Hi Guys! I promised Angst hehehehehehehehehhe, let me know if you cried
(Lyrics by Billy Joel; GoodNight my Angel) WARNING: This contains aspects of PTSD. If you are sensitive to dark themes, please don't read this chapter
"I want an explanation." Gray hissed. "About everything. Or maybe, a reason, to why I should not be suspicious of you. Why should I even consider letting you, The Black Wizard Zeref, near our guild."
Zeref swallowed. There was no answer to that question. To be truthful, he shouldn't be here. He didn't deserve it.
"Didn't Natsu explain?" He asked.
Gray sneered, "I don't want to hear it from that flame demon…"
The way the word rolled off Gray's tongue made Zeref flinch. It was was filled with so much hatred, it was physically painful to hear. Zeref was no idiot, it was obvious that Gray was hurt by one of his demons.
"Which one hurt you?"
Gray looked over his shoulder at Zeref, his eyes blazing.
"You finally figured it out!" The sarcasm and bitterness of his voice sent chills up Zeref's spine.
"You're not answering my question." Zeref replied calmly, not allowing his uneasiness to show.
"Does the name Deliora strike a cord? Or have you made so many that you don't even remember?!"
"Deliora…" Zeref whispered, "Yes, the Demon of Destruction Deliora. I remember him. He's one of my weaker creati-" Zeref cut himself off, that shouldn't have slipped out.
Gray only glared at Zeref, a scowl erupted from his features, "Nice to know. Very nice to know."
Tensed silence settled between them. Gray continued to glare right through Zeref who in return, kept a composed, unwavering, and emotionless expression.
"He destroyed my town," Gray began, his voice just a whisper, his expression somber, "He killed my mother, my father, my teacher…"
"I'm sorry." Zeref quickly mumbled out. Three other…three other lives were lost because of him…
Gray mournful look twisted, "Like hell a sorry would help! And what about your other demons!? What about your other creations! The R-System hurt Erza! She was enslaved to build that damn tower! What about Mavis! She died because of you!" His voice rose, "WHAT ABOUT NATSU! WHY IS HE END! WHY IS HE A DEMON! WHO GAVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO DO THAT! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU HURT?!" Gray cried out, angry tears poured down his cheeks.
Zeref wavered, both shocked and regretful. His black eyes widened. Why? Why did he do this?
"For Natsu." He whispered.
"Oh? OH! YEAH, TURN HIM INTO A FREAKING DEMON! THAT'LL SOLVE EVERYTHING!"
Zeref opened his mouth but not a sound came out. What was there to say?
The light breeze tosses his bangs, covering his eyes. Tears blurred his vision.
"I wanted my brother back…he died when I was very young…I couldn't live without him. You wouldn't believe how guilty I feel for taking all of those lives…and I sincerely am sorry for those thousands of people I killed with my own hands. But, I'm not sorry for bringing Natsu back. That I will never apologize for."
"You're the most selfish person I've met." Hissed Gray, "You couldn't let go 'cuz you were afraid of being alone!"
Anger swelled up in Zeref's chest, he doesn't understand, no one does. No one ever did. No one can.
"You don't understand…" He growled through his tears.
"Hell yeah I do! You lost a brother while I lost my entire family!"
Zeref grabbed hold of Gray's ankle, "Shut it." his voice was lower then a whisper, silent rage powered his words, "I lost everyone, mom, dad, and Natsu. He died in my arms, I was six!" Zeref found it hard to talk, his throat tensed up making hard for him to breath.
"SO!? I lost everyone too yet I didn't go around killing people for pleasure."
Realization struck Zeref, "You think I killed people for pleasure! If you believe that then you got the wrong idea. I was cursed okay! I was cursed because I made theories on ways to bring back the dead! I was only 15 when the Curse of Contradictions was placed on me! The more one loves, the more they take away! I took life unwillingly. And for the R-System, how was I supposed to know people would use it for evil purposes!"
"Those DEMONS!" Gray interrupted, "I don't believe you made them by mistake!"
"No…I wanted to die. More then anything…I wanted to stop taking life…"
"And we all saw how that ended!"
Zeref couldn't take it anymore, the lives that he took, directly and indirectly all weighed on his tired shoulders. He was so tired, he wanted to sleep, no, die. Death sounded very appealing. But an image of Natsu flashed through his mind. Another image of Mavis, of being able to see her again, finally after a hundred years. Would he throw that away? Maybe he could be with Mavis in the after life. But what about Natsu? Suddenly, a memory bubbled up to the surface of his mind.
Smoke invaded his nose, mouth and eyes, chocking him.
"NATSU!" He cried out.
Suddenly he heard a creak, Zeref turned just in time to see a flame covered beam fall towards him. Instinct took over and Zeref jumped out of the way just as it hit the ground.
"NII-CHAN!" He heard a familiar voice.
"NATSU! WHERE ARE YOU!" Zeref called as loudly as he could through the roaring fire.
"HERE!" Zeref ran towards the voice, seeing Natsu stuck under a few floor boards. Luckily, they haven't caught fire yet. Grabbing onto the boards Zeref yanked as hard as his little six year old body could. The floor board creaked and snapped in half. Zeref reached out his hand to his brother,
"We have to get out of here!"
Natsu silently grabbed hold of Zeref, hugging him tightly.
"I love you."
Zeref froze in surprise and slowly returned the embrace,
"Me too." He smiled, tears of relief trickled down his cheeks.
Natsu's eyes widened when he looked from beneath Zeref's shoulder, "NII-CHAN WATCH OUT!"
Zeref slowly turned, his eyes widened in horror as a huge column gave way and slowly ftumbled towards the two boys. Suddenly, Zeref was sent flying away from the pillars path.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NATSUUUUUU!" Zeref cried out.
CRACK
The pillar crushed Natsu like he was nothing.
"NATSU?! NO, NO, NOOOOOOOO!" Fountains of tears burst from Zeref's eyes as he scrambled towards the fallen pillar. With new found strength, Zeref pushed the pillar off his brother. He gently rolled Natsu onto his lap and cradled him.
"Natsu, please wake up."
Natsu's eyes slowly opened, "Nii-chan." he croaked.
"Don't talk! You'll be okay!"
"Please, Zeref-nii," He rasped, "Sing me mommy's song."
Ignoring the raging fires around him, Zeref obediently began to sing the soft and gentle tune their mother sang to them long ago.
"Goodnight, my angel,
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away
Goodnight, my angel."
Natsu's eyes drooped. Zeref tightened his grip on his brother, he can't slip away, not now. Tears, soot, and smoke, clogged his throat, but he continued.
"Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark
And deep inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me
Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on...
They never die
That's how you
And I…"
Natsu's small chest stopped moving, he laid still, as if he was asleep.
"Natsu?" Zeref gently shook his brother, no response.
" Natsu? Natsu! NATSU!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Zeref screamed, clutching his head, "MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE! SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT GO AWAY! MAKE IT GO AWAY!"
Gray's eyes widened in horror, "Zeref, stop it, calm down!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Zeref wailed, he started to suffocate, like he was out of breath, "Make the fire go away! Please make it go away!" He rasped.
"What's going on?!" Several people who heard the screams ran towards Gray.
Paralyzed, Gray murmured, "What's wrong with him…why is he acting this way?!"
Zeref continued screaming and thrashing as if fighting something.
"SOMEONE GET POLYURSICA!" Makarov commanded. Natsu pushed through the crowd and ran up to Gray and Zeref.
"WHAT DID YOU DO!" He yelled at Gray.
Gray at first didn't reply, he seemed dazed.
"What's going on…" Gray whispered, skin sheet white.
Natsu immediately directed his attention to his brother. Mavis already was kneeling beside him, trying to soothe him with little result.
"EVERYONE OUT OF THE WAY!" The crowd backed off as Polyursica rushed through, her face reflecting concern. She took one look at Zeref, her brows furrowed.
"Knock him out."
Erza, who appeared out of nowhere, punched Zeref into his stomach. His eyes closed and the Black Wizard lost consciousness.
"Take him to the infirmary, we are in for a wild ride."
Mavis looked at Polyursica, her tiny body shaking.
"What's wrong with him." she whimpered.
Polyursica sighed, "He has PTSD. I can't give you the details. But, from the looks of it, he had it all his life. There is no cure for it. If we are lucky, we could
treat it. It's only an IF. The chances of his recovery are very low." Polyursica took in a deep breath, as if she was preparing herself, "If the treatment
doesn't work…"
Mavis burst into tears, she grabbed hold of Zeref's body(or tried too),
Natsu silently leaned down, and carefully picked up Zeref.
"He'll recover…" he whispered, "I'll make sure of it."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
As soon as Natsu set Zeref onto the bed, Polyursica and Wendy went to work. They forbade anyone from entering the room. That night, no one could leave too. And the thing was, no one couldn't understand why. Why did they care? No one was brave enough to answer. Gray sat outside the infirmary. It was his fault, Zeref was doing just fine. Until he opened his mouth. Natsu refused to even look at him. Lucy and Happy tried to comfort him with no avail, and Mavis…she looked so heart broken…her usually smiling eyes were watercolored with tears and her huge smile became a frozen mask as she desperately tried to stay strong.
A heavy feeling of guilt sat in a pit in his stomach. Did Zeref really deserve such treatment? Did he really? Gray hung his head, he couldn't answer that question.
"Gray-sama?" Juvia materialized beside him.
"Juvia…I'm sorry…it's my fault."
"No it isn't, Zeref-san had PTSD for a long time already. Polyursica said so. Zeref-san will recover, Zeref-san is a very strong person."
"I made him cry Juvia."
"Juvia knows, Juvia thinks Gray-sama may have been a little too harsh
on Zeref-san."
"Yeah, I was way too harsh. I have to…redeem myself…"
"Juvia thinks so too. When Zeref-san feels better, Gray-sama should talk to both Zeref-san and Natsu-san."
Gray let himself to lay his head on Juvia's shoulder.
"I hope…" he mumbled.