A/N: Well, hello there.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
OR CLOSE TO IT, ANYWAY.
So… what did you get me? Lol.
Yes, here is my present to all of you; no, I will probably not update anything else-
No pouting allowed. ^.^
Sorry towards all those expecting something of the lemony sort… L and Light weren't cooperating with me, you see, and once they refuse to cooperate, it usually ends in tears. My tears, anyways. -.-; I'm hoping the next chapter will have more success, but you know how it goes.
I PROMISE NOTHING.
Yeah. XD Hope you guys enjoy the next chapter, and please… remember the children.
The chiiilllddddrrreeeennnnn…
O.o;
Happy holidays!
Title: When Dreaming Ends
Chapter Seven: Jealousy Will Drive You Mad
Confused and just slightly excited, I kept thinking that L was just playing a big joke on me. I had felt the attraction before; the hot sensation that had led up to the uncomfortable nights and irregular sleeping patterns, but to actually take all of my desires and make them a reality was a completely different concept compared to the things that I had dreamed.
It wasn't that I was ignorant to the 'joys' of sex, but that I had never thought that my partner would be…
Well, him.
I dare not say a man, since I know I wouldn't allow another person of the male gender to touch me in such a fashion (even if my mind wished to supply the word), but the fact that it was L willing to do this act with me was astounding, considering it had all seemed a distant impossibility just two days before.
And now?
I couldn't seem to connect the dots, and him laying on top of me did not help matters in the least…
"L…" Raito stuttered as his gaze slowly slid up into the other man's heated stare, a fierce blush covering his cheeks. "W-what are you d-doing?"
L blinked as the boy stared up at him with innocent eyes, honestly befuddled by the change of events. "Raito, you cannot possibly be that clueless."
Another blink was his only response as Raito tilted his head to the side and bit his lip.
The dark-haired writer felt his jaw drop just as the boy beneath him shrugged.
"I don't… I've never done anything like this before, L." And it was the truth; the older man could see it within the 19-year-old's eyes. "You're the first person I've ever even… come close to, let alone kiss."
"Somehow I refuse to believe that." L muttered, his eyes filled with distrust. "Nineteen years of age and you still haven't-"
"Well, I just haven't, alright!" Turning an unorthodox shade of red, Raito practically pushed the older man off of his body, cinnamon-brown eyes wide with embarrassment. "I thought you weren't trying to embarrass me about this, L?"
"Raito…" Ignoring the glare set over the boy's face, L stifled another smile and backed up a little, allowing the actor the space he so desired. "Fine then; I apologize. Now please, enough of your pouting! There is only so much of it I can take."
"Hmph." Crossing his arms over his chest, the pout on Raito's face only became all the more prominent.
"Alright, now you're acting too much like a woman for me not to comment." L chuckled as a pillow went flying in his direction, barely missing the aforementioned floating object before it chucked him in the face. "I said I was sorry! Calm down, or else we'll never sort this out!"
"And what is it that you intend on sorting, Mr. Lawliet?" Watching the older man smirk out of the corner of his eye, the teenage straggler almost gave into temptation and punched the writer in the face. "You're really not making a good case for yourself at the moment, L."
"I suppose not." The now-relaxed looking playwright leaned back on the mattress and stared up at the caustic brunette, his long hair obscuring the majority of his reddening face from the angle L was positioned in. "Are you nervous, then?"
"Not going for the romantic approach, are you?"
"Well, I attempted to romance you before and was immediately denied. I tried being forceful and was quickly rejected." Giving his companion a roll of his eyes, L held back a grin as Raito fell back on the bed with him, lanky limbs stretched out where he could reach them. "Now, I am attempting to be understanding and it seems as if my efforts will be for naught once again. I must say, it takes a strong person to get into your good graces, Raito."
"And just what do you mean by 'good graces', Mr. Lawliet?!" After luxuriating in the smooth laughter Raito had to provide at his expense, L scooted a bit closer to the semi-unsuspecting warm body shuffled next to him. "… … Idiot."
"Hm?"
"I hate it when people try to hard; it makes them seem desperate." Raito explained, acting as if he hadn't noticed just how close L was to his lap.
"… … … Perhaps, but I won't deny the truth."
"L!"
"What?" Crawling on top of the smiling thespian, L held back the predatory grin ready to break out over his lips, gleaming blue eyes taking in the thoroughly peaceful demeanor the boy radiated attracting him like a moth to flame. "Isn't that what you wish to hear?"
"No!" Raito yelped as the older man let his hands trail down his sides, stifling an onslaught of chuckles. "Why do you have to be so… so…"
"Frustrating?" L finished for him, the smile on his face now bearing a rather wicked quality to it.
Rather than physically harm the writer attempting to 'seduce' him (attempting being the keyword) Raito instead closed his eyes and let his head fall to the side.
This, however, was just what L was waiting for.
Dark blue eyes narrowed as the irises of said orbs slimed extraordinarily; the pupils contracting violently against the older man's will. Lips twitched downward as newly-exposed smooth golden skin was offered to the writer, albeit unconsciously; the act of unknowing submission enough to drive the primal urge to dominate within the dark-haired playwright wild.
A pair of lips hurriedly trailed down the rigid brunette's neck, causing him to gasp deliciously while still trapped beneath his pale lover's embrace. Breathless after only a moment of contact, Raito brought his arms up and wound them around the older man's neck in tender counter-hold.
Letting out a strangled sigh, Raito once again almost jumped out of his skin as a wet ligament joined the lips in their exploration of the actor's neck and shoulder. Gripping the loose strands of impossibly dark hair falling over the writer's shoulders with tenuous fingers, a sudden rush of warmth crawled up the boy's body, making him squirm uncomfortably at the barrage of foreign sensations hitting him all at once.
"L… don't-don't leave any marks!" The emotionally-frail boy stuttered, mortified beyond belief. "I don't need any of the girls asking who gave them to me or where I suddenly got them from! They'd just embarrass me even further!"
"I'm sure you'd think of something clever to save us both the humiliation, hum?" L stated with a smirk, amusement hanging from his every word.
Smooth strokes from the writer's hands trailed along the edges of the young actor's clothed side, though after a moment of what seemed to be light teasing even that small amount of contact did not seem to be enough. The thin white cotton shirt still tucked into Raito's pants was pulled up from its confines as another hand floated from its spot hovering over Raito's hip and worked on the buttons keeping the shirt in place.
"Uh… L…?" Raito almost faltered as the novelist gave him an evil glare, just about daring the younger man to deny him the right to molest the poor actor silly. "If you'll let me, I can just…"
Catching onto the boy's meaning, L immediately jumped of the slim man's torso (still straddling his thighs, of course) and smiled, instantly creeping the confused brunette out at the sudden change of mood. Carefully undoing the buttons of his suspenders, Raito tried not to follow the other man's bruising stare, which was still centrally located on his abdomen and revealing space of golden skin.
Shoving the now-awkwardly placed straps off of his still-clothed shoulders, Raito bit back a laugh as another set of fingers besides his own joined in the cause of taking off his shirt, tossing the offending (and now slightly ripped) piece of fabric to the wayside.
Bright red cheeks accompanied the nervous shifty eyes as the indecisive teenager unconsciously bit his lower lip, the pale rose color of the plump flesh darkening to a bright shade of cherry-red.
"So…?" The radiating brunette smiled nervously as his pale-skinned companion shifted, not sure how to take the sudden pliancy of his bed-fellow's composure. "What now?"
L's eyes widened even further at the innocent question, his mouth dropping open in astonishment.
"You really…"
"No." Raito sighed, somehow having expected that reaction after the older man's rant earlier.
"I mean, you've never…"
"Yes."
"Nothing AT ALL?!"
"… … No."
"Don't you even know the basics?!" Raito felt himself flush at the seemingly impropriate question, eyes flashing with disgust.
"Yes!" Withdrawing automatically at the retort, the young man seemed to whither back into the shell he had created for himself. "I mean, it's not common practice where I'm from, but I know what we're supposed to do and what goes where, for God's sakes…"
"So… what's the problem?"
Raito raised an eyebrow, giving L the once over.
At that look, L seemed to finally 'get' what Raito was trying to say-
And he was not amused in the least.
"Ha ha… noooo."
"Well, why not?!"
"Because-"
"If you say anything that comes close to the words 'female', 'make-up', 'dresses' and 'high-heels', you can expect our time together to come to a close, Mr. Lawliet." Raito felt his eye twitch, the delightful sprig of laughter bubbling over L's expression all he needed to know that his train of thought had been right on the money. "Permanently."
"Fine! How about I'm the only one that actually knows what he's doing for a good reason, so in all good taste I should most likely be the one leading this excursion so neither of us is hurt?"
Raito's jaw dropped as he shrunk away from his want-to-be lover.
"We could get hurt?!"
L let his head drop onto the center of Raito's chest, willing the hysterical laughter away with the last vestiges of self-control he had left.
"Rai-tooo…"
"I don't think I want to do this anymore." Raito practically whimpered, his eyes large and shiny. "Not if there is any pain involved!"
"You're a virgin; of course it will hurt the first time penetrated!" L ignored the way the young boy nearly gagged at his choice of words, his flaring annoyance conflicting with the desire burning through his veins.
"Then maybe you should-"
"No! That is not an option considering you are-"
"Finish that sentence and you are going to be finding yourself one appendage short in the morning." Raito growled out, eyes narrowing dangerously. "And trust me… it is going to be one you will miss very, very dearly."
"Wouldn't I miss any appendage taken from my-"
"L!"
"…"
"…"
"Then it appears we are at an impasse." L comically stated, a small smirk set over his lips as he did so.
Raito, on the other hand, did not share his sense of humor about the situation at hand.
"It appears so."
"There is only one way to settle this!" Raito blinked as the older man pointed a finger in the air, eyes and expression as serious as can be.
"And how is that?"
"ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!"
"… … You're kidding." Raito muttered, face incredulous as he fought the urge to smack both himself and L in the face. "Please tell me you are kidding. Let me repeat that for both of our sakes; PLEASE. TELL ME. YOU ARE KIDDING. NOW."
"Do you have a better idea, Raito?"
Raito gave the man a deadpanned stare before pushing him off of the bed and burying himself back within his sheets. L barely had a moment to gather himself before a pair of pants were thrown at his head, pant legs drooping over his wide-eyed gaze in a silly fashion.
"Well?" The red-faced brunette blinked as the pale-white covers surrounding him illuminated the color of his cheeks. "You better know what the hell it is you are doing, L."
Not even three seconds later, two pairs of pants were thrown up in the air as a lean milky-white figure flew into the bed, legs kicking sporadically as a drawn out squeal reverberated from underneath the mountain of covers now enclosing the two men.
"Raito, after tonight, you'll never want to leave this bed ever again!"
"For some reason, I highly doubt tha-OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT THING?!"
"… … Me love you long time?"
"…"
"…"
"Idiot."
Just like our first kiss, our first time together was awkward and uncomfortable; not entirely enjoyable, but fraught with sprigs of passion that made up for the inevitable pain he seemed to love to point out beforehand.
Once again, thinking back on it, I have to laugh.
Only we could make something that is supposed to be a simple agreeable experience into an adventure of sorts.
But more than anything else, I remember the morning after…
Raito sighed as he turned his head to the side and smiled, his eyes blurry with satisfied exhaustion; the dark hair and pale skin a welcome sight so early in the morning.
Though the pain radiating from his lower back and rump were not so welcome.
Not in the least.
Carefully disentangling himself from the older man wrapped around his torso, Raito squirmed as he sat up, hands massaging the lower part of his spine.
"Ow…"
A cool pair of hands joined his own, pushing upward in contrast to Raito's own downward strokes. Rolling his eyes in amusing exasperation, the 19-year-old actor turned his head and smiled down at the mischievous-looking writer smirking up at him.
"How long have you been awake for?" Raito hissed as L's warming digits harshly prodded at a particularly tight knot, moaning almost immediately after.
"Truly? I don't remember. Time has no real semblance to a person like me." Carefully pulling himself up, L hauled his young lover by the shoulders onto his lap and continued with his massage, the smile on his face lengthening against his cheeks at the low whimpers and groans escaping Raito's lips. "This is the first time, however, that I have managed to stay in bed once awaken. I must say, it is truly a pleasant experience…"
"And I'm sure my company has nothing to do with that?" Raito chuckled, biting his lip as those hands wandered upward, caressing the bottom of his shoulder blades in an indulgent fashion.
"Of course not." Reveling in the tiny trembles running up Raito's back and sides, L wove his arms around the thin waist once again. "I simply enjoyed the extra rest, is all."
"Right." Raito rolled his eyes once again, obviously not the least bit convinced. "So… rehearsal?"
"Eh."
"… L, we are going to have to get out of bed eventually." The younger brunette muttered as he turned his head and buried his face against the crook of his lover's neck. "And next time, you're the one who's going to have to wake up with a painful backside, sir."
"… But…"
"…"
Raito felt his eye twitch at the out-stretched sigh as the hands now hovering over the small of his back resumed their massage.
"Fine."
It was the first time I realized just how childish the older man actually was.
Yes, I saw it the night before when we were… fighting, I suppose you can say, but to watch him pout and mope and generally glower at anyone and anything that kept him from me for any amount of time after getting out of bed and getting dressed, I truly realized that though L was a mature writer who could convince the most intelligent of people to bend to his will, inwardly, he was just as emotionally stunted as a five-year-old.
I thought it was hilarious, and I was pretty sure I was the only one to see this side of L and live to tell about it, quite frankly.
The days quickly passed by once again; two weeks soon passed without incident, just the same as before.
The only difference being, of course, that I now had a permanent indent within my bed that didn't seem to be willing to go away any time soon.
Or so I thought…
Raito sighed as he waved over at the older dark-haired man speaking with the extras, the smile on his face neither restrained nor noticed on his own part. Misa giggled as Kiyomi elbowed him in the stomach, the strict frown perched over her lips non-flinching and serious.
"You need to be careful, kiddo." Lettie rolled her eyes as Christie hesitantly nodded, agreeing whole-heartedly with Kiyomi's statement. "You don't know who might be watching and why."
"What do you mean?" Raito smiled as L once again turned his way, the grin the older writer was sporting on his face simple and small, but meaningful all the same.
"This is not going to end well…" Christie moaned as Raito blinked, still in la-la land. "Not at all…"
"You girls are being ridiculous." The still-grinning brunette threw his head back as his now-lengthy auburn-colored locks curled over his shoulders and fell half-hazardously against his back. The black sleeveless dress he wore swept over his thin figure attractively, falling to the floor in a graceful flow of fabric as the boy sat down and let Misa absently pull his hair into a loose if sophisticated up-do. "It's not as if we're going at it in front of everyone at all times of the day!"
"Because making goo-goo eyes at each other with everyone watching you isn't imperative of anything, right?" Lettie chuckled as she then sat down on the actor's lap, not caring about the multiple stares now being sent in their direction; Christie nearly snarled at the men drooling all around them, obviously expecting some sort of show. "You need to be careful, darling, or this newfound lust is going to be the end of you before anything even begins. Remember: anything goes in our little house of wonders, but the one thing you must never do isactually fall in lo-"
"Ladies!" Aizawa smirked as he bowed, the courtesans and actor nearly sweat-dropping at the sudden interruption. "I hope I am not bothering you all, yes?"
"Of course you are. Can't you tell?" Kiyomi muttered, smirking as Misa leaned forward and grabbed her shoulder to keep herself from falling after nearly laughing herself silly.
"Huh?"
"What can we help you with, Monsieur?" Christie rolled her eyes before the whole conversation could get out of hand (as it was prone to do in Whammy's House).
"Two things, mon cheri!" Aizawa (and his afro) jiggled with glee before extending his hand to Lettie, eyes gleaming with mischievous amusement as he kept his even stare on Raito. "One, our scene is almost ready to begin Madame. Two… it seems a gentleman is here to see you, dearest Raito."
"Uh…"
"Mademoiselle Yagami!" Raito sweat-dropped as Teru Mikami appeared over L's shoulder just a little bit away from the tiny group congregated in the corner, the writer's face now contorting into one of extreme annoyance and… well, Raito didn't want to analyze that other emotion so much.
He didn't think it would be proper for his overall health, after all.
"Hello, Mr. Mikami, sir." Giving the blonde shivering behind him a comforting pat on the hand, the cross-dressing actor stood up and nodded his head, his eyes bright and careful. "How can I help you today?"
"Well, I was hoping to discuss a few things with you… in private, if you wouldn't mind, Miss Yagami?" Giving the three woman piled around him a warning cursory glance, Mikami let his sights subtly narrow until all he could was Raito.
"Girls? Don't you have to get up on stage for the next scene?" Raito kept up the faux-grin as Misa whimpered, Kiyomi grabbing both her and Christie's hand as she nodded over at Raito.
The warning in her eyes was clear and readable-
Don't let him catch you off-guard.
Though Raito had to wonder which 'him'Kiyomi was referring to…
"We'll be seeing you later, Raito!" Misa cried out, blonde hair obscuring the rather distressed expression on her face. "Try not to get yourself moles-OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR, KIYOMI?!"
"For being yourself, of course." The dark-haired girl answered back smartly, ignoring the now-laughing Christie hanging off of her other arm, amused beyond belief. "Let's go take our positions, ok?"
"Have fun, girls!" Raito grinned as the gaggle of women made their way up to the stage, still prattling on about god knows what. "Now what was it that you wished to speak about sir?"
Mikami's slick smile cracked into a rather wicked sort of beam, a gleam of deviousness overtaking his sights.
"Well…"
I should have stalled.
I should have, but I didn't.
But it wouldn't have made a difference.
My bed had been made long before I had even realized otherwise.
L felt his hands clench painfully against the script held against his chest, head lowered as he attempted to keep his stare away from the lawyer cozying himself up to his lover in the back of the auditorium, the multiple curtains still waiting to be fully hung around the extravagant room obscuring their silhouettes in a convenient fashion.
"I'm sure he'll be fine." Quillsh whispered by his side, blue eyes smooth and transcendent to the problem at hand. "Although…"
"Yes Quillsh?" L barely pushed out, not being able to keep out the sudden strain he felt over his shoulders.
"How long do you think you will be able to keep this up before one of you breaks, L?"
The younger man stiffened as Quillsh shook his head and sat himself down, leaving his young protégé to think about the question at hand.
"Alright!" L spouted out suddenly, his face stony and discernable as he kept his gaze strictly on the stage. "Is everyone in their positions?"
Receiving a collective nod in agreement, L nodded as Aizawa strutted his way through the crowd of men and woman on stage, Matsuda conveniently situated behind a small gate just behind him.
"Whenever you're ready, Aizawa."
"Of course…" Aizawa stated with a smirk, now watching Lettie with a predatory look in his eyes.
Instead of keeping his attention on the stage, L felt his gaze habitually follow the two figures still draped in the back of the auditorium.
'What are they doing back there…?'
"We have a dance in the brothels of Buenos Aires." Aizawa shouted in a hoarse Hispanic accent, smirking as Lettie presented herself down on the 'dance-floor', "It tells the story of the prostitute and a man who falls in love with her."
The sudden cat-calls and whistles lit up the stage as L finally gave into temptation and stepped off to the side, carefully turning so that no one off-stage could catch his change of direction.
'Raito…'
"First, there is desire." Aizawa pulled Lettie to him as the young woman smirked, eyes gleaming with laughter.
'What could he want with you?'
"Then, passion." Carefully letting his hands fall over the prostitute's sides, the men and woman off on the sides began to rise from their seated positions, albeit slowly.
L dropped his script on one of the older chairs situated against the auditorium's far right wall, the silhouettes solidifying before his very eyes.
"Then, suspicion." Lettie trailed her eyes over the gaggle of men now surrounding the two dancers before being pulled back to Aizawa.
Wishing to catch a snippet of their conversation, L let his thin body fall back onto the shadows, eyes narrowing as his clear blue eyes darkened into a stormy navy.
"Jealousy. Anger. Betrayal." Throwing the young actress at one of the men prowling around the two, Aizawa continued to belt out his lines, not noticing the man he was acting them out for was no longer paying attention.
"When love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust." Grabbing Lettie back in a possessive and unstable motion, Aizawa pushed her back, his grip on her wrists tightening until Lettie winced painfully at the discomfort. "Without trust, there can be no love."
"Jealousy…" L clenched his fists as he backed away, not liking how close the two men now were; their bodies visible from the vantage point he was stationed at. "Yes, Jealousy…"
'Look at the stage, not at him…'
But it was a lost cause, really.
"Will drive you…" L glanced over at Raito, who was still speaking with Mikami. He snarled quietly to himself as the lawyer kissed the back of the boy-turned-girl's hand and smirked, the look within his eyes unmistakable and unacceptable. "Will drive you… will drive you MAD!"
"Roxanne!"
"Mr. Mikami, that isn't necessary." Raito muttered as he pulled away from his employer's financier. "I apologize, but I should be heading back. This is entirely inappropriate-"
"But… I believe I've been more than patient with you, Ms. Yagami." Mikami smirked as he grabbed Raito's hand and pulled him even closer, making his fidgeting even worse. "Or should I say, Mr. Yagami?"
Raito felt his eyes nearly pop out of their sockets as the lawyer kissed the shell of his ear, not needing to see the smirk to know it was there.
"You don't have to put on that red light!" Lettie smiled as she was passed from man to man, her body bending in all-too-wicked ways. Aizawa held his head as he continued to sing, the tension building within his act and L's stance nearly the same. "Walk the streets for money; you don't care if it's wrong or if it is right!"
"Roxanne!"
"Ex-excuse me, sir…" Raito whispered as Mikami then kissed his cheek. "Did you just…"
"You don't have to wear that dress tonight…"
"Imply the truth?" Mikami pulled back to look at the shocked expression gracing Raito's face. "Of course I did. I mean, did you really think I was that daft, Mr. Yagami? And I thought you were smarter than that."
"Roxanne!"
"How do you-"
"I saw you, the first day you entered Whammy's House. I was keeping tabs on L and our dearest Watari, also known as Mr. Quillsh Whammy. You were beautiful, singing as Christian…" Taking in a deep breath, Mikami allowed the boy the space he needed to breathe himself. "But when I heard and saw you take in the part of Satine, I knew I had to have you. You were… simply gorgeous."
"You don't have to sell your body to the night…"
"S-sir…" Raito felt his heart thud painfully against his rib-cage, eyes fearful and dazed. "I don't understand what it is you wish of me."
"Raito…" The bespectacled man's lips tilted upwards, the damnable smirk highlighting the angular features of the lawyer's face. "You can't be that naïve…"
"I…"
"I can give you the life you've always wanted… as long as you agree to be mine."
"His eyes upon your face…" Matsuda sang out, still circling the stage as the dancers spun around and about.
L felt his bitten, crooked nails scratch hellishly against his skin as Mikami caressed Raito's cheek, attempting to restrain himself from doing something completely stupid.
"His hand upon your hand…"
'Why aren't you moving, Raito?' The writer thought sullenly to himself, the rage in his chest only being subdued by the shallow despair consuming it. 'Why are you letting him touch you in such a way?'
"His lips caress your skin…"
Once again, those lips touched the younger man's hands as Raito's shocked expression did not leave his face.
"It's more than I can stand…"
L finally felt blood crawl down his fingers as his skin broke against the cutting strain wracked against it.
"Roxanne…"
"I can't give you what you want nor can you give me what I need." The actor nearly snarled as he pulled his hand back, not able to stomach the disappointment scratching his insides. "Please, just leave me be, sir."
"Raito…"
"No! I don't want this! Pick somebody else!" Raito almost cried out, his eyes pleading for mercy. "Just leave me be."
"Why does my heart cry?"
"Leave you be?" Mikami quickly grabbed the boy's wrist before he could walk away, his hardened dark brown eyes flashing a quick scarlet. "I am offering you everything on a silver platter and you dare attempt to walk away from me without so much as thank you?"
"Mr. Mikami, sir…"
"Roxanne…"
"What do you think will happen if I let it be known that our lovely lead actress is not all she appears to be, hm?" The cruel light in Mikami's eyes showered the brunette with the harsh reality he had been hoping to ignore. "L's play in ruins, your career, over… I could live without the money lost, but think about you and your fellow actors and actresses pride… and L's."
"Feelings I can't fight! You're free to leave me, but just don't deceive me and please believe me when I say I love you!" Matsuda shoved his hands within his pockets as he stared up at the 'balcony' which would hold Raito himself once everything was ready.
The dance being carried on stage as the song seemed to be reaching its pinnacle, the men on stage singing contrasting against one another brilliantly.
"Roxanne…"
Raito held in a shuddered breath as Mikami stared at him.
"Why does my heart cry?"
"What…"
"Roxanne…"
"What do you want me to do?" Raito let out, his face shadowed as he stared down at the floor.
"Feelings I can't fight…"
"That is what I wish from you, Raito." Mikami slithered as he grabbed the boy's hand once again. "Complete obedience."
"Roxanne…"
Raito almost gagged as he was pulled into an embrace against his will, glancing to the right out of the corner of his eye.
"You're free to leave me, but just don't deceive me and please…"
A familiar thin shadow nearly made the shivering brunette cry out for help before the arms around his middle tightened to the point of pain.
"Roxanne!"
'L…'
"You will do as I say… won't you, Raito?"
'No, no, no, no…'
"Believe me when I say, I love you!"
L couldn't understand how he was still standing where he was, tiny rivulets of blood still running down his fists as his body shook with tremors of fury.
Infuriated blue eyes met downtrodden hazel, and L let himself fall into the background.
Something had not been right with his lover's gaze as Mikami held onto the body against his with an expression that could not yet be deciphered.
"Roxanne!"
"Now…" Raito cringed as that low whisper crawled into his ear, body shaking with fear and rage; his eyes betraying just how filled with fury he actually was at the audacity of the man holding him within his arms. "You don't want to hurt your poor little writer friend and destroy all these whore's little precious dreams, do you, Raito?"
"You don't have to put on that red light, Roxanne."
"No…" The boy-turned-girl muttered in return, the embrace he was locked within killing him more than the glare L sent his way. "I don't."
"Roxanne…"
"Good girl…" Mikami smirked as he pressed a small kiss on the actor's cheek. "I'll see you tonight, then?"
"Roxanne…"
"Of course." Raito finally pushed himself out of the mock-cuddle, his eyes dark and deadly. "Whatever you say, sir."
"I'll see you later, Ms. Yagami." Was all that Mikami said before he left as quickly as he came, dark brown eyes filled with satisfaction.
As soon as he was gone, Raito let his legs slide down to the floor, eyes stinging with newfound tears.
Finally pushing his way out of his daze, L rushed to Raito's side and practically carried him out of the auditorium, mindful of the actors and actresses now floating off stage.
'Why didn't you push him away?'
But L did not voice his question nor did he press the already-frail actor until he had situated as far from the bordello as possible, his honey-brown eyes beseeching him his silence until then.
And though L was as mad as he ever thought he could be…
He couldn't help but give in to his lover's wants.
I had never thought I could feel worse than I did at that moment.
I had never thought that I could feel more used or dirty.
I had hoped that L would make everything better; that he would hold the words of encouragement that I needed to hear.
"So… he wants you." L stated evenly, eyes furrowed with distaste as he held his anger at bay. The tiny-looking brunette nodded solemnly as wiped the moisture away from his eyes, glad that L seemed to be taking everything in so wonderfully.
Truthfully, he had been expecting more of an explosion from the older writer.
"And… he wishes for you to meet him tonight at Whammy's house."
"Yes…"
"To do with you what he pleases."
"Apparently."
"And you agreed to this?!" Came the sudden yell, the wince Raito impressively suppressed making the boy's internal girl nearly wet herself.
"Please, don't make this a mountain out of a mole-hill, L." The shrill small voice seemed to have come from Raito, who was now curling into himself as the rage L had been suppressing let itself out, wave after wave in unearthly dissatisfaction.
"No! This is completely unacceptable!" Turning to the (completely) slightly fearful brunette staring up at him from his spot on the ground, dress fanning out against the hard wood floor as his smudged make-up made for a gorgeous picture of innocent melancholy, L felt his mouth carry away from him. "I forbid you from going!"
"And what?! Let everything we've done go to waste?! I refuse to let that happen, L!" Within seconds, the pitiful picture of crushed vulnerability that was Raito crumbled and all that was left was the stubbornness that lay hidden beneath the polite disdain the 19-year-old held for most stupid people and their suggestions.
"And what of when he finds out that you are, indeed, male and not female, Raito?!" The disgruntled playwright nearly tripped over himself as the faint flush still set over his young paramour's cheeks brightened once again. "Raito…?"
"He… he knows already, L." Raito blushed as his lover nearly did a double-take, eyes about to fall out of their sockets. "He's known since the beginning. He just didn't want to scare me away, apparently. And on top of all that, if I don't go, he'll not only stop financing your play, he'll tell everyone that I'm not…"
"I see." L bit his thumb as Raito trembled. "I never thought that he would stoop so low as to blackmail, though I would be lying if I didn't think the possibility wouldn't be there if he ever found out…"
"So you see…" The now-timid brunette sighed as he flopped down on the chair beside his bed, the skirts of his dress flying up as he did so. "I really don't have a choice."
"There is always a choice, Raito. You don't have to do this-"
"And let everything we've worked for fall? I can't do that, L…"
"So you'll fall into bed with him?!" L scowled as Raito shrugged. "How do you expect me to take this, Raito?!"
"I expect you to trust in my feelings for you and do what's best for everyone." Shaking his head in sad resolution, Raito felt the salty drops of water from earlier cling to his lashes once again. "But I suppose… I suppose that I was right, wasn't I? This was exactly how I expected it to play out to begin with."
Before L could even say another word otherwise, Raito rushed out of his room, eyes stinging with tears and despair.
He had hoped that it wouldn't come to this.
But hoping was almost never enough.
I kept thinking that what I wanted from L was reassurances and gentle words of how everything would be alright, but I was wrong.
I had wanted a solution of some sort; a magic cure-all that would somehow peel us both out of the mess we had fallen into. The words would have been nice, but even I am not so easily placated in the face of such atrocious options.
But I found neither.
I didn't blame the poor man, though. It was either his play, which he had been working on for who knows how long, or his lover.
And though I was daft to realize it at the time, he had made his choice.
I just couldn't accept it.