Disclaimer: Pssh... I wish.
Chapter seven: Let's Blow an Artery
Murder.
If one spelled it backwards then it would be redrum. It meant the end of one life; one more heart stopping, two eyes closing, one last breath, two ears that can't hear, two lungs not taking in air... It meant one less person in the world.
And, if Fran had done his math homework correctly, it also meant one less prince named Belphegor in the world. Now, Fran thought, running his idea over in his mind. How am I going to get some arsenic...?
Friedrich Nietzsche once said, "A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith alone does not prove anything."
Fran decided, while sitting on the edge of his cliff with all of his many animal friends sitting beside him (a frog, a rather odd looking duck and a slug), that a casual stroll through a lunatic asylum would be much more fun than sitting on the edge of a cliff, waiting for your husband to bring rope to rescue you.
Life just sucks like that I guess...
The frog sitting on his head croaked, as if to say, try being an actual frog. You get almost eaten by everything. That is what it means for life to suck.
Fran had to find himself agreeing with the frog.
Then he found himself wondering if Bel's insanity had rubbed off on him.
I'm having imaginary conversations with a frog. I knew it. I'm going crazy.
The frog hopped down from his head and landed directly in front of him. It stared at him with big eyes, its head tilted to the side, as if saying, you're completely crazy. Glad you figured that out, before turning and hopping off of the ledge they were currently occupying. Fran stared at it.
"A frog just committed suicide in front of me. Wow..."
The duck and the slug both looked at him, the looks on their faces asking, why are we sitting here with the crazy person?
They didn't seem to get the answer, so they too turned and hopped off the cliff ledge. Fran almost threw his hands up in the air, but Fran was Fran, and Fran didn't do motions like that with his hands. It would make it seem as though he felt emotion. Which, he didn't. At all.
Maybe.
Sort of.
Alright, so I do feel some emotion. Sue me.
So, he sat there, waiting. Bel had said that he'd be back with something to help get Fran off the cliff (he said rope, his mind told him... Again), but the archeologist had been sitting there for a very long time. Almost too long of a time. Fran frowned. "I'm going to kill him... I swear, I'm going to kill him..."
He stood up and looked up at the top of the cliff. Looks like I'm going to have to climb it. He looked down at himself and sighed. Maybe he should start going to the gym more often, to build up some muscles...
Nah, I like the way I am.
He blinked, his heart almost stopping.
-Brain does not compute with statement. Verify detonation?-
Fran was shocked. He was genuinely shocked. I like the way I am...? Where the hell did that come from?
Shaking his head (and making the mental note to kill his mind with the left over arsenic that he would be using to kill Bel), Fran looked back up at the cliff. "Well, let's get to it."
And he started to climb.
[*]*[*]
Squalo was not an errand boy for Xanxus, not matter how many times he was asked if he was. Sure, he ran some errands for the meat loving psycho, but that was only because no one else was capable enough to buy the right meat.
How hard was it to buy the right meat for Xanxus?
"A-and then w-when I got bac...b-back, he sh... said that he didn't want... didn't want this kind of... meat and that I'd h-have to go back and get... the... the... kind of meat that... h-he wanted."
According to the person who was bleeding out on the ground in front of him, it was pretty hard.
Imbeciles.
Squalo sighed. Why do I always have to do this by myself? Why is no one else capable?
The person on the ground was still bleeding out in front of him. Squalo glared at him. "VOOI! Get yourself to a hospital! And then, when you've been put back together, get your ass back here and clean up all of the blood on the ground, got it? You're the one spilling the blood on the carpet, so you're going to be the one who cleans it up!" He stormed over to the entrance of the mansion, but turned around to glare at the man on the ground, who was trying – and failing – to reach for a phone. "And I swear, if that blood stains the carpet, so help you I will make sure that you are not able to make it to the hospital next time! I am not replacing that carpet again!"
He was halfway out the door when he heard it:
"PIECE OF SHIT, GET UP HERE!"
Squalo wanted to burn the mansion down. But then again, that would make Xanxus fairly happy, and Squalo didn't want that.
...no, he really didn't.
...maybe.
Growling, he made his way back into the mansion, past the man who was still bleeding out, and up the stairs to Xanxus' room. He didn't even bother to knock (everyone who wanted to enter Xanxus' room had to knock. It was a rule. A rule that Squalo broke every time), instead he kicked the door open and stormed in, his hair billowing quite impressively behind him.
"What," he bellowed. "What do you want now?"
Xanxus was sitting behind his desk, leaning back in his chair with his legs propped up on the desk and a glass of wine sitting in his hand. He was also frowning. More than usual. Great...
Xanxus stared at him. "Tell me what is missing here."
Squalo blinked.
Well, this was an interesting question. Was it some kind of new game?
"Uh..."
Xanxus glared this time. "Seriously, tell me what is missing. Now."
Two seconds later, Squalo ducked as Xanxus tossed the wine glass at him. "VOI! I don't know!"
Xanxus pointed to the corner. "Tell me. What. Is. Missing." he hissed.
Squalo looked over at the empty corner, eyes skimming over the blanket, the bowl of water, bowl of meat, and the empty-
Oh.
"Oh."
Xanxus' eyes narrowed. "Yeah. Oh."
And there was silence.
Xanxus spoke up again. "Where is Mr. Little Princess Fluffypoo?"
And suddenly Squalo was reminded of exactly why Xanxus' pet lion/liger/really-what-the-hell-is-that-animal ran off so much. The poor thing's name was awful.
Really.
"I don't know..."
Squalo ducked as a wine cooler was tossed at him. Where the hell did that come from?
"Well, find him, you mother fucker!"
Once again, Squalo had to remind himself that he was not Xanxus' errand boy. He was just whipped. Really, really badly.
[*]*[*]
Fran was confused. He was more confused than Holy-is-Lussuria-really-a-male-or-just-an-odd-looking-transvestite situation, and that is really confusing in and of itself.
"Okay? I could have sworn you were a lion before this..."
Sitting in front of him was the lion. The lion. The Lion. He blinked at it.
The lion blinked back. Or... Fran thought that it was a lion.
This is awkward...lions don't normally have tiger stripes.
He'd climbed up the cliff to find himself face-to-face with the lion that had been stalking him ever since he'd been dumped into the god-awful jungle. The lion had been sitting at the cliff edge, with a dead bunny in its mouth, and as soon as Fran had climbed completely up, the lion had dropped the bunny at his feet and sat down.
Fran stared at the bunny. Then at the lion. Then back at the bunny. "Thanks...?"
The lion huffed, as if to say, no problem. I kind of like you. You're much better than my master.
Fran stood up, bunny in hand, and said, "Okay, so I'm going to be going now...?"
And the lion responded with, my name is Bester. But my master calls me Mr. Little Princess Fluffypoo.
"Oh, I'm sorry."
Not as sorry as I am...
And since the conversation was getting more awkward than Fran had thought it would be, he turned and began to make his way back into the jungle. Now, with the lion behind him, he could focus on the situation at hand:
Mission: How To Kill Bel-senpai and Get Away With It.
…This is going to be impossible...
As he trudged through the forest, he kept his ears open to see if he could hear any sign of Bel. That bastard is in so much trouble when I get to him. He freakin' leaves to 'get some help for me' and then he doesn't come back. What an amazing husband he is...
Fran stopped walking as a sudden thought hit him.
Bel actually was a good husband.
Well, damn. That was a very sudden thought...
He looked down at the ground. "Swallow me. Now."
The ground refused and closed its mouth even more.
Fran stomped on it. "You suck."
The ground pouted.
But now that Fran actually thought about it, Bel wasn't a bad husband. Sure, Bel was a little... different, but he'd always been different. Most husbands liked to go golfing; Bel liked to find people to stab. Most husbands worked 9 to 5 jobs; Bel, apparently, killed people for a living. Most husbands were not royalty; Bel was a prince. Most husbands wooed their significant other with love songs, flowers, dates and chocolate; Bel had forced a kiss on him and tricked him into signing a marriage certificate. In other words, Bel had forced their marriage on him. Most husbands took their significant other on a romantic honeymoon; He and Bel were trapped in a jungle for a month and had to learn to survive together.
Okay, so maybe Bel was a little bit different-
Screw that, he was so different he was on another planet.
But Fran gave a little smile. Maybe this won't be so bad after all. ...But I still need to think about this...
Shivering, Fran pulled Bel's jacket around him tighter, and he caught himself smelling it, a small smile appearing on his face. "Bel-senpai actually smells really... good."
And Bel did smell good. Too good in fact. Fran liked it.
That wasn't a good sign.
Or maybe it was.
Fran didn't know.
By the time Fran realized that he'd been spending the majority of his time debating whether or not Bel smelled good instead of thinking of ways to kill said husband, he was back at the cabin. He sighed and walked into the cabin. "Senpai?"
There was no answer, so he made his way through the rooms. The bathroom was empty. As was the kitchen, the sort-of living room, and the bedroom-
Fran paused in the bedroom doorway. There was nothing out of place, except for the covers on the bed. They looked like someone had slept on them. They looked like someone had slept on them recently. Fran frowned.
"Senpai..."
Fran quickly did the math (messed up sheets + no Bel = Bel fell asleep, then woke up, realized what he'd done and left rather quickly) and sighed. Then he felt the emotion one usually paired up with the saying 'I'm pissed' rising up in him and stormed out of the cabin. He knew that Bel would be making his way back to the cliff, so the only natural and smart thing would be to go back to said cliff and catch up with his husband.
Fran would later think back on this moment, hate himself a little bit for not waiting at the cabin, but would be glad that he still made a stupid decision all the same.
[*]*[*]
Prince the Ripper was, truly, madly in love with Fran.
He just didn't know how to show it.
At all.
He wasn't good when it came to those 'oh, darling, I completely love you so let me be all romantic and gushy and totally make you swoon with happiness' moments. He preferred knives to chocolate, blood to flowers, and green haired frogs to other women and men. Thinking of his frog, Bel giggled and let his smile grow.
"Froggy, froggy, froggy, frog. Froggy, froggy, froggy, frog. Oh, how I do love my Frog."
And he did.
And so, since he was very much in love with Fran, he felt terrible for falling asleep when he was supposed to be saving said Frog. But he'd been so tired, and his dream had totally been worth it.
He honestly didn't know why Fran hadn't fallen in love with him. He'd kissed him, hadn't stabbed him, and he'd freaking married him!
"Listen, Bel, sweetie. When you get older, you're going to find yourself caring a lot for someone else. Now, when you find them, you'll have to do all sorts of nice things – and when I say nice I mean nice; you can't stab them or force them to do anything they don't want to do – to get them to care for you a lot as well."
His mom's words soared over him, and he stopped his mental flashback at two words: force them.
He stopped walking and let a little snicker lose.
Force them. Oops.
He'd forced Fran. To kiss him, to live with him, to marry him.
He snickered again.
Oh well!
[*]*[*]
Squalo was pissed.
He was seriously pissed.
How hard is it to track one large, overly groomed, lion/tiger?
"And I'm sorry, but I really haven't seen him, but if I do then you will be the first person that I tell, and then you won't feel like you have to slice me in half with your sword arm and I have a family; a wife, three children, a dog, and a bunny, and we have a white picket fence in front of our house. The grass is green, really green, and I mow the lawn every week. I pay my taxes, and I wash my car! Please don't kill me!"
Squalo stared at him. Am I really that scary?
The man was trembling and was on his knees, his palms glued together and his head bowed.
Now Squalo was no longer pissed.
He was depressed.
Really depressed.
"So please don't tell Lord Xanxus about me not keeping an eye on the security cameras when my wife came over for Happy Hour and-"
"VOOI!" Squalo shouted, effectively shutting the man in charge of Head Security up. "I do not want to hear about that. I don't! I will not tell Xanxus about your...happy hour."
The man beamed, looking less shaken than he had earlier. But then Squalo continued speaking.
"But I am going to tell him that you stopped watching the cameras when your wife came over."
And so, Squalo left, the poor security man sweating a river around him. Why am I the one who has to deal with all of these idiots?
He was stalking out into the castle garden when he saw the little brown-haired friend of Fran's. What's his name? Tuna? Well, if he had to go Pet Hunting, he should at least have some form of entertainment. "VOOI! You, the squirt walking by the rose bush!"
The man looked up, stared at him for a second; Squalo watched his face pale before he turned on his heel and made a bee-line back to the castle.
A vein somewhere in Squalo's forehead area popped.
Hell. No.
"VOOOOI!"
The kid started running. "I didn't do anything! Don't kill me!"
Squalo whipped out his sword, because he knew that it would make the kid feel even less threatened, and took off after him.
You really are an idiot, the logical part of his brain stated dully. Squalo tried to ignore the fact that his logical part of his brain sounded a lot like Fran.
But that's what Squalo's known for! Whipping out his sword whenever he feels like it, the other side of his brain said back. This side of him sounded a lot like Bel.
Squalo shook his head and focused on his target.
Target is in sight.
Initiating back up boosters.
Firing back up boosters in three...
Two...
One...
With a yell, Squalo leaped forward and tackled his target to the ground. Said target flailed helplessly underneath him. "Please don't kill me! I didn't do anything, I swear! It was all Fran, or...Enma... or Levi! Yes, it was Levi! Please don't kill me!"
Squalo growled. "VOOI! I'm not going to kill you!"
The tuna-fish looked up at him with wide eyes. "You're not going to make me do anything... unusual... are you?"
Squalo grabbed the fish by the arm and yanked him up. "VOOI, I'm not! All I'm going to do is force you to come with me, drag you around this entire town all day, while we search for Xanxus' stupid Lion/Tiger pet thing! And you don't get to say no!"
Tuna-fish gulped.
"That's more like it. Now, we have a giant freakish animal to find!"
And as Tsuna was dragged off, he could only think of one thing:
Why me?
[*]*[*]
When Bel arrived at the cliff and looked over, yelling, "Froggy, I'm home!" he was rather surprised when he was met with an empty cliff ledge. "Hmm..."
He sat back and began to think.
So, if I take this... then add it to that...multiply by seventeen... divide by four... multiply by the square root of the number given, contemplate the need to use pi, add the height of the cliff, the length, the width, and the speed of the wind... My estimated guess would be that my little Froggy got tired of waiting for me, climbed up the cliff and made his way back to the cabin...
A giant smile appeared on Bel's face and he sighed dreamily. "Ah...my little Froggy..."
He stood up and turned on his heel, his lovely animal friends (a scorpion, a fire ant, and Gollum) following him back to the forest. Before he actually made it to the trees again, he turned and pointed a knife at Gollum. "You're in the wrong story. Go away."
Gollum hissed, screeching out a "my precious" before hobbling away and vanishing over the cliff.
Bel sighed before heading back into the jungle. All he had to do was catch up with his Frog at the cabin. He really wanted to hold his Frog in his arms, and stab him, and make him bleed and cry because goddammit he wanted to hear Fran moan. In some sort of way.
He stopped walking.
He was in an odd mood.
I need to kill something. Like now.
A squirrel darted in front of him, chasing a nut of some sorts. It stopped exactly in the middle of the path and pawed at the nut, making a cute little squeaking noise. Then it froze, and its head rose up slowly to look at Bel.
Bel stared at it.
The squirrel stared back, before shrinking a little bit to the ground. It squeaked again.
Bel continued to stare at it.
Then he raised his knife.
The squirrel's eyes widened and it started to shiver. Bel walked slowly up to it, knife still raised. If the squirrel wasn't so terrified, it would have moved away, bolted, but it was nailed to the ground, terror making its limbs unable to work, and its heart pounding in its little squirrel ears. Tears began to form at the squirrel's eyes, and it did everything it could to stop the tears from falling down its face. This could not be happening! It just couldn't!
Bel stopped a few feet away from the squirrel, knife raised high. The squirrel looked up at him with its wide, terrified eyes.
Bel raised the knife.
"This is stupid," he muttered, lowering the knife and walking past the squirrel and the nut.
When he was gone, the squirrel promptly had a heart attack.
[*]*[*]
I'm not getting sick, I'm not getting sick, I'm not getting sick, I'm not getting sick, I'm not getting sick, I'm not getting sick, I'm not-
Fran's eyes started to water and he sneezed three times in succession. He shook his head and blinked his eyes quickly to get rid of the water in them.
Then he coughed.
Then he swore.
"I'm not getting sick!"
I think that we understood the first time, darling.
Fran blinked and turned, only to see the lion-thing sitting behind him, its head cocked to the side. "Hi, Bester," he said, wondering if he was developing a fever.
Hi. Bester stated, walking up to him and nipping at his hand. You look pale.
"Geez, thanks. My self-esteem has shot through the roof," he replied in monotone.
Of course. Any time.
Fran rolled his eyes-
And then coughed.
Again.
This time, it didn't sound like a normal cough. It sounded... yucky and phlegm-y and all gross. The last time he got a cough like this, he'd been diagnosed with pneumonia and was out of school for two months. Like hell I'm letting that happen again.
He shivered, and instinctively pulled Bel's jacket tighter around his body. "This feels good," he said to Bester. "It smells good, too..."
Bester yawned. You like him.
"No, this just feels...good."
You said that it also smelled good.
"No, I didn't."
Sure. So, tell me, how's Egypt treating you?
"Well, actually, Egypt is a wonderful place, and every time I've gone on a dig there, I've always found some very interesting bones and remains of old villages and-"
He stopped, blinked, then cocked his head to the side. Bester stopped walking beside him. What is it?
Fran pointed to in front of him.
A squirrel was laying on the ground, its tail and legs twitching randomly, and its tongue flopping out of its mouth. Fran let out a 'huh', before closing his mouth. "That's not something you get to see every day. Have you ever seen anything like that before?" He asked Bester.
Bester was staring at the squirrel as well. No, because I'm not allowed to be outside of the mansion every day. Duh.
"Huh..."
And then Fran continued walking.
So, you like your husband.
"I don't."
Uh huh...
"...okay, maybe a little."
[*]*[*]
By the time Bel had gotten back to the cabin, he'd been attacked by three bears, he'd killed two of them, and he'd convinced one of the not-dead-bears to let him ride on their back for a while because 'my feet are killing me, and Prince's feet are not supposed to kill them. Ushishishi.'
But, when he got back to the cabin, the cabin was still Frog-less. Bel growled.
"DAMMIT!"
And he turned around, thinking that maybe love was not strong enough to overpower the anger he was feeling towards his little Frog.
[*]*[*]
When Fran made it back to the cliff, he sighed in annoyance when he saw that the cliff was Prince the Ripper-less.
He was rather confused as to why he was sad at that fact.
It's because you like him, Bester said, licking his paw.
Fran sighed. "Please tell me that you didn't eat that squirrel from earlier..."
...Okay, I won't tell you.
Sighing, Fran turned around, stumbling a little bit as he went. "Come on, Bester..."
When Bester didn't respond, Fran looked over his shoulder and almost gagged. "Did you have to hack that back up?"
Bester did his best lion-shrug. It didn't taste okay.
Fran frowned and continued back into the forest. "My life sucks..."
[*]*[*]
Bel was pissed.
Seriously, where the hell was his wife? He'd been back to the cliff edge twice, but there was. No. Fran.
Dammit! I just want to hug my wife!
He froze. "Well, that was a rather emotional revelation. I should reward myself. With blood."
And so he decided to find something to kill as he made his way back to the cabin.
Again.
[*]*[*]
"I'm kind of disturbed now... I don't know if we really saw that, of if I'm having some sort of fever-induced dream."
No, we really did see two bears carved up and plastered on those trees.
"Okay, I was just verifying... Means that Bel-senpai must have come this way, huh?"
You sounded really eager just then.
"...Okay, maybe I did. Sue me."
I don't think that I will. I'm an animal. What would I get out of it?
"Good question..."
The cabin was, of course, empty.
Fran sighed. "Well, here we go again."
[*]*[*]
Mukuro was actually happy, which was enough to send Enma screeching for the castle doctor. He didn't bother to correct the red head, and instead he sat down on one of the very comfy couches and sipped the wine that he'd been handed when he'd entered. When Enma returned, he was red-faced and gasping.
"S-so, welcome, Master M-Mukuro."
Mukuro inclined his head. "So, where is he?"
Enma suddenly looked as though the reason he'd been running around trying to find the doctor was more for his own reasons, and not because Mukuro was happy. "Uh..."
Mukuro crunched the wine glass in his hand, keeping his 'I'm totally pissed but I'm going to keep looking cool because I can' smile on his face, and ignoring the glass that was piercing his skin and the blood dripping down his arm. "Where. Is he?"
Enma gulped harshly. "Squalo has taken him around town to look for Master Xanxus' pet and they won't be back until later tonight so please don't kill me or sell me or use me to make some sort of odd food dish!"
By the end of the sentence, Enma was actually bowing.
Mukuro raised an eyebrow. "Does he know I'm here?"
Enma hurriedly shook his head. "N-no, sir!"
Mukuro's grin grew absolutely feral. "Excellent."
[*]*[*]
The fourth time Fran found himself at the cabin – still Bel-less – he gave up.
"You know," he said to Bester. "I give up. I'm going to go inside, warm up, and fall asleep. I feel like shit."
You sound like shit.
"I so love you too."
No, we all know that you really love your husband but you're still having a party in Egypt so I will not continue to bother you with this.
"Thank you."
They were almost back to the cabin when Fran stopped again. "I hate having fevers..." he grumbled.
In front of him, or what he thought was in front of him, was something out of a Zelda game. "I can't believe that I'm looking at a LikeLike."
A whatwhat?
"From the Legend of Zelda. It's the creatures that grab you and eat your shield before spitting you out. They suck." He sighed and walked around the LikeLike, ignoring the 'swooshyswooshy' sound it was making. "I don't have a stupid shield, you dumb LikeLike! And I'm not giving you my clothes!" He turned right and began to make his towards the cabin that was now in sight. "I can't believe you didn't know what that thing was, Bester."
How the hell would I know about that? I'm a lion! I don't play video games!
"You need to get out more," Fran said as they arrived at the cabin.
Fran walked up the stairs to the cabin door, took one step in and collapsed.
Bester sighed. Do I have to do everything myself?
[*]*[*]
Bel was beyond killing animals at this point. When he got like this, only one thing could calm him down enough to get him thinking rationally:
Seeing Fran.
But, he thought harshly, I can't find him!
Three years previously, when he'd been trying to locate Fran's whereabouts, he'd gotten so murderous that he almost ended up wiping out an entire section of his kingdom. The only thing that stopped him was a picture of his Frog that he carried with him at all time. It was one he'd taken during his watching (coughstalkingcough) period, where Fran had been sort of-not really smiling. It always made Bel's heart flutter happily.
But right now, it wasn't doing him any good. He threw his arms up above his head, his head tilting up to face the sky. "I just need to see my Frog!"
"Meow."
Bel glanced in front of him to see-
"Mr. Little Princess Fluffypoo?"
The lion/I have no idea what this animal is/tiger was sitting by the cabin stairs, staring at him. Then he cocked his head up at the door.
Bel stared at him for a while before he bolted up the stairs. When he opened the door to the cabin, he couldn't help keep the smile off his face at seeing Fran lying on the ground. "Ushishishi, you're such a cute Frog."
"M'not a frog."
Bel leaned down and scooped his Frog into his arms. "You look like shit."
"Thanks. I feel so much better now."
Bel sighed and carried him into the bedroom. "Let's get you warmed up, alright?"
He laid Fran down on the bed and pulled the covers up to his neck, tucking him in. "I'll make you some soup or...something. I dunno..."
"Don't burn the place down..."
Bel snickered. "Ushishishi. Won't make any promises," he chirped as he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Fran's lips.
He was leaving the room when he heard Fran call out to him.
"Senpai?"
"Hmm?"
"You know, I think that I'm starting to like you..."
Bel froze.
"But, I'm sick at the moment, so even I don't know if everything that I'm saying is completely true... Well, I do usually tell the truth when I'm sick, so, yes, I think that I'm starting to like you."
Bel grinned. "Ushishishi."
"But this is the only time I'm saying it. When this damn fever goes away, I don't think that I'll be all gushy and romantic, so don't expect that."
Bel leaned on the door frame, his arms folded over his chest. "So...? What does that mean?"
"It means I'm willing to give this marriage thing a chance."
Bel snickered again, but was then pushed forward when Fran tossed a pillow at him. "Now, go make me some food. I'm hungry."
"Yes, my little Froggy."
"I'm not a frog!"
[*]*[*]
Squalo was about ready to kill something. Even the little Tuna-boy that was helping him find Xanxus' stupid pet lion-thing. They'd looked all over the fucking town, and no one had seen any sign of the pet.
He was so pissed, that as soon as his phone rang he answered it and bellowed, "What do you want?"
"Well, shithead, I forgot that today is the day that I let Mr. Little Princess Fluffypoo play in the jungle. He's back now. Come back and get the cooks to make the meat right."
Xanxus hung up.
Squalo crushed his phone in his fists.
Tsuna looked very scared.
Squalo blew up.
"I HATE LIFE!"
From his corner in Xanxus' room, Bester frowned as he heard Squalo's yell, then he growled as one of Xanxus' caretakers cooed at him.
"Who is a cute little lion? Mr. Little Princess Fluffypoo is, that's who! Yes you are, yes you are!"
Yeah, and you hate life? Pansy...
Author's Notes:
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED HERE. SERIOUSLY. I DON'T.
So, I decided that I should try putting the author's notes down here. I think that it looks prettier. ...well, I know that author's notes aren't pretty at all, but let me enjoy this little change. Well, I'm in a sad mood (because I killed off a squirrel). I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT! ...well, here's another part with the squirrel, because I really don't like killing animals, even in stories (I'm a wuss. I can't even kill ants), so here's more of the Squirrel:
"And Bel was all, "I'm going to kill you squirrel!" and the squirrel was all, "NOOOOOO!" and Bel was all, "YESSS!" and the squirrel was all, "NOOOOO!" and then Fran popped out of a conveniently placed whole in the ground and was all, "DON'T KILL THE SQUIRREL!" and Bel was all, "MY FROG!" and then the squirrel was all, "what the hell? Where did that come from?". And then Fran ran over to Bel and was all, "I've been thinking, and I really do like you." and Bel was all, "YESSS!" and Fran was all, "You can now kiss me without me having to label it as sexual assault." and Bel was all, "YESSSSSSSSSSSS!" and then they kissed happily ever after and had many man-frog-prince babies, completely throwing out the logic in biology that male + male =/= baby and lived as one with the jungle and all of the squirrels and weird plants and cliffs and bears and minks.
And the squirrel got the nut that it was chasing after. THE END."
So there. There's more of the squirrel. I must say, if I had actually been feeling like ending this story right there and then, the above would be how it would have ended. Really. I'm being totally serious right now.
Okay, so maybe I'm not.
So, I am SOOOOO totally sorry that this chapter is this late! I completely ran out of steam and inspiration to write this, and I constantly found myself reading the reviews for this story, thinking COME ON INSPIRATION, COME ON! But inspiration was all, "PFFT. I ain't gonna work for you anymore" and left me. -pouts- Anyway, eventually I found inspiration again and chained him to my wall in my apartment... -whistles innocently- I would really appreciate some feedback, input, thoughts, and cookies (because cookies rock) on this! INSPIRATION, YOU BETTER STAY PUT WHERE YOU ARE!
A gigantic hug and THANK YOU goes out to everyone who reviewed the story (and reviews) and/or alerts/favorites/reads it. I hearts you guys, so much.
And another BIG thank you to the wonderful individual who edited this chapter for me (b'cuz mah editing skillz, liek, sukz. Srsly) OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles (she writes AMAZING Inception fics, btw)
I love you all, and I really hope to update soon!
UO
(ps: WHY IS THIS AUTHOR'S NOTE SO EFFING LONG?)