Chapter 7 Memoires hold on tight
The list went on and on about whom I am. I guessed I can get emotional at some things. But I never knew that was a problem. I look up to Amélie and put the paper back down to the table.
"I can see you're a little shocked to see some of things that should be good are the bad list." She leads back in to her chair and pulls the paper in to her hand. "Emotional. Even though it's the not badest thing in the world, once you're in that arena. Ava, things are going to be difficult to swallow when you're trying to befriend some of these Districts and have to kill them sooner or later. It wouldn't be healthy. That's what I fear the most, when the game comes; are you're going to break down each time you want to save someone or help them then lose it when they get killed or die by other Districts? Also stop comparing yourself to Nathan, Ava, you're a girl, you're different, with lots of problems. Katniss was a girl, she was better than anyone in all the Districts. She was the only one who actually knew how to survive before going inside the arena. All this other stuff on this list is B-S, nothing wrong, but if you keep going on with these two… Then I'm afraid that you're going to be far worse than anyone in the game." She turns the paper into her fingers and starts to cable the paper into a small ball. She drops it besides her chair. Then she pushed the another paper forwarded to me. "Read it out allowed."
I'm speechless about what she sees in me, I never really was big in seeing people suffer. So when I could, I try to cheer up anyone, or least kids who are younger than me. I can't control it, there's no way I can stop myself for feeling bad for everyone who's inside the arena. It just comes. Has far as comparing myself to Nathan, am I really doing that? It is because I'm weak and I need people to rally on? Whatever the answer is, I don't like it. She telling me so many things at once and this is one of them. I feel weak now.
I grabbed the paper off the table and sighed, allowing myself to think about nothing. "Ava Eberlee. She is only thirteen-years-old; she lives with her brother, Elijah and her mother, Darlene." I stopped reading, why was I reading about myself? Was Amélie trying to tell me something other than this list? I placed the paper back on the table and stared at her. "This isn't really about me is it? What would be the point of telling me this stuff without covering something else? This isn't about me; it's about the game, a game I'm being thrown into… unless you want something from me."
Amélie sits back in her seat and sighs; I must have figured something out early then planned to. She pulls the paper back to her side then cables it up. "I didn't think you would find out that fast. While I was talking to Nathan, I figured something out. You two didn't seem to understand each other, you two can't stand being alone with each other without fighting. I know this game is about being with your partner, but both of you have different plans. Seriously," She looked up at me then shakes her head. "You two need to find some way to work together, you can't just keep pissing each other off. The people here loves you both deeply, they love that you can be together."
"You're not getting to the point, your just giving me crap to feed on. What is it that you want from me?" I get up from my seat, and placed my hands on the table.
"Alright, straight to point, put this in your plan Ava; you better find a way to be his partner. I'm not sure what you two had in District 14, but it ends here. Either you're his partner, or you die in that arena. You know the rules say to stay with your partner, and stay alive. But if one dies, then you're a problem to the game. Think about it and think long, because once you're in that arena, everything turns into a mess, a deadly mess." She walks out of the room, leaving me there to swallow everything that was told to me.
Regardless of everything that was put in my head, all I could do was think about my sister. I'm not sure why she started to come to thought, but it most of been a time when we would get alone.
/
Eartha walks out of our room, carrying wet clothes inside a basket then outside. She was only seven-years-old, and looked a lot like me but older. "Ava!" she called for me, I was in mommy and daddy room; staring at all the pictures mommy would show in their room; families that I have never seen was in a group picture, showing me three sons who looked to be past ten-years-old then my eyes moved to a girl who was sitting in the mother's lap, her small blue eyes stared at the painter.
It was mommy, she's a lot younger than I am in that picture and these must be her brothers standing next to her mother. Her father was behind her mother, having his hand over her shoulder like he was proud to her husband.
"Ava!" she called again then walked inside the room, she sees me looking at the pictures and mommy family. "Looking at mama's pictures?" she looks at me and sits on the bed, looking at the same family picture mommy placed out for herself. I shake my head at her. "Mama's pretty in all of them. Papa said he met her when he was only in his late 20's. And soon mama married him because of how much he cared for her."
I moved my head to the side and smiled at Eartha. I get off the bed and stood in front of the fire place. "I wish I can find someone like papa," I said turning around in my dress. Eartha get off the bed and grabbed my hand into her hands. "And then we'll have a big family!" we both said giggling as we turned around and dance with each other.
/
I turned in my bed; wishing my brother could come into my bed and help me sleep, help me forget about what this game meant to me. But reality is, I don't think anyone going to help me live through this.
I woke up in the middle of the night; I couldn't stop thinking about the games, the people, even my home. Whatever kept me thinking, it wouldn't leave me alone. I get out of the bed and pulled the sheets off the bed and carried them outside the room. I walked into the front room then walked to the hallway, seeing where the Capitol streets showed. I placed myself down to the window and stared at the wonderful streets and its builds. I pulled the sheets up to my neck than laid my head on my knees.
"Looking through the streets to find freedom?" I moved my head around and saw Nathan coming from the dining room with a glass of milk in his hands. He sits next to me, looking down at the window and the people outside.
"Some-thing like that." I pulled my legs against my chest and felt my body tense up as he stays with me. "Did Amélie talk to you about us?" I looked over at him; he sighs then asks me if I want some of his milk. I take the milk in to my hands and drink a little bit of it, then place it in the middle of us.
"Yeah, pretty much. She has a weird way of telling us though; she started off letting me see the weakness and the good about me, before I could finish off the paragraph about me and who I live with. I realized something was off; I don't need to know about me, I am me. I know what I dislike and like, so she cuts to the point and tells me that I need to find a way that you can be 'my partner'." Nathan looks back at the Capitol, touching the glass then hitting it with his fist. "Did you find out later then me?"
This makes me smile, even if we didn't like each other, I can't always hate him.
"And the Jagger can smile," he says taking his milk and finishing the rest of it.
"How do you know about that? Well, she made me look at the bad list then told me how two things in that list that can me hurt when I'm inside the arena. But I found it pointless, reading about my flaws. I stopped reading when it said my mother said name on it. Then told her what really wanted from me. She seriously wants us to group up somehow in the game. Actually, she said I find out faster than you. Oh and what are you?" I pulled the sheets over my head and held the sheet with one hand while I looked back out to the streets; a few people walking back, carrying something in their hands.
"I overheard from one of the Careers when you left them. I guess the name can stick with you; you can be quick on your feet than most. I'm nothing; well some of the others say I'm like a Jumanji. But it doesn't sit well with me. By the way, that purple dress, it really did look great on you. I don't think our stylist had any taste in them, I guess I was wrong." He puts his hand over his hair and pulled it back. "I'm not sure what's going to happen when the day comes," I tilted my head, my hair moving to the side then my bangs slide to over my eyes. I wonder if he meant the day they'll finally drop us into the arena. "I know I have the right skill to fight back… it's just," his eyes moved back to me and showed me something I've have never seen in my whole life that I've known him; sadness. "There's always that what if in the back of your mind."
I know that feeling, the one where it swallows you whole; telling you, you can't do anything without losing something, even yourself. I turned back to the window; seeing myself in the glass, how my hair looked, where the sheets covered my whole body. The only thing showing in the glass was my bangs that barely made it to my chin then my eyes. "Sometimes," I started, still staring at myself in the glass; seeing that the girl in front of me was a girl who lost everything. "That feeling eats me whole. It's hard to tell what's good, bad, or hurtful to anyone. I'm not even sure how to deal with this whole thing," I looked back at him, he just stares at me, allowing me to talk. I felt happy inside, the first time I ever talked to anyone about one of my problems. Most of the time, I just stare long into the windows and think hard about what to do, now... It feels good to have someone to talk for a little while. "I have a hard time believing I'm in this place, in this position to be thrown into the arena in a few days. At least you have something to fall back on, I have nothing when I go back home."
This worries him, he just sits here, saying nothing but allowing me to say whatever had cross my mind this night. Tears started to pop up in to my eyes and I had to look away, I didn't want anyone seeing me cry, especially not him.
"Ava," he starts but I didn't look back at him.
This feeling tighten; it take hold of my heart like the day my sister and father were killed. It didn't seem right to me, it didn't feel like they were gone but then I turned ten; everything I don't understand fall hard on me and I bust out in tears when everything become clear to me. When I was nine, nothing made sense, the doctors told my brother I was in shock. Nothing was coming through my head about their deaths, nothing seemed right. They said I won't able to fully understand anything until my head allows me to. I guess, when I had turned ten, everything started to become clear; they were never coming back home.
"Hey," he reached over and pulled at the sheets, making me look at him. He stood on his knees as he gently touches my cheek with one of his hands. The light on his face makes him look older and his eyes took a darker shade of brown. His warmth made me sleepy, and all the emotions I had inside me were wearing my body out. I didn't want to cry nor did I want to sleep. I closed my eyes, letting the moment blur to the back of my head. I felt his lips against mine, the warmth of his body as he gently kisses me. His other hand found my cheek, holding me with both his hands. I didn't want this moment to end; I couldn't make this feeling go away, it makes me dizzy but yet being in his hold reminds me I was in a safe place.
Instead he deepens the kiss by pushing my back head into his kisses, feeling his passion to kiss me deeply but far from doing anything wrong to me. I gasp and couldn't take more of the kissing but he doesn't move, he gently parts his lips and keep kissing me. My head get lost, drowning into the moment of what I was doing; only allowing Nathan to have this moment for himself.
"S-toop." I mumble in between kisses. My breath was at a loss and I couldn't keep up with his. He pulls away, only allowing his lips to leave mine. He laid his head between on my shoulder and neck. I looked away, thinking about what happened. My insides soften, my heart starts to race, and old feelings about him come rushing back. I closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind from everything.
How did it lead to this? Did he kiss me out of sympathy? Or was it because we're both at a loss, driven to our feelings about losing everything when it comes to the arena? With just that feeling, could happen because we needed the feeling of other human being?
Nathan moves away, his back laid against the wall; his eyes staring into the glass. I sit there, feeling my heart squeezing out into a soft warm feeling against my chest. I noticed he was staring at me; his eyes staring into to something besides my eyes. I realized, my lips were slightly opened. I closed them, feeling them to a line and looking down to the where the glass ended on a corner. I pulled the sheets up to my head then clad to my knees towards him. For this very moment, I was only going to let animal side take over.
I kissed his cheek lightly, he raises one of his hands to gently pull my hair back then grabs my cheeks; holding me still between his palms. He leads in and kisses me again. He lays me down to my back after a few minutes of just being on my knees and hands to kiss him. He's kissing me deeply each step we take. I felt lost again, lost in his arms, this feeling I had for someone in the past comes up again and I couldn't stop it from showing. I shy at the touch of his fingers gently moving up and down my back, his kisses keeps me quiet as possible when I gasp or moan against him. one of his hands move up to my hair; moving my hair around, making the kiss last longer than before, showing me just how badly he wanted to keep kissing. I grip my right hand on his shirt, feeling myself start to loosen against his body, my left hand rub against his hair. His body harder against mine and I'm not sure where to go instead of kissing.
The glass under me breaks and I moan painfully against his lips. He pulls away, than pulls me into his chest; the glass under the sheet point out, showing a little bit of blood on the sheets. I turned my head and saw the blood, then started to panic. Blood wasn't something I like seeing out of me or anyone else. I buried my face back to his shirt, smelling his shirt remind me of home. The idea of being back at homes slightly my mind and I calmly allow myself to fall asleep in his strong, warm arms.
I wake up in my bed, my eyes staring at the wall and the drawer. I turned on my back, trying to recall what happened last night was real or a dream. I get up, feeling a little bit of pain in my back. I moved my hand to where the pain was coming from then felt bumps over the skin. I get off the bed and find a mirror inside the bathroom then raised my shirt up from the back. I turned my head and saw three deep cuts came cross to the left then down to the bottom. I let the shirt fall down and leave the room. I walked into the dining room thinking everyone there, but the only person I see sitting in a chair was Nathan.
I stop before I start up the stairs. My heart started to rush again, did last night really happened? Or was that my head making up everything? The only way I was going to find out about this, is if I go up there and see what he as to say. I take a breath and take each step up to the stairs. I finally get up there and saw Nathan looking at me. I wave to him but he doesn't bother saying or waving back to me. I walk over to a seat that was opposite to him where he was at than sat down.
"So where's everyone? Isn't it 8?" I turned over to the living room, but it didn't seem like anyone was here.
"Who knows," again there goes that voice, the fact that we can't be alone together without having a problem between us. "Xuan hasn't been here since yesterday and I'm sure Amélie went to go and find her. So, we're the only ones in the room now." Nathan looks up from his food; my heart beats start to skip into two now, but it wasn't the soft look I get last night but the hard, heaviness of serious face looking back at me. I'm not sure if I should ask about last night, or just go along with believing that was a dream I had last night.
"So we're alone here? Will they be back before we come from training? About last night," he looked up from his food; something in his eyes flicker but I'm not sure if he wants me to say what actually happened. "I dream of my brother," he rolls his eyes and went back to eating his food before I could finish about the dream. I left the dining room, finishing all the food that was placed on the table. My stomach was filled to the top, making walking a little difficult to do.
I find my shirt and pants then put them on. Once I left the elevator, everyone there was barely coming down. I waited, wanting to talk to Nathan about last night and what it meant to us. But I doubt he'll want to talk about something private in this room. I couldn't make sense of everything; only thing I had in me was to let him walk away and act as if nothing matter to him.
I take a spear into my hand, seeing how long the weapon was in both my hands. I turned, seeing a few people throwing the spear as far as they could. Some of the spears hit the targets; others missed and hit the wall instead.
"Jagger!" Lucas walks up to me, seeing the spear in my hand. "I'm guessing you're barely taking this station?" he smiles, showing me how his eyes looked when he was smile. His training fix out was the color blue, since District 2 works in jewelry's. It only seemed fair that they would get a nice color for them.
I turned back to the targets then nodded. "I figured this would be the same as knife throwing, but instead a big one." I moved the weapon in my hand, turning it in circles but it spills out of my hand and falls to the ground. The spear makes a loud sound as it hit the ground. Lucas grabs the spear and held it in his hand, then looked back up at me. I take the spear out of his hand then walked over to where the line of tape was place so people can throw at distances.
"You can't stand like that," Lucas walks over to me, moving my legs back together. "When you want to throw the spear, you have to make one leg move back then the other in front." He shows me by pushing my right leg forward then my left leg back. "When you feel ready, just let your arms go back and push the spear forward into the target." He takes my arms with the both of his, having his body against mine as he shows me how the spear would work.
"I don't think you need to rub your body against her, to show her how to throw a spear." Lucas's hands drop besides me then turned to Nathan. Nathan was lying against the wall, his arms over his chest; watching him careful.
"You," Lucas smirked at Nathan, knowing something about him. "I didn't think you would show your face. After all, it's been three days since I started talking with your partner. I'm started to think you didn't care about her well-being." He turns back to me, taking my chin and lifting it up so I can see his face. "I'll see you later. You can't always hid behind him." he kisses my cheek then walked away from the spear station.
Nathan gets off the wall and walks over to me; I looked back at the targets wondering which one I should hit. When I take the spear into my right hand, Nathan pulls it out of my hand.
"Hey!" I hissed at him, seeing that his eyes were still cold towards me. He puts the spear back in place with the rest of the spears.
"Spears don't seem to suit you, if you plan to look soft. Go with throwing knifes. I've seen what you can do with them, you're better off with them then these. And for one thing, even though you didn't plan to be with me in the beginning; just make sure you're still live." I just stared at him. My heart squeezes a little when he actually said something about my well-being, how I should be alive when I don't plan to be near him at first. How will we be together in the middle of the game? That thought burns in the back of my head. Just how can we run into each other? Pure luck would have to be in it.
Two hours pass, and all I do is avoid the one-on-one station. It isn't because I hate fighting against people, which I do. But it's because I plan to leave that for the arena, so no one knows that I'm good at fighting without a weapon. It's a surprise I'm leaving to everyone who thinks I'm small and weak like the rest of us lower Districts for the arena. Without Lucas bothering me afterwards, it leaves me time to think; think just how I'm going to use this to my own belief. So many things could go wrong with the Careers, since some of them are short-tempered.
I looked up from the ropes and saw all them hanging around one station; swords. It's no surprise that all Careers love swords, but there something wrong. They can't all go with swords, it would seem odd. Whatever they're planning, I just hope I get to hear it before I'm in the game. I looked away, moving my eyes back to the rope but someone looking at me and I stop working with the rope. She seems irritate about something, her shoulder lying against the wall, her arms over her chest. Her piercing blue eyes looking over at the station I'm at. Her short red hair was pulled up in to a ponytail, her shirt the same color as Lucas; blue. She starts to walk over to where I'm at.
I let the rope go and walk past her; her shoulder bumps against mine hard. Then she stops half-way. "Whatever you're planning, no one buying it." She turns around and looks over at my shoulder. I turned my head to her then smiled. As far as I'm concerned, I don't care if his partner or the rest of the Careers don't buy my act; I'm only getting his attention, not theirs.
This pushes her to the edge; she walks over to me, standing face to face. "Don't think, for a second no one in the Careers will kill you." She whispers, a threat that would send anyone running, but I'm not going anywhere just yet.
"Why don't you say that after we all figure out who has the highest score. Then we'll see who going to kill who. We only have a week left before then." I smiled again at her, she hisses at me by moaning rudely. I walked away, letting her take that moment to a further level of hatred. Well at least I know who hates me in the group, no doubt about it, they all will soon.
I made it back to our room in the Capitol. My thoughts were on about how Mia thinks I'm doing something wrong about bothering her partner then mine. She does have a point, I did notice three or four Careers look at me wrong, like I was some dog that didn't belong in their group. The only way I'm gong to figure out if there any problems, is to ask Nathan.
We were at the table, eating the food the Cooker would make for us. I pulled a plate over to my side then looked up to Nathan; he's looking at something on a paper, from the Capitol.
"Nathan," he looks up from his paper; his eyes didn't show how mean they can be. "I have a question." This throws him off, he sits back in his chair; moving his head to the side like he wasn't sure that I'm actually asking him for something then our mentor. Which reminds me, where is she?
"What do you want?"
"I know you said to be careful, even Amélie. But I'm just curious, from your end of the whole thing. What do you hear from the Careers?" I asked. It isn't bad to know about what's going on, at least if something does happen, I know what to do then just wait.
He takes a while before talking; he might think something went wrong with me and the Careers. His eyes closed and his hands are calmly moved to his stomach. He opened them; showing me 'I told you so' look. "Not much, from what I'm hearing District 4 and 3 seem to like your skills and your brains. But I don't think they know about your whole 'misleading them'," his finger make a sign and I nodded slowly. "District 2 and 1 don't trust you. Well the three of them don't, I think the girl from District 1 seems to have out for you, along with District 2. The guy, he's little mad that you showed him off but not exactly pissed like these girls. Other then that, your safe from anyone actually trying to hurt you, since one; you have District 2, 3 and 4 on your side. You should be fine." He pauses. "Why?"
"No reason." I went back to finishing my food.