"When did she go to sleep?" Christian's voice wakes me and I want to jump up and run into his arms. I want him to tell me that it'll be okay. I want him to tell me he loves me but I want to hear what he's talking about.
"Four hours ago." It's Teddy. His voice is ice cold and he doesn't know that I slept for all of five minutes and decided to just lie in bed because I wasn't sure I couldn't do much else. He sat in here while I "slept". "We're doing something about this. He's not going to fucking get away with this."
"The police have him in custody. It's being handled."
"By who?! The police?! You know just as well as I do; the law will only go so far!"
"I'm handling it. You don't need to worry about it."
"Some fucking dirt bag raped my mother and you're telling me I don't have to fucking worry about it!"
"Theodore Grey." I sat up. "Don't speak to your father like that."
"Ana." "Mom." They spoke simultaneously.
"I didn't mean to wake you up." Teddy looks embarrassed.
"Sweetie, don't worry about me. I'm a big girl. I will be fine." They both start to argue with me and I hold up a silencing hand. "Call your grandparents and tell them to have everyone come over." Reluctantly, he walks out of the room and Christian all but sprints to me.
"Oh Ana. I'm so sorry. I should have never left you. Are you okay? I'll never let anyone else touch you ever again." Being in his arms didn't bring the relief I expected. That worried me.
"For the moment, I'm fine. After having to tell the entire family, I'm not sure I will be."
I was right. Having to look my in-law's, in the face and tell them that a man had taken what I've only ever gifted to Christian was a tiring task. After all the tears and questions I wanted to curl up into a ball and come out when all this was over.
"Mom." Teddy came into the room. I don't know where in the house my husband is. "I'm going shooting. I don't know how long I'll be but I'll keep my phone on loud. If you need me just call and I'll come right home." My baby boy, in his essence. He's been trying to be my personal superman since he was toilet training. I never did make a good Lois Lane; until now I suppose but I'm worried about him.
"Are you okay?" I know I probably still look like crap and I know it's killing him.
"I'm fine. I just need to let off some steam." I know he's lying to me but I'm not going to call him on it. Not now. He stood up and began to walk out then abruptly stopped. "I love you Mom." He spoke without turning to look at me and left before giving me an opportunity to reply. I fell onto the bed face first, out of exasperation.
"Where is he going? He looks lethal." Christian murmured walking into the room and undoing his shirt.
"He's going shooting." I didn't have to look at him to know he was rolling his eyes. Christian hates guns and Teddy loves hunting. Whenever the season's over he take his shot guns and spends hours at the range. It calms him down. Me, letting him learn how to shoot cost me about thirty lashes but as long as he's happy…
"Ana?" He wants me to look at him. He's standing at the end of the bed looking down at me. I was concentrating on an imaginary spot on the ground. When our eyes meet, I know what he wants and for the first time since I've met Christian, my body doesn't respond. I try to hide that. He bends to kiss me and I kiss him back. When his hands go to my lower lumbar I send mine to his hair, out of pure habit. Five minutes later he's on top of me and it seems like days have passed. "Are you okay?" He asked his breath ragged. Shit! I thought I was doing a better job of hiding my... disinterest. I've never had to deal with this. I just nod my head and bring my lips to his.
I can do this. This man loves me and I love him. I could do this before he loved me. I can do it now. I talk myself off the edge but as soon as he's inside me I see Joe's face. I smell Joe, not Christian. I feel Joe not Christian. I scream a blood curling scream. "NO! STOP! GET OFF OF ME! STOP! PLEASE NO! PLEASE STOP!"
Christian's body goes rigid and he rolls onto the bed. "Ana!" He's looking into my eyes and it's like I'm looking through him. I don't see him. "Ana, talk to me baby. Ana talk to me. Tell me what it is."
I sit up and break down. "I CAN'T! PLEASE NO! DON'T TOUCH ME! HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME!" My entire body is shaking and I can't stop it.
"Ana." Christian is speaking low. "Ana open your eyes. It's me baby. It's Christian. I'm here." He wraps his arms around me and I jump out of his hold and cower from him in the top corner of the bed.
"Please no. Please don't." I stutter. I don't understand my reaction but I cannot stand his touch right now.
"Ana-" He looks lost. His eyes are scared and his face has fallen. He reaches for me and I flinch.
"Christian, no. Please, no." I cry. He draws his hand back and looks wounded. I'm still shaking and more scared than I've ever been and I don't get it. He's my husband and I love him more than life itself and that fact sends my body into a spiral. I can't breathe and my heart speeds up and I feel like I'm drowning. I can feel my pupils dilate, it happens so fast. "What?" Is all I can manage to get out before I gloriously pass out.