Levi woke the next day like a switch had been flipped, eyes snapping open. He was perched in the small chair by the widow, in Erwin's room at the Inn. In his sleep, his head must have tilted back against the glass. He rubbed the crook of his neck where it stung, sore. Outside, it was not quite dawn, and it took him a moment to come to grips with the steady rhythm of breathing coming from across the room.
Levi looked over to where Erwin was sitting up atop the sheets, legs out, leaning against the headboard with his chin to his chest.
It wasn't a dream.
They had spoken well into the evening, on the memories of fallen comrades, on their next course of action. The innkeeper's daughter brought them meat pies, knocking shyly on the door.
Without rambling too much, Levi revealed what they had learned in the basement. Erwin listened like it were a fascinating story, but the new information did little to provoke a driven flicker in his eye. What could they really do now anyway, Levi supposed. What might have been, what was to be, it was likely all playing out someplace they could almost—never— touch.
In the end, Erwin was still headed west. He had a job to do or whatever. He'd looked skeptical at first, at Levi's tight-lipped eagerness to join him, but as usual, he relented to the steady steel push of Levi's will.
He watched the man's broad shoulders shift with each slow breath.
Everyone I've recognized from before, who have recognized me from before, seem to have been previously killed by unnatural causes. Anything titan-related.
Erwin had been struck in the side with those rocks, thrown at impossible speeds…
His gaze flickered down to Erwin's side, wondered if there were scars under that shirt, or if it had all been smoothed over. He imagined slow, meticulous fingers rolling up the thin cloth, the heat of skin under a searching hand.
The hell, he thought. Seeing the man die, realizing what not having Erwin around meant for his chances of survival, preferring death to that, seeing him again, no titans, it was all… maybe too much.
Levi ground his back teeth.
As for him, couldn't remember much about what exactly had sliced him open. Whatever Erwin assumed, Levi could only wonder; they'd hadn't broached the subject yet.
Whatever it was, it had been fast. Sharp.
His hand moved lazily to the cold handle of the kitchen knife on the table, lying where'd taken it from his belt the previous evening.
Sitting forward, no longer bound tight under his cravat and cloak, Erwin's tie shifted against his clavicle. It was the only thing that made this all seem real. Even speaking to Erwin, being here, it left a bitter taste on the back of Levi's tongue. Like he were being too selfish for easily accepting this. Grateful for how seeing Erwin again made him feel. He felt a purpose. He felt alive. Was he ignoring the possibility this was actually some cruel, divine punishment?
Why was it that the only time he ever entertained the idea of god, he expected to be struck down for the things he'd done?
The knife spun as he flicked the handle; it shushed a soft sound of wood and steel and slowed after a turn and a half. He put a finger on the flat side of the blade.
Was this death?
It was an easy thing to slide the pad of his finger up to the point of the knife, draw it down again very carefully, very softly, until a tiny thread of red pushed up to the surface of his skin.
It stung like a paper cut, blood drying quick in the open air.
Maybe they were simply seeds; flung far as the vine curled and died, ready to germ and sow somewhere new.
Levi got to his feet, stretched his back. He felt… disgusting.
By the time he returned from the communal washroom at the end of the hall, the sun was cresting and Erwin was awake. It took time, the meticulous scrubbing of dirt from his body, especially if he only had a sink and small rag to do so.
"Good morning," Erwin said where he stood by the desk, the Wings in his remaining hand. Levi slowly closed the door behind him with a grunt of good morning right back. Erwin held up the patch. "Are these…?"
Levi shook his head, ends of his hair still damp. "Not yours. Those were a gift. I gave yours to four-eyes before my last battle. I figured I… wouldn't be coming back."
Levi could see a muscle twitch in Erwin's jaw. He knew what that meant, because he did it too when biting back words. Erwin wanted to pry. Maybe he wanted to chastise Levi for letting go, for accepting that he was going to die. Maybe he'd wanted Levi to live his own life.
Idiot.
"I killed the Beast titan," he says next, because, fuck.
"Like there was any doubt," came something laced with familiar humor. There he went, complimenting him again.
"Well, barely, apparently," Levi huffed, raising an arm to shake out his hair. The motion slipped his collar down on the opposite side. He could see Erwin's eyes zero in on the dark cord of the tie sliding round his neck, peeking out from below the fabric. "Oh right," he grunted, hiding the feeling that he'd been caught. Notching a thumb under the loop, he yanked it forward, green gem catching the light. "I still have this." There was a challenge in his eyes as held Erwin's gaze.
The tips of Erwin's ears were red, "You kept that?"
"Look, shut up. You can have it back now." He went to take it off, but Erwin said in that commander's tone—
"Wait."
Levi froze, the order rippling through him.
"I don't want it," Erwin said, setting the Wings back on the table. A dark look, ghosts of the dead, flickered across his face. "Keep it, if you want. Or pawn it," he backpedaled, as Levi's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "We could use the extra supply money."
I'm not fucking pawning it, Levi wanted to snap, but he held his tongue in check. Instead, he left it, and pulled the coin pouch from his breeches pocket. "Well, if that's what you're worried about... I think we've got enough."
Erwin raised an eyebrow at him.
They paid for the rooms and the food, arranging to pick up their horses after a supply run. While Erwin went to the letter carriers', Levi took his heavy purse to the mercantile. New saddle bags, a single-man tent, blankets for both him and the mare, a bar of soap; when Erwin arrived, they picked out a bit of grain, stock, and other dry goods.
It reminded Levi of when they'd run through the Scout's supply lists, would-be quartermaster's duties if they'd had the budget for one.
"We don't need too much," Erwin told him as they pooled their money. "I've got a supply drop we'll reach after a week."
Against his wishes, Erwin purchased Levi a small pistol and holster belt. At his protests, he received an impatient look.
Levi kept Gin's utility knife.
Around back at the Inn, they retrieved their horses. Erwin's was a thick-muscled mare, speckled and grey, with two heavy-looking packs hanging off each side of the saddle.
Erwin gave him a half-smile as Levi lifted a flap of one of the bags, rocking up on the balls of his feet to peer inside. Twine-tied rolls of maps and parchment were stuffed alongside a metal-linked chain, collapsible wye level, and shiny brass solar compass.
Levi clucked his tongue, giving Erwin a sideways look. "So, that's what being full-funded looks like."
Erwin helped Levi with his saddle, removing it to replace the blanket underneath, metal arm glinting in the light. Levi bent to synch the billet strap back in place when they were done.
Straightening up, Levi eyed the folded-up letter in Erwin's breast pocket. It had appeared upon his return from the postmaster's. "Those your new orders?"
Erwin nodded, pulling the letter out and handing it over. The paper felt thick and expensive between Levi's fingers.
"Even without the threat of titans, people have been slow to colonize beyond the walls," Erwin explained as Levi skimmed the commission. "Save small expeditions and out-postings of course. There's decent farming land to the south and to the east, so in those directions people have created some settlements, but the west route can be a bit perilous when you get out far enough."
Levi thumbed at the wax seal at the bottom of the letter. "So, what, you're objective is to explore and report back?"
"To find a practical route out west, yes. Find good places for new towns; see what's out there. Map and study what I can. I've been making supply runs to my mid-way point for a few months now."
"You're stocking up for a big trip; won't be back for a while."
"That's right."
Levi sighed, folding the letter and handing it back. "You think we need a pack mule?"
"I travel light enough."
To Erwin's credit, he didn't ask if Levi was "sure" he wanted to come along or anything ridiculous like that. Levi was thankful. A sign; at least some things hadn't changed, he thought, swinging up onto the horses' back. They left the town by its little-used west road.
At first, Levi kept to Erwin's flank, a few paces behind. It was a familiar Scouts formation, and a familiar sight, the straight-backed way Erwin rode. He'd known for a while that Erwin learned in his youth, and the nobles' style of stiff posting with every gait hovered just below the surface.
As if sensing a pair of eyes, Erwin turned his head slightly, and Levi kicked forward so their horses were level, slipped into an equal jog. At this rate, he figured, they'd cover around twenty-five miles a day, give or take.
"So. Anything else I need to know about this screwed-up place?" He looked straight ahead. "Acid rain? Giant fucking birds or whatever?"
Erwin chuckled, a good sound. "Not as far as I can tell."
"That's fortunate," Levi said quietly. After a moment, he added, "I'm assuming the slums are still around. Underground."
"Yes."
"Pfh. Figures. Humanity's screwed up no matter where you go..."
The town behind them shrank into the distance; Levi twisted in his seat to have a final look. "And here I was trying to go back north."
"Back to the walls?"
Levi twisted back again, body rocking steady in the saddle. "Where the hell else was I supposed to go but back?"
They stopped to feed and water the horses, making it all the way to what Erwin called Grey Basin by dusk. The lake was set like a deep soup bowl into the surrounding plains, the water exquisitely clear, off-white slab rocks along the bottom reflecting the evening light.
"Did you name this one?" Levi asked, mildly impressed, as they stood on one side of the steep cliff.
"No. This was already in the official maps."
"Pity."
They made camp under the clear sky, filling their water skins in the lake and rolling their blankets out after clearing a spot of rocks. Warmed by summer, moon full and high, they forwent a small fire.
"Dried food will do for now," Erwin said after they'd shared a bit of salted meat, "but we'll go hunting soon enough. I have an extra rifle in the cache."
Fresh meat sounded divine, but going hunting meant skinning the carcass; it was foul work.
"Aren't I lucky," Levi grunted as he lay back on his blanket, arms crossed under his head.
Erwin sighed, reclining against his pack.
Levi glanced over. "You do that too? Always sit up when you sleep?"
"Force of habit," Erwin mumbled. "Too many nights in a damn chair."
"Hah. Those were the days…"
There was a pause, and then Erwin said with a hum, "Yes. They were."
Levi slept fitfully, as usual.