Chapter 7: Friendly Fire

Disclaimer: Don't you get the freaking picture by now? We don't own Harry Potter. If we did it wouldn't make sense to anybody but us and there wouldn't have been the multi-million dollar franchise. And Fred wouldn't have died, or Sirius, Lupin, Tonks, Dobby, Georges' ear…and anybody else (or their appendages) who we liked. Also not the owner of Twilight, as it would have also turned out remarkably different.

We continue our sad, sad little parody of a story with the epic return of… (drumrollz) Blaise!! We find this strapping young man all alone in the cold, dreary, dark Slytherin common room with a most magical opener-of-horizons, a.k.a. the internet. More importantly, . (It would totally be subtle advertising if you weren't already here.)

Well the upside was that he was no longer bored, but now he felt scared for his life. How did these muggles know about him? Why did nobody have any idea what he looked like? Why did they always pair him with Draco? More importantly why was he always on the bottom?? (sorry we're in the gutter this week =( ) WTF? He was outraged. He was a manly macho man and felt no feeling what-so-ever towards the little peroxide headed ferret man, with his stupid muscles and perfect hair and…perfect hair?? Where'd that come from?? Uh…..crap.

But he found out so much about the golden trio (seriously who coined that?). Who knew Ron was so possessive and couldn't eat with his mouth shut. Harry was *snort* the sensitive one, and Hermione…well we won't talk about any of those 'detailed' accounts.

It was fascinating to see which of his classmates these 'authors' preferred. Ron it seemed was not well liked among the 'fanfictioners'. And why were the people of Hogwarts and whatnot deemed fiction? Was he not real? And what was up with this Draco/Blaise slashiness? Outrage creeping back into his thoughts.

"Hey there, Blaise, old buddy old pal." Draco stopped dead as he saw Blaise scrambling to hide his guilty pleasure (not that you dirty minded…person).

"What are you doing?" Draco asked calmly, slowly backing out of the room, just in case.

"What?!! Not you! I mean…. Nothing….Hey what are youuu doing?" Blaise cried, blushing like only one other storybook character can: Bella.

"I came to tell you to start paying up. Yours truly went on a date with Hermione...I mean Granger."

"Oh really? Tell me how'd she like those wicked dance moves of yours?"(please refer back to chapter two to review the terms of ze bet, because we had to). Draco blanched. Then he noticed the hidden computer.

"So what've you got there Blaise?"

"Where?" Blaise's voice jumped an octave.

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And we're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Hogwarts. Well, everyone is a wizard here, so nevermind….

*Cue the epic battle reenactment of the Pirate Ninja vs. Pirate Ninja 2.0*

(Harry is the 2.0 version, because he thinks he should always be superior.)

It 'twas quiet in the Great Hall, save for the clashing of light sabers, which coincidently has nothing to do with pirates OR ninjas. Everyone was entranced by the sight of the two Gryffindors dukeing it out. Nobody knew what they were fighting about, but it was entertainment, and they were simple people. So nobody tried to stop them, they just kind of moved out of their way when necessary.

"RAWR!"

"Ninja Pirates don't say 'rawr' Ron!" scolded Harry. "Take three," he directed.

"Do we have to start over, again?"

"If you continue to get it wrong then yesh…I should totally cut this sidekick lose I wonder how Hermione feels about pirate ninjas?"

"I wouldn't know. I haven't seen her since her date with the…" He was to disgusted to say it aloud. He might have another fit like he did in chapter 5.

"Just take three already." Harry was exasperated, in more ways than one.

Take THREE

The battle was epic. There was a hush over the crowd as the two Gryffindors dueled in a macho light saber brawl. Pirate to pirate. Ninja to ninja. Man to man. Wizard to wizard. It was awesome.

"Harry if ima ninja then why can you see me?" Ron asked gingerly (you see the irony?) rubbing the elbow the Harry had just roundhouse kicked.

"Because Ron your supposed to be a ninja/ pirate masquerading as a boy with a pirate outfit," Harry explained.

"Yeah I know but I think the invisibility cloak gives you an unfair advantage," Ron tried to appeal to his leader.

"Ron, that's because I'm a ninja masquerading as another ninja with pirate abilities."

"Why can't I be the ninja? Can I at least have the parrot?"

"Did you not hear what I just said? You're also a ninja. It's not my fault you have to masquerade as a you can't have Mr. Snuffilkins!!"

"How about the dust bunny?"

"Ron!!!!"

*ATTACK*

Ron doesn't even see Harry coming as the sneak attack continues the raging battle.

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AN: Thanks for waiting on us to stop procrastinating and write another chapter. School has started back up which is an acceptable excuse….sorta. =P

It would appear that we found the plot bunny. It is now the avatar of .Will.'s profile. It 'twas hand drawn and amazing, if we do say so ourselves. (Tries to deflate LBW's ego with a pin (from my voodoo kit, themoonismyfriend should get that reference))

On a happier note, thanks for reading, we 3 you guys. Please, for the sake of our sanity, review. It makes LBW feel better about herself. (nice third person)

.Will: You guys are awesome.

This Losing: Review please :)