Chapter 7 - Slappy goes Pirating
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Skippy sat in an easy chair, snacking on a box of cherry tomatoes, While Slappy laid in a pose on the couch. Mr. Ross was busy putting Paint on his Palette, While his Easel was prepared to become a work of art.
"Just give me a few seconds, Miss Squirrel." Mr. Ross was almost ready to work.
"Hey aunt Slappy, Why are you doing this?" Skippy was curious
"Hey, I can't help bein' attracted to men with big afros." Slappy commented
"But you're a squirrel and he's a human!"
"Sure...And Jabba was a hutt and Leia was a human, how are ya gonna explain that one, Mr. Lucas?" Slappy ranted
When Slappy was done her rant, Mr. Ross had his set-up ready, as well as a camera.
"Hello there, and welcome to The Joy of Painting." Mr. Ross Smiled for the camera "Today, we're going to paint one of my little friends over here. She's an old friend of mine, A squirrel all the way from Burbank, California. To paint along, you're going to need the following colors, that we'll run across the screen for you."
Skippy grabbed another cherry tomato from the box.
"Those cherry tomatoes good?" Asked Slappy
"They sure are, Aunt Slappy! You want one?" Asked Skippy
"Heck no, I gotta stay in this pose." Said Slappy
"Sure sounds boring!" Said Skippy
"Do ya wanna hear a story or something?" Asked Slappy
Meanwhile, Mr. Ross was preparing to wash a brush.
"Ok, first we have to wash the brush, and this is the fun part, cause you take all your frustrations and hostilities out on this brush. First, we scrub it off, in odorless thinner..." Mr. Ross dipped the brush in some paint thinner "Give it a shake." Then he shook the brush off into a garbage can under the easel "And then..." He began to beat the brush back and forth on one of the easel legs while chuckling "...We beat the devil out of it, and cover everything in the studio." Mr. Ross smiled, and began dipping the cleaned brush into the paint blobs on his palette.
"Is it about the time you squashed Sid the Squid with an oak tree?" Asked Skippy
"No." Replied slappy
"Or 'Unlucky Lobotomy with Beany the Bison?" Asked Skippy
"No, but that was the one where he became Beany the brain dead bison. He was right about one thing...I didn't graduate from any medical school before that surgery." Slappy remembered
"And then he became "Beany the cerebrally challenged bison in 'Hurray for Slappy.'" Skippy added
"Ah, Political Correctness. It's ruinin' this new generation." Slappy commented.
"Ok, so what story are you going to tell me?" Asked Skippy
"Well, it was 1987. I was still in my 70's then. That darned network, decided to cancel my show, the nerve of them networks! Cancellin' a classic favorite..."
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The small, but cozy apartment was filled with empty Pizza hut boxes and beer cans, with hard drives stacked against the walls. A rather reclusive person was sitting at a computer, inspecting a radio scanner. sitting on a couch and talking with another guy, was a younger Slappy Squirrel.
"Yer doin' me a great favor, K! i'm thankful." Slappy smiled at the young, Technologically Optimistic man.
"Don't mention it, Slappy. Me n' J were planning something like this for a while."
J was the guy sitting at the computer.
"ooooooooohh you know you're a funny squirrel slappy! a real funny squirrel!" J spoke
"Hey, J, Less talk, more work." Replied Slappy
"oooooh..." then J began to hum the theme from Clutch Cargo.
"That's the 23rd time he's hummed the Clutch Cargo theme in 2 hours." Slappy complained.
"I still see the X!" J added
"It's just the way J is, Slappy. Ain't nothing that's going to fix it." K defended his brother
Of course, Slappy's lack of compassion blinded her to the fact that J had Autism. On a positive note, J excelled in his interest of Analog signal works. He was working on a radio scanner he recently had gotten, which he quoted could pick up anything from Gamma rays to whale farts.
"Ooooh we're going to do this tonight, we're gonna scare those worlds greatest newspaper nerds!"
Just then, K's girlfriend appeared in the room, holding a fly swatter.
"Found it!" she said
"Good, alright, J we're ready to go." K stood up and walked to the camera. Slappy stood behind him, While K's Girlfriend went behind a rotating piece of sheet metal that had been propped up on a wheel. J slipped on a Max Headroom mask.
"Ready?" Asked K
"Good back here." Said K's girlfriend
K hit the camera's record button.
"That does it." K began to giggle at his brother's max headroom mask "He's a frickin' nerd."
"Yeah, i think i'm better than Chuck Swirsky! Frickin' Liberal!" J began to moan while reaching into a box for a coke can "Catch the Wave." before throwing it, and giving the bird to the camera "Your love is fading!" he held up a pepsi can before throwing it out of frame. He began to hum the theme song to clutch cargo yet again.
"I still see the X!" He referenced the last episode of the show before going back onto his meaningless rant.
"Owwww, my piles!" J began to thrash around, pretending he was having a hard time on the toilet. "Oh, I just made a giant masterpiece for all the greatest world newspaper nerds!" J reached back into the box and pulled out a glove. "My brother is wearing the other one...but it's dirty! i'm going to go put my flag up!" J's rant went on long enough.
"Ok, J. Now for part 2." J took the mask off after the camera stopped filming.
J sat down by slappy while K got ready with his girlfriend.
"oooooh, that was so funny. You're a funny squirrel!" J talked to Slappy
"aren't you parents glad your kids have ritalin?" Slappy addressed the readers.
"Ok, J, hit the record button on the camcorder." K was in frame and ready to go.
J walked over, and pushed the record button. K began his part of the video.
"They're coming to get me!" K then pulled down his pants and mooned the camera.
"Bend over!" K's girlfriend began to swat k's butt with the flyswatter.
"Owwww...Don't do it, stop!" K acted all dramatic. After a few seconds, J stopped the camera, and the video was ready.
"is that gonna creep out the city?" Asked K
"I think that will." Said Slappy.
"Ok. We'll head over to the tower. J, Get the VCR and the cord for the generator."
J grabbed the necessary materials for the job.
"Ok. let's head on over." K led everyone out of the apartment.
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A few minutes later, K had led everyone to the top of an apartment complex with a large satellite and generator.
"Ok, J, hook it up." K ordered his brother. J began to hook up the technology. K then began to move the satellite to a nearby tower.
"What's the time, Slappy?" K asked
"About 23 minutes past midnight." Said Slappy
"Ok...around 12:23, November 22nd, 1987. We're about to make history." Said K
Slappy was looking around for an open window and someone watching the latest episode of Dr. Who. she eventually spotted one.
"Ok, I see one. Go for it." Slappy ordered
J flipped the play button on his VCR. Slappy noticed the screen now showed what J & K just filmed only minutes before.
"It worked! Check it! 3rd floor from the top, far left." Slappy handed the binoculars to K. He could see his brother's funny actions on the TV.
"Oh my god..." K was just as shocked that he pulled something off so big.
The minute and a half video eventually came to it's end.
"J, pull the switch before they start tracking us." Said K
J unhooked everything in seconds flat.
"Ok guys...Pizza hut, let's celebrate!" K led the way back to ground zero.
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"...Ok, now we'll just get some flame red here, and call this one finished." Mr. Ross signed the painting of Slappy he just did.
"So that's the story of how I got my revenge on those jokers at the network!" Said Slappy
"Wow, Aunt Slappy, that's really intense." Said Skippy
"Not as intense as pepper spray in the mouth." Said Slappy
"Well, Miss Squirrel, would you care to see it?" asked Mr. Ross
"Sure thing!" Slappy got up off the couch, and skippy followed. They both laid eyes on a painting of Slappy. Slappy was painted as a large, perky breasted furry with a slim waist and luscious hair, laid out on a couch in a very provocative way.
"Aunt Slappy, he painted you like a 1950's pin up girl!" Skippy gasped
"Hey, I like it, it makes me look like i'm 21 again!" Said Slappy
"But Aunt Slappy, I like you just the way you are now!" Said Skippy
Slappy had a straight, sarcastic look on her face as she addressed the readers.
"When he finds a squirrel-friend and they've been together for half a century, I think he'll get it then." Commented Slappy
Just then, the sounds of chopper blades flying closely overhead.
"What the?" Bob Ross said
"It's a helicopter, mr. Ross. It sounds like it's really close!" Said Skippy
The 3 went outside to see just how close the chopper was. It had landed on the beach, so recently that the blades were still turning.
And out came the 4 subjects the Warners were pursuing. Dr. Pepperansalt, Xenia, Boris, and their captive, Hello Nurse.
"Hey, isn't that hello nurse?" Asked Skippy
"Either that or Mattel's runnin' a promo for captive nurse fantasy Barbie." Said Slappy
The 4 subjects walked over to a nearby speedboat that had been docked. Dr. Pepperansalt guided hello nurse into the speedboat, and his 2 assistants got into the pilot and co-pilot seats.
After revving the boat motor, they all took off for the open ocean.
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