You can call me a liar, it's okay. I know I said that I'd pick up where I left off, but let's face it-that's not me. So trust me with what I'm doing with it and sit back, and enjoy this reckless ride. (Also, this chapter marks the longest story I've done for rolivia. {there's a few that I started and deleted} So let's celebrate with a lighter chapter?)
Chapter 7
Olivia had long since gone to work, and Amanda was well past sobering up. She remembered everything that had happened since Olivia arrived, and a torrent of emotion surged through her. She'd told her boss about her feelings towards her, and she was beyond shocked to hear that Olivia somewhat reciprocated them.
No, shocked wasn't a strong enough word. Baffled? Bewildered? Taken aback?
She sat on her bed, having showered and changed into clean clothes, and she felt a new lightness. Yes, there was still that dark shadow that lurked in the back of her mind- she figured it'd always be there, but she felt a new emotion.. She felt some weight lifted off her shoulders.
She had the sudden urge to tell Dr. Lindstrom her progress with Olivia, the need to relay the events of earlier that morning was like an itch that needed to be scratched.
She padded quickly into the living room, finding her phone on the floor under the coffee table and rolled her eyes at the thought of her own drunken foolishness. She still had one bottle of vodka… She didn't plan to drink it. Not after the progress she'd made without it.
She found the Doctor's contact in her phone and hit call. The man had given her his personal work cell phone number, he gave it to all of his patients so they could talk to him without having to go through the front office and have to be put on hold.
"Dr. Lindstrom," he greeted, most likely already knowing it was Amanda.
"I told her."
"Olivia?" He asked, a hint of amusement and curiosity in his voice.
"Yes. I told her everything.."
There was silence on the other end for a few moments, and she held a bated breath.
"How did she react?"
"Like you said she would. She was understanding and not judgmental.. And.. I told her about my feelings for her.. I had some uh.. courage.. and I told her, and.. She-she feels the same." It felt so weird, almost childish, saying it out loud to her therapist, but she was overcome with joy. Olivia had said me too, she'd hugged the younger woman, pulled her close, held her, and when she left…
Amanda went weak in the knees thinking about their parting. Olivia had placed a soft kiss on her cheek before smiling shyly and making her way down the hallway.
"Did you hear me, Amanda?"
The younger woman shook her head, "Uh no.. sorry could you repeat that?"
Dr. Lindstrom chuckled, "I said I think that it's wonderful that you opened up to Olivia, and I already knew 100% that she'd be on your side. Even if feelings weren't reciprocated."
Amanda smiled, "I know that now."
"I'm glad."
She bit her lip hesitantly, "That's what I called to tell you.. So.. I'm gonna go, but I'll tell you more on monday."
"Sounds good to me. Take care of yourself this weekend, Amanda."
"Thank you."
They ended the call and Amanda sighed in relief. Initially, when the bud of feelings she felt for Olivia in the beginning sprouted, she dreaded any outcome. She thought that it would only add to her overflowing plate of stress. But now, it felt like her plate was lighter.
In this moment, she felt like she could do anything. Getting better was at the top of the list.
…
Halfway through the day, she got a text from Olivia, asking the younger woman to join her and Noah at the park. She immediately accepted, letting the older woman know she'd head out right away. She figured the older woman had gotten the chance to slip away from work early.
Twenty minutes later, she found herself walking through the children's area in the park, searching for the two people that had kept her mostly sane through the past week.
"AMAN'NA!" She heard Noah call from her left, and she saw the little boy bounding towards her.
"Hi little cub! Good to see ya." She kneeled down, letting him jump into her arms before standing up and swinging their bodies from side to side.
It'd only been a few days since the saw each other, but she wouldn't ever deny a hug from the boy.
"Noah, sweet boy, what did mommy tell you about running off like that?" Olivia walked briskly towards the pair. She gave Amanda a wary smile, lips parted slightly as she took deeper breaths. She'd obviously run after the little boy. Her cheeks were rosy, hair windblown, she looked absolutely breathtaking.
"Oh c'mon, Liv, he was runnin' to me," Amanda reasoned shyly, nuzzling the softy brown hair that sat in wild tufts on the little boy's head.
"Ya, mommy, it just Aman'na. She bave and catched me." The young boy replied sassily.
Olivia arched an eyebrow, "You still know better. Next time you run off like that, there won't be dessert after dinner."
Noah bowed his head ashamedly, "Otay.."
Olivia smiled, motioning back to the playground, "Now c'mom, we can play for another hour then we can go get some dinner."
The little boy maneuvered out of Amanda's arms, and the younger woman set him down. He grabbed onto his mother's hand, wanting to run back, but not wanting to get in trouble. He pulled her, and she smiled at Amanda before taking the younger woman's hand softly in hers and let the little boy pull both of them back to the busy playground.
The younger woman's skin tingled as stared down at their conjoined hands, a rush of heat shooting up her arm.
They made it to the swings, and Olivia helped Noah into the toddler sized one, and began pushing him.
Amanda watched from the side, feeling slightly intrusive on the mother/son moment. She smiled as she watched the two play, both smiling widely, giggling every time Olivia stopped the boy mid air, attacked his cheeks with kisses, then let him go.
As she stood there, a new emotion shot through her body. One she'd never felt before. One she didn't think she'd ever feel.
She took in Olivia's features, the way a few strands of hair had slipped from her ponytail, the long sleeve shirt clinging to her body, the dark jeans hugging her legs and hips.
The younger woman was utterly speechless, shocked that what she was feeling right now was possible, especially after what she'd been through.
Amanda was starving... But it wasn't for food.
…..
An hour later, the three of them decided to call it a day and head out for some food. Noah was getting sleepy and Olivia didn't want him to get sick, as it got colder during this time.
"Whaddaya both say we go grab some pizza?" Olivia asked, slipping her long coat on as they made their way out of the park.
Noah was clinging to Amanda, who'd offered a piggyback ride to the worn out boy.
"Peet-zahhhhh!" Noah boasted.
"Sure, I could go for a slice. I haven't eaten since this morning."
Olivia shot Amanda a wary look, and the younger woman was quick to explain, "it's not that I didn't want to eat, I just wasn't very hungry and I was a little distracted up until you texted me."
The older woman arched an eyebrow, but shifted closer to the blonde. The younger woman's breath hitched when she felt one of Olivia's fingers hook into Amanda's left pocket.
"This okay?" The brunette asked, small smile playing on her plump lips.
"Y-yeah."
They walked in silence, the only noise between the three was the indiscernible chatter of the little boy, who played with strands of Amanda's hair.
The found a pizza parlor a few blocks from Olivia's apartment, deciding to give the place a try.
By the time they sat down, Noah was asleep in his mother's lap, head resting against her chest.
"Liv we can just order it to-go. That way the kid can take a short nap in his bed."
Olivia nodded, "That's fine. Hopefully he won't sleep for too long, I don't want him to skip out on dinner."
Amanda smiled, "We can get him up after like 45 minutes and make him eat."
Olivia smiled and arched a brow, subconsciously rubbing her son's back. "We can, huh?"
Amanda's cheeks reddened, she dropped her gaze to the tabletop, "I-I mean you can, I can just uh-"
"Amanda, I'm kidding."
The younger woman stopped stuttering, then rolled her eyes. Of course she was.
…
"Well, little guy's down for the count. I have a feeling I'll be up at six tomorrow morning. He's not gonna wake up for dinner." Olivia sighed, sinking down onto the couch. She arched an eyebrow and patted the cushion next to her, motioning for Amanda to sit next to her.
"How are you feeling? Hungover?"
"Nah, the pizza knocked out my headache so I'm feelin' better. I uh.. I dumped the last bottle of vodka I had.."
Olivia leaned her head back against the couch and smiled, placing a comforting hand on Amanda's arm. "Good, I'm glad."
There was silence for a few moments, before Amanda shifted close to the older woman, the sides of their bodies touching slightly. "I wanted to um.. thank you.. for not being judgmental about what happened with Carter.. I struggled with that with past uh- people. Nobody wanted someone who was used like I was."
Olivia frowned and brushed a strand of blonde hair from the younger woman's face back. "Anyone who judges you based on what someone else did to you doesn't deserve to have you in their life. I feel honored that you told me.. And I want to help you get through it. I know you, Amanda Rollins. I know what you're capable of, how strong you are.. I'm here for you."
The urge to grab the older woman's face and kiss her was overwhelming. It was consuming. But she did all she could to quell the desire. "About what I told you this morning… Uh.. I don't know what is supposed to happen now, now that you know and all.. but-"
Olivia cupped both of Amanda's cheeks, bringing their eyes in a close, even proximity. "I told you I feel the same for you, I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it. So whatever we do now is at your pace. You're in charge here."
"I've never done this before. A serious relationship.. I-I mean if you want one, I don't know.. I've never done this with a woman. I've never gone past kissing.. I'm a fish outta water.."
Olivia nodded in understanding, stroking Amanda's cheeks softly. "Well then how about.. I guide you.. I will be here for you.. whatever you need.. and if you think it's too fast, or not what you want, or anything.. you tell me and we'll work on it."
Olivia's voice was unbelievably soothing, and all it would take to press their lips together would be the removal of 6 inches. Their faces were close. She could do kissing. Besides, it was Olivia, she trusted the woman with everything in her.
She nodded slightly, removing Olivia's hands from her face, then moving her lips closer to Olivia's. Just one quick kiss to test the waters. Uncharted waters.
She closed the remaining distance, pressing her lips firmly against Olivia's.
Exquisite.
Olivia squeezed Amanda's hands reassuringly, then nipped at the younger woman's bottom lip before pulling away slightly.
"Your pace." The older woman whispered, eyes dark.
Amanda nodded, then leaned her head against Olivia's shoulder.
Finally, she didn't feel so alone.
Soooooooo? How'd I do? Let me knowww. I'm trying so very hard not to rush them. I want Amanda to talk to Lindstrom and Olivia some more about the more intimate aspects of a new relationship, but I feel like, with her situation, that would be the farthest thing from her mind.. You know, unless Olivia is awakening something new within her. Let me know what you guys wanna see next!
Anna