Title: Look Who's Talking!
Authoress: Ladya C. Maxine
Rating: K
Summary: see chapter one
Warnings: see chapter one
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters. Any and all unrecognizable characters belong solely to me and are not to be used by others. I am not making any money off of this and I write with the sole intent to entertain.
"DAAAAAAAAAAD!"
Glancing up from the scroll he was reading, Inutaisho raised a brow, but didn't think much of the scream. Inuyasha screaming in utter terror was a daily event. When one had Sesshoumaru as a 'playmate' one was easily forgiven for running through the palace shrieking one's head off.
Both brothers had been sent into the gardens by their mothers to do something 'productive'. Sesshoumaru tended to interpret this as doing something 'destructive', usually to his little brother.
Inutaisho could already hear Inuyasha's loud footfalls as the pup neared. The second series of feet weren't that great a surprise either. Sesshoumaru would usually race ahead of the other to get a head start on denying any wrongdoing, or he'd chase the hanyou down and make sure that he didn't tattle.
So the day was shaping up to be just another day in the inu-household.
"FATHER!"
Throwing the scroll away, Inutaisho grabbed his swords and leapt over his desk, ready to intercept. He could not remember the last time he heard Sesshoumaru scream like that; other than the day Inuyasha was born and Sesshoumaru had been near hysterics at the thought of being related to the squirming bundle in Izayoi's arms.
The level of fear in his heir's voice was genuine. Something had to be horribly wrong.
Sou'unga drawn and a "Gokuryuuha" on the tip of his tongue, he burst through the doors, scanning the spacious hallway for the enemy as both Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru slid to a halt before him, eyes wide and breathing very labored. However, both were uninjured. Had something happened to their mothers?
"DAD!" Inuyasha cried, on the verge of tears, grabbing Inutaisho's left leg. "SAVE ME!"
"Wha--"
"He's not worth the effort. Save me! I'm your heir!" Sesshoumaru argued, grabbing the other leg.
Their screams aside, the palace was silent. No guards were shouting and there was no alarm. There was no threatening scent in the air and the sky outside was clear blue and smoke free. There were no invading armies marching across the lands or scaling the walls and his sharp ears picked up the daily talk of the servants as they went about doing their duties. And, though hundreds of yards away, he could make out the two figures of Larika and Izayoi through the window, sitting peacefully on the lawn, engaged in conversation as they drank tea.
Sheeting Sou'unga with a tired sigh, Inutaisho glared down at the two. Inuyasha had sunk to the ground, clutching his throat and gagging. Sesshoumaru was on his knees, wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his haori madly.
"It's too late…" Inuyasha croaked, laying on his back as if mortally injured. "…I'm a goner…The poison has spread…too…far…"
Poison? Naturally, past experience made him turn to Sesshoumaru with an accusing look. However, his eldest wasn't fairing any better. Looking downright nauseous, arms wrapped around his stomach, Sesshoumaru was shivering.
Crouching down, he grabbed the pup by the face and forced his mouth open, looking for any sign of the cause of their panic. Had they eaten something they shouldn't have? A poisonous berry? A rotting carcass they had found hidden underneath some shrubs (It had happened in the past, thanks to a stupid dare instigated by Sesshoumaru)? Sesshoumaru's fangs were clean, no berry juice or shredded skin to be found. Leaning over Inuyasha, Inutaisho repeated the examination, which also turned up nothing.
"What's going on?" he snarled, growing tired of the situation.
Inuyasha promptly 'died', his head flopping to one side with his tongue sticking out. Rolling his eyes, Inutaisho turned to Sesshoumaru, whose eyes were beginning to lose focus.
"Well?" he insisted. "And don't even think about dying until you've at least answered the question!"
"It was horrible…So horrible…" Sesshoumaru moaned, a sickly shade of green. "We were caught off guard…No one could help us…We were defenseless…It happened so fast…"
Inuyasha 'miraculously' returned to the living world to help fill in the blanks.
"Mama told us to leave them alone so that they could talk…We were sitting by the pond…Sesshoumaru was going to push me in--"
"I was not!" came the suddenly very sober denial before his eldest went back to the skillful art that was dying-with-style.
"--We were both looking at our reflections in the water…and then…and then…Argh!"
Once more, Inuyasha kicked the bucket, which was beginning to get very irritating. Luckily, Sesshoumaru managed to gasp out the rest.
"…There were faces in the water…Other reflections…They were standing behind us…We…We turned…And…And…They attacked us! And now we'll surely die!"
And that was the end of the brothers, both collapsing back on the floor in mutual surrender.
Inutaisho stared at them, arms crossed and expression puzzled. Normally, Inuyasha didn't have the capacity, or attention span, to stick to an act for such a long period of time. And Sesshoumaru…Seeing him like this was just disturbing. Gods, were they drunk? Had they somehow gotten into the cellar?
"Am I going to have to use Tenseiga to resurrect you two?" he sighed. "Who did it and what did they do? You haven't got a single scratch on you."
Sesshoumaru stirred, weakly opening his eyes.
"…Servant girls…" he whispered hoarsely.
Inuyasha's ears tweaked, a little hand tightening into a fist.
"They…They…They kissed us…" he sobbed.
Both made loud gagging noises and flopped back down.
Inutaisho blinked, then impressively hid his snicker with an extremely well-timed cough.
"I see."
"We're dying of cooties, father!" Sesshoumaru finally revealed the true 'horror' of their condition. "We've been infected, and now we shall truly die! Girls are revolting and crawling with germs!"
Inuyasha whimpered, curling into a small ball.
"Their lips were all wet and squishy," he informed. "And they hugged us too!"
"And they're evil!" Sesshoumaru intervened, not to be outdone by his little brother, even when facing 'near certain death'. "After they…kissed us…they laughed, father! They were glowing red and laughing madly! They have cast a spell on us to render our healing powers useless!"
Wait. Wasn't this the son who showed him up during a council meeting after he had been unable to explain the nature of reproduction? Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Know-It-All and King of Superiority, had been brought to his knees by a kiss? Oh, the irony was just too cruel.
"You aren't dying," Inutaisho, feeling some pity towards his sons, finally explained, struggling to keep a straight face. "Girls cannot kill you with a kiss."
"…They can't?" Inuyasha sat up slightly.
"How do you know?" Sesshoumaru challenged, despite being very much healthy and aware of it.
"I am married to your mothers," Inutaisho reminded, getting to his feet.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Inuyasha wondered.
"…The point remains that being kissed by girls is not life-threatening in the least," he quickly dismissed, unwilling to go into that terrain ever again. "And you've been kissed by your mothers before, so I fail to see how you could believe in such preposterous stories like cooties."
"But that's mom," Inuyasha said. "That's different. These were strangers! And cooties are real!"
"And disgusting," Sesshoumaru insisted pigheadedly, sitting up and crossing his arms. "And degrading! Servants, father! Human servants! I feel so…violated! And she would have done it again if I didn't pushed her into the pond!"
"You what?"
"Nothing," he said in wide-eyed innocence.
"Sesshoumaru…"
"It was self defense!"
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Inutaisho cursed beneath his breath before leering down at both boys, who fidgeted under his eyes. Adjusting his ponytail, he reached for Sesshoumaru and pulled him to his feet before gripping him by the ear. The pup yelped, trying to twists his head free, but his father was too strong.
"Let's go," Inutaisho commanded, indicating that Inuyasha was meant to come along, which he did without question, wincing sympathetically at his brother's predicament.
With one cursing pup on his right and the other trailing behind him to his left, Inutaisho strode down the hall, reaching the nearest exit that granted them entry to the gardens. Once they reached outside, Inuyasha could not hold it in any longer.
"Dad, where are we going?"
"To the maid quarters."
Risking his ear being ripped off, Sesshoumaru grounded himself and with a resolute tug managed to free himself. Ignoring his now burning red ear, he gaped at his father in deep betrayal.
"I am not going anywhere near those filthy peasants!"
"You are going to apologize, and you are going to mean it. You must have greatly offended that poor girl."
"Offended? Offended? She molested me, father! If anyone has the right to be offended it is me! She dared kiss me, the future Lord of the Western Lands, with her nasty mortal mouth!"
"Sesshoumaru, as a gentleman one must always behave courteously when in the presence of a lady. I will not have it be known that my son and heir is incapable of treating a woman with respect."
Now taking hold of the other ear, Inutaisho continued the walk to the servants' sector, Sesshoumaru resisting the entire way while Inuyasha kept looking for ways to make a fast getaway. When his youngest looked ready to escape through the trees Inutaisho grabbed him by an ear as well.
Upon entering the grounds where the servant barracks were located, they drew many stunned looks. Most of the servants had very little dealing with the royal family, working the lands or harvesting the crops, so the sight of their lord with both his sons in their humble abodes was awe-inspiring, if not a bit bizarre, since both princes were wincing with tears in their eyes as they father pulled them along by their ears.
Finally, though at the same time too soon for the boys, the three were standing before the large building that was the maid house. Female servants gathered here in their free time to relax and enjoy themselves. Since the 'perpetrators' had been girls, Inutaisho was convinced that they would be here; young servants, be they human or youkai, only worked for very brief periods every day and were usually found playing in the servant's quarters or in the fields under the supervision of the palace guards.
Men were not allowed inside, or even on the porch, but being the lord, as well as having a valid reason for being here, he released the boys, who nursed their throbbing ears, and motioned them to follow. Inuyasha quickly obeyed. So did Sesshoumaru, but the scowl on his face could kill the dead. Inutaisho was going to have to keep a closer eye on Inuyasha lest his brother take out his displeasure on the hanyou.
"Do you need me to tell your mother about this?" he threatened.
Sesshoumaru paled. If his mother was to hear what he had done…She frequently boasted about how well mannered and educated he was. With visible difficulty, he managed to adopt his usual indifferent composure once more, though his eyes were boring holes in the back of Inutaisho's head as the lord raised his hand and knocked on the wooden doors.
The voices inside fell silent. There was some shuffling before the sliding door was pushed partially open and a brown eye peeked out, which widened at the sight of the youkai. The woman, no older than Izayoi, opened it the door further.
"M-My Lord!"
Behind her, the women jumped to their feet, stunned and gaping at him. Those who overcame their shock fast enough dared to come up behind the first woman, shyly staring at him, whispering to one another and giggling. Obviously, they had forgotten that inu-youkai had perfect hearing.
"Is that really the lord?"
"He is even more handsome up close!" a teenaged girl whispered to her friend excitedly.
"Lady Izayoi is so lucky!" another muttered.
"Oooh! I wish he was my husband!"
"He's gorgeous!"
"What I wouldn't give to see him naked!"
"I wish I was a youkai too!"
"He's the most beautiful man I have ever seen!"
Admittedly, he was enjoying the appraisal. Most of these women were rather attractive…His smug smirk was broken when a certain voice scoffed.
"Humans really do have bad eyesight," Sesshoumaru determined, having also picked up on their whispering.
All eyes lowered to the two standing before him. The soft gossiping intensified.
"Oh, they are just as good looking as their father!"
"Runs in the family!"
"I have never even seen them before!"
"I once dreamt that I kissed the lord!"
"Inuyasha is so adorable!"
"Prince Sesshoumaru is going to become an even greater man than his father!"
Inutaisho's left brow twitched as Sesshoumaru shot him a very haughty smile. Was it wrong to want to tie one's child to a tree in the middle of a predator-filled wood and leave him there to be devoured? Most likely so. Larika would certainly have something to say about that form of disciplinary method.
"Good afternoon, ladies--" he began politely.
They squealed.
"Such a sexy voice!"
"I'd kill to hear him say my name every day!"
"It makes my heart flutter!"
Waiting for them to calm down, he tried again.
"Forgive us for interrupting--"
"Oh, it's alright, my lord!" one assured, eyes shining.
"We are deeply honored to have you visit us!"
"You can do whatever you want!"
"Feel free to do so whenever you like!"
…Okaaaay. Now it was getting a bit too much. Didn't these women, at least the ones who were old enough, have husbands? There's no way they could have taken in so many single women…
"As I was saying--"
"Oh yes, do forgive us for interrupting!"
"Yes, do tell us what it is you wish!"
"It must be very important for you to have come all the way down here to tell us!"
"Everything a lord such as yourself has to say must be very wise and important!"
Was this some bizarre ritual? Admittedly, he didn't have much contact with servants who did not work in the palace itself, but surely there wasn't such a difference between the two groups. He was going to make sure that none of these women would ever be promoted to palace worker, just to make sure.
"I am looking for two young girls."
"…Eeeeeeeeeeeeeehh!"
A thundering collection of squeals, giggles and gasps broke out. The women began adjusting their clothes, removing dirty aprons, tying back their hairs and wiping off any smudges on their being. The three males could only stare dumbly until the cackle of hens quieted down, staring at Inutaisho with the most penetrating yet hopeful eyes ever. He had a sinking inkling as to what they were thinking so he quickly went about explaining his mission before things got too out of hand.
"My sons had an encounter with two young servant girls not too long ago," he said. "I have brought them here to bid their apologies to the girls."
Many faces fell. He was scared to think what they had been expecting him to ask…
"…Oh," the maid who had opened the door sighed, though just looking at him made her smile again. "Two girls you say? Tsubaki and Ai have just returned; was it them?"
He turned to the brothers.
"Was it?" he questioned when neither replied.
"I don't care for the names of these simpletons."
Yes, Sesshoumaru was going to be a pain in the royal butt for the rest of the day.
"Was one of them a bit on the wet side?" he asked, turning back to the first woman.
She blushed furiously when his eyes met hers, looking away quickly. And when did she get eye shadow? Coming to think of it, when and where did most of the women suddenly acquire make-up? He was going to have quiz Izayoi about the nature of human servants when they got back.
"Ai was indeed rather damp. She's taking a bath, though she should be done by now."
"Bring them out," he commanded, not liking how one of the maids was practicing kissing with a piece of paper.
"Yes, my lord. Right away!"
Despite her young age, the woman appeared to be the head, or at least one of the higher ranking servants; motioning to another with a wave of her hand, she sent the woman running back into the house to retrieve the girls. The rest remain, still clinging on to hope, waiting for him to enquire more about them. Inutaisho thought it then to be a good time to turn on his heir, who was sulking, which only made the servants giggle. And every time Inuyasha flicked a fluffy ear, they giggled louder.
"Know that this is the last time I do this," Inutaisho told his eldest.
"Promise?"
"From now on I will let your mother deal with situations such as this."
He honestly couldn't understand why the thought of Larika learning about her son's less-than-admirable behavior frightened Sesshoumaru so. Larika wouldn't so much as harm a hair on her precious pup's head. Hell, she'd probably side with their son and threaten the servants for defiling him. Inutaisho could only remember one incident where not even Larika could deny Sesshoumaru's wrongdoing. She had disappeared with his heir for more than a week and had returned with a subdued Sesshoumaru, who had needed almost a year of counseling before he could even make a snide remark to Inuyasha once more.
"My Lord, they're here."
Inuyasha quickly covered his cheeks and Sesshoumaru inched his way behind his father, subtly pushing Inuyasha forward as he did so.
The two girl were staring up at him with big eyes. He guessed them both to be no more than eight. The tallest of the two's hair was still dripping. He smiled (wincing when the accumulation of women sighed loudly) down at the girls.
"Are you alright?" he asked them kindly.
Both nodded mutely, mouths still hanging open. The taller one looked a bit uneasy; she probably thought that he was here to punish her.
"My sons have something they truthfully wish to tell you."
He hadn't seen Sesshoumaru look so betrayed since the time Inutaisho had held him down so that the healer could take his temperature. The usually pale cheeks were bright red, and the eyes were turning an equal shade. Inutaisho returned the threat and Sesshoumaru relented; both knew that Sesshoumaru had yet to master the tricky art that was transforming.
Inuyasha, being either very responsible or just wishing to get it over with as soon as possible, snuck forward, his hands still protecting his cheeks from any stray kisses.
"I'm sorry for screaming," he said in a small voice.
The woman awed right on cue. The girls blushed, the youngest one giggling.
"It was stupid and childish to make such a fuss about a little kiss. I promise I'll never, ever, ever, never do it again. I'm really sorry."
A few women looked as if they were wanted to adopt/kidnap his youngest right then and there. The girls, Inuyasha had paid particular attention to the shorter one, beamed and nodded.
"Thank you, my prince," they said in unison, curtseying demurely.
One down, one (utterly exhausting) to go.
Inuyasha turned and walked back to his father and brother, his face still sincere and angelic. Before he turned to face the women again, however, he shot Sesshoumaru a downright devilishly smug look and Inutaisho had to discreetly push his eldest forward before he could throw himself at his little brother.
Sesshoumaru, going against his natural pride, shuffled towards the girls. He stared at them for a moment, looked back at Inutaisho with an almost desperate look, then, when no help was forthcoming, resigned himself to the degrading task that was apologizing to humans. Still, he made one last attempt to save face:
"What my brother said."
"Sesshoumaru," Inutaisho growled.
If he had been any less haughty Sesshoumaru would have whined out loud.
"What I meant to say…Being the Heir to the Western Lands, and your superior, I was…My brother and I were simply startled by your boldness and we reacted instinctively."
"…And?" Inutaisho pushed when Sesshoumaru seemed to want to leave it at that.
"…And it wasn't a very lordly and superior thing to do, pushing you into the pond…even though you would have easily dodged it if you weren't a simple human," he muttered at the end. Inutaisho heard it all the same. "Anyway, I suppose that, being you descendants' future Lord, I…I…I'm s…s…Iamsorry."
"You're what?" Inuyasha asked, making a show out of cupping his ear.
Sesshoumaru glared over a shoulder.
"I am sorry," he hissed.
"That's okay," Inuyasha grinned. "But you don't have to apologize to me."
Inutaisho, in the mean time, was quickly mapping out a suitable location where he could send Izayoi and Inuyasha for the next few years. Somewhere of reasonable distance, like the moon, until Sesshoumaru cooled down.
"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" Sesshoumaru snapped, turning back to the girls. "I'm sorry I screamed when you kissed me. I'm sorry I tried to scratch you. I'm sorry I pushed you into the pond. And I'm sorry that I tried to hold you down underwater."
Inutaisho snapped out of his planning. Before he could berate his son from holding that little piece of information from him, someone behind him almost brought the entire building down.
"YOU WHAT?"
Birds took the air, the foundation of the building trembled and Sesshoumaru's back stiffened to near-breaking point. Inuyasha's ear began to bleed and Inutaisho felt his eardrums explode. Slowly, the three males turned, Sesshoumaru a heck of a lot slower than his father and brother, trying to prolong his life by a few seconds.
Larika, a dazed Izayoi by her side, was burning. Actually, everything around her was. The nearest tree actually caught fire and Inutaisho could see steam rising off her skin. Wishing to spare at least one of his children, he pulled Inuyasha behind him, out of death's (a.k.a. Larika's) way. Insufferable as he sometimes (read: always) was, Sesshoumaru's fearful expression almost undid Inutaisho. Honestly, what was Larika's secret?
It was really amazing how one as light as Larika could make the ground shake when she stomped. Stalking, or stomping, up the stairs, she brushed by Inutaisho, who actually felt his eyebrows singe at the ends, and towered before her only child. The women, terrified, shut the doors and Inutaisho heard what sounded like furniture being pushed behind it for reinforcement.
"What," Larika hissed, just one forked-tongue shy of outdoing Ryuukotsusei in his most wrathful of moods, "did you do to her?"
"I…I…I…"
Izayoi joined her husband and son. Picking up Inuyasha and wrapping him in the heavy folds of her robes, she looked torn between protecting her child and trying to spare the life of another.
"Does this mean I can get another brother?" Inuyasha asked his parents, rubbing his aching ears. Izayoi shushed him.
Inutaisho's hand was creeping its way up to Sou'unga's hilt. If necessary, he would challenge Larika, despite the fact that she was his equal in battle and now had the adrenaline to even overcome him. If only Sesshoumaru would snap out of it and sweet-talk his way to safety…
"M-mother…"
"You pushed her? You tried to drown her?"
"I—"
"I am disgusted! I am outraged! I did not raise you to treat a woman like that, regardless of her species! Be she youkai, human or even hanyou, YOU DO NOT ATTACK A WOMAN! I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE OF MY LOINS! I AM OF A RIGHT MIND TO…"
Damn, who would have ever thought that Sesshoumaru was capable of crying? Not that he was doing so openly, but those usually cold eyes were now shimmering.
"Dear," Inutaisho, at great personal risk, stepped forward. "I think that our son knows now the gravity of his actions."
Sesshoumaru nodded feverishly.
Larika, however, seemed to have something on her mind, hence the abrupt end of her rant. She studied her son pensively, but at least she was calmer.
"You have disappointed me terribly, Sesshoumaru," she said. "I never wanted to do this, especially not to you, but you have left me no other choice."
Sesshoumaru blanched.
"No, mother! Please, I beg you!" He fell to his knees, near hysterics and gripping her gown tightly. "I'll do anything! I'll even be nice to the hanyou! Just please, PLEASE, don't bring me back there!"
Larika watched him with almost sympathetic eyes, but her mind was made up.
"Pack some clothes. We'll be going for a week."
"But mother--!"
"If you will not listen to me then I will have to take you to someone who will make sure you listen to them."
Sesshoumaru, with a look that nearly broke Inutaisho's heart, shakily climbed to his feet, eyes tearful. Having pity on him, Izayoi offered him her hand.
"I'll help you pack," she offered. She shared a solemnly knowing look with Larika. "Is this not a bit too extreme, though?"
"He has to learn," Larika insisted, her will steady, though clearly chipping the longer she looked at her defeated son.
Inutaisho, puzzled, sheeted Sou'unga and came over to stand next to his first wife on the porch. Together they watched as Izayoi led Sesshoumaru, who didn't even oppose to them making bodily contact, away. Once they were out of sight, Inutaisho looked over at Larika, whose eyes were tearing.
"Dear…what have you done?" he asked, worried.
"What I know will be for the best. He'll never do something like that again when we return. Still…I hate having to put him through the same experience twice."
"You mean last time? When he had needed yearlong therapy?"
She nodded.
"If I may ask, where are you taking him?"
"To someone who will talk some sense into him. To someone who will set him straight with a good lecture on manners and etiquette." She turned to him with a grave face. "I'm taking him to my mother."
"…Can't I just kill him now and spare him the pain?"
Tbc…
Yeah, no Ryuukotsusei in this chapter. So, naturally, I just added the next best thing; every man's greatest enemy: The mother-in-law!
evil cackle
Read & Review, please.