Awakening

Chapter 5

Trust?

Elementary School (Summer)

Carrie White, Chris Hargensen, Donna Kellogg

March 10th, 201-: Not having a good day. I know I don't belong here. I know people don't like me. I can't blame them – I don't like myself very much, either. Sometimes I wish people would just give me a chance, but then I realize that there really isn't anything I can do at this point to change their minds. I wish I knew where I could fit in. I wish there was some place where I was accepted. It hurts. It hurts to be alone.

- Excerpt scanned from Carrietta White's diary (retrieved from Nicole "Nikki" Wilson's laptop following the disaster).

Carrie had heard about Pine Tree Summer Camp in Motton two weeks earlier, when she was finishing up First Grade. Frieda Jason had gone on and on about how great it was and how they had horses and a wonderful swimming pool. Carrie had never gone swimming before, and was immediately taken with the idea. It sounded like so much fun, and there was also the possibility of making new friends (or at least finally win over a certain trio of girls). Carrie's efforts the previous year hadn't exactly paid off in that regard, but things might be different this time. She already knew that Sue, Tina and Chris were going, and although she wasn't really sure how they viewed her – or whether they really were friends or not – she felt she simply had to attend as well. As soon as she was able to, Carrie told her mother all about it and how badly she wanted to sign up. Momma had said no almost as quickly and had thought that was the end of it. She was mistaken.

"Momma, please!"

"No! For the hundredth time, no!" Margaret practically growled at her daughter. She was busy working on alterations for a bridal party and was behind schedule. It didn't help matters that the dresses she was altering were made out of some sort of horrid synthetic material that was difficult to work with, or that several of the bridesmaids had waited to the last possible moment to come in to be measured. Even more galling was the fact that they were incredibly immodest and really quite hideous. Margaret was half tempted to leave a pin or two in just to spite them, but her sense of professionalism wouldn't allow her to do so. The possibility of having angry customers and Elt, her boss, breathing down her neck was enough to make her frazzled.

The last thing in the world she wanted to deal with was Carrie having an ongoing temper tantrum. She had patiently explained to Carrie why she had said no; about how sinful it was and how good, virtuous girls didn't partake in swimming and running around with poorly parented brats. As far as she was concerned, summer camp was an even worse abomination than public school. Her efforts didn't seem to make an impression, and Carrie was still just as determined. Margaret had never seen such willfulness from her daughter, and had come within a hair's breadth of banishing her to the closet on at least two occasions.

For her part, Carrie had almost continuously begged, pleaded and cried to no avail. Well, mostly to no avail. Momma was growing increasingly irritated – almost to the point of being angry. She understood in a simple, child's way, that she was walking a thin line. If she pushed too far, she knew Momma would dig in and never let her go. If she didn't push far enough, Momma might not grasp how badly she wanted this. She wasn't actively trying to manipulate her mother, but she thought that the best way to get her to change her mind was to make her realize how important summer camp was to her. She was sitting across from Margaret at the dinner table, silently pushing vegetables around on her plate while trying to work up the courage to make one last appeal. She knew her mother's patience, such as it was, was already wearing thin and she would probably wind up in trouble.

What Carrie wasn't aware of was the fact that Momma had changed her mind. She still hated the idea of her daughter being left to the mercy of godless teenaged counselors and despised summer camp in general, but it occurred to her that this could serve as a teaching opportunity. It wasn't that Margaret wanted her daughter – her little girl – to get hurt, but sometimes the only way to make an impression on the willful was through a little pain.

"Momma, I…"

"Fine. You can go," Margaret said, interrupting her. Carrie was stunned into silence, but only for a moment or two. She nearly knocked her chair over as she got up and gave her mother the biggest hug she could muster.

"Thank you, Momma! I love you! Thank you!" Carrie gushed.

"It's expensive, so I'm going to have to cut back your allowance during the summer," Margaret said softy as she stroked her daughter's hair. "And you are not allowed to go swimming. Do you understand?"

Carrie nodded and hugged Momma even harder. She was going to summer camp!

In hindsight, things perhaps would have been better for Carrie if her mother had stuck to her guns. Things started off innocently enough, and for the most part, Carrie did have a good time. Chris, Sue and Tina were being nice to her, and they introduced her to Donna Kellogg. Carrie had seen her around school, but had never spoken to her before. The only thing that really troubled her, aside from the occasional rude comments from other campers, was the fact that she couldn't go swimming. She didn't have a bathing suit, and wasn't about to risk Momma's wrath by asking for one. For the first couple of days, Carrie sat by the pool and chatted with Tina. Tina had and ear infection and had to stay out of the water for a couple of weeks. After the third day of watching her mope, Sue offered to bring a spare bathing suit for her. Sue and Carrie were roughly the same size and even if it didn't fit quite as well as it could, it would give her a chance to join in. Had Sue not been soaking wet at the time, Carrie would have hugged her.

Carrie spent that evening planning and fretting about whether or not Sue would keep her word. The camp provided towels, so she didn't have to worry about trying to sneak one out of the house - which was a relief. Momma was very perceptive. She would change at camp like the other girls, and stow her wet bathing suit in a plastic shopping bag until she could find a place to for it to dry at home. The only catch was that she had to keep it a secret from her mother. Carrie didn't like to lie and she wasn't very good at it. Thankfully, Momma didn't ask too many questions about how her day went. Momma still wasn't very happy with the idea of Carrie attending camp, and didn't really want to discuss it in depth. Sue kept her promise, and Carrie had a new forest green one-piece swimsuit to wear. She was elated to be able to go in the pool and thoroughly enjoyed her first couple of sessions. Her joy didn't last long, and a couple of days later she regretted ever hearing about camp.

"Do you trust me?" Chris Hargensen asked in a stage whisper. The sounds of happy children playing and splashing forced her to speak more loudly than she intended. It wasn't that she was planning on hurting Carrie. It was just going to be a joke; but that didn't mean she wanted to get into trouble either.

"Ohuh. Um, yes. I trust you," Carrie didn't sound convincing and truth be told, she didn't entirely trust her. Chris had sworn that this was how she had learned to duck her head underwater, and that Sue and Donna had done it, too.

Carrie was in the middle of an impromptu triangle in the shallow end of Pine Tree Summer Camp's swimming pool. It wasn't her first time swimming and she had several lessons under her belt that summer, but she was still new enough to be nervous. She did have a fair amount of latent talent, and had taken to it swimmingly. With that said, she still hadn't been able to put her head underwater. Chris and Sue Snell were both able to swim underwater. Sue was even able to open her eyes while doing so. Carrie wanted to be able to keep up with them and was determined to be able to swim just as well as her classmates.

"Okay! Take a deep breath and hold your nose. When I count to three I'm going to push your head under and let go," Chris said. "Try to open your eyes."

She did as she was told and Chris gently pushed her head under water. Chris kept her word and released her. Carrie was not only able to stay under for a couple of seconds before surfacing, but she had opened her eyes as well! She had done it!

"My turn!" said Donna Kellogg. Donna also attended Barker Elementary, but wasn't in Mrs. Sheldon's class. She was taller than Carrie and was able to leverage herself above her and force her under. Like Chris, she also let go – but not right away. Carrie flailed a bit as she burst above the azure surface. She was laughing, but it was a fragile, unhappy sort of laugh – one that wasn't too far removed from a sob.

"Don't do that! I can stay under by myself now," Carrie said smiling. The other girls were fond of playing jokes on her and this seemed to be just another one in their repertoire. Chris and Donna were almost in hysterics.

"Maybe we should stop," Sue said, chuckling nervously. Ducking and splashing was fun and all, but Carrie looked like she was starting to get scared. Chris either didn't hear what Sue said, or chose to disregard it. She latched on to Carrie's shoulders and pushed down once again. This time she didn't give Carrie any warning, and she wasn't able to inhale before going under. When she yet again surfaced, she was no longer laughing.

"S-stop! Please stop!" Carrie wailed. She was no longer having fun and was about to say so when she was ducked under once again. An unbearable sense of terror gripped Carrie as her lungs ached and the blood pounded in her head. Part of her sincerely believed she was going to die. She fought back this time; flailing, scratching and kicking at Donna until she was released. She began to scream as soon as she broke the surface.

Tina had been sitting and placidly reading when a piercing shriek startled her. A couple of months earlier her brother Henry had picked up her pet rabbit the wrong way, causing it to squeal shrilly. The scream she had just heard sounded almost exactly like that, only louder and more anguished. All of the activity in the pool ceased almost instantaneously. It wasn't until the noise repeated itself that Tina realized that Carrie was the source of it. Chris said something Tina couldn't hear and tentatively approached Carrie, eliciting yet another shriek – one that was cut short by the even shriller sound of a lifeguard's whistle.

Chris and Donna were taken aback by Carrie's reaction. It was just supposed to be a joke after all, and they hadn't really meant to scare her. They were still staring, their mouths agape, when one of the lifeguards ordered them and Sue Snell out of the pool. They were in trouble and they knew it. Two other adults were trying to coax Carrie out as well, but she remained stark still with her eyes closed and hands clamped to the sides of her head. None of the adults or children nearby noticed the strange, concentric ripples on the surface of the water that seemed to emanate from her. A few witnesses did feel something vaguely unpleasant – something not too different from the queasiness you'd experience by standing too close to a speaker with the bass turned all the way up.

The counselors and lifeguards eventually managed to get Carrie out of the pool, and whisked her away to the nurse's office. It took almost fifteen minutes to calm her down enough to get her side of the story and the decision was made to call her mother. Carrie suspected that Momma would be angry with her, but she was so frightened and so hurt at that point she didn't really care. She wanted her mother: needed her mother.

You asked me to trust you and I did! She thought bitterly. Like most kids her age, Carrie wasn't really familiar with the concept of betrayal, but the bitter pain that went hand in hand with it was now etched onto her heart. Why did you do that to me? What did I ever do to you? I liked you! I wanted to be your friend!

Margaret left work and rushed to Motton, driving perhaps a bit faster than she should have. She was angry, but she also knew her daughter needed her. The matter of Carrie's willful disobedience could and would be dealt with later. Upon her arrival Margaret engaged in a short and very heated discussion with the camp director during which she made it clear in no uncertain terms that Carrie would not be returning and that a refund was in order. After reaching an agreement that was less than satisfactory to both parties, she collected her daughter and together they drove home.

"Straight is the gate," Margaret said. "I forbade you from going swimming and you did so anyway. God is not mocked, and I am not to be disobeyed. You know better than that. Consider this a learning opportunity, Carrietta. Cherish it."

Carrie didn't resist when her mother practically dragged her to the closet when they returned home. She didn't have the energy or emotional wherewithal to do so. As much as she disliked the closet and the terrible images of demons and God's wrath found within, she was simply too drained to do anything to stop it. Even more distressing than the iconography she was shut in with were the feelings swimming around inside of her – especially the dull, bitter ache that she would one day come to associate with hate. Carrie had heard her classmates throw the term hate around from time to time, but never thought she'd actually feel hate towards anyone. She did and it frightened her almost as much as what Chris and Donna had done. One of the most important lesions she had taken away from reading her Children's Bible was the importance of forgiveness. She didn't want to hate, but found it difficult not to. She alternated between praying and napping and soon lost track of time. Six hours later Momma relented and let her out.

"Momma, I'm sorry," Carrie said softly.

"Shh. It's alright. I forgive you. Momma forgave you right away." Margaret knelt down and hugged her tightly, brushing a stray lock of strawberry blonde hair away from her face. Carrie noticed a couple of thin scratch marks on her mother's cheek. They hadn't been there when she picked her up from camp.

"Do you understand now? You see, Momma is always right about these things. What happened at camp with those horrid children was God's way of reminding you. You need to trust me when I tell you not to do something. No more backsliding."

"I-I trust you, Momma. I love you."

Notes: This chapter was loosely based on an incident mentioned in the novel. I did take some artistic license with it. King wasn't specific about how old Carrie was when it happened. It was implied that she was at least old enough to be taking in laundry for money, but that didn't seem quite right (a Carrie that's old enough to earn cash on her own probably wouldn't have put herself into that sort of situation). I also found it kind of strange that Margaret would be willing (albeit under duress) to let Carrie go to sleep away camp – even a faith-based one. Because of this, I bumped it forward in the timeline and changed it to a day camp (which Margaret would probably still be opposed to – but perhaps a little less). There was also no mention of who ducked Carrie – so I thought I'd pin it on Chris.

Donna Kellogg will probably get fleshed out a bit more as I go. Again, King didn't really write anything about her other than the fact that she was probably Chris' closest friend. Because of that, I'm guessing she isn't a particularly nice person. She also manages to miss out on the prom (she doesn't get off scot free, but she does get a happier ending than Chris et al).

As for Margaret, I'm probably going to err a bit more closely to the 2013 version (with some major elements from the book etc). Moore's version seemed to have a bit more depth of character and that tends to open it up to more possibilities.

Next up is Momma and three bonus chapters (Ultras, another one that's Chris-centric, and Misfits – which will probably have something to do with Freddy Holt).

Character Notes: Donna Kellogg

Canon: Not much was written about her in the novel and she was only mentioned once in passing in the 2002 Remake. In both cases she's said to a close friend of Chris Hargensen who moved to Rhode Island. They still communicate with each other.

Age: 17 (October 5th)

Appearance: Cute, but not quite as pretty as some of the other Ultras. She was tall for her age when she was young, but as a teenager is about the same height as Sue and Tina. She has dirty blonde hair and fathomless green eyes – they're her most striking feature. She's a bit more athletic than the others, but still manages to be very feminine when needed. She generally dresses well, but doesn't have a fixation of designer brands. Tends not to wear too much make up.

Personality etc: Donna is one of those people who love and hate to extremes. If she likes you, she'd literally die for you. If she doesn't like you, you'll probably never get a second chance to win her over. She's funny and witty (perhaps not as witty as the Wilsons). She's known for going out of her way for friends and even the odd stranger. She views Chris as a sister (she's an only child) and serves as sort of a role model for her. She's smart, but a major underachiever and can be very lazy. She often looks for the path of least resistance when it comes to work (which gets her into trouble later on). She initially didn't hate Carrie White, but grew to despise her. Donna thinks very highly of Sue and Tina, and likes Vicky and the Twins. She can't stand Helen Shyres, though. Donna's parents are kind and loving, but are clueless when it comes to discipline – they're rich, too. She got Chris hooked on horses when they were young. She disapproves of Billy Nolan, but never told Chris for fear of losing her as a friend (which wouldn't happen – Donna was probably one of the few people who Chris would actually listen to).

Her personality changes once she moves to Providence. She still remains friends with Chris, but gives up on being a "mean girl". She ends up attending a good college and goes into social work – with a focus on adolescents and bullying.