Me: I'm so sleepy…
Chibi Naruto: Pwease wake up so you can weturn me to normal!
Me: Fine. Bibbiti Boboti Boo. (Naruto turns into a fox) Wow, I really need to get a new wand…
Naruto: (makes adorable mewling sound)
Me: Actually, this is just the inspiration I need… (takes pictures of cute fox-Naruto)
Sakura: Um, don't you think you should apologize for- (turns into rabbit)
Me: Yup, this wand is awesome. I'm naming it Mornstar.
Kakashi: )appears out of nowhere) Yo. I got lost on the road to Hamelin. By the way, Mornstar is from Ni No Kuni…
Me: Shut up.
Hinata: Um, Spyrkle10-sama doesn't own Naruto-kun. (does finger-thing that is very peculiar and impossible to describe)
Hi. Sorry about the wait. Read tons of fanfiction, played tons of Kingdom Hearts: Recoded and Animal Crossing New Leaf, and hung out with some friends. I have so much free time, and a bit of writer's block. But here you go!
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Chap. 7-Deny
The Sandaime was speaking to Dog. "Are you sure? He performed Hiraishin and Rasengan?" Dog nodded. How could this be? Minato-sensei was dead. Dead, with glassy eyes and spiky blond hair and hands flexible and agile in forming the seals that took his lifeblood away, skin only nicked and bruised, yet still dead, dead though he should have been stronger and alive and smiling. "Have the sensors confirmed the validity of his chakra signature?" Dog nodded. The Sandaime sighed.
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Daddy was walking up a really long staircase. Was Daddy taking him to see Jiji? "We going to see Jiji, Mommy?" Mommy nodded. "That means I get ramen, right?" Mommy smiled. "Yes, Naruto. Does Hiruzen take care of you?" Was Mommy asking about Home? "You mean Home, Mommy? Not Home, not Home… Not going back there ever again!" I gripped Daddy tight. The rats wouldn't be my only friends. My mean friends that stole every green crumb. "What's 'Home', Naruto?" Mommy's voice sounded like Matron's, she was so scary. "I l-live in the b-basement, Mommy. The rats are my friends and the other kids h-hit m-me and I'm always hungry and too cold or too hot-" I stopped. Mommy lifted me up into her arms. I had stuttered… Mommy wouldn't punish me. Maybe, maybe Mommy was an angel. Maybe.
Mommy sang to me, like Matron did to others. When they cried. Was this what a Mommy did? "It's okay Naruto. Never again," Mommy whispered to me. Mommy would always keep me safe. And Daddy too. Then I wiggled out of Mommy's arms, and Mommy held my hand as we walked up the stairs to see Jiji, who always said things would get better. Jiji had to be able to tell the future!
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Kushina's eyes flew to Naruto's smiling, whiskered face. He was still so innocent. Hiruzen was still not safe from her wrath, though. The polished, wooden stairs gave way to flat floor. Minato lunged forward, opening the door with unopposed ferocity. The room had been removed of all but a few decorations, ANBU completely still in the shadows, Hiruzen gazing at them with suspicion behind his desk. Naruto had probably been conceived on that desk. But those were happier times. There was a brief silence, broken by Naruto's cry of "Jiji! Mommy and Daddy finally came home, and we're gonna get ramen! I'm definitely going to take that hat from you!"
Kushina flinched a little, surprised at how much Naruto was like her when he was free to be himself. Minato laughed quietly, before addressing Hiruzen. "We… are back." His fingers formed handseals, activating the long-forgotten seals she had placed, used only when high-level information was to be shared. The ANBU were now unable to hear anything. It caused deafness and blurred their figures to all not close enough to the core of the seal. "How have you returned, Minato?" Hiruzen asked wearily. Kushina stepped forward. "Apparently, the Shinigami deemed to punish us by dissolving our souls, but we were too awesome-" Minato gave her a stern look, before continuing for her. "As a result of the inefficiency of his method, he decided to let us, as he said, 'look upon the consequences of our actions,' and our spirits were returned to the Elemental Countries. After we, by use of seals, were able to return to our bodies, we used our sealing equipment, which we were, respectfully buried with, to bypass the ANBU guards. We used Henge to locate Naruto, and Kushina, by use of her unorthodox healing technique, healed Naruto. We retreated to a cave outside Konoha and later returned to the village."
Minato had given his report in a detached voice, so when Naruto made a jab about him being a zombie, he smirked before groaning in a rather unrealistic zombie impression, Kushina smirking before following him in the groan-fest, Naruto laughing so loud that he had to stop and gasp for breath. Hiruzen sighed before freezing as she slammed her arm on his desk, ready to chew him out. He definitely deserved it. "Why exactly did I find my son in an alley, beaten by civilians? Why, when I asked my baby about living conditions, he stuttered and spoke of how he lived in the basement, with very little food and physical abuse from the other children? Because if you don't have a good answer, then I might be convincing Minato that we should pack up our dusty belongings and become missing-nin," her voice was sickly sweet, a façade to hide the anger she felt. Naruto was hiding behind Minato, using what pieces of male instinct he had to conclude that an angry woman was a deadly woman.
Hiruzen hid behind a calm front, his voice calm and controlled. "If anyone besides myself knew of his parentage, Iwa would send assassins. I kept it to Jiraiya and Kakashi. Naruto would be kept safe from Minato's enemies. I regret that I was unable to do more, but Danzo's influence is growing." Tears trickled down his wrinkled cheeks, causing Kushina and Minato to simply nod, Kushina instead devising a plan to get rid of the democratic ideas (courtesy of Danzo) being spread throughout Konoha. "I'll be taking that hat back, Hiruzen. Naruto needs the support and Konoha needs me." Minato's voice was steadfast in his decision, Naruto prancing about now, screaming to the Kage-affiliated ninja that his dad was going to be the Godaime. She was going to have to correct him. But first, she needed to find out where her ninja wire went…
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Hello! I'm a lazy bum! Take this omake and leave me to read fanfiction!
Omake- Naruto's Education
As they were sitting in the cave, Minato had the foresight to ask Naruto if he had ever been to school. "Nope! But I did paint and toilet-paper every school that rejected me! And I used these ugly orange books to replace all the fancy-looking stuff!" Kushina, of course, decided to throw Naruto a party. With confetti. And music. Music blared from the cheap speakers set up in the cave. Even the ANBU had shown up, bearing an orange cake. Though Minato didn't understand why she had to choose When I Was Your Man. Naruto was in the corner, trying out his new paint gun, and Kushina was sobbing into a party napkin that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere.
"Kushina?" His wife's eyes were upon him. "Why are you crying?" Of course, Minato didn't have enough foresight to avoid the rant that ensued. "My baby's growing up… Oh Minato, my baby popped his pranking cherry!" Ironically, Minato was then magically covered in red paint. The ANBU codenamed Bull caught sight of him, and due to the graphical content of Minato's untimely demise, let's just say that Kushina and Naruto never used red paint again. Ever. Even when they painted the Tsuchikage's nose. Naruto never got an education, and Kushina popped many balloons.