"I feel like a shithead."
"I'm not surprised", Rapunzel said as she typed away on her laptop. Anna had been spending most of her time at her cousin's house. She claimed that she missed harassing her, Rapunzel said she's just afraid to talk to Elsa.
It wasn't that she was afraid to talk, Anna would love to just sit down with her and ramble about plants. She was afraid that she'd fuck up somehow. It had been two weeks; two weeks of trepidation and pining after that saturday night and she was absolutely sick of the bitter emotions that curdled in her stomach whenever she passed Elsa in the halls.
Interactions between them had been brief and shallow since the "incident", finding moments when the busy body wasn't moving was impossible. When she wanted to ignore problems, Elsa threw herself into her responsibilities without any regards to her mental or physical health. That made Anna worry senseless.
On top of that, everyone seemed to notice the dissonance and were vaguely concerned. People would timidly ask questions about their relationship and silly rumors lingered in the halls. Where these rumors were coming from? Anna didn't know. She remembered when Rapunzel explained, for the tenth time, that they were the power couple. If there's a fall out, everyone was gonna know.
"I feel like I kicked a puppy", Anna rubbed her temples. She couldn't shake Elsa's face out of her mind, "A very sweet and harmless puppy that just wanted to nuzzle my ankle."
'You might as well have punted that puppy into the shadow realm', Rapunzel sighed heavily and looked up from the screen. Her cousin was genuinely frustrated over the situation, even though everything was simple from a spectator's view.
She felt bad for her, knowing her personal problems, "Well, as you've both said before, you're not dating each other. There's no commitment henceforth no reason for you not to seek companionship in someone outside of the relationship."
"Yeah…"
"And it's not like this is your first time making out with someone else. You've both have had romantic relationships with other people in the past", the brunette continued tiredly, "So at face value, you shouldn't feel like a cheating piece of shit and Elsa shouldn't be the least bit upset with you."
The words felt heavy, like someone was pressing hard on her chest. "But she looked absolutely crushed Punz", Anna muttered as she stared at the ceiling.
"Yes, she did. And she's been sad looking ever since that day, two weeks ago, at one-something in the morning. But c'est la vie, right? You can't control how a person reacts, or how they feel", Rapunzel said with nonchalance but Anna felt the pressure grow. Rapunzel had a funny way of sounding relaxed even if she was anything but.
After a moment of pensive silence Anna muttered, "What do you mean at face value?"
"I mean, if some stranger were to just glance at the situation, that's what they'd see. Like a picture of a painting, a beautiful painting", Rapunzel took off her purple glasses and set them aside. The way her emerald eyes glinted made Anna very uncomfortable, "But, we are the artists that worked on that painting. We see what the viewer can't see, we know how the colors blended, why each stroke went a certain direction, all the little mistakes we covered and the flaws that are still exposed. The finer details so to speak."
"Details like… Elsa's romantic feelings for you, how you've known about them for the past two years, and how you chose to play the unmindful fool", Rapunzel gently closed her laptop and propped her elbows on top, "I've noticed that it's a pattern with you—or more like a defense mechanism for when someone takes an interest."
Anna remained quiet, blinking back her surprise as she tried to comprehend her cousin's accusation. She wasn't sure if she should feel offended at the choice of words or guilty for being caught, "I… fine, you figured me out, congrats. You want a prize Punz?"
"No, I just want to understand why. You don't do this to random strangers, it's always close friends. I remember when Jasmine flirted with you and you were ready, but when Kristoff started getting soft you acted so damn clueless."
"Because… I don't have to acknowledge someone's advances if I don't want to", the topic was crossing into personal issues that Anna did not want to discuss. She could feel the emotions stirring, "I don't owe anyone an apology or some compensation kiss if I didn't feel up to a relationship like that."
"Okay I understand that, but you definitely had something with Kristoff at the time. Jasmine however—there wasn't any sort of chemistry or reason to dating her. You just went fuck all and dived in blind. Now that, makes absolutely no sense." The brunette narrowed her eyes, her cousin was a bit more complicated than she'd like to admit. She noticed her own voice increase in volume.
"That doesn't matter."
"It matters."
"No."
"Yes."
"No, it doesn't", Anna had slipped into german. A habit that she picked up when she was annoyed or, well, mad, "Jasmine seemed safer at the time."
"Safe? What the hell does safe have to do with your weird ass choices in romance?" Rapunzel retaliated with out much care for the language swap.
Anna finally threw her hands up in exasperation, she was glad they we're alone in the house, "Because I don't have to worry as much if I fuck up! I don't—If I screw up then there isn't much to lose or break or—whatever feet of failure I can accomplish. With a stranger you can just go separate ways when things turn bad, but dating a friend risks… the friendship. Why should I put years of history and understanding on the line for a romance that could fail? Or bring us to hate one another."
Her rant had whined down to quiet musing. She settled back against the wall and picked absently at her worn down jeans, "I can't even tell how I feel most the time. Do I really enjoy this person's company and value our relationship or do I want something more from them? Do I want to kiss this person because they make me happy or because I long for intimacy? I know dating is, like, a way to figure out how I'm feeling but, I'm not sure if it's worth it. As gung-ho as I am about most things this… terrifies me Punz."
The confliction in Anna's tone almost made Rapunzel regret pushing the topic. Almost, "Do you… ever regret ignoring their advances? Watching that potential slip away?"
"Sometimes", she shifted uncomfortably.
The brunette took the time to safely word her next sentence; or at least as safely as she could while voicing her opinions, "I think that you should ask Elsa out, or that downtown girl. You seemed pretty into her."
"What? No, god no—especially to Elsa! Holy fuck did the conversation just fly right over your head!?" Anna sat up straight and gave her cousin a bewildered look.
Rapunzel shrugged, "Oh no I'm completely aware of the given situation and careful analyzing has lead me, your dearest mom friend, to believe that you need to get kicked the shit out of your comfort zone."
"I—no!"
"Why not?"
"Because—because Elsa's this amazing person; She's beautiful and intelligent and funny and forbearing and so damn breathtaking and I… She's a fucking godsend Rapunzel and I'm just…" Anna took a deep breath, she felt vulnerable. She believed there were so many ways to describe Elsa and not enough time in the world to list them all. After a brief moment she finished her thought, unaware of the gloomy smile she wore, "She deserves the world, and I'm not nearly enough."
The silence weighed heavy with Anna's confession. She spoke up once more, chuckling nervously, "And you know, what if I mess up somehow? Or she realizes that I'm a total buttmuncher when it comes to romance and resents me? Or, even worse, I realize those fluffy feelings were really just platonic and end up breaking her heart or vice-versa... I-I don't want to lose my best friend."
Rapunzel pursed her lips as she wrapped her head around the new information. She never wanted to punch someone as much as she did now, but at the same time she wanted to give the little redhead a hug. She finally replied, "I'm not saying that you owe anyone anything, and I'm not going to push either of you through this, because this is not in any way or form my business. But I think you should have a serious talk with Elsa, like the one we just had. You don't have to tell her anything you don't want her to know, but it's good to get things off your chest."
"That's pretty impossible at the moment Punz, you know that. I don't think she'll even give me the time of day if I ever get the chance", Anna raked her fingers through her hair and slouched against the wall behind her.
"Oh please, you're persistent as hell, only reason why you haven't managed to catch her is because you were afraid of confrontation and we both know that", the brunette placed her laptop on the bedside and stood up to stretch, "When you really want something, you'll find a way."
A/N: Just one more chapter and we'll be in the clear.