sent many babies there herself in the past and the idea of the place made her ill now. Deep inside, she knew he would not tell her. She swallowed nervously as he searched her eyes.

"Go on." She urged.

Timothy smiled and sighed, his gaze moving to her abdomen. There was a little bump there now and no one in the world except for the two of them noticed it yet. He reached down and cupped it in his hands.

"Don't ya dare do that ta my baby." She warned seething with anger.

"Our baby." He reminded quietly.

"If he's our baby then why don't ya get his Mother outta here?" She protested.

Timothy did not reply. Instead he simply pat her stomach and walked away.

…

May 1967

"Lana I don't know about this." Jude hesitated.

"What don't you know about?" Lana asked, trying to be convincing.

Jude was nervous as they sat in the attorney's office awaiting his arrival. Lana had gotten her all 'dolled-up' in preparation for this meeting, which made Jude even more uncomfortable than she would've been. She was not used to getting her hair done and had not worn true maternity clothes before: they made her feel more pregnant than she was. More than anything, the fancy, Madison Avenue law office made her feel very out of her element. She barely even knew what to say.

"I don't have any way ta support my child…either of them…what am I supposed to say to an attorney who…."

"It doesn't matter Jude, he's YOUR son! And he was taken from you at…"

"I know that but I'm livin' offa Kit's generosity…and I can't farever…and his offer far my second child is ridiculous."

Jude was worried that Timothy would pull something when she tried to get Leo back, and that in addition to keeping him, he would also try to take the baby she was currently expecting. Jude could not handle loosing both of her children to Timothy and so Kit had stepped in, volunteering to tell anyone he needed to that he was the Father of her second child…Jude had told him that it was ridiculous that she wouldn't go along with it as she was old enough to be his Mother. Besides, she was sure Timothy would know better than to believe that anyway.

"We're here to see what your options are legally, as far as making sure we can get Leo when the time is right."

"Oh?"

"Yes. This way; when we force Timothy to resign from his place as Cardinal, you can just take him back."

Jude sniffled, considering this. She had not thought much about the legality of it all, her mind had been focused solely on meeting her son and holding him in her arms for the first time in so long. After a few minutes the lawyer, came in and introduced himself, kindly offering both women coffee. Lana declined and instead lit a cigarette. Jude accepted a small cup, even though she wasn't supposed to drink much of it while pregnant.

"I have a lot of questions for you, Ms. Martin..." He began once they were all settled.

"Jude, please." She corrected.

"Jude." He smiled.

"Well, let's start with evidence that you're the biological Mother…that seems to be pretty solid: he admits you are the Mother…you gave birth, two years ago June when you were a patient at Briarcliff…is there anyone we could track down who could tell us about what happened after the birth?"

"The two nurses…maybe…if ya can find em."

Jude paused. The nurses hated her, and she doubted that they would collaborate her story if asked. At the same time, she'd noticed they'd been upset about Timothy's insistence on removing Leo with forceps. They had not wanted to do it. They had also overheard her repeatedly claim Timothy was the baby's Father and at times she seemed to notice that it caught their attention.

Jude did not realize that the nurses, who were also nuns, gave her declaration about Leo's parentage heavy consideration. After all, she was once their boss, not liking her didn't change the fact that they trusted her to some degree and knew her character. They understood that while she was mean and commanding she was not a liar or a whore.

Both women considered that nine months prior to the birth, Jude had been a nun…a very strict nun who almost never left the asylum… the women discussed it among themselves, deciding the baby couldn't possibly belong to anyone but the Monsignor. After all, he and Jude had private special dinners once a week. Timothy and Jude had thought this was their secret. To this day, neither of them realized it had been common knowledge at Briarcliff.

Another deciding factor had come minutes after they all left Jude lying in bed, bleeding. The nurses had taken newborn Leo, at this point, abandoned by the Father who'd stolen him, and were cleaning him up after his birth. The Monsignor had come in and simply stared at the newborn boy for the longest time. Both would tell you he had the strangest look on his face, one mixed with horror, guilt and most visible of all, pride. Having worked in maternity wards for years, both women knew that look: it was a new Father's awe and it had convinced them both that he was the Father as Jude had said.

Jude would never know a litany of other things the two women had taken into consideration. They found it suspicious that the Monsignor attended the birth in the first place, and that he stayed by her side for so long, offering her aid, and comfort…almost seeming to love her at times, and yet still trying his best to control the situation. To them it was obvious he was trying to hide her, although he'd said he wanted to give her some privacy, and dignity so other patients didn't have to watch her give birth…but there were other places in the infirmary to take her if that were the case. Instead they ended up in a small, dark room without a doctor's help. The manner, in which she gave birth, ended up being far from dignified. If anything they thought, in hindsight, that he wished to humiliate her.

They also felt suspicious about the Monsignor's comfort level with the birth its self. Most men didn't go in with their wives when they gave birth, it simply wasn't done. But both nuns had attended a few births in the past where the husband was present. Like those men, Timothy seemed to know Sister Jude's body well…too well not to be her lover. It was unsettling to the two much older nuns for a variety of reasons, but his willingness to touch her and look at her in ways he shouldn't be was what most sold them on the fact that he was much more than Jude's former boss and friend.

"Okay." The attorney, Mr. Mosher said, jotting down some notes on the large yellow legal pad. "What about…" He hesitated, unsure of how to say this politely. He'd been told of everything ahead of time and was trying to ask Jude as little as possible. "What about your current state, Jude?"

"He um…he visited Briarcliff a…five yeah five and a half months ago now."

Jude paused, taking a deep breath as she cradled her stomach in her hands. She could still barely believe that he'd done this. She loved the baby she carried but aside from that, she could barely acknowledge what had happened: that the man she loved had raped her.

"He um…he visited just befare Briarcliff was goin' ta be sold to the state…he came ta say good-bye ta me…he asked me ta talk with him privately, and took me into a room, an empty room near the common room and raped me." She said, her head down, tears in her eyes. "Af-afterward he brought me back to the common room and when I questioned him he tried to convince me nothin' happened…that it was all in my head, but I knew better, was in pain…not just from the rape, but because well I never healed well from Leo's birth…" Jude swallowed before continuing and she felt Lana reach over and rub her back soothingly.

"And then we were talking and I asked what he'd done with my son…. and a single, little red toy car fell out of his pocket and right into my hands…it was Leo's but he still insisted, as he had throughout his visit that we had no son, that I'd never had a baby…no more than a month or so went by befare I realized I was pregnant again and needed to escape ta save her."

"Well, if needed, we can prove all this by simply issuing a subpoena asking for a blood test for the children…Jude, are you alright?" He asked handing her a Kleenex.

She nodded, accepting it without a word. Truthfully she was overwhelmed. She still couldn't believe that he'd done these things, and while Lana and Mr. Mosher might not understand, Jude was still heartbroken at the loss of Timothy. The Timothy she'd made Leo with, the one she'd been in love with, never would have done these things to her, the idea that he was a different person now really scared her more than anything mostly because she didn't really know the man who was raising her son.

"Lana." Mr. Mosher began. "I understand you have some other evidence you'll be printing in the paper soon?"

"Yes." She smiled. Lana opened her briefcase and handed him the two photographs Jude had given her. "On the right, you see Leo, on the left, the Cardinal when he was two."

"It's uncanny." Mr. Mosher was taken aback.

"We're going to print it right when he comes back to the states. Don't you see where it'll be a sensation? He'll have to resign when people see that!" Lana spat, a hint of excitement coupled with resentment, obvious in her tone.

"Well, then maybe tomorrow is your day."

"W-why?" Jude asked, nervous now.

She had been so scared when she'd heard Timothy was taking Leo out of the country. Lana and Mr. Mosher were sure Timothy would return, but Jude had not been so sure. When she'd first heard the news she imagined some kind of outrageous custody battle that would last years. There'd be no winning in it because it would be her against the Vatican its self. She knew Timothy and had no doubts he would take a job in Vatican City if offered it.

"He's on a plane right now, they'll be back in the morning. He has engagements in New York all week, in his official capacity as Cardinal. Now's the time to strike."

"Ha, t-they're really coming back!" Jude cried.

"Yes Jude." Lana smiled. "I told you they would."

"They'll be back…" Mr. Mosher continued. "And I think it's just a matter of time before you have your son."

…

Lana's story and Jude's pictures hit the front page of five major newspapers the very next morning. Cardinal Father's Boy With Nun, read one headline. Cardinal of New York a Kidnapper? Another questioned. Everyone's lives changed literally overnight.

Lana, who was already a rising star thanks to her new book, Maniac, had been invited on a major talk show to discuss both her ordeal and Jude's battle. It was something the reporter relished, but for Jude and Timothy, newfound notoriety was proving to be a nightmare.

Jude found herself hounded with questions day and night everywhere she went. It was overwhelming and exhausting for the pregnant former nun, but with Lana's instruction and support she got through it, all along carrying the hope that in the end her baby son would be her reward.

And just as Lana and Jude had hoped the allegations quickly began to tare away at Timothy's world. Several of his engagements were canceled within a matter of hours after the story hit the press, and by the end of the day the Church had sent word they were sending someone to speak with him. Timothy was frazzled, and scared, and very angry but not yet giving up hope at defending himself. He was still confident he'd win out and Jude would be proven wrong.

"She'll stop at nothing won't she…damn woman."

Leo jumped, his heart beginning to pound when his Father slammed a glass down on the table. Timothy folded up the newspaper and threw it on the floor.

The little boy backed away and crawled under a chair. He'd been minding his own business, playing with his blocks on the floor, his Father's violent, sudden outbursts overwhelmed him and he didn't understand what was wrong.

Leo peeked out from under the chair, watching as his Father took yet another drink. Being barely two, Leo did not understand what was wrong, only that something had changed dramatically, and the loving but disconnected Father he adored seemed to be slipping away.

Lana and Jude never would've guessed that Dr. Arden, of all people, was following the news report or that he was Jude's most unlikely ally.

"How would I have guessed that this would become a media circus?" He laughed as he opened his morning paper.

It was the third day of reporting and he found the whole thing very just. To a degree, it all amused him greatly: mostly because he loathed Timothy, but it sickened him for Jude's sake.

"Arthur, has there ever been a moment in your life where you've done the right thing?" The Doctor considered this for a moment; doing the right thing was not in his nature, not for any reason, but in hindsight, he'd hated the suffering the boy and his Mother had endured at the time of his birth and he hated Timothy more for blaming it all on him.

…

June 1965

"Hello Arthur." Timothy greeted as Dr. Arden walked into his office.

"Monsignor." Timothy didn't notice that Arthur's demeanor was much colder than usual.

"Have you seen my son?" Timothy inquired, smiling as he made his way over to the newborn boy who lay tucked in a basket Timothy had had brought to his office.

"Your son?"

"Yes, I've decided to keep him." He smiled.

Arthur paused. He already knew he was the Father: it was obvious to him but he was surprised he'd try to take the boy and keep him. Such an act was in complete contrast to how he'd left the child's Mother. Arthur had seen evil in his life and in fact, was evil himself. He didn't know what it was; but there was something about Timothy's treatment of Jude, a woman who he hated, that made him feel sick. Arthur would later realize that it didn't have much to do with Jude but with innocence and with the baby and even himself.

"You're a monster." He accused.

"What?" Timothy laughed, as he lifted the baby into his arms. The notion that the Nazi doctor was accusing him of being a monster was hilarious to him. "There he is. Look at him Arthur he's a beautiful boy, isn't he? My son."

"And what about his Mother?"

"What about his Mother?"

"She's lying there bleeding."

"I asked you to take care of that." Timothy reminded.

"She's unconscious now. The nurses told me what you did. You're a monster."

"Arthur you must understand…"

"You came close to gravely injuring her. Labor is a process Monsignor, you can't just rip the child straight from his mother's womb…like what you did…it can have grave consequences."

"What are you saying?"

"You almost killed her. And if it weren't for me you would have."

Arden was angry but didn't bother to thank Timothy for putting his name down as attending physician for the boy's birth. While he may've been sickened by Jude's condition he was livid that his name had been attached to it. Sure he was guilty of experimentation and cruelty…but he sure as hell didn't foil standard medical procedures like delivering a baby. Timothy's actions were a blight on his mediocre name.

"Arden you…"

"You ripped her apart. You mutilated her: just to be cruel."

"I'm the monster?! Look what you did to Shelley…"

"I'm a visionary!" Arthur had done much worse things in his life, things Timothy would never think of: mutilating people, experimenting on them, severing limbs, organs and so forth…but something about this repelled him. "But I've never hurt the ones I love, so who's the monster now, huh?"

Arden was somewhere between angry and annoyed: everything he'd done he'd done in the name of human progress. And here Timothy was, having tortured his girlfriend, the mother of his son, just for his own pleasure. As many people as Arden had harmed in his life he would never ever hurt someone he claimed to care for, Sister Mary Eunice, for example.

"Arthur if this is some kind of blackmail…"

"No for once it would seem I'm the one who cares about people's well being…" He was disgusted by this man and wanted to tell him he wasn't one.

"You hate Jude, and she was my lover." Timothy admitted, perplexed by Dr. Arden's anger with him. "Why are you…"

"Let me see the boy." Arthur said simply.

"Why?"

"Because the way you had him yanked out of his Mother, you could've broken his neck or even killed him and if how she's fairing is any indication, he should be looked over."

"Well he's alive." Timothy replied casually, looking down at the boy as he began to fuss.

"He's alive and he's going to have to go through the misfortune of being raised by you."

Timothy was burning with anger but chose to say nothing in reply.

"Fine." He said. "His neck." The baby whimpered as his Father handed him over to the Nazi doctor.

"This place has changed you Monsignor…you are not the man I once knew."

Arthur walked away from the Monsignor's office with Timothy and Jude's newborn son in his arms. He'd come to hate Briarcliff even more over the past several months. It was one thing for him to be the way he was; but he despised the way this place changed people. He'd never liked Timothy much but it was easy to see how the evil had overtaken him, and worse, his sweet, innocent Mary Eunice was no more and there wasn't a thing he could do about it. The changes in her were breaking his heart.

Arthur lay the baby down on the gurney in his lab and took a moment to just look at him, noting right away that he seemed fine except for the sores on his head where the forceps had grabbed him, which, Dr. Arden accessed would likely heal in a few days time. He sighed, he felt for the boy deeply. He was so innocent, and here he was, on his first day of life, going through something horrible and he didn't even know it. Being ripped from your mother's arms, much less her insides, was no small thing. Arthur reflected quietly on his own circumstances, which he never thought much about and spoke to the baby. He felt he could let his guard down with him like he couldn't with anyone else because it didn't count, the child would never remember it.

"I was raised by an asshole of a Father too."

He recalled, shutting his eyes as the sound of a woman whimpering, her cowering, terrified image came to his mind. He shut his eyes tightly as the sound of a gunshot came, seeming to last for ever, it's impact inevitable and the woman fell dead, faced down in the snow.

"Like your Father; he decided it would be much better if I were just raised by him…but I see good in you, and I promise that unlike me, you will be alright."