Chapter Seven: I don't want to catch 'em all!

Authors note: I was going to do this chapter in script form, like the games, but not only is that against this websites rules, it's a pain to write and a bigger pain to read. So enjoy your regular third-person story.

Kaiden wasn't exactly sure why they had landed on this planet. Sure, something about it was making his teeth tingle the same way the Conduit had. But on the other hand, this planet had such sparse industrialisation on it that they thought it was a colony planet at first.

Then a green creature that looked vaguely like a Chinese dragon had made its way into the upper atmosphere and started firing some kind of laser at the Normandy. From its mouth. Joker had earned his pay check once again, getting the Normandy out of range with as many wise-cracks as possible.

…

In retrospect, maybe that was why they had landed. After that, of course there was no way they weren't going to have a closer inspection of the planet, even if they had to dodge to occasional dragon on the way down.

After EDI had deciphered yet another new language since this crazy trip began, some questioning in nondescript clothing of the local humans had directed us to the house of an academic of some kind.

("Youse wanna talk to old Professor Oak! He knows everything worth knowin', an' all kinda things that aint.")

That had led to an… interesting meeting. The white haired, lab-coat wearing man in question did seem to know what he was talking about… most of the time.

("From another dimension, you say? Fascinating! Oh, where are my manners. Welcome to the world of Pokémon! Now, are you a boy or a girl?")

Shepard has said he reminded her of Mordin. Kaiden, who had never really met the Salarian, wondered if they both came off as a little bit crazy.

Some in-depth conversation revealed that yes, humanity was native to this world, as was the dragon and its ilk, called 'Pokémon'. Actually, the Professor had been ecstatic when presented with LADAR and thermal images of the dragon, which he called 'Rayquaza'. That had basically confirmed that the Normandy crew was still in the 'Magic is real' sector of the Multiverse, although this one had climbed up the tech tree all the way to basic space flight.

Funnily enough, they had managed to do so while keeping industrialization down to the point that even the Salarian homeworld had fewer trees. Mind you, if you could train animals that vomit lightning bolts, there was probably little point using fossil fuels.

Anyway, Rayquaza was in a group of powerful, one-of-a-kind Pokémon called 'Legendary' Pokémon. The professor suggested that another such Pokémon might be able to speed up their journey home. That was really encouraging, as by EDI's calculations it would take the Normandy years to get home under its own power. Of course, then the Professor had asked what kind of Pokémon they had.

"We don't have Pokémon back home." Shepard had replied simply.

Kaiden was glad Professor Oak hadn't been holding anything, otherwise he might have dropped it. "None?" He asked, as though expecting Shepard to relent and say she was joking.

"No."

"Well then, my dear, you simply must come pick one out! A world without Pokémon… it distresses me to hear of such a thing!"

And despite their half-hearted protests, he took the two sentinels (and probably EDI too, had she been present) into a back room, where he presented them with rows of Pokéballs and told them to pick one each.

After an explanation on what a Pokéball was, of course. To be honest, the idea of digital storage of organic lifeforms made the two uncomfortable, but then again, so had the Federation 'beaming' Transporter technology. They both agreed that it was probably less objectionable to those that had grown up with the technology, but neither Shepard nor Kaiden would ever put their Pokémon inside their balls.

They still kept the balls though: they wanted to know how they changed size from marble-size to tennis-ball-size.

So Shepard and Kaiden walked out of Professor Oak's lab followed by two Eevee's, a Pokémon species famous for their ability to adapt to new environments. In addition to that, they had an idea of where to look to find a creature with far more extra-dimensional experience then themselves. So they walked back to where we had left our Kodiak and had a talk with EDI.

So, they had to locate a creature the size of a small car that usually spent its time in a sub-dimension. Which, the last time it had been spotted, had appeared on the top of a mountain covered in aggressive Pokémon. Worse, the airspace around the mountain had enough flying Pokémon to make flying there in the Kodiak unviable. Ugh, Kaiden grumbled internally, this 'Palkia' had better be worth the trouble…

"Commander" EDI began "I suggest we deploy the Argus Scanner around the planet. That way, we will know immediately if the creature we seek appears."

"That could work." Shepard agreed. "After we're done, we could turn control of the scanning array over to the locals. It's highly unlikely that we'll need the scanner again, after all."

"Or" Kaiden interrupted "We could just figure out 'where' this sub-dimension is, and go there ourselves with the Normandy."

EDI blinked. "That would be highly rude."

"Yeah, but if we wait for it to appear on its own it could take years." Kaiden rebutted.

Shepard considered both options for a moment.

"We'll do both." She decided. "EDI, work out how to get to Palkia's home, and deploy the Argus scanner. The scanner will be our 'going away' present; they'd love detailed orbital scans."

Apparently, simply knowing that a destination was there didn't make getting there any easier. Shepard and Kaiden had elected for a walk in the forest, sans armour and guns for a change, while EDI ran scans from orbit, trying to find dimensional traces.

The two Eevee's had been named Ashley and Thane, after lost friends. Kaiden hadn't meet Thane either, but he had helped to save the Council's life from Cerberus, for which he was grateful. That said, Thane the Eevee acted nothing like his Drell counterpart. He preferred to simply follow Kaiden where he walked, occasionally giving a yip at something interesting.

Given the absolute madness that had been the last months since the battle for Earth, the time to sit and relax in a natural environment was an utter godsend. Traveling in a spaceship, even one as roomy as the Normandy, felt really confining very quickly.

So of course, that was when both Eevee's ears pricked up, and they both started growling.

Having just entered the scene from across the clearing was… well, it looked a little like a mummy, but with one red eye and white wisps growing out of the top of its head.

"What's that?" Said Kaiden, asking the obvious question. Sheppard pointed her arm at the creature, Omni-tool forming around her wrist as she did so.

"Dusclops, the Beckon Pokémon." Shepard's Omni-tool intoned in a roughly synthesised voice. "Dusclops's body is completely hollow - there is nothing at all inside. It is said that those who look into its body are sucked into the void. Because of this and its preference for hypnosis attacks, it is recommended to avoid looking at this Pokémon."

Kaiden wondered when Shepard had installed a Pokémon encyclopaedia onto her Omni-tool, then decided it didn't matter. Without their arms or amour, they were down to Biotics and tech attacks – both of which had to be visually aimed, Biotics especially. An opponent they couldn't look at was about as bad as it could get.

So while he and Shepard were dashing to the dubious cover of the local trees, Kaiden was very surprised to hear a cry of "Vee!" as Ashley and Mordin both fired star-shaped energy blasts at their opponent. Shepard's Omni-tool, still in Pokédex mode, identified the attack as "Swift", and that it would be ineffective against Dusclops who, like all Ghosts, could become intangible at will.

"If it becomes intangible, how do we hit it?" Kaiden asked Shepard, trying to keep an eye on the battle without seeing there foe, a maddening prospect at least.

"I'm looking! This nav interface is – got it. Intangibility doesn't help against electrical attacks – like our Overloads." Shepard said from behind a tree to Kaiden's left. Dusclops meanwhile had somehow merged with his shadow, moved to behind Ashley, and un-merged, throwing her across the clearing in the process. ("Shadow Sneak!" the Omni-tool squawked.)

"The Overloads we can't aim without risking our souls?"

"That's the one."

Kaiden was starting to see why it was a cultural tradition on this planet to raise what were effectively attack dogs with superpowers. It was the only way they would survive going for walks!

"Ashley, Mordin, get back!" Shepard yelled. To Kaiden's surprise, both Pokémon immediately jumped backwards, well clear of the AoE of an Overload.

Both Sentinels pointed their Omni-tools in the rough direction of Dusclops and fired what was normally an anti-tech attack. The arcs of electricity created on impact mostly just fried native foliage, but one or two grounded themselves though the intangible ghost, causing a yelp of pain. But just a yelp – Ashely and Mordin dashed back in and bit down hard while it was distracted.

Although Kaiden couldn't watch the battle as such, he could take pictures with his Omni-tool and look at the pictures – both Eevee's were holding tight to its 'Flesh'. Why on earth did biting work when other physical impacts failed?

Finally, with a yelp, Mordin managed to rip a chunk of bandage off, his own eyes shut. Immediately, the Dusclops fled, Ashley releasing her death-grip.

Cautiously exiting their cover, the two humans were met with two Eevee's, tails wagging. Mordin dropped his chunk of bandage at Kaiden's feet.

Reaching down, Shepard petted Ashley. "Good girl" she praised. Ashley yelped in acknowledgment.

Once more back aboard the Normandy, the crew prepared for a much shorter dimension-jump then they usually tried. It had been tricky to say goodbye to Professor Oak. The man had been in blissful tears after being gifted a scanner system that could read footprints from orbit. The micro-satellite system would decay after a year or two, but the Pokémon data acquired in the meantime would move the local zoology forward decades.

True to their nature, Ashley and Mordin had taken to the Normandy with no fuss, although the crew kept finding them sleeping in odd locations, much like cats. Considering Eevees were known to live in power plants, a spaceship was fine for them.

And with one last check, the Normandy jumped.

The 'Spacial World' was nothing but a rolling mess of pinks and purples. Palkia didn't mind, though. Compared to the Spirit World or the Reverse World, this world was as simple as it got. That was very relaxing for a being who had invented space, and then got stuck with the job of making sure it didn't then all come apart at the seams. Yeah, no spacial rends around here.

Which was why it was ticked that some steel-looking thing had torn a gash in space and poked its head inside his 'cubby hole' of a dimension. From the feel of it, it wasn't from any Space Palkia knew of, which was actually quite a few. It was trying to talk to Palkia, but the Space Pokémon had never listened to anyone if it could help it really.

Palkia knew space in a way precious few in all reality did, so figuring out which 'way' to its home dimension was trivial. Snorting at the steel-thing, it lined itself up, and dropkicked the thing out back into the void in a homeward direction.

Next time: The melancholy of Commander Shepard