Ye Olde Bridal Shower, 2009

"Olivia!" I realized someone had squealed my name about a nanosecond before the person grabbed me and hugged me tightly enough to squish all my internal organs, a not-unfamiliar feeling from the times I'd worn a corset for various period costume events. Unlike wearing a corset, this particular organ-mashing and breath-restriction wasn't being inflicted slowly over an eight- to ten-hour period, for which I was thankful. At least if I ended up being snapped in half and dying, I wouldn't have suffered very long.

Just when I thought I heard ribs start to snap, the person released their vice-like hold and stepped back. I gratefully gulped in a deep breath and my oxygen-starved brain said 'Thank you' by taking away the little dots that had started dancing in front of my eyes and allowing me to see clearly.

"Sarah, dear, I don't think Kyle would appreciate it if you killed me by hugging me so tightly I broke in half," I chided. "I assume your enthusiastic greeting means you're thrilled for me. That, or you're so jealous of what a fabulous man I've caught you were trying to kill me so you could have a chance at him."

She gave me a 'what crack are you smoking' look. "I don't need your man, Olivia. I have my own gorgeous stud who's good in bed."

I laughed. "I'll let you know if he's as good in bed as the rumors say after I've found out for myself. If the way he kisses is any indication, his skill in bed is like the Scottish Highlands: mere words cannot begin to capture the glorious reality." I gave her a Big Pervy Grin. "You know that's why I'm actually marrying him. All that stuff about love was just a cover story."

"So you're pulling a Liz, are you?" She shook her finger at me. "Shame on you, Olivia Masters, for settling!"

" 'Scuse me? I am not pulling a Liz Patterson and selling out and settling! As non-romantic as my reasons might be, like Hel I'm settling. Rich, gorgeous, a fabulous body, intelligent, great smile, sense of humor, it's a given the sex won't suck, he's said more than once he loves me…how, exactly, is that settling? I call it grabbing a good thing when I had the chance. Oh! Operation: Big Carat has begun." I held out my left hand. "Think it's big enough?"

"Holy moley! That thing is huge! It's worse than J. Lo's and that's saying something. I love it. Let me see your real ring before Lizard and Ellyphant get here."

"Be nice," I chided, pulling the chain out from under my shirt. It's the middle ring, the sapphire one."

She didn't say anything for a long moment. "What are those smaller stones on each side of the sapphire?"

"Blue diamonds."

"Blue diamonds?" She raised her eyes, mouth slightly open from surprise. "Do you have any idea how expensive those are?"

"I have an idea, and if you want to lecture someone on needlessly spending more than you need to, take it up with Kyle because they were his idea. He designed the ring and had it custom made."

"You're shitting me!"

I shook my head. "I'm totally serious. I was just as floored as you when he told me. More like casually mentioned it when I asked where he bought it. Casually, as if it's not a big deal, and after I finished thanking him for that, he tells me he took the liberty of designing the wedding bands as well. Can you believe his nerve, swooping in and stealing all the fun of ring shopping from me? So unfair!" I winked and, smiling, stuck out my tongue. "Yes, I know I'm ridiculously lucky and blessed and I most definitely appreciate him, not to mention being absolutely, totally, and completely in love with him. Did you see the design engraved on the band and how the stones are incorporated into it? Floored me when I took a good look at it, and he says the wedding bands are going to be engraved with the same design. I can't wait to see them."

"Neither can I." She hugged me, refraining from crushing my organs that time. "Good things definitely come to those who wait."

"Are you saying I'm old to be getting married?" I scowled and put my hands on my hips. "Is this more of that old maid, spinster stuff? Begone, you spewer of old-fashioned, repressive ideas! Cease channeling Elly Patterson!"

"Stop acting like Liz with being paranoid everything's an insult," she retorted huffily.

"Okay, if you insist." I smiled brightly. "I joked with an old friend that if good things come to those who wait then I'd end up marrying Prince William, but I infinitely prefer Kyle. I'm not big on that whole 'broadcast the Royal Family's bowel movements' thing the media has going on, know what I mean?" I wrinkled my nose. "Come on, people, let them have some privacy! Not everything is the public's business."

"Your guy's also better looking and has a better body. He does! Stop looking at me like that! I saw the pics on his website, remember? You posted them for the world to see, so don't get mad because I looked."

"The shirtless ones are ten years old. Everything looks better when you're thirty-two."

"Whatever. He's still hot. Regina and Nancy just came in. I told Regina about Operation: Big Carat, so she has to see that godawful thing you're wearing." She hurried away, loudly greeting our cousin on the other side of the room.

When Erica arrived, Sarah dragged her over to where I was standing as well so she could see my obnoxiously big ring, gag over how bad it was, and then goggle at the fabulousness that was my real engagement ring. We weren't telling any of the adults about Operation: Big Carat, so I gave the ugly ring to Sarah when my mom's cousins started coming over and congratulating me and telling me how much I was going to like my gifts.

Since both Kyle and I had both been living on our own, we didn't need any of the usual stuff brides got at showers for setting up a household, so Aunt Harriet had gotten my bra and underwear sizes and told everyone to bring gifts that would help us with starting a family. I'd turned deep red when she told me she'd put the comment 'the more fun, the better' at the bottom of the invite. I'd asked my mom if she'd mind skipping this one because, honestly, who wants to talk about their sex life in front of their mother? Thankfully, Mom shared my sentiments and was quite happy to spend her Saturday afternoon doing something else.

I wasn't entirely sure Erica, seventeen, should be at the bridal shower, but her mom, Katie, had obviously thought it was fine. Katie had plenty of sense and smarts and she probably knew what everyone had gotten me, so maybe the gifts from the younger cousins were tamer than I'd suspected, or maybe they'd give me the raunchy stuff when Erica wasn't around.

Elly, Liz, and April were the last to arrive.

I hurried over to Sarah before the Pattersons saw me to get my showpiece.

"Who's getting pictures of Liz's face?" I whispered as I slid the ring on.

"Regina. Telephoto lens." I met Sarah's eyes and we both grinned. "It's digital, so we'll have the pics tonight."

"Fabulous! Let's go show Liz what a man who's really in love buys his fiancée, shall we?" I held out my arm to her.

"We shall." She took my arm. "Oh, I need to let Regina know to get her camera ready. Walk with me."

"Olivia!" Elly's irritating voice carried clearly across the room. "Congratulations!"

I pasted on a smile and gave her a wave. "Get Regina's attention. Pattersons approaching fast."

Sarah practically dragged me the rest of the way to where Regina was and found Regina was ready, having been alerted by Elly's squawking. Operation: Big Carat was unfolding without a hitch. Next up was baiting the enemy and luring them to a battle location that favored our forces, or, in plan English, making sure Liz, Elly, Sarah, and I were standing just right so Regina could get a clear shot. April, unfortunately, would be collateral damage but, hopefully, it wouldn't end up being serious and she'd be good-humored about it when we told her the truth later. She wasn't in denial about Liz's faults and I'd gathered from her emails in recent months Liz was really becoming quite the Bridezilla and Elly a Momzilla, and April was feeling like she couldn't even blink anymore without someone getting on her case about it.

"Olivia! How fabulous you're finally getting married!" Elly gushed, sweeping me into a big hug. "We'd begun to think you'd never have a ring on your finger!"

"Oh, ye of little faith," I said lightly. "I knew the right one was worth waiting for and I'd end up hating myself, my husband, and the whole marriage if I settled and married the first guy who showed any interest just for the sake of being married."

"Definitely," Elly agreed. "You don't want to be too picky, though, or you'll end up all alone."

"I knew everything would work out exactly the way God wanted it to in His timing." I lifted up my left hand so the Pattersons could boggle at my Ring of Hugeness.

"Wow, it's huge!" April exclaimed. "How much did it cost?"

"April, that's rude!" Elly castigated. "Something like this must have cost a fortune!"

"No doubt, but when you're talking about an engagement ring, what's money when you're letting the world know how much your man loves you? The bigger the stone, the bigger the love. How big is yours, Liz? Two carats?" I smiled sweetly.

"Not quite," Liz said, looking uncomfortable, and held up her left hand.

I took her fingers and pretended to examine it. "Definitely not even close." I looked up at met her eyes. "It's kind of small, but if that's all he could afford and you like it, what does it matter if people might get the idea Anthony's too poor to get anything better, or that maybe the size means he didn't get bigger because he doesn't love you that much?" To my pleasure, I saw Liz glance down at her left hand with uncertainty.

The Pissing Contest of the Rings came to a swift end after The Stoning. Liz gave some cock-and-bull story about how she'd told Anthony she'd rather a smaller stone before deciding she really needed a cup of punch to cool her burning cheeks. Elly fawned over my impressive display of costume jewelry a bit more and then went over to bother my mom's cousins.

"Three words: you've been served," I quipped Sarah when the Pattersons were out of hearing range. "Hopefully, she'll get a clue."

"More impossible things have happened. Good luck penetrating her victim mentality. She probably only remembers last summer as her being attacked for no reason at all."

I grimaced. "No doubt. Is it wrong to hope she and Blandthony the Boring never manage to spawn? It's bad enough Mike's spawned and his kids look to be growing up even more dysfunctional than him and Liz. I don't even want to think about what would happen if there were Lizthony clones making the world a more annoying place."

"Wishing a painful death on them, while understandable, would be wrong. Wanting to spare the world the agony of even more dysfunctional Patterson spawn is not. Oh, speaking of kids, Jim and I are thinking of starting a family."

"Most cool!" I gave her a hug. "Trying for a baby is a win—win situation. You get pregnant, you had fun. You don't, you had fun and, guess what, you get to keep having fun." We both laughed. "I think he'll be a great father. He's great with Dave and Claire's girls. You got yourself a good man, too, even if he is only a mechanic." I laughed when she lightly slugged my arm.

Regina walked up, grinning like a Jack O' Lantern.

"You're going to love what I got." She pulled up what was stored on the memory card and showed us fabulous close-ups of Elly and Liz's faces and wider shots of the Pattersons going gaga over the bling and shots of them as they looked closely at my ring.

"You're right, these are great, Regina. You're a fabulous photographer." An idea occurred to me. "How'd you like to take pics of my wedding?"

Her eyes got big. "Really? What about a professional?"

"Yes, really, and you're just as good as someone who charges through the nose. I love all of your work I've seen and I know you'd do a fabulous job and everyone—or almost everyone there will know you so it'll probably be easier to get good candids and casual shots and get people to line up for portraits and posed things. It would also give you plenty for your portfolio and when people see how fabulous our wedding photos are you'll be able to start your career as a photographer with people already talking about how awesome you are. If you're interested, email me and let me know how much you feel your time and talent is worth."

"Okay." Regina still seemed kind of blown away by my offer. "Thanks."

"Of course."

April walked over to the three of us, looking a bit uncertain.

"Liz is really upset right now. She's in the hall with Mom, crying about how you trashed Anthony and implied he couldn't provide for her and that her ring is pathetic and cheap."

Sarah and I looked at one another.

"Déjà vu all over again," I remarked dryly. To April, I said, "What your sister is experiencing right now is exactly what she inflicted on Sarah last year, so you'll have to excuse us if we aren't broken up over it." A little worm of guilt gnawed at my gut, but I tried to ignore it. Turnabout was fair play—and weren't we supposed to turn the other cheek and forgive as we'd been forgiven? 'Stupid conscience,' I thought sourly. It would have to remind me what Jesus would do.

"Excuse me for a minute," I said. "I have to talk to Liz."

"She doesn't want to talk to you." April's expression darkened.

"Tough. We all have to do things in life we don't want to."

In the hall, Liz was sobbing dramatically while Elly held her and murmured platitudes. 'Oh, hell's bells on little white mice, she's acting like I killed her cat.' She was making sucking up to apologize for going overboard harder than it should have been.

"Liz," I said as I walked toward the Patterson women. "April says we hurt your feelings."

"Go away!" she wailed. "What are you going to do, insult me more?"

'Don't tempt me.' "No, actually, I was going to apologize if we made you think that we were implying Anthony can't provide for you and that you think we think your ring is cheap."

She looked up a bit from her mother's shoulder.

"Not everyone has as much money as you. Don't treat everyone else like garbage just because you're rich."

"No one said Anthony isn't a good provider, Liz."

"Yes you did! You went on and on about how fabulous your ring was and how mine is small and pathetic and that people think Anthony doesn't love me!" That set off a fresh round of sobbing.

"That was very petty of you, Olivia," Elly said self-righteously. "Insulting Liz and Anthony like that."

"Elly, gem size and providing for your family are two different things. If Liz thinks my saying her stone is smaller is the same as accusing Anthony of not providing for his family, that's her problem, not mine. I came out to apologize, but I can see now that the only insults Liz has suffered are largely self-inflicted and she refuses to accept any apology for those which might be legitimate." I turned on my heel and returned to the bridal shower.

"What's going on?" Katie asked. "Why's Liz crying?"

"She thinks that I was implying because Liz's diamond isn't a huge thing that Anthony's not a good provider and doesn't love her. I tried to explain to her that's not what we meant, but you know how she is."

Katie gave a curt nod. "I heard her wailing about how you had a big, fancy rings and were rubbing her nose in it and insulting her ring. What's all of that? You two don't—what the heck is that you're wearing?" She studied the monstrosity on my left hand.

"What Liz thinks is my engagement ring. She treated Sarah's ring last year like a small diamond was pathetic and she was going on about how she had to have a big enough diamond so people didn't think Anthony didn't love her and that he was poor. I borrowed some costume jewelry from a friend so I could sport some bling today." I pursed my lips. "I should've known any attempt at an object lesson would go in one ear and out the other with her. She's never at fault, after all."

"You know Liz; always the victim," Katie said dryly. "Just like her mother. April's the only decent one."

"Amen. Speaking of her, Sarah and I were planning on telling her the truth, so I should go find both of them."

Sarah, it seems, beat me to it because she, Regina, and April were snickering and shooting amused glances at the pathetic-looking figures just outside the open door. I took off the monstrosity and shoved it into my pocket. Lord but it was good to be rid of that thing!

"You two are horrible, making my sister feel like her ring is ugly and small!" April chided when I reached her and my cousins. "It's ugly and big. I can't believe she likes it."

"To each, their own. There are others who like something tacky or they wouldn't be selling rings like that. We actually have taste, so you'll hear no arguments here." I pulled the chain out from under my shirt again. "The middle one is my actual engagement ring. I keep it on a chain because I can't stand to wear rings. I always end up taking them off and leaving them places."

"It's beautiful! What are the two small blue stones?"

"Blue diamonds. Rather rare. You could probably feed an African nation for what they cost. Kyle designed the ring himself."

"So he really is rich." April let go of my ring and regarded me with a slightly awed expression. "That's no joke."

"He's not filthy rich, but he's definitely not in danger of going broke anytime soon." I tucked the rings back under my shirt. "You can't judge how much a guy has by what he spends on an engagement ring. That's a definite exception to the rule and something they save up for. Whatever the guy buys, it's not the size of the stone that matters. If Sarah hasn't told you about Jim and given you the list of reasons he's the best guy in the world, ask her to. Her diamond is small. The stones in mine aren't large, either, but I could go on at least as long as Sarah about why Kyle is fabulous and beats Jim out for best guy in the world. We've agreed to disagree on that." I gave Sarah a smile, which she returned. "Princess Di had a large sapphire and diamonds around it and her hubby cheated on her and they ended up divorced and miserable. Size of the wedding doesn't mean squat, either, other than how much you spent on a day most people won't remember half of in a few month's time."

"But he's still rich or he wouldn't have been able to get the blue diamonds."

"Not as rich as you think, though you have to be making the dough to afford to live in Manhattan, so he probably is by your standards."

Aunt Harriet calling for everyone to come gather in a circle for games and door prizes curtailed any further discussions about Kyle's relative wealth and how my ring was an indicator of it. Sarah had teased me with allusions to what games Aunt Harriet had planned and I was a bit nervous about how much of it would revolve around making me blush and act/look foolish.

An hour later, I'd been attired in a toilet paper wedding ensemble, had to pack a suitcase blindfolded, played Pin the Bouquet on the Bride, and laughed my butt off at wedding-themed Mad Libs. Elly and Liz, who was all red and blotchy, came in during the Mad Libs, which were the last thing we did before The Gifting.

To try and soothe ruffled feathers, the Pattersons' gift was the first one I opened. The card was very nice and not nauseatingly loaded with glurge, hearts, doves, or any of the other usual wedding stuff cards were loaded with, which I hoped was an indication of the quality of the gift.

I should've known better than to hope. These were the Pattersons, who came off as more frigid than Frosty the Snowman. If only April had been allowed to buy my gift, it probably would've been good (as much as something from an eighteen-year-old who'd hardly reached second base would be). That would've required Elly to surrender control, so, of course, it didn't happen and I had to fake being thrilled about a high-necked, long-sleeved cotton nightgown with a delicate pattern of blue and pink flowers on it. I wasn't big on the style but the pattern wasn't too bad and the fabric was deliciously soft, and if I'd received it as a gift somewhere the guests hadn't been told to bring stuff that was racy, saucy, and raunchy the smile would've been more genuine, but a G-rated nightgown at a party with a hard R rating…rather disappointing. On the bright side, with that gift out of the way it could only get better, and it did.

I entertained everyone with the way I blushed redder and redder with each successive gift and Nancy kept track of how many times I buried my face in my hands after seeing what I'd been given. In return for giving the ladies something to laugh at, I ended up with some really nice lingerie, a selection of chocolate body paints, an X-rated card game, a gift certificate to one of the local adult bookstores, and A Year of Sexual Positions from Nancy, who told me quietly not to hold it up to show everyone because of Erica and April; she'd already told everyone what it was. I debated offering to lend it to Liz, but decided she'd only take it to mean I didn't think she and Anthony had a sex life and become even more offended so I spared myself the berating I was bound to receive. No good deed went unpunished. Oye!

That was the official end of things but, like most hen parties, people lingered to chat and natter on and eat munchies and…well, be women.

"What was that book you got?" Liz asked me as I was gathering up my new riches.

I handed it to her. "I'm pretty sure we won't need it, but I'd rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it."

"This is pretty racy stuff!" Liz remarked as she turned the pages. "I don't know why you'd need a book like this. I don't know why anyone would even want a book like this. It's horrid!" She handed it back to me.

"Because some people enjoy variety in their sex life and different positions allow you and your partner to be pleasured in different ways and it makes your sex life more enjoyable. Kyle…has been around the block several times so I'm quite sure most of what's in the book wouldn't be new to him."

"He's gone roadside?" Liz looked horrified.

"That's in the past. He cleaned up his act about five or six years ago."

"You don't care that he's slept with other women? That doesn't bother you?"

"I've accepted and made peace with his past and we've talked about it." I put the book in with the red teddy Todd's wife, Lisa, had given me. "What's done is done. What matters is who he is now and how he's living his life now."

"I could never settle for someone like that. I thought you'd have higher standards than to consider someone who slept around."

I silently counted to twenty before speaking.

"All of us have done things in the past we regret. No one is perfect. Kyle got his life together six years ago and has been living a very pure, upright life. He's changed and become a better person for it. He's not a manwhore now, so I'm hardly settling for someone devoid of morals. I'm marrying a man who lives a chaste life and is highly respected by all who know him and lives his faith in Christ as best he can. I'm not settling or lowering my standards in the least."

She sniffed. "Well, I shouldn't be surprised, considering that you didn't see anything wrong with all the trashy things you were given today. Honestly, I thought our family had better taste than that, to encourage you to dress like a tart and a harlot and to play dirty games. Disgusting."

"To each their own, Liz. We'll be married and there's no sin in sex with your spouse, nor is there sin in wanting to look attractive to your spouse. Guys like it when ladies look sexy."

"I've never heard Anthony complain."

'Have you even bothered to listen?' "Liz, in your marriage, if you want a static sex life and granny gowns and that works for you, knock yourself out. That's you and Anthony. If Kyle and I want more variety and more spice, that's between him and I." I met her eyes. "Just because something isn't to your liking, that doesn't automatically mean it's wrong or bad. You can also spare me your moralistic, pious blather about what a Good Christian Woman would or would not do. All you know are the stereotypes and prejudices and half-baked garbage that floats around in society and what little you observe on Christmas and Easter. You're as fit to dictate to me about how I live as I am to dictate to you about how you run your classroom."

"I've been married for several years, so I do know what I'm talking about there. More than you would."

"Know where your G spot is?"

"I don't even know what a G spot is."

"When was the last time you told Anthony you loved him, and when did he tell you he loves you?"

"Not sure. Why?"

"When was the last time you and Anthony sat down and talked, openly and honestly, about what was on your minds and things that were bothering you?"

"I don't know. We don't need to do that kind of thing. We understand each other too well to need to do that."

I smiled sadly. "Just because you have a ring on your finger, it doesn't mean you're an expert, or that you even know what you're doing. I take my advice and guidance from those whose marriages had remained strong through struggles and difficulties and whatever else life throws their way, and I learn from their mistakes and successes. Not walking the path doesn't mean you don't have a good idea of what dangers to look out for and the best way to avoid overexerting yourself. If you'll excuse me, I have to leave to meet up with some friends for dinner."

"Change of plans," a familiar voice said from the doorway. "I told your little friends you had more important things to do tonight than gossip and eat too much chocolate with them."

I quickly fought down the urge to grin, scowling instead. "Like what? Washing my hair? Cleaning my bellybutton?" I crossed my arms over my chest. "Spending time with you? Your presumption is quite galling. What makes you think I'd want to spend even a moment more time with you than I absolutely have to?"

Liz looked back and forth between Kyle and me; clearly baffled by my apparent hostility toward a man she'd never seen before.

"Who is that?" Liz asked in a low voice.

"My fiancée." I grinned like I was the luckiest woman in the world—which I was. "Gorgeous, isn't he?" Without waiting for an answer, I hurried over to him.

"You said you were busy this weekend," I told him archly, taking his hand.

"I am." He put his free arm around me, resting his hand on my hip. "I'm busy coming up to surprise you and take you and your family to dinner. Your friends, by the way, agree that I'm much more important than gossip and eating too much chocolate." He smiled in the way that never failed to turn my knees and insides to jelly, and then kissed me quite thoroughly, turning my entire brain to lukewarm mush.

The kiss ended much, much, much too soon for my liking.

"Okay, you convinced me," I said when my brain reformed and I could speak coherently again. "You're definitely more important that gossip and chocolate. Or at least the gossip. I still want the chocolate."

"As you wish." He gave me another quick kiss. "Your aunts and cousins look very curious to know who the handsome man you've been kissing is."

I looked around. "What handsome man? I only see you. Oh, you were talking about yourself." He gave me a sour look and I grinned. "Come, meet most of the ladies on my mom's side of the family. It's time to make those who thought I was exaggerating eat their words."

Katie and Aunt Harriet stole Kyle away from me after I introduced him to everyone.

"You lucky, lucky bitch," Sarah said, sidling up to me, a cup of punch in her hand. "You weren't kidding when you said he was sex on legs. Damn, he's got a fine ass!"

"Eyes off my fiancée's ass, woman!" I put my hand over her eyes. "You have Jim. Go oogle his ass."

She pushed my hand down. "Kyle's is much nicer. Oh, don't worry. I'm not going to touch, just look. A lot."

"I'm telling Jim you said that," I groused. "I'm telling him you couldn't take your eyes off Kyle's bum."

Sarah shrugged. "He won't care. He knows I'm an ass girl and he knows I only admire the scenery. When I married Jim, I meant it when I said 'forsaking all others'."

"Glad to hear it. You still need to stop oogling my fiancée." I swatted her arm lightly. "So do Regina and April—and—ohmy—that is just—" I grabbed Sarah's arm. "Look at Liz and tell me that is not pathetic."

"Ohmygod, why doesn't she just start saying 'hubba, hubba, hubba?'" Disgust dripped from every word.

"Sarah, would you mind walking with me? I feel the need to tell Liz to stop staring before I claw her eyes out and, seeing as her gauche behavior has made me extremely jealous and ill-tempered, I'd like someone holding onto my arm so I don't actually end up doing it."

"Of course. She's not worth an assault and battery charge."

I didn't care that the ladies in the family were having varying degrees of difficulty taking their eyes off my gorgeous fiancée. Sarah being open about scoping Kyle's butt did bother me a little, but he did have a nice butt, I knew she'd largely been trying to jerk my chain a bit, and I knew she'd limit how much time she spent 'admiring the scenery' out of respect for me and my feelings, not that she was ever as gauche and vulgar as to stare and make no attempt to disguise it, like Liz was, when checking guys out.

Elly was in the bathroom and Liz was so wrapped up in admiring Kyle Sarah and I were able to get right up behind her without her noticing.

"Get your fucking eyes off my fiancée," I snapped, voice hard. "In case you didn't hear, it's really bad taste to oogle someone's fiancée right in front of them, especially when you're married. I'm sure Anthony will love hearing about this when I call him."

Liz whipped around, eyes huge and face deathly pale.

"Olivia. I was just—"

"Don't piss me off any more than you already have. Do you really think you could feed me some line of bullshit and I'd be stupid enough to buy it? Shut up," I said, cutting off Liz when she stupidly started to answer. "You attempt to bullshit me about staring—oogling Kyle, and then you try to give me a bullshit answer when I confront you about thinking I'm stupid enough to buy whatever bullshit excuse you were going to give me. Are you intentionally trying to get your ass kicked, or are you just too damn stupid and lacking sense to grasp that when you're busted, trying to bullshit is only going to make it worse for yourself?" I took a step toward her and she shrank back. "You disgust me. Did you really think no one would notice you oogling my fiancee right in front of me? Get your purse and leave. I don't care if you wait for your mom in your car or hitch a ride back to Canada; just leave. When your mom comes back, I'll tell her why you left."

Liz wasted no time grabbing her purse and running from the room. I suspected it had more to do with her fear of me than actually realizing how far over the line she'd stepped.

"You were nicer than I'd have been," Sarah said, giving me a side hug.

"I'm surprised I was that kind. I'm so disgusted and pissed I just want her out of my face. Some bit of sense and reason told me reaming her out would only be a waste of time and breath, so I let her off easy. Besides, you saw her face. She's terrified of me. She'll never look at Kyle again, I'm sure of it. Not that I have any intention of that being a possibility unless it's totally unavoidable, but when it does have to happen, I'm quite sure she'll keep her eyes to herself."

"And here comes Ellyphant," Sarah said under her breath.

"I'm not taking any of her shit, either, and I'm not letting her make April leave."

"I look forward to seeing that."

"Keep your eyes open, then."

The confrontation came a moment later.

"Where's Liz?"

I met her gaze levelly. "She left. More than one person saw her openly oogling my fiancee and making no attempt to hide it, so I told her to leave."

"Liz wouldn't do that! He's a good-looking man. You can't throw a jealous fit every time a woman looks at him."

"If I did that," I said, biting off each word, "I'd have gone off on every single one of my relatives. Unlike you and your daughter, I am not so insecure and possessive and paranoid that I would have a fit because a woman looked at my man. The only women that irritate me are the ones being gauche and impolite about their looking. Of course women are going to look. I'm not stupid. I don't worry that Kyle might find some other woman he likes more and leave me because if he wanted another woman, he'd be with her, not me. That you think I'd have a fit over every woman who glances at him says far more about you than me. How pathetic you'd still be so insecure after decades of marriage you don't even trust your own husband to be faithful. I'd be insulted by your insinuations but I pity you far too much to be upset, but that's neither here nor there. Liz left because of her offensive behavior. I suspect she's waiting in your car for you."

"So you're making April and me leave, too?" she said shrilly.

"Not at all. The party's pretty much over so you'd be leaving soon, anyway, but it's your choice when you leave. April's been invited to join some of us for dinner tonight and she's said she'd love to come, so she'll be staying with my parents and me tonight and we'll make sure she gets home safely tomorrow. Thanks for coming and thanks for the nightgown. It feels like it will be very comfortable. Have a safe drive home."

I turned and discovered everyone was watching us—including Kyle. Face flaming, I walked over to him with as much dignity as I could muster.

"Remind me never to get you mad," Kyle said dryly, putting an arm around me.

"Don't get me mad, but if you didn't know that yet you haven't been paying attention." I leaned against him. "I honestly thought she had more class than that."

"Not everyone can be as perfect as you." He put an arm around my shoulders.

"Sad, but true. Not everyone has such great taste in men, either. Her husband is rather bland in looks and personality. Who wouldn't want to feast on prime rib and homemade mashed potatoes after a steady diet of Ramen noodles and skim milk? She could've been more discreet about it, though. Anyway, enough about her. Talking about food has made me hungry, so where are we going for dinner tonight?"