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The nightmares were getting worse, the hallucinations ever more so. It was like experiencing a waking dream in which his imagination ran rampant. Tenzō moved through reality while his mind continued to experience the nightmare. There were days in which he wasn't even sure he himself was real. It was a confusing state of mind in which he thought he might be the figment of someone else's imagination, only existing because someone else dreamed him. On his worst days, he actually believed this to be true. He felt as if he was flickering in and out of reality; as if he was merely recurring a transient thought. On his more lucid days, he realised how stupid those beliefs actually were and would chastise himself then try to forget the hollow feeling it left him with.

The hallucinations themselves were becoming realistic in a rather disturbing and sadistic way. They tortured him, and forced him to flee the safety of his camp in fear of his life. Running from shadows until collapse was something he had experienced occasionally before, but it was quickly becoming a regular occurrence. Sometimes he ran from Orochimaru, other times Kabuto or Danzo. Even the Shodaime himself. Whoever he imagined was as real to him as the nose on his face. Usually come the morning after, he would find himself curled up in a ball in some patch of grass with no energy to get back to his shelter. Yet last night, he had somehow managed to crawl his way back, though he remembered nothing after his collapse.

Losing his mind was quickly becoming quite frightening. With every realistic hallucination his mind conjured, Tenzō lost a little more of his tenuous grip on reality. These days, he never felt sure if the person he said hello to was real, or if the stranger that smiled at him existed outside his own mind. Last nights hallucination had been the most real and persistent he had ever experienced. He took some solace in the fact it had been relatively pleasant. Imagining Kakashi sitting solidly beside him and speaking as he was real was a pleasing alteration to what he usually imagined. Then again, it had driven him to inadvertently drain his chakra to dangerously low levels. He worried that one day, that might kill him.

His chakra levels were so drained that he almost felt hollow. Sharp pains shot up and down his limbs and it was clear he would be unable to sit himself up never mind bear his own weight. So he lay there, staring at the ceiling, his only entertainment the flickering shadows cast by the fire outside. It struck him as odd that the fire still burned so brightly. He had not attended it since he had built it, yet it burned brightly as if recently fed and stoked. But then, his memory of the past day was so full of holes that maybe he had attended it and forgotten.

By his reckoning, he had lost an entire day. It was dark outside now, yet he distinctly remembered seeing daylight as some point. His memory of those day lit moments was pure fantasy and he could not trust much of what he apparently experienced. He heard the hoot of an owl, followed by the distant screaming bark of a fox. Despite his disablement, he felt safe in this place. That was, until something moved inside the shelter. Fear gripped his heart and he held his breath, trying to ascertain whether the sound was real or imagined. When he heard it again, he realized that whatever made the noise was very close by. In fact, it sounded right beside his bed. His imagination ran riot and he imagined everything from a large snake slithering at the side of the bed ready to strike, to someone ready to attack him. As he was too weak to defend himself, he lay there, utterly terrified.

His breathing quickened, as did his heart. He had to find out what it was and so urged his tired body to move, but it responded painfully slow. He managed to silently turn onto his side and peek over the edge of the bed, only to recoil from what he saw. He drew in deep unsteady breaths as he pulled away from the edge, sure that what he had seen was a continuation from last nights delusion. This scared him as it had never happened before. Usually he woke up and all the spectres of his nightmares were erased until the next time he suffered one. But there, laying on the floor beside his bed as real as his mind could imagine, lay Kakashi. Steeling himself, he looked again to see if he had disappeared, but Kakashi's sleeping form remained there, sprawled out and fast asleep on the floor.

Kakashi lay on his back, one arm draped across his chest while the other was curled up around his head. His fingers were twisted in his silver hair as if he had fallen asleep tugging at it like Tenzō had seen him do in the past. One leg was bent and resting against the bed, the other stretched out in comfort. The ever present mask was ruffled around his neck, exposing his full face. Tenzō watched as Kakashi twitched in his sleep and straightened his head with a sigh. His rarely seen mouth fell open, and soon the shelter was filled with the familiar purr of Kakashi's snore. Tenzō smiled.

Are you real this time?

Tenzō refused to believe this was anything more than a hallucination. Too many times had he wished for Kakashi to be with him, only for his imagination to trick him. It gave him what he wanted, allowed him to enjoy the fantasy. But he never enjoyed it too long as his mind would betray him by dragging him back to reality and despair. Kakashi looked so real and so peaceful lying there. He almost believed him to be real this time. Whenever he reached out for a hallucination, it invariably disappeared. He didn't want to reach out this time, didn't want the dream to end. But he knew that it would only bring him heartache in the end, so tentatively reached forward to dispel the illusion, already feeling the heavy weight of loss descending in his heart. Before his fingers had brushed against Kakashi's chest, Tenzō became aware of being observed. Turning his head, he found Kakashi watching him with clear eyes.

"Hey." Kakashi said softly, unmoving.

Tenzō hesitated, torn between believing his eyes and listening to the doubts in his mind. Kakashi continued to watch him and he reached forward again and pressed his hand to his chest. Kakashi didn't move. He simply watched Tenzō closely. There seemed to be understanding in his eyes, as if he knew why Tenzō held a hand on his chest. Tenzō felt the heat coming from Kakashi's body and the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.

"Hey." Tenzō replied eventually, withdrawing his hand while feeling confused.

Why had Kakashi not disappeared? How cruel his mind was to take the hallucination this far. It was so cruel to torment him like this. Then he almost screamed as he felt the last of his sanity shred itself into many pieces that floated away with every passing moment. He had finally tipped over the edge. He was so immersed in the delusion that everything was now real to him. He had finally cracked and all he did was chuckle, almost relieved that it had finally happened.

Kakashi yawned and stretched himself out. He pulled himself upright and let his legs flop to the sides as he leaned over and stretched out his spine. It cracked loudly and Tenzō winced at the sound though kept staring.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked, tugging at his silver hair in an attempt to make it more presentable.

Tenzō laughed as he looked away and turned onto his back. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just going a little crazy apparently." He flinched when a warm hand touched his own and fingers tighten around in a warm grip.

"I'm real Tenzō."

Tenzō ignored him for a moment, listening instead to the thumping of his heart that sounded loudly in his ears. "Of course you are." He sighed, shaking his head ruefully.

Kakashi sighed then pulled himself up against the bed. He let go of Tenzō's hand then propped his elbows on the edge and rested his chin on them. He stared at Tenzō worriedly. "How can I convince you this is real?" He mused aloud.

Tenzō did not reply. He had no idea how to answer. For too long now, his mind had given him what he wished for, as well as things he did not. No matter what this version of Kakashi said, it would undoubtedly be something his own mind made up. Why would now be any different? Unless of course, Kakashi was real. That thought made his heart quicken and he looked at Kakashi. There was a question he had long mused over, one that he himself had never been able to find an answer for. He longed to know the truth, so if this Kakashi was real, perhaps he would finally know.

"Why did you save me?" Kakashi stared at him, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "After I tried to kill you, what was the real reason you saved me? I wouldn't have blamed you if you had left me to die."

He watched the confusion leave Kakashi as what Tenzō was asking dawned on him. He sighed loudly and lowered his head, wiping a hand across his eyes. "What does it matter? I saved you, wasn't that enough?"

"I need to know." Tenzō pressed.

Kakashi got to his feet and walked towards the door. His shoulders hunched as he pushed his hands deep into his pockets. He leaned against the doorway with his back to Tenzō and thought for a moment.

"Tenzō, I have lost many, important people in my life. By the time we had met, I had already lost five of the most precious. My mother, father, Rin, Obito and Minato-sensei. I cared for them deeply though I never showed it. After their deaths, my life was dark, my soul tainted. I lived days on end with no fear of death as who was going to miss me anyway?"

Tenzō looked on with surprise as Kakashi voiced similar thoughts to his own. He never imagined that Kakashi might also harbour a deep seated lack of self respect like himself. He was about to say something when Kakashi spoke again.

"Then I met you and everything changed. We might not have started on the right foot, and yeah, you tried to kill me." He chuckled at this before continuing. "But I saw in you what I could have been. You were different to me. You held a love for life where I was the opposite. You created where I destroyed. Yet you were on the same dark path that I had walked since a child and I was sure that you would end up the same as me if I didn't do something. I wanted to save you from the darkness I lived through. There was something about you that told me you had more to give this world than I ever could. If I could save just one person, it had to be you. I couldn't let you die. I was already in love with you."

Tenzō stared at the back of Kakashi's head, barely daring to breathe. That Kakashi felt so little of himself struck a chord with him. But Kakashi had just openly admitted loving him since they almost met. It astounded him and rendered him speechless.

Kakashi turned to look at him and shrugged as he smiled self consciously. "I've always loved you."

When Kakashi walked back to sit beside him, Tenzō didn't dare move lest the dream be broken. Kakashi pulled Tenzō's hand into his own and toyed with his fingers. "You need to know that I love you and that I have missed you, desperately. I need you in my life, Tenzō. You are not worthless. You are not alone. And I, for one, am glad you exist."

Tenzō recognized the words he had spoken from the dream the night before. Instantly, memories of floods of tears and the meaningless rant flowed through his mind in a torrent of painful words and shame. Just like every hallucination before, this version of Kakashi was only here to cause him more pain. It hurt him more than all the others ghosts of his imagination, simply because it was Kakashi.

"Could you please just...leave me alone. Have I not suffered enough?"

"Tenzō..."

"Don't call me that. No one calls me that except my senpai and you are not him!"

Kakashi stared at him, his face a picture of shock. His head shook slowly as if fighting with himself over which words to say.

"I am him, Tenzō! I am real and-"

"Get out!" Tenzō roared, unable to continue with the charade.

Kakashi's hand tensed around Tenzō's, gripping it a little tighter before he let go and got to his feet. He looked around the shelter, keeping his face hidden from Tenzō as he stooped to pick up his jacket and backpack. When he did eventually look back, Tenzō saw that Kakashi's eyes were slightly unfocused and his mask readjusted to cover the bottom half of his face. His vacant expression disturbed Tenzō, for it made him feel that he had somehow upset Kakashi. This, of course, was absurd, as Kakashi was not real. Without a word, Kakashi turned and walked out of the shelter and into the darkness.

Tenzō stared at the door for long moments after he left. He half expected him to come walking back in, longed-for him to come back and prove he was real. But he did not return. Tenzō strained his ears to hear footsteps, listening for any noise that might betray a presence outside. But all he heard were the sounds of the gentle breeze blowing through the grass and the crackling of the fire.

A figment then, he thought miserably, devastated once more.

He wasn't sure he could live this way for much longer. Every time he fell into madness, it felt as if he lost another part of himself. The parts he lost were his most treasured; pieces of his heart and soul, destroyed by every damned trick of his mind. Every delusion scarred sweet memories until they were simply hateful reminders of something he had lost and so became despised. Tenzō was quickly reaching his limit. He had already abandoned his old life, detached himself from human contact. No one would miss him if he simply disappeared.

"Hmm, are we thinking this way again?"

The voice came from the other side of the shelter and though he knew who it was that spoke, Tenzō looked anyway. Orochimaru sat in the place where Kakashi had the night before. He had a smug look on his face and watched Tenzō with his awful snake-like eyes.

"How many times have we been through this?" Orochimaru simpered. "Had you just died in the tank, you would not have suffered as you have. I was really doing you a favour when I switched it off."

Tenzō looked away, gritting his teeth. He had been tormented enough this night and refused to acknowledge this odious vision.

"Yes...You know...that lake seems awfully deep..."

The lake. Cool, inviting, deadly. What if he simply walked into it and drowned? No one would find him. The thought of the cool water taking him away from his misery both frightened and tempted him. He had nothing left to live for except haunted dreams that continued to torment him. His thoughts on the intended path, Orochimaru's hateful laughter filled his mind as the vision winked out of existence, its job complete.

"Kinoe." He stiffened at the sound of the rough, deep voice that boomed at him from across the shelter. "Look at me, Kinoe."

Tenzō turned to see the man sitting regally in Orochimaru's place. His stern gaze regarded Tenzō for long moments before the vision spoke again. "Do you remember what I told you?"

"Yes, Lord Danzo."

"And?"

"That fifty nine others died so that I could exist."

"Kinoe, cherish your life."

Tenzō closed his eyes and sighed. How many times had he argued with himself over this? He did not truly believe he could carry out a deed that would end his life. But some days, the suffering was so intolerable, he felt that ending it could be a blessing. When he opened his eyes again, he found that he was alone. As he always had been.

No, he thought, my life is not mine to take.

Tenzō would continue to fall into madness and wander the land as a wretched thing, until his end came. He just had to get back on his feet and leave behind what little happiness he had felt here. This place was too unspoilt, too beautiful for someone as deplorable as himself. He guessed it was the reason he was tormented by vivid visions of Kakashi. He had become too happy. Happiness, was not his to enjoy, not anymore. Whenever he felt happy, things like this happened. Like a come down from a beautiful high, he invariably fell into a deep despair that saw him question his ability to carry on with this charade of life.

He would carry on. He always did. Come morning, if he was able, he would leave this place and continue his wanderings. He just hoped he would also leave behind the wonderful visions of Kakashi as he was not sure how much more of them he could take.

But tonight he would allow himself to think about the silver haired shinobi, entertain himself with the notion that he had, in fact, been real. He fell asleep with a smile on his lips, and dreamed of Kakashi.

TBC...