Following the heated and emotionally draining argument with my mother mom we decided it would be best for us to go to bed and just deal with everything tomorrow. we have to deal with my mother and the Queens plotting during a meeting of the clans. One of the only reasons why Ontari was looking forward to this trip was the fact that that her adoptive brother Roan is being held prisoner here. I've never met him before but the two siblings did have a good relationship before he delivered Costia's head to the commander. But he is next in line for the throne by being the oldest child. Me and Ontari can't go through with our plan if he claims the throne instead of us. Really neither of us really want the throne but we want to make changes to Azgeda to help our people thrive in this world and as much as Ontari trust her brother to be different to her mother he wouldn't have the same effect as Wanheda and a natblida sitting on the throne making the changes. Some of Azegda might see Roan as being weak but no one would challenge the pair of us. Which is why we need to get Roan on board with us. Tari confident that he will but nothing can be for sure and the last thing we need is to be fighting Nia and Roan at the same time. Or worse if Roan tells Nia we'll be killed by death by a thousand cuts. Then Nia will have the power of Wanheda. Well I will. Ontari is a night blood and it's against the law for one of them to be killed so she will probably be hung.
Even though I was exhausted from the actions of yesterday I struggled to sleep soundly. I supposed it was to be expected that re seeing the woman who betrayed me at the mountain and my mother after she was tied down on to that table making me pull the lever killing so many innocent people. Killing children. Triggered my nightmares. I watch as their skin blisters over and their wails of pain knowing I chose this for them. I see Raven screaming as they drill into her. The dead bodies of my friends the people I had sworn to protect empty. A lifeless vessel because I left them in that mountain and didn't rescue them in time. Fox is dead because of me. I then see the people I left to die in the missile attack back in Ton Dc. The horse running out of the flames the women without an arm. The endless groans and yelps of pain. And again, I chose that. I left those people to die. And the truly sad thing is I would do it again. Bellamy had to be protected he was the only chance we had of saving what was left of the hundred.
I woke up in the middle of the night to Ontari hugging me closely softly saying calming words in hopes to help me. I was shaking in a cold sweat and according to Ontari before woke up I was thrashing around as if I was being attacked in my sleep. It's what woke her up. Once I was able to came down from my recurring nightmare it was going to be impossible for me to go to sleep again. After every night terror I endured over the past few years since my dad died, I could never fall back to sleep. I'm pretty sure it's because some part of me is too afraid to return to the vision in my sleep but the more they've happened for more used to less I gained. And this isn't the first time Ontari's sleep has been disrupted on more than one occasion due to my nightmares and she normally stays up for the rest of the night to be despite my protesting. Honestly, I am thankful to have someone with me during the aftermath but I always feel guilty about her missing out of sleep just so she an comfort me. Feeling the sweat on my skin still I decide to take use the basin full of water to wash most of it so. There's nothing worse than feeling sticky and the cold water also helps to ground me back in to reality. When I made my way back to our bedroom Tari was sat up on the edge of the bed facing the bathroom with a sad look on her face which made my heart hurt to witness. "You haven't had one this bad for a long time." she says still looking down to the fall.
"I guess seeing Lexa and my people mainly my mom again must have triggered the memories." I tell her honestly. But she still doesn't look up which worries me more. "But I'll bounce back. I always do." I saying with a small smile in hopes of reassuring her that I am ok. She worries about me too much sometimes.
"But you shouldn't have to." she almost shouts as she stands up from the bed and faces me but controls herself as to not alert the guards. "You shouldn't have had to suffer so much that you wake up sweating and whimpering." Well at least I stopped waking up screaming. "Clarke you shouldn't have been through so much pain. First from Heda then the mountain followed by my mother abducting and forcing you to become her commander death which you hate to your own mother brining you so much pain before you left the mountain and is still hurting you. And I can't protect you from it." After everything she has endured being the Queens daughter would make most people cold and harsh towards everyone. However, that isn't the case with her as the more horrible she experiences in life the kinder and gentler she becomes towards people. Once I saw this side of her, I couldn't help myself to love her and believe me I tried so hard not to let her in after everything that happened with Finn and Lexa I couldn't handle going through it again and I don't think I would survive if something happened to her now. The first time I ever realised that she was something more than a sword was after my first execution. As a punishment for tell the Queen that I hope she drop's dead and rot's in hell for eternity Yeah wasn't the smartest move but to be fair I wanted to die and the Queen kept pushing my body to the extremes I just wanted everything to disappear but she wouldn't stop ranting about how she is the greatest leader of the greatest nation so I lashed out. In punishment the Queen saw it fitting to have me kill someone for committing a similar crime. He was sentenced to death by a thousand cuts and I had to make it last as long as possible. That night I woke up screaming after reviling the mans pained wails begging me for mercy which I could not give. I could still feel the way my blades slide across his skin with ease separating muscle causing tremendous pain for the victim. Blood leaked from the cuts bathing him and some parts of myself in blood. It just like after I killed Finn no matter how hard I scrubbed I couldn't wash the blood of my hands. Ontari came in to my room that night and somehow managed to calm me down and helped me wash the smudges of blood I had missed. She then stayed with me for the rest of the night trying to keep me together. She repeated this with me on many nights afterwards.
"I know you want to protect and you can't which bothers but please remember that I don't need you to protect me all the time. I need you to help me put myself back together after." I tell her in hopes of helping her to calm down just like she has done for me many times. "We're a team now. You and me against the world. And I need you to be there for me through everything just like I will be for you ok."
"I still don't like watching you suffer." she whispers looking down defectively. It hurts me just as much when she suffers but as long as we're together we'll be fine. She lies back on the bed and makes room for me to lie next to her. I might not go back to life but I feel safer in her arms in bed.
Morning came all to soon as we got dressed and left to escort the Queen to the throne room for the meeting of leaders to continue. if the other clans were worried about my presence with the Queen then they didn't show it as they argued for hours over nothing. Hell, I was half tempted to kill one of the leaders just so we could move on in subjects. Nia didn't really say much apart from a snide comment here and now. Most of her time was spent watching the commander who was watching me. Lexa's eyes were pained as she tried to understand how I could be standing next to the Queen never mind being on her side. That brought me a small amount of joy. My mother also spent majority of the meet watching me.
Finally, the meeting was coming to an end when Nia stood up earning the attention of everyone in the room. "Now I have one more thing I would like to announce before the meetings over." her voice held a devilish joy, which meant she was going to enjoy what was about to happen which meant I wouldn't and neither would the rest of the leaders. Ontari sneaked me and glance since we knew something like this was coming but we weren't sure what the ice queen had up her sleeve. "I am so pleased to announce my daughter Ontari princess of Azegda and Wanheda are set to be bonded." her smirk said it all. She was going to flaunt our relationship to hurt the commander and make the Ice nation more feared. Having the powerful wanheda as your guard is one thing but having her as your daughter and future leader is another. The silence that had taken over the room as she sat down said it all. Nobody would dare mess with us or object to the wedding. Lexa looked like she wanted to saw something but the bald man next to her kept her from talking. Now don't get me wrong what Nia did wasn't evil. Yeah it might have hurt Lexa but I was expecting much worse from her and a worse reaction. Honestly this is the best we could have hoped for. Not to mention her announcement made it clear to the rest of the clans we would take the throne after her death which made our rebellion a little bit easier since they can't object to us being on the throne. Nia might have actually done us a favour.
Following Nia's words not much happened before we were dismissed by the commander and then the Queen. If we are going to talk to Roan now would be the time. Of course, for us to talk to him we have to know where he is being held. Meaning we would have to talk to the commander. Lexa was in the middle of an argument with the bald man when we re-entered the throne room. Any word that might have followed were delayed by our arrival. "Princess Ontari." Lexa spat with venom "Clarke" she said in a softer tone. "What is that you need."
"My brother Prince Roan is currently being held in your tower. We" she indicates to me and her in hopes that me being here would make seeing Roan easier. If not then we will be searching the tower until we find him. "were wondering if we would be able to speak to him."
"What do you need to talk about." Lexa asked cautiously looking between me and Ontari searching for anything that could be seen as a threat to her life or mine. Just like my mother she seems to think that I am being held against my will and is waiting for me to show any signs so she can rescue me. The bald man standing behind she is watching me carefully with a slight glare. He obviously doesn't like me. Ontari also notices his glare and readjusts her position so she is blocking most of his view from me.
"Well I want to introduce him to Clarke since she is now family." Ontari starts her words making Lexa tense up and narrow her eyes towards Ontari. The thought of actually meeting her brother is making me a little nervous I mean I'm meeting the only family that my soon to be wife likes and I want him to like me. "And I wish to update my brother on everything that has happened in Azegeda since I last saw him four years ago. He's my brother and I miss." The closest thing to siblings I have is Raven and Bellamy. Which is really strange considering that the first time I met Raven was after I slept with her boyfriend who I later killed and yet we're still close and I miss her wit and sarcasm. Bellamy was my co leader we leaned on each other for support and even though we started off hating each other our friendship grow just like with Raven. I really miss both of and when this is all over, I should go face them. Maybe I could introduce Ontari to them. I just pray that they can get along once they realise I'm not a prisoner or forced into something I don't want to be. And if they can forgive me for abandoning them after the mountain.
Lexa takes a moment to think over Ontari's words. "I will have Indra escort you to where Prince Roan is staying." Yes. "But Indra will remain with you while you talk to make sure you're not plotting something." Shit. I should have guessed Lexa would do something like this. Ontari looks at me telling me she was thinking the same thing. I guess I can distract Indra while they talk. I nod showing that I'm ok with this discussion. "Titus can you go fetch Indra for me." The bald man whose name is Titus looks extremely unhappy about Lexa's decision but leaves the room without much argument. "Clarke can we speak in private for a minute." She doesn't really ask but tell me that we have to talk in private as she marches out on to the balcony. Again, should have known she would do something like this. Tari gently nudges my arm as I pass her telling me it's ok and she's here if I need which makes me feel better.
Once out on the balcony I start talking before Lexa could. "What did you wish to talk about Heda." I try to make my voice sound as professional as possible and to not let my anger at here do anything that could fire back on us.
"Are you in danger or being forced against your will." She asks quietly enough so Ontari can't hear us.
"No commander I am not being forced to do anything." I try to tell her but I'm positive she won't listen to what I have to say and be bias towards Azegda.
"Clarke. Please you can talk to me about this I promise that I I'll protect you and make Nia pay for what's she done to you." Why won't anyone just listen to what I have to say and not just assume that I'm lying because I'm scared.
"I don't need your protection." My tone is strong and annoyed. I really don't want to have to talk to her. "I am a proud member or Azegda. The Queen isn't forcing me to do anything I don't want to." Anymore. "And I don't need your protection when I have theirs."
"Clarke you can't trust Nia." Lexa says desperately.
"Well as far as I'm aware she's never gone back on her word. Betrayed me. Or left me to die. So Heda I trust my queen more then I trust you." I let my built up anger free during my response before turning my back to her. "If that's all you wanted to talk about then we're done." quickly I walk back into the throne room. "No one listens to me." I tell Tari which causes her to laugh a little instantly calming.
"I wonder why." she jokes back and to fair she has a point but still. Not a moment later the huge doors open with Titus and Indra appearing through them.
"Indra look time no see." I say knowing full well that she hates me. Her response is to glare at me. "I've missed you to." the glare intensifies.
"Can we see my brother now." Ontari butts in before anything could happen.
"Follow me." Indra orders before leaving the room with us quickly on her tail. Walking down multiply fleets of stairs in silence is a little bit awkward but soon enough she stops outside a door. We're here. Ontari opens the door and enter first with me and Indra following behind her. Roan or who I guess I roan is leaning over his balcony watching the city below.
"Brother." Ontari says her voice making Roan turn around.
"Sister." He replies before they move to hug each other. "What are you doing here." he asks when they pull away.
"Mother's here on business and she brought me and Clarke." Roan looks over to me.
"So, you're the great Wanheda." he says which causes me to roll my eyes.
"Please don't call me that I don't command death." I tell him which makes him smile at bit.
"Brother." Ontari starts. "me and Clarke are set to be bonded." she tells him then waits for his reaction. She's clearly as nervous as I am with his reaction.
"Does she make you happy." he asks. Tari nods with a small smile. "Then I'm very happy for you." I let go the breath I wasn't even aware I was holding. They hug once more then move to the couch so they can talk. Me and Ontari sit on the couch while Roan takes the chair next to it. Indra stands rigid nearby listening to the conversation. We fill Roan in on everything that has happened since he was captured by the commander. He shared stories about his time in Polis assuring Ontari that it wasn't so bad being held here. He even told us about how the commander had sent him out to find me offering his freedom as a reward. Apparently, he tracked me over to where I was staying with Niylah before Azegda had captured me. Speaking of Niylah I have to go see her some time and thank for helping to keep me a live and for keeping my secret. She's a good friend.
As the conversation progressed it became time to talk to Roan about our takeover of the ice nation. Walking over to Indra I started a conversation with a woman who doesn't talk much and hates me. I'm seem like a great distraction.
"Indra." I start pulling away some of her attention from the siblings. "Have you heard or seen Octavia since the mountain." I know Octavia was a soft spot for Indra ever since she became her second. When she doesn't reply I continue talking. "Before our march to the mountain I wrote every member of the hundred a letter just in case something happened to me and I didn't get to say goodbye to my friends like I didn't to my dad and Well's. I also left everyone a gift to help them in the future. I was just wondering if O got the knife, I left for her. I had a blacksmith make for her out of metal from the drop ship with the words we're back bitches so don't give up. Do you know if she got it or not." I had the knife crafted for her before the missile attack and was planning to give her after the mountain as a congratulations on winning your first battle as a member of trikru. But since I left before Camp Jaha I never gave it to her. I hope she got it and understands that she was like a little sister to me no matter what happened we were still family. We are the hundred.
"The knife is well balanced light and sturdy. It has severed her well in training." Indra replies with no emotion.
"Thank you." And I meant it because it means everyone got a letter of me and something, I left behind for them. I even left something for Lincoln as he was as much as our family as the rest of us were. I didn't leave anything for my mom because what was there to say sorry, I'm gone.
Turning back around to face the siblings who had gone very quiet while we were talking have now picked up the volume and happily started chatting again. They managed to talk to each over about the plan good. And with how both of them seem happy I'm pretty sure Roan agreed to our plan. Now all we have to do is put that plan into action. Then Azegda will be free of Nia's power struggle and so will we.
I already put this on my Ocean and Sky story and I'm also writing on this chapter for those who already don't know. I'm sorry this update took longer then normal and the the rest of the story will be slow in updating since I'm focusing all my attention on my exams and the novel I'm working. I will try yo get the rest of the story as soon as i can. for now i will tell you the main part of the next chapter. It's called Ontari vs Lexa. i will have it out as soon as possible. until next time.