Every step Connie took made her feel more like she would burst into searing flames.
The long trek to the barn was tortuous; the quiet, peaceful night preying on her ever-escalating anxieties. Despite her newfound resolution to be part of the Crystal Gems, she nonetheless was worried sick about what she was actually going to say to them.
Connie knew who she was now. She was strong; had proven that time and time again on the battlefield. She was a warrior; had trained tirelessly to fulfill that role and be by Steven's side. She was a Crystal Gem; utterly dedicated to their cause despite all the sacrifice needed for that. Her old self was gone and she was satisfied with that.
But she didn't know how Pearl and Garnet would react to what she said, Amethyst surely having told them. Her anxiety got the best of her as she pictured their utter rejection of her after hearing it. She didn't know if they would forgive her, something she probably didn't deserve. She didn't even know if she'd even be allowed on the mission, and the thought made her breath short.
Those uncertainties kept Connie's head buzzing, as she tried to practice in her mind exactly what she would say to Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. She wanted to make a bold speech that could woo them, make them understand how sorry she was and let her join them as a full-fledged member of the Crystal Gems. But her public speaking skills were lackluster and she didn't know if she could get across what she needed to say.
Peridot and Lapis were little help. They were pretty wrapped up in yammering nothings to each other — some conversation about 'Camp Pining Hearts" she had tuned out a while ago. She supposed they were coping in their own way with their fears about what was to come. Peridot had offered little insight into how the other gems were feeling: "Seemed fine to me," was her only answer to that question.
With little to go on, Connie tried to think up an approach on the fly, even calculating for different contingencies on how the gems reacted.
Connie's thoughts hovered in her mind like an angry swarm of gnats. Before she realized it, she had arrived at the barn where her judgement awaited. The sudden loss of time was enough to spring a geyser of panic within her, but she tried to reign that feeling in with a deep, steadying breath. She had to keep calm if she was going to be convincing.
The sun began to crest the horizon, painting the structure — and the Crystal Gems — in a warm, orange glow. Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl stood in a loose circle, chattering amongs themselves next to the ship that would take them to Steven — now coloured lime green. The trio suddenly stopped their dialogue when they saw Connie approach them, each twisting their gaze to look into a different direction.
Connie lightly rubbed her stomach, trying to ease its sudden ache as she slowly stepped towards them.
"I'll just...go make sure our the ship's calibrations are in order. Come, Lapis," Peridot said, pulling Lapis as fast as she could deep into the ship. She clearly didn't want to be caught in any fireworks.
The three gems before Connie looked far less than the paragons of power she had once envisioned them as. Pearl was thrumming her fingers together, sweat visible and looking anywhere but at Connie. Garnet turned to meet her gaze, but her posture was slouched and her face was shifted into a grimace. Amethyst hid her face beneath her bangs and kept her arms crossed, guarded against the oncoming intruder.
I can do this, Connie tried to psyche herself up, but the Crystal Gems' evident nerves were contagious. She plunged her mind back to all the good memories she had with the gems. A needed reminder that the people in front of her were not mysterious strangers, they were her….
"You were right!" Amethyst blurted out, breaking the tense silence, body uncurling and springing out towards Connie, revealing tear tracks down her eyes. The short gem stomped out her frustration as she yelled heart-wrenchingly. "You were right about all of it!"
"Amethyst," Garnet said admonishingly, staring down at the small gem, eyes still covered by her glasses. Amethyst just glowered back, before taking another step forward.
"You were right, okay?" Amethyst stared right into Connie's eyes, who was too stunned to move. "We are bad for Steven. We have no idea what we're doing and we're terrible. Happy now?!"
"What Amethyst meant to say is...we understand your point," Pearl practically leapt forward, spitting the line out in a rush for damage control. "We realize that we...we do put too much on Steven, sometimes."
Garnet trudged forward then, placing a gentle hand on both of her comrades backs. The two looked up to their leader, uncertain and trying to find a measure of surety. Garnet let go of them and kneeled down to meet Connie at eye level.
The fusion took off her visor, revealing her full face to Connie for the first time, the girl a bit taken aback by the three eyes. Garnet looked at her with a wistful sadness, her stare piercing into Connie's heart. For her part, Connie try to stand up straighter and meet the look, not wanting to turn away now.
"I promise that when we get Steven back, we're going to talk about all of this. We haven't always been fair to him and we need to come clean. I know we can't take back our mistakes, but I hope that Steven — and you — can forgive us," Garnet finished her speech, keeping herself kneeling and awaiting Connie's response. Pearl and Amethyst, at her flanks, stood still.
Connie waited for a moment, taking sight of the trio before her in. She smiled wide and shook her head slowly, bringing her hand to her eyes as she pressed back on the tears that began to leak out. How could she have been afraid of this?
"You're wrong about what I said. I'm the one that was wrong," Connie stated simply, uncovering her eyes and beaming up at the three, shaking her head again. The three gems wore identical expressions of bewilderment before she went on. "You...you're a family. And sometimes family...they...mess things up. They...they hurt each other. They make mistakes. I know that mine has," Connie closed her eyes as she struggled through her words, not wanting anything to distract her from what she needed to get out.
She looked up to see the Crystal Gems, slightly slack-jawed, hanging on to her every word. In their open expressions, showing curiosity instead of anger, she found the strength to go on.
"But you're always there for Steven. You're always there to catch him when he falls. Always there to protect him, when I can't. To cheer him up when he's down. You inspire him to be brave, to be open, to be caring, to be kind — to be the person he is today. I know he wouldn't be Steven without all the care and love and support you've given as he's grown up."
Connie took another steady breath. She grabbed Rose's scabbard, tied around her back, and pointedly put it on the ground in front of the Crystal gems. She didn't look up once as she ran her hands across it admiringly.
"And I wouldn't be who I am today without each of you. And I realized that I...I like who I am today. Despite everything, I feel like...like I've become a better person by being around all of you." She looked into a light reflection along the glossy pink scabbard and smiled at her teary face.
"Connie...I...we...you don't have to-" Pearl's voice protested weakly, but Connie heard Garnet shush her. Connie took it as invitation to go on.
"I know being a gem is part of who Steven is. And I can't begrudge him for that. I love…every part of Steven matters to me. I said I wanted to be part of his universe, and I mean it. As much as I need him to be part of my world — my human world — I know that he needs me to be part of his."
Connie breathed deeply, keeping her eyes down, shaking in feeling as she struggled to get out the most difficult part of what she needed to say.
"I...I can't act like I always understand your family. I'm trying to, really, and I'll keep trying because ….." Connie gulped, keeping her eyes down, too frightened to look at how the Crystal Gems were reacting. "I know I want to be part of your family. And I hope that you can...that you can forgive me for what I did. For what I said. You don't have to answer now, but just know that —"
Connie recognized the arms, which wrapped around her and pulled her into a mighty hug, to be Pearl's — the weepy breaths that accompanied it were unmistakable. She then felt herself getting lifted off her feet and entrenched by two more pairs of arms, so strong that she felt like she was being strangled in affection. Connie struggled to look up to see the Garnet and Amethyst beaming down at her, while Pearl sobbed into the group.
"YOU ARE THE...THE BEST….PUPIL...A..ANYONE COULD ASK FOR!" Pearl shouted out between sobs, somehow managing to squeeze Connie tighter.
"You're almost as sappy as Steven," Amethyst shook her head, hair still tousled and eyes wet. But she was smiling wide under her bangs. "But I guess you're pretty cool."
"You're already part of our family," Garnet said, smiling down at Connie. "And we're happy to have you."
Connie could only smile back and nod in response, arms trapped as they were. She closed her eyes and sighed, relishing in the moment. Despite her exhaustion and stress, she felt like she was home.
Several minutes of mutual re-assurance, sporadic hugs, and more heartfelt words later, Garnet got the gems back on track towards departure for the mission. The Crystal Gems all filed into the ship and strapped into rather cushy seats as Peridot began takeoff procedure.
"Make sure to stay strapped inside your seats at all times," Peridot grumbled out as her fingers moved at rapid speed across several screens Connie could not read. "We're going to warp and I have no interest in having to clean anything up in this after this is all over."
Connie chanced a look around the rest of the group. Spirits seemed to be riding high, with smiles abound as they chatted amongst themselves about what was to come. Even Lapis, who looked gloomy, drooping down like she wanted to fall out from her seat, wore the smallest of grins on her face.
Like her, Connie knew they were all still trying to wear brave faces. Their world wouldn't be set right until they had Steven back with them, safe, found and whole. Nothing she had experienced in the past two days had changed that.
So much had shifted for her in that time, dealing with the fallout of Steven's capture. She felt different; somehow more sure of herself, despite all the chaos that had gone on inside her. She had survived it all, and had gained a better understanding of both herself and the people she loved.
Connie knew when they got back, there would be a lot of turmoil to sort through. She would probably have to talk a lot with her mom about boundaries and her commitment to the gems. She would also have to be there for Steven when the rest of the Crystal Gems apologized to him. Then they would have to get ready for whatever Homeworld did in response to their sneak attack. She would have to train hard if she was going to keep up.
But those were all problems for the Connie of tomorrow. For today, she had only one goal; bring Steven back home. She was strong and courageous enough to do it. She had beaten back all of the feelings that threatened to put out the fiery desire within her to save him. She knew now she was a match for Lisa, or Gertrude, or any of the heroines of her books. She was even better than them, because she was real.
"Is everyone ready?" Garnet asked loudly, to chorus of affirmations.
For Connie, it wasn't a question worth asking. She would save Steven Universe, or she would die trying. Nothing would get between her and her mission.
She felt her stomach lurch as the ship rapidly ascended up into the upper atmosphere of the Earth. Feeling somewhat sick, Connie closed her eyes, not wanting to see the ship move even as she felt it.
"I'm coming for you," she whispered to herself, as a self-comfort. "I'm coming for you, Steven."
The ship blasted off into the endless mysteries of space, and Connie was ready for them.