Away From the Sun
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony Bard.
Warning! Spoilers for books 1-5. I am going to pretend that anything that happens Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince , witch comes out on July 16 (YEA!) , hasn't happened, so don't kick me if something really cool happens in the book and I make no mention of it.
Warning 2! This is gonna be yaoi, that's boys loving boys, so if you don't like the idea of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter snogging senseless, don't read, and piss off if ya feel the need to flame me for such.
Chapter Seven
My Last Breath
Draco's POV
I received the note on the eve of Halloween at breakfast. It would be my first official meeting with the Death Eaters as a junior representative. The message was coded of course. I didn't expect anything different from my father. I was to sneak off the school grounds and meet my father near the Shrieking Shack during the ball. The idea was that Dumbledore and the rest of the teachers would be too preoccupied with chaperoning the older students and babysitting the younger ones that they wouldn't notice if one student wasn't where he was supposed to be.
I wasn't going to see Harry at the ball. Shit. Fuck. I mentally swore at the whole bullshit situation.
I folded the letter into a fold in my robes, keeping it away from prying eyes. I'd had the first of the junior Death Eater meetings two days ago.
2 days earlier
"This meeting will come to order." I snapped at my fellow seventh year housemates as I entered the boys dormitory. They quieted almost immediately.
I flopped into an armchair, taking in the people before me. Blaise, who has already come to his own conclusions about where his loyalties lie and has joined the DA, Pansy and Nott, both dead set on becoming Death Eaters to make their parents proud and ready to turn any who defy the Dark Lord over to him on a silver platter, Crabbe and Goyle, neither of them really having enough brains between them to worry about weather they're on the right side or not, and Millicent Bulstrode, whose loyalties are still questionable.
"I'm going to make this short, considering this is our first meeting." I nonchalantly picked up a nail file one of the girls had left in the room and began to file my nails. "However, before we begin this little-" I searched for the right word, "-pow-wow, I should address any questions you have concerning our little 'club'." I smirked, playing the Malfoy role to the hilt, and having fun with it, knowing that everything said here would be reported to both the DA and Severus.
"How are we supposed to trust you Draco?" Pansy shot at me, glaring over Millicent's head.
I pretended to look hurt. "Honestly Pansy. Do you think for one second that the Dark Lord, or my father for that matter, would entrust the development of this swaray unless they had complete confidence in me?" I gave her a pointed look and passed on. "Anything else?"
No one answered, there were no more questions. Their only question had been my loyalty. What pathetic losers. I figured now is as good a time as any to attempt to defer any other Slytherins to the DA if they themselves did not want to live the so-called- life offered by the Dark Lord and his followers.
"I should inform you of what tasks you will be expected to undertake on the day of your initiation." I picked up a ledger, bought specifically for this, and began to read form it.
"The Dark Mark will be burned into your flesh; you will then prove your loyalty to our lord in whatever way he sees fit." I paused and winked at Pansy. "And from what I have been told, he's a rather twisted being." She smiled at this, making my stomach churn. "After you have proven where you heart truly lies, you will be on a probationary status until the Dark Lord sees that you are truly behind him and his cause." I snapped the book shut and looked at my companions with as cold of a gaze as I could.
The room was silent. Blaise had chosen to keep his gaze, unfaltering, on me, Pansy's eyes glowed ion sickening excitement, Crabbe and Goyle had the same (I swear to Merlin its fucking permanent!) dumb looks on their faces as always. Only Millicent's response was not predictable. She frowned, and looked away from me.
The meeting had continued with my statement of authority over them. They had nodded in assent, none of them saying anything.
end Flashback
Since then I'd started them on making charts for younger student's safety within our own house. Pansy had asked me about this but I'd snapped at her in response, telling her that "Oh yes, let's allow the youngest of the purebloods to be injured when Potter and his friends go gallivanting around the school with their wands, playing Order Member."
Now that Halloween was upon us, the tables were noisy as all hell. Students were chatting loudly about the ball that night. The ball I won't be attending. The ball I'll be missing to meet with the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters.
I live charmed fucking life don't I?
Classes went too fast for me, too slow for the rest of the school. During Potions, I deliberately blew up the miniature cauldron full of our boiling owl blood, making my godfather snap at both Harry and I to 'see him after class'.
"What in the name of Marduk do you think you're doing Draco?" Severus raised an eyebrow at me as Goyle walked past.
Harry chose this time to sneer at me. "Malfoy, if I get a detention out of this I'm going to-"
"Going to what Potter." My godfather smirked. "Goyle, close the doors so the third years know I'm busy." He directed as said person was leaving the classroom. The door closed with a quiet bang, and both Harry and Severus looked at me confused.
"Draco, you never blow anything up." Harry stated quietly. Severus didn't comment, he gave me the look that said Harry had taken the words out of his mouth.
"I know." I started pacing across the classroom. "I received a letter this morning, from my father."
"I already know." Severus reached to his desk and picked up his steaming mug of tea. Handing it to me, he forced me to sit in his chair. "Calm down before you hyperventilate."
I took a drink of the tea; it was as sickeningly sweet as he always drank it. My godfather continued, oblivious that Harry was lost. "I received a letter as well, to make sure that you are not missed." He gave me a pointed look, "you should damn well make sure your way in and out of the castle is covered."
I nodded, and before I could begin to ask my godfather a suitable route, Harry interrupted.
"Wait, hold on. You both left me about two pages ago. What's going on tonight that you need a way out of the castle?"
I turned to face him. I sighed, looking at the floor, and told him the truth. "Tonight is the night they are going to mark me."
He didn't speak, and I was actually afraid to look at him, to see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. Instead, when I looked at him, his eyes shone with unshed tears as he reached into a fold in his robes and pulled out an old piece of parchment. I'd seen it once before, he'd used it to get us to a DA meeting without running into anyone.
He tapped it with his wand, muttering something I couldn't quite hear, and a map of the school appeared on the blank parchment. A complete map of Hogwarts, including secret passages and labels with people's names, honing in on their exact location at that point in time.
"You want to go here." He pointed at a statue of a witch close to the Gryffindor common room. "All you have to do is tap the witches hump and say "dissendia"; it'll open up to an underground tunnel that leads into the cellar of Honeydukes." As Harry spoke, he traced a line on the map where a tunnel ran off.
Severus nodded; Harry folded up his map, whispered something, and with a tap of his wand, and the map was blank again. After a forlorn look in my direction, he smiled at me, and left the room.
I still sat in Severus's chair, drinking his sickeningly sweet tea. "Do you have to put so much sugar in it?" I asked, taking another drink.
"It's honey, not sugar." He answered and began clearing away plans from our class and began putting up the instructions for the third years. Well, not really putting up. A flick of a wand and a whispered word was all it took. He stopped halfway through and turned back to me. "Draco, are you alright?"
I smiled weakly at him. "I'll manage. I wasn't put into Slytherin for nothing."
He smiled back at me, leaned over, kissed the top of my head. "Go to class. We'll talk later."
I finished his tea, picked up my bag and left, the grim knowledge of what I would have to do later that night thick in my head.
Harry's POV
I knew Draco would want to talk to Snape in private, so I didn't wait for him. Instead, I slowly walked to Charms, feeling depressed and heavy. The last thing Draco wanted was to be branded with the Dark Mark, and now; now he's doing it for the DA, and for me.
At dinner, I informed the 'upper DA' as we were calling the six of us (not counting Draco) that we needed to meet immediately.
As soon as dinner had ended, I headed straight for the room of requirement, followed closely by Ron and Hermione. They had noticed during dinner that something was wrong, and had waited until now to ask.
"Harry?" Hermione quickened her pace to match mine. "What's wrong?" Ron hurried to catch up with our breakneck speed through the hallways.
"DA business." I answered shortly. Now is not the time and place to be discussing any kind of information.
When all six of the group was present, I began.
"As you all know, Draco Malfoy has taken to spying for the DA. I have been informed that tonight Voldemort will be giving him the Dark Mark." I let that sink in for a moment. I'd told them on the train already about what new initiates had to do. The group cast their heads in lament for a soldier whose battle had barely begun when I continued.
"This has to be kept strictly secret. I know we're handpicking other students to join the more involved aspect of our group, but-" I trailed off here, thinking of how to word this. "- I think we should take the roles of leaders. We're the inner circle here" I looked at my friends, they nodded in response.
"So About tonight then, and about Malfoy-" Ginny stared, but Hermione cut her off.
"We don't act like anything's happening. I'm sure by now Professor Snape had informed Dumbledore of this development.
"Hermione's right." Ron added. "Besides, it's not like Malfoy will die tonight. Voldemort still needs him to 'lead' his little group of Slytherins."
With that, we adjourned. The air was tense, I could feel it. The whole castle was tense. Weather it was because everyone was now rushing around trying to get ready for the ball, or because I knew, and Draco knew, what was going to happen to him tonight.
Hold on to me love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm not afraid
The ball was loud. Ron and Hermione had gone as chess pieces, the king and queen respectively. Neville had gotten up the nerve to ask Ginny, and they were dressed as cats. I had 'borrowed' a set of Slytherin robes and I was dressed as a Slytherin for this party. A little joke on my part. The robes belonged to Draco.
Thinking about him, about tonight, was wreaking havoc on my nerves. I steered myself outside to breath the fresh night air. The air was cooler out here, not as thick. I took a deep breath and leaned against the stone wall behind me, closing my eyes.
A hand touched my shoulder and I opened my eyes.
Grey eyes looked back at me, inches away. "Harry." He stepped closer to me, placed his hand behind my head and pulled my into a drugging kiss. "I have to go now." He looked over my shoulder, back into the celebration behind us, before looking back in my eyes again. "Harry, I love you, and I'm not afraid of them." His voice shook, and before I could respond, an all-to-brief kiss, and he was gone into the shadows.
"I love you too." I whispered into the darkness.
"Potter, what are you doing out here?" I turned to face the potions master. He glared at me. "Get back inside."
"Yes sir." I answered, feeling numb, knowing that I couldn't take my worry with me, that no one is supposed to know.
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?
The rest of the night, every girl I danced with, I pretended that she was him, I ignored my inner turmoil, I mentally told him my feelings as often as I could. I prayed the he could feel me in his heart.
Draco's POV
I made my way out of the castle quickly, refusing to look back and see Harry. Once I'd climbed out of the cellar of Honeydukes, I ran to where I was to meet my father. I was early, but he was already there.
"Early Draco? The Dark Lord will appreciate your enthusiasm." The fucking asshole smiled at me like I was someone he actually gave a shit bout.
I raised my chin defiantly. "As a leader, I cannot afford to be lazy Father."
He didn't say another word to me, instead he handed me a copy of Hogwarts, a History. A portkey, that's how we were going to travel to our location. As I took it from him, I felt the familiar sensation of something pulling my navel. My world spun, and brought me into theirs.
The room was dingy, dark, and the smell reminded me of unwashed bodies. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Fucking hell, the Dark Lord works out of this shithole? I expected better from him.
"You have brought the boy." A voice hissed from the shadows. My father bowed deeply.
"Yes my Lord. I have brought him and he is ready for you."
I followed my father's example and bowed to the shadow I couldn't see. "It is an honor, my Lord, to enter your service."
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
The Dark Lord removed his hood, granting me my first look at his repulsive face. He barely even looked human. I inwardly shuddered, yet kept the cool, emotionless exterior I've seen my father use on so many occasions.
"Draco Malfoy." The Dark lord moved towards me, and I swear the bastard actually slithered across the fucking floor. "Are you prepared to prove you loyalty to me."
It was not a question, but a statement. Fucking Merlin in hell. I hate my father. "I am beyond prepared my Lord." I bowed lower and waited.
By this time, others had joined the room. I couldn't see their faces, they were covered in the white, faceless masks that they all wore, covered in this black robes that even prevented the recognition of male or female.
"Stand." I did as I was ordered. "Remove you robes." The snakelike voice of the Dark Lord hissed in my direction.
I didn't hesitate. I simply removed my school robes until I was standing in my school pants, shirt and shoes.
"Your shirt too." My father whispered when my movements had ceased. I followed his instruction and stood bare-chested in the presence of the Dark Lord and his closest followers.
"Come forward." My feet felt numb as I forced myself to lift them and bring my body directly in front of this human monstrosity who dares call himself the greatest wizard of all times. "Good. Hold out your left arm Draco." My name sounded sick dripping from his lips. Knowing that he was a master of Legilimens, I dared not think of the way my name sounded coming from Harry's lips.
I held out my arm, bare for only a few moments longer. Voldemort reached out to me with one disfigured hand and touched his wand to my skin.
Oh the pain. The unbelievable fucking pain. It was almost worse than having the Crutaicious curse on you longer than ten seconds. But not quite. I ground my teeth together, refusing to cry out in pain. A sign of strength and respect among the Death Eaters. But the white jot pain in my arm refused to stop. Even after the wand tip was removed from my skin the painful sensation lingered.
Still holding myself straight, I looked at this –person- before me. He smiled sickly and motioned for me to follow him into another room. I knew what was to happen now. All I could do was shut down my mind while Voldemort took out his sick sexual desires on my body. My only saving grace was the tiny whisper of Harry in the recesses of my mind.
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight
My father, the man I'd idolized until recently, didn't even attempt to stop this from happening. I was gong to be broken, used, and then sent back to school. I hated him even more now. How the fuck can someone do this to their own child? I shut myself down and followed the Dark Lord.
Harry's POV
It was very late when I returned to the Gryffindor dorms. I'd wandered the halls after the ball; none of the teachers seemed to be patrolling tonight, at all. I double checked the Marauders map, and still, Filtch was on the seventh floor, and all the professors were in their respective quarters. I could tell by the stationary dots that most of them were sleeping. Except for Snape, who appeared to be pacing violently around his room.
Ron was snoring in his bed like usual, the rest of my dorm mates were in a quiet slumber. I sighed and looked down at the map again.
I'll miss the winter
A world of fragile things
Look for me in the white forest
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)
There, just on the edge of the map, was Draco's dot. He wasn't moving. Panic struck me. Draco had his initiation tonight. He might be hurt.
With that though in my head, I grabbed my invisibility cloak and the map and raced out of the tower.
I ran though the castle, not bothering to stay quiet. I had to get to Draco. I glanced at the map. He still wasn't moving. I raced to the statue of the humped witch; impatiently I tapped the hump and said the password, revealing the opening to the passageway.
I tore into the tunnel at breakneck speed, the invisibility cloak whipped around me, my feet obviously visible. Another glance at the map, only a little further. I tucked the map in my pockets, almost tripping over myself as I came to a screeching halt in front of a broken Draco.
He had blood smeared everywhere, I couldn't tell if it was his or not. He was breathing, but I couldn't tell if he was conscious or not. My heart twisted in my chest and my stomach dropped out from inside me.
"Draco!" I dropped to my knees beside him, afraid to touch him. He groaned. "Draco!" I pulled him half into my lap.
"Harry?" his voice was weak, not at all the strong, firm, and slightly sarcastic tone he usually used. He cracked open his eyes. "Take me to Snape." He managed, closing his eyes again.
Numb inside, I gathered him up, I wrapped the cloak around us in a way Draco would refer to as 'half- assed', and stumbled back through the secret passage.
I couldn't use the map with him in my arms, and I refused to pause long enough in my path to check it. If we got caught, I didn't want to think about it. He wasn't as heavy as I thought he would be, but maybe my state of panic had something to do with that.
I don't remember getting got the dungeons. However, when I found myself there, staring at the empty potions classroom, I realized that I had no idea where Snape would be.
"Draco." I laid him down on the floor and shook him gently. "Draco, you have to open your eyes. You have to tell me where Snape's room is!" Merlin, I'm crying, I hope he can't hear it in my voice; I don't want to scare him. I don't think he knows how bad he looks.
His eyes cracked open. He raised his left arm, I gasped at the sight, blood still flowed from the recently acquired Dark Mark burned into his flesh. Pointing towards Snape's office he forced himself to speak again.
"Behind the bookcase. You have to pull out the copy of Potions for Dummies." He closed his eyes again, his breathing becoming labored.
I scooped him up into my arms again. Kicking open the door to Snape's office, I directed myself numbly over to the bookcase. It was easy to locate the yellow cover of the book. I impatiently yanked it out of the bookcase, it swung backwards to reveal a short hallway with three doors.
"Snape!" I kicked open a door. An empty sitting room. Another door. A small kitchenette, also empty. "Snape!" I yelled again, getting ready to kick open the last door.
It swung open before I could; the potions master stood there still dressed from the ball.
Forgetting that I still had the invisibility cloak wrapped around me, I pushed past the professor. He fell into the door, swearing.
"What the hell." He hissed. He spun around wand out. "Who's there?"
A bed occupied a corner of the room. I directed myself towards it, trying not to trip over the piles of books on the floor. I reached in after what seemed like an eternity. I lay Draco on the bed, whisking the cloak off of me as I did so.
"He-" was all I could manage to choke out as Snape brushed past me, dropping to his knees by his godson.
"Shit." He swore again. "Potter." Tuning his attention to me, his features softened. "Go back into my office. There's a cabinet behind my desk with healing potions in it. Bring me as many as you can carry."
I followed his instructions blindly. When I returned, Snape had him undressed and under the covers of the bed. For the first time I've ever seen, Snape was not the calm, collected, greasy git I've known for seven years. His features laced with concern as he checked his godson over. All I could do was stare dumbly at the scene before me, silent tears running down my face.
Draco's POV
I can distantly recall Harry finding me in the passage, pointing him to my godfather's chambers, but other than that, nothing after I returned from the Death Eater meeting penetrated my mind.
"Draco, are you awake?" I opened my eyes to see my godfather's face hovering over me.
"I wish I wasn't." I responded. "I feel like-"
"I know." He interjected. "You don't have to tell me."
"It hasn't changed has it." I stated quietly, rather than ask. "I mean the initiation ceremony."
I heard a noise from the other corner of the room. Harry. I don't even have to look, I know it's him.
I know you hear me
I can taste it in your tears
"No, it hasn't." Severus answered in an almost whisper.
"He didn't even try to stop them. He just let them take me." I could feel the tears sliding down the sides of my face. I sat up, letting them stream down my cheeks. "My father-" I whispered, "My father just stood there, let it happen."
"I know." Severus whispered. He reached out to me, and I fell into my godfather, sobbing for all I was worth, trying to choke back the words spilling form my lips to no avail.
"It hurt, it fucking hurt, and then-and then-"I cried harder.
"I know." My godfather whispered in return. I felt more wetness on my face and realized that my godfather too, was crying.
For the first time I can remember, because 'Malfoys do not cry', I gave into the tears and sobbed. I let my godfather hold me, creating a wet spot on his robes.
Tears spent, I pulled away from him and looked around the room. Harry sat nearby, tears streaming form his face too. "Harry." His name fell from my lips almost desperately.
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you?
Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight
"I'll leave the two of you alone." Severus stood, wiped the tears from his face, and silently left the room.
I stared down at my arm, stared at the mark, the mark that means everything Harry doesn't. "Harry-"
"Don't. Don't make excuses for what they did to you. Don't even think for one second that I'm not going to get them back for what they've done to you." He was shaking.
"Harry don't." I felt like a fucking moron, telling him not to extract vengeance. Hell, I wanted vengeance. "It won't do for you to get all bent out of shape over something we both knew was going to happen." I reached for my clothes on the night table, which someone had cleaned up and folded.
I started dressing, ignoring the pain that still screamed from my movements.
"How can you act like they didn't just- just- rape you?" he ground out the last two words like they were poison.
Now dressed I looked at him. "Because I have to." Came my bland reply. "And so do you."
He opened his mouth to argue, realized I was telling the truth, and shut it again. "I didn't mean-"
I half smiled, "- To be a typical Gryffindor who acts before he thinks?"
He looked at the floor sheepishly. "I just want to hurt them for hurting you." He said quietly.
"I know." I stepped closer to him, taking in the way he smelled; a welcome relief from the scent from the dank place I'd been that still clung to my nostrils.
He reached out with his wand hand, the right one, and pushed a few stray strands of hair out of my face. "Are you alright?"
I scowled at the absolute fucking stupidity of that question.
"Okay, dumb question. Are you going to be okay?" he rephrased.
"I'll be fine. I'll need a few days to recover, there's only so much Severus can do." I winced when he accidentally brushed against the fresh, still screaming in pain, Dark Mark on my arm.
"It still hurts, huh?" It wasn't a question really.
"Yes." I hissed, as he touched it again.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, the sound echoed through my godfather's sparse quarters.
"Don't be." I raised my sleeve, allowing him to see the vulgar wound on my left arm. "This-" I pointed to the black stain on my once perfect forearm, "-this is something I choose to do. But unlike my pathetic excuse for a father, I did this to help take Voldemort down from the inside out." I yanked the material back over the blemish, wincing when the material scraped across the sensitive skin.
"You don't have to be so brave by yourself." He looked in my eyes, emerald gaze staring into my soul.
"If I'm not, then who will be 'so brave', as you put it, for me?" Sarcasm dripped from my words unintentionally. I'm feeling wounded, used, battered and defeated. And I'm taking it out on Harry.
"I will." Determined words fell from his lips. He leaned forward and kissed me lightly.
The touch was almost enough to cause me to cry again. I bit back the tears and flung myself into his arms.
"All I could do was think of you, remember how you felt, tasted, how you-"
"It's okay." He held me close, just holding me. I've never had anyone do that before, just hold me. For the first time in a ling time, right here, right now, I felt safe, more importantly, I felt loved.
Harry's POV
The walk back to the Gryffindor tower felt like an eternity. My feet felt heavy. It was early morning now, the sun was starting to come up, and I was thankful that today was a Sunday, I could sleep.
I think Draco's a lot stronger than he thinks; I know that I would never be able to act like nothing happened after what he had to go though last night.
Coming to the portrait, I muttered the password, Blessed Samhain, and continued my ascent to my dorm. I lay on my bed, still dressed, closed my eyes and tried to let sleep overcome me.
Closing your eyes to disappear
You pray your dreams will leave you here
But still you wake and know the truth
No one's there
I've realized that there's no way I can defeat Voldemort if I keep on the same track I 'm on now. I'm not going to get anywhere if I don't start learning how to use some of the spells the Death Eaters themselves will use. The dark majick. I can't afford to be so pure anymore, not when it does things like what happened tonight to the people I love.
There's no more room for fear, no more room for uncertainty. It's started.
Say goodnight
Don't be afraid
Calling me calling me as you fade to black
A/N:
A much shorter chapter this time, but hells, after how long the last one was, I would think that even you, my readers would thank me.
A few things that have been pointed out to me:
Use of British slang terms- I'm an American, so if I screw something up, please let me know.
Lack of masturbation- I'd just rather not go into the masturbation habits of 17 year old boys.
Now then, to my readers who actually review! THANK YOU!
Blusorami: I hope you enjoy this chapter; it was rather… interesting to say the least, to write.
Rin RavenIce: Ok, no smut for you in this chapter, but this story isn't all bunnies and sunshine you know. I know you love your angst as much as the next person and this chapter is just chock full of it.
Chris: Do you like? I'm such an evil temptress yes?
A little note for you other people who read but don't review………..
YOU SUCK
Now then, if you'd like to stop sucking, leave me a review! I really do appreciate them you know.