My reflection diary - 18/2

Okay, it's the first day of Jesus - I mean, St Em's grade reflection camp, and we have to keep a diary (well, i'm the only one that's bothering…).

Anyways, we started out by catching a coach and driving for about, 3 hours? Seriously, who's idea was it to cram 120 students onto two buses for 3 hours? Don't know, but I'll sue them when i find them.

So, we had Rianne and Ciel sitting together (so cute! ), Felicia and Alois were together (they'd been together a lot recently…) Ele and Val (*love is in the air!*) and...I was rather lonely by myself.

But, we got there in one piece (haha, pun!) and then we went through the motions of collecting luggage and claiming a tent (we picked the closest to the mess hall/tent, whatever). In my tent we have: me (obviously), Rianne, Felicia, Ele, Val, Ciel and...Alois. Geez, a recipe for disaster.

After setting up our shit, we got time to explore. We went as a group because Mr Faustus was there, and there's safety in numbers. Can you believe, the camp is surrounded by 360 degrees of thick ass woodland? We kinda stopped when Ele said that she saw a snake.

Then we had some dinner, and had spiritual reflection (where I wrote this diary). Lol, we're doing some meditation now, so I gotta go, I will continue this later….

Later:

Okay, I'm back. Everyone's sleeping (Val's snoring…OMG!). I can't really sleep. Well, I was before, but then Ciel had a nightmare and woke the whole tent up with his screaming (poor kid). It honestly sounded like someone was trying to kill him! Rianne took the poor bugger outside, and now they're just sitting outside the tent in the moonlight. How romantic T-T. Felicia and Alois are currently sharing a really quiet conversation - about what I don't know, but it's really none of my business. I should probably go to sleep…

I'll write later. Bye.

18th February

So, we have to write a reflection of some sort. I decided not to do it at the meeting, as I really don't have anything to reflect over...until now. So, we had just gotten into our tent (it's kinda weird, like, it's a concrete slab with a tarp over the top, with four bunk beds inside) and had all pretty much fallen asleep instantly. Then, a high pitched scream came from Ciel, and I was pretty terrified with just the sound. I woke him up when he began to thrash, and as he sobbed, I took him outside. He owes me for sitting out there in the freezing cold at night.

He was pretty rattled, and I decided to rub circles on his back and give him hugs. As his breathing hitched with fear, I whispered all the comforting things I knew (which weren't much to begin with). After about, what, half an hour, he finally calmed down. I won't ever forget his visible eye, wet with tears and hollow with pain. I wanted to hold him in my arms until the evil of the world disappeared. Instead, I shot him a smile and said, "Nice night, huh?" He gave me such a warm smile. "Yeah, especially with you here." I kinda don't know what to do with myself now.

19/2

'Sup. It's me again. Day two, and what a day it's been. Can you believe, we woke up at 6am? That's bullshit. We got given the worst breakfast in the world (they forgot that Rianne was allergic to eggs, so everyone had to donate to her bacon). Then we had groupings. We all had to wait for each teacher to call out our names. We all decided that we wanted to be in Mr Undertaker's group (he's so chill), but to our horror, we were called into Mr Michaelis' (well, Mr Faustus would have been worse…). Then we had to do activities.

Then this place became the bane of my existence! We had to do a giant swing and flying fox! Everyone was so excited, but me (and Ciel, but he's much better at hiding his nerves it seems). Anyways, I was feeling quite sick at the thought of being swung over 20 metres in the air, and begged Mr Michaelis to not participate. Rianne and Ele backed me up (bless them), but the stubborn mule that is our group teacher refused. "No, you must participate, it is good for character building." My ass.

Basically, I felt really sick just before my turn, so I went back up to him, and once again, told him my condition. He looked like he could've just thrown me into the swing. Before he could yell at me (again) I vomited all over his shoes. I have never felt so apologetic, yet smug at the same time. Maybe a bit more apologetic as Mr Michaelis looked ready to commit third degree murder. Thank God Rianne was there, a big grin on her face (Ciel looked pretty impressed too), and said, "she warned you." I have never seen someone look so regretful, yet annoyed.

Long story short, I didn't have to do the swing. However, I did have to do the flying fox (which was probably worse in my books). It was basically a thread of steel (doesn't stop the fact that it's a thread) over a huge gorge covered in trees and pointy rocks. Ele said it was 'beautiful.' I thought it was shit-stain terrifying.

About half an hour of Rianne, Ele, Felicia and Valentino coaxing me, I finally manned up and did it. It was pretty funny, I face-planted in the mulch pit at the end of the cable, much to everyone's delight. I actually think I swallowed some...

Mr Michaelis was actually rather nice about it. I thought he would rub it in my face, but actually patted me on the shoulder and gave me a congratulations about "tackling my fears head on" or something. I was too busy marveling over the fact that he helped to dust off the mulch covering my clothes. It was nice.

...And reflection time is over. See you later!

February 19th 2017

Kay, its Felicia here. Okay, so I might have been too lazy to write my reflection for yesterday, but whatevs.

So...we are on Jesus camp. I'm with my friends, I guess. It's been OK so far. Highlight - Eleanora puking all over Mr Michaelis' shoes and face-planting in the bark pit. Also, Alois screaming his head off as he swung up on the giant swing. Great day, love love.

I'm actually writing outside of reflection (It was sooooo boring!) in my kinda uncomfortable bed (hammock thing). After dinner, we had what everyone called a 'night hike' (Eleanora's idea, 'night light', but not.).

We ended up clambering through the forest tripping over branches and roots. Strange creatures called throughout the night, and the darkness was suffocating. I pretended not to feel Alois' killer grip on my arm, or the nervous whimpers and shivers.

We reached Campfire Hill (Any guesses as to why it's called that?). It's a weird place, with a huge open space where all the trees had been cleared out, placed around as benches to sit in front of the fire with. Scattered around the area were several fire pits with freshly cut logs already left in preparation to be lit.

It was nice. We chose a fire pit far away from the teachers and other student groups. Mr. Undertaker gave us a box of matches, before drifting away. Alois desperately wanted to light the fire, so we all agreed he could. He giggled the whole time, lost in the dancing flames reflected in his widened pupils - he looked sad, broken.

We all sat around. It was pretty cool. Ms. Annafellows came around with marshmallows, and we were allocated quite a few. Alois sat as close to me as he could (I think he was cold). Rianne and Ciel sat together, Ciel wedged between Rianne and Eleanora. Ele and Valentino sat on the other side of me, cuddling. It was cute.

We chatted about nothing and everything. School, friends, other kids, teachers, our homes, dreams, all spread amongst the hungry tongues of fire, drifting into the loneliness of the night. The air grew dark and depressing, the end of school a very conscious weight pressed upon our backs - this was the last camp - our last chance to just be a group of immature children before we had to face the bared fangs of the world.

Alois seemed to notice the tension, and wasn't very comfortable. And so, he started off a string of scary stories, his being about a horrible fire that burnt and consumed a town, the ghosts of the burnt people rising up and possessing unassuming travellers.

Eleanora joined in - never one to pass up on a storytelling opportunity. She told the story of a terrifying mist which brought with it stomach-churning creatures from another dimension.

Ciel volunteered, and told the story of a soul-sucking demon with an attitude. It was funnier than it was scary.

Ele went last, and told a pant-soaking horrifying tale of demon clowns that roamed the streets at night (it was scary because it was really realistic). Soon, the teachers appeared to tell us it was time to return to the camp. So we made the trek back to our little tent, and went through the motions, before going to bed.

But we didn't sleep. By this point, it was 10 O'clock, and no one had settled down. I kept seeing demented clowns every time I closed my eyes (thanks Ele). As we all sat up awake, Rianne spotted a moving silhouette around the tents, a shadow dark enough to be seen looming outside.

Ciel pumped in the logic: probably some teachers. Alois thought otherwise, claiming it to be the clowns from Ele's story. I know it was stupid, but I was still scared out of my mind. Common sense had run away screaming long ago. Now the stranger was coming closer to the entrance.

We watched as the zip of the tent was slowly lowered down, and all I could think was that Slender Man is gonna get us.

Much to our horror (and amusement) Eleanora leapt into action, tackling the stranger before they could step into our safe zone. Ele, Rianne, Ciel and Alois (and probably me) were screaming/shouting. As they landed, we heard the familiar 'oof' of Mr. Michaelis, and suddenly, the whole situation was just too funny. We burst out laughing, and scrambled outside to see Eleanora sitting on his chest with a threatening fist aimed at his head. Her face was frozen in an expression of shock and complete regret (probably should've looked before she leapt). He was smirking at how stupid we probably all looked, and I found it strange when Ciel and Mr. Michaelis shared a very familiar look.

The next thing we knew, we were ushered back inside and told to go to sleep, lest we wanted detention. Eleanora was as bright as a Christmas bauble, and when Valentino and Ele tried to tease her about it, she snappily replied that anyone would be embarrassed if they had just crash tackled their teacher.

When everyone finally looked to be drifting off, Alois admitted to me that this was the most fun he had had in a long time. "Thanks," He had murmured, laced with sleep. "It's great to have such a close friend." Me too. I had thought, as he fell asleep with his head hanging off the bed.

Well, it's like, 1am now, so I'm going to bed. Night.

20/2

It is the last day of camp. I am currently sitting on a bus writing up the final reflection diary entry of our weird ass reflection camp. This morning was way better than yesterday. Especially since I was on cloud nine after witnessing Ele and Val kiss the night before. So cute!

Speaking of Ele, she was hella tired this morning. Like seriously, she couldn't even stand up straight! Felicia was really concerned, so was Val (surprise surprise). We took her to a teacher, Ms. Annafellows, but not much could be done. In the end, she just ended up sleeping through breakfast.

Breakfast was waaaay better (they actually had food Rianne could eat without having to fear for her mortal life). The teachers then told us that we had free time until we had to leave (after like, a two hour reflection, of course). The weather was kinda warm, so we all decided to claim the swimming pool. Luckily, everyone thought ahead and brought swimmers (except for Alois, whom Felicia had to persuade to wear booty shorts instead of skinny dipping).

It was pretty cool. We splashed about, and had the mother of all water fights. Half way through, Ele appeared, looking much less pale and healthy. Val was very happy to see her (if you know what I mean), and took his shirt off, revealing his badass abs. Ele was so cute about it, she told him to cover himself up (she was worried about him getting sick, which is super cute! ).

After swimming, we all decided to hang out with different people. Literally everyone ditched me, so I decided to hand out with the teachers. Talk about lame.

20th of February

Last day of camp, thank God!

So today on my reflective journal we have another interaction that I really don't know what to do with. After swimming in the pool, Ciel headed off into the woods. I decided to follow him (i am not a stalker). I followed him until he reached a clearing, which was a little odd. From his posture, I could tell that something was up. I tried to alert him that I was there by walking loudly, however, even when I tapped his shoulder, he still got startled (I think he was really lost in thought…)

He told me to get lost, and I was really tempted to do just that, but he looked - broken. I felt my heart shatter. I honestly couldn't help myself, and before I knew it, my arms were around him, pressing his head to my shoulder. Soon, I could feel a dampness seeping onto my shoulder, but I chose not to say anything.

After some time of just standing there, he removed himself. He mumbled an apology, and I still, even now, cannot understand what he meant when he said, "I don't want to forget them."

Now I really want to get to know him better.

February 20th

Okay, reflection time…

So, after some swimming, everyone went their separate ways. Alois literally dragged me away, and showed me what he called a 'hidey hole.' When I asked him why, he confessed that he liked the comfort that tight spaces gave him. I don't really understand, but he seemed pretty content with it, so I let it slide.

Anyways, we chatted about nothing and everything. He told me about his previous friends, and how he hoped I wasn't like them. I honestly feel like he's an injured child, who's afraid of losing people. I can't help but feel sorry for him.

I told him about my family - how I had the pressure of the family on my shoulders - being the first person to go to uni. Alois listened intently, like every syllable that came out of my mouth was insanely important. Even with my friends, I had never felt so listened to.

Eventually we were called out by Mr Faustus, and we ran like hell, laughing all the way. Afterwards, Alois wanted to play hide and seek, so we did. It was really fun, and he almost fell out of a tree during one of the rounds. I feel like this camp wasn't really that bad…

Okay, I'm really bored, so I might as well document this. We're still on the bus (about 2 hours in) and I've taken pictures! Rianne and Ciel are sitting together, so is Felicia and Alois, and Ele and Val (I am right at the front behind the teachers with a pillow to keep me company T-T). Right now, Ele is leaning/drooling all over Val in her sleep (ewww…). Ciel and Rianne are snoring up against each other (they're both going to have really sore backs after this…) and Alois and Felicia…are playing tick tack toe. Noice. I'm going to try and sleep now. I'm so tired…

I'm kinda sad about school ending. Maybe, after the HSC, we'll all keep in contact, like some big dysfunctional family. Yeah, that'd be so cool, one big and weird, yet happy family! I don't want anything to change.