[Chapter7: We Have Crashed and Fallen]
A/N: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Drama belongs to me.
Sorry for the wait! Here we go!
Two weeks. I had two weeks to formulate and execute Mission: Liar, Liar, as I had taken to calling that nagging feeling that something bigger was going on between Jake, her and I. I just couldn't put my finger on it. Alice set up the flight home for Jasper, her and I. Emmett and Rosalie were staying down here with her family. I had no idea what Edward was up to; I hadn't spoken to him since the party. There was no way I was going to be able to enjoy Christmas with all of this just hanging over my head. Jake had texted me once or twice since the party, but nothing earth shattering surfaced. I was at my wits end with him and the entire situation.
Every night after work I went to the library to study for exams and write my final essays. I barely got around to any of that and instead continued my own investigation on Jake and Crazy, as Alice and I had started to call Leah. I searched their names, together and separately, all over the internet. I even looked up local newspapers for engagement, wedding and baby announcements. After checking their wedding registry, for the eighth time, there weren't any new updates. The wedding was still taking place in March. The sound of my fingers hitting the keyboard at a rapid pace was the only sound cutting through the library.
As I looked up and around at the surrounding bookshelves, a thought hit me – the baby. If there was a baby, she'd have to have a baby shower. I quickly typed in the names of baby stores and checked for baby registries, but came up with no results. By the time I typed in the third store my relief was short lived when I found it: Leah Clearwater, mother/Baby Matthias – due December Nineteenth.
I gasped loudly but quickly covered my mouth when I realized I was still in the library. A few heads popped up at my reaction, but I ignored them and continued to snoop. She had registered for a ton of gifts, ranging from monkey themed towels to diapers, a crib, a changing table, bottles, and more. Out of that entire list none of the items had been purchased. I know I'm not a baby expert or anything, but I know showers are thrown closer to the due date, so wouldn't most of these things have been bought already? I logged into the messenger service and saw that Alice was online.
crabcakes: hey
branflakes27: what's up, buttercup? how's the studying? wait, why aren't you studying?
crabcakes: i was, sort of, BUT i found something interesting…
branflakes27: well???
I sent her the link to the store and told her to type in Crazy's name.
branflakes27: wtf is that?!
crabcakes: i know, right? i don't know. another piece of the puzzle i guess. i think i stopped breathing for a second, though. but you notice his name's not attached as the father.
branflakes27: i don't think that means anything, does it? how did you even find this?
crabcakes: it just came to me. but seriously, wouldn't you put your kid's father's name on the registry?
branflakes27: you would think, but i wouldn't look too much into that. come home already, i made dinner.
crabcakes: you're probably right, but i have to look at every angle. i should just call quil, since he's not online right now.
crabcakes: i just think it's odd that no one's bought the presents yet. it's so weird.
branflakes27: yeah, i don't know what to say. i think you need to stop looking at this stuff.
crabcakes: i wish i could, but it's so addicting. i hate being in the dark. i need answers and it's the only way i can find them.
crabcakes: anyway, i still have some studying to finish up, but i'll be home soon.
branflakes27: alright. be careful, bel. keep it gangsta. peace.
The next couple of days past uneventfully. I couldn't shake this feeling of being really close to solving a mystery, without really knowing what I was looking for. One night I came home to an empty house. Alice left a note explaining that she and Jasper went out to dinner to celebrate the end of his finals. It made me laugh because only Alice would find a reason to go out when she still had her own finals to worry about. I whipped up a quick dinner of macaroni and cheese and pulled out my notes. I decided to study for a bit and turned on my laptop. Rosalie startled me with a message.
icequeen: what's the scoop?
crabcakes: excuse me?
crabcakes: who told you?
icequeen: need i tell you?
crabcakes: ALICE! ugh, what'd she say?
icequeen: she just said you stumbled upon the baby registry.
crabcakes: yeah, that was all though.
icequeen: no shit! what an idiot. send me the links again to the wedding site and the other stuff?
I sent her the links I had.
crabcakes: k. there you go.
icequeen: dude, she's old.
crabcakes: i know.
icequeen: she's got a grown kid too. what the hell?
crabcakes: rose! i know all this. i've hit a dead end…
icequeen: sorry! i just forget until I see how old she is. she's haggard.
crabcakes: rosalie hale!
icequeen: oh stop, bella. you know you're thinking the same thing. i just say it out loud.
crabcakes: shit. you got me there.
crabcakes: hey, i just thought of something. you can check your emails when you're logged on through this, right? like, i don't have to log into email to view?
icequeen: yeah, i think so.
crabcakes: oh my god! i have to go. bye.
I logged off before she could write anything else. I tested my theory and logged back in with Jake's screen name – 'wolfndisguise'. This was the only password I knew because it happened to be my name. When the welcome screen loaded there were a bunch of options and one of them included email. I clicked and it brought me to his inbox. As I scrolled through there were emails that Jake had sent to himself, but they were from different accounts he'd created. To say I was shocked was an understatement. Internally I debated if I should hack into these other email addresses, but that didn't feeling didn't last long.
I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and started with the first one. I clicked the 'forgot password' option and it sent the password to the backup email, which was the one I was currently logged in on. When I finally entered that site I found another online profile. It was filled with pictures of him and Leah and sickeningly sweet comments to each other. The comments went back to almost a year before. She had even posted a countdown of when they were going to move in with each other. I gasped at the date. He'd been living with her since July! I was also able to click on her profile and see similar posts by Jake. She'd lived in a couple of states before settling in Forks – Idaho and Oregon. She also had more pictures displayed than him. The more recent comments were about baby Matthias. He'd taken to calling it the "little nub." My stomach did a somersault. I desperately wanted to start deleting everything yet I hesitated.
I clicked back to the other window that had his inbox up. I looked at other email address he set up and attempted to log in with that one, but it was harder. The site didn't allow an email password to be resent; I had to answer security questions to reset it. I read the security question, 'What is the name of your pet?' I couldn't believe this question. Jake had so many pets growing up. I learned all about his three dogs, the two cats, the fish and the hermit crab. They were all named, too. Crap! I tried two or three names which all bounced back. I refreshed the page and thought about which animals were his favorite.
Jake had a dog when he was eight named Sam. Apparently he was the biggest dog anyone's ever seen, with a fluffy black coat. He was his constant companion until he started high school and Sam had fallen ill. Billy had to put him down.
I typed in 'Sam' and I reset the password. I hit the mother lode. The inbox had eight pages of messages; the most recent received a couple of days ago.
There were pages upon pages of emails and saved chats. I started with last page and saw that the oldest email was over two years ago.
Re: Valentine's Day
Sent: Sat. 2/15
To: Jake
From: Leah
Hey Sexy,
I love the new cell phone you got me! It's so cute and pink too! I wished we could have spent it together, but I understand. Your dad needed you. I hope he feels better. Keep a look out for some naughty pix! I hope you liked your present! I'll see you next weekend.
I love you more than all the stars in the sky!
L
I almost threw up and had to refrain myself from screaming at the screen. That particular Valentine's Day, Jake surprised me with a day full of gifts. He even enlisted Alice and Jasper's help to deliver them. I had received flowers, chocolates, a movie and a book, so I wasn't expecting anything more. But that night, a UPS guy dropped off a small package. I opened it to find a long letter apologizing for being called in to work early when he was supposed to be the last surprise. Along with that letter was a beautiful amethyst heart necklace that I wore every day until a couple of months back.
There were so many emails and I couldn't help myself from opening them all. Many of the dates coincided with times where Jake and I either fought, or he disappeared for a couple of days. Other e-mails were lies about his whereabouts. The pieces were slowly fitting together. Their emails were very comfortable conversations – detailing trips, talking about their families, and even ones filled with too much information for my taste. I continued reading late into the night and I felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head. Jake's had this secret life for over two years. It just didn't add up. I started to wonder if it really had been only the last two years or longer.
As I read through the sixth page of messages, I realized that since I changed his password, he was going to have to reset it again so he could log in. I began to print them out in case I couldn't access the account again. One particular email chain caught my attention:
Subject: Our Anniversary
Sent: 7/22
To: Leah
From: Jake
Hi Baby,
I booked the plane tickets for Los Angeles for middle of September. I'm so excited that we're celebrating our third anniversary, especially since I've never been there. I love you with my whole soul. I'm gonna show you the best time! We're gonna go to Disneyland, the beach, see Hollywood and find movie stars.
Always and Forever,
Jake
Re: Our Anniversary
Sent: 7/22
To: Leah
From: Jake
Sweets – this is amazing! You treat me and my son so well. You've embraced us and I secretly consider you his dad. Thank you for loving us. I can't wait to get in that hotel room and fuck you senseless. I can't wait until we can finally move in together. Also, Baby, I am excited for the day I can give you a baby to show how much I love you.
I want to make Disneyland our special tradition. Are we staying at that hotel?
I love you more than all the angels in heaven!
Leah (to be) Black
Re: Re: Re: Our Anniversary
Sent: 8/15
To: Leah
From: Jake
Hey Babycakes,
I know we write each other tons of notes, but i thought i should respond to this one and keep a chain. I wholeheartedly love you and Paul. I'm so happy to step up and be a father figure to him. He knows he can come to me for any advice. Being in high school is rough and my experiences could help him. Patience, babe, patience. Everything will fall into place when it's supposed to.
We're not staying at the Disneyland Hotel, but we'll be close. I can't wait until I have you beneath me. You are amazing and no one has ever loved me the way you do.
Always and Forever
Your Jacob
Re: Re: Re: Our Anniversary
Sent: 8/20
To: Leah
From: Jake
Jakey,
Who knew that four years ago when I joined that pool chat room, we'd still be together? I treasure the fact that I'm your first love and you are my true love. And that we can experience it all together. The only thing in my life I regret was not meeting you first, but I wouldn't change a thing. I never thought when I met you that you would be so mature for your age and such a good man.
To have gone through what you have with losing your mom, your dad moving you state to state, and you having to basically raise yourself, I admire you for that. You will make a wonderful father someday.
I'm excited for our trip! I'll see you tomorrow!
I love you more than all monkeys in the jungle!
Leah
They met online? In a chat room? Did people still do that? I was completely grossed out. Jake's been living in complete secrecy with her. It was unbelievable. I felt like I was stuck in a Lifetime movie. How does this happen to a normal person? The lies he wrote to her were told as truths. Jake and his dad never left the reservation, even after his mom died, to live anywhere else.. Jake couldn't even cook himself dinner, let alone help raise other people's children.
I clicked on the next chain of emails, which had picture attachments. The subject line read 'For Your Eyes Only'. After reading through some dirty, sex filled chats, I didn't think anything more of the title, expecting to read the same things. But as the pictures downloaded, my hand flew up to my mouth and I was flashed by a bare-chested Leah in pigtails, her hands holding them up to the camera with what was supposed to be a flirty grin. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I scrolled down to the next one and saw a man standing grasping his penis with a shot of his feet. Unfortunately, I knew exactly who the owner was, even with seeing that familiar bathroom tile. I immediately closed those emails and clicked on the next ones. I rubbed my eyes as fatigue gradually took over and glanced at the clock. It was already one thirty in the morning. I felt like I was watching an accident that I couldn't look away from.
I began to read emails out of order and looked for the ones about their L.A. trip. For some reason, I thought back to my twenty-first birthday in Vegas when he abruptly left to go home. My brain was fighting to find logic. I opened another tab and logged into his profile to get to Crazy's. I went through her photo albums, looking for those particular pictures. I didn't really notice the dates before. But there they were together in September at Disneyland. My heart instantly broke again, if that was even possible. I stared at the picture they took in front of the castle and ached. My entire being just ached at the realization he had picked a fight with me just to get home and catch a different flight with her.
I went back to the emails and found the ones I needed.
Subject: California or Bust!
Date: 9/13
To: Jake
From: Leah
Hello Lover,
I can't wait until you get home tomorrow! I'm hope your aunt feels better and am sorry you have to spend more time on the plane, but guess what, Sexy? We're going to L.A.! I went shopping for some very revealing outfits for you. I can't wait to parade around in them!
How's the weather in Henderson? Where in Nevada is that, by the way? Are you by Vegas?
Paul will be staying with his father the whole week, so I don't need to worry about his whereabouts while we're vacationing. You can't keep too much of an eye on a sixteen year old boy. I don't want to think about what he would be doing in the house while we're gone. But while we're in Cali, I can't wait to start expanding our family! It would bring me so much joy to give you a son. Our love is forever and giving you a baby would show just how much I love you!
I love you more than all the fish in the sea!
L
Re: California or Bust!
Date: 9/13
To: Jake
From: Leah
Babe,
You always know what to say and pull at my heartstrings. I ache for you. My aunt is on the mend. She just needed some extra support. Henderson is right outside of Vegas and it's hot as hell right now, but chilly at night. I'm excited to come home to your sexiness. I love when you say you want to give me a child. It makes me feel complete. See you tomorrow, my beautiful.
Always and Forever
Sent from my wireless handheld
Re:Re: California or Bust!
Date: 9/22
To: Jake
From: Leah
Dear Mr. Black,
I am writing this letter to inform you that I am absolutely and completely in love with you. I would like to extend my thanks for a sexified vacation this past week. My loins and I are grateful you fulfilled our needs so thoroughly and I hope I have given you an equally satisfactory experience.
I'm sure the other guests at the Motel 8 were equally amused at the noise level and got a pretty damn good show! Thank you for being an amazing tour guide. You totally seemed like you knew exactly where the hidden spots of the city were. It was very smooth and very sexy. The best part was the stargazing at that place, on that cliff.
Anyway, Sir, please remember: Motel 8 and a Forty – it's not a bad way to spend a vacation!
Sincerely,
Ms. L. Clearwater,
Sex Goddess Extraordinaire
PS I love that you can email me while at work!
Re: Re: Re: California or Bust!
Date: 9/22
To: Leah
From: Jake
Dear Ms. Clearwater,
It was absolutely a pleasure spending a week holed up in that motel with you. You ARE a goddess and should be treated as such. I found my needs were wholeheartedly met. Your skill level is something that others would envy, especially your very talented tongue.
As for the hidden tour of the city, I cannot reveal all of my secrets, but am very pleased you enjoyed our secret stargazing spot, that will forever be ours and ours alone. Just remember, Sexy is my middle name, Sugar.
Sincerely a very satisfied,
Mr. Black
Sent from my wireless handheld
I wanted to punch my fist through the screen. 'Hidden spots' of L.A.?! Yeah, he knew where they were because he and I would drive around Los Angeles and discover those places when I first moved here. That stargazing spot was our spot! We found it one evening driving back from a day trip into Angeles Forest. It overlooked a deep valley and had a beautiful view of the sky. My heart sickened at the length he had gone to live this life with her. What the hell is a Motel 8? I have heard of a Motel 6 and a Super 8, but not a Motel 8. He took the love of his life to some freakin' motel and split a forty? That was some classy shit.
I couldn't believe how different he sounded in these emails. It's like he instantly became stupid when talking to her. Jake never spoke to me like he did in those emails. He was intelligent and witty, now I didn't even recognize him. Where was my Jake? What had happened to him?
I turned my attention back to the inbox and searched for anything about the baby or the engagement. I found a chat they had from May, earlier in the year.
Chat Saved – May 18
LilLamB: Baby?
Blackitude: Yes, my dear.
LilLamB: I can't get over everything. You've made me happiest woman in the world! I can't wait until we're married.
Blackitude: It's all for you, baby. But you have given me the greatest gift ever – a baby.
LilLamB: Our little nub is going to be so loved. He will be half you and half me.
Blackitude: I can't wait to start getting his room together and buy baby things.
LilLamB: What if it's a girl? Would you love it the same?
Blackitude: Oh, babe, of course! I'd be thrilled with whatever we are blessed with.
LilLamB: Good, cuz secretly I want a boy to carry on your name but a girl would be adorable too.
LilLamB: Did you tell your dad yet?
Blackitude: Yep, he's so excited. He can't wait until he has some time off, so he can formally meet you.
LilLamB: Oh, good. I can't wait either. I've been checking out apartments and I might have found one.
LilLamB: It seems big enough for all four of us. I love saying that. I told Paul and he's already packing.
Blackitude: That's great, Babe. You'll have to show me. I gotta run, but I'll see you tonight.
LilLamB: 'K. Love you.
There was so much to read. It seemed like Jake's relationship with Crazy was all wrapped up into one giant email. The things I was reading and photos that were imbedded just killed me. I scrolled through some more dates and the email chain during March of this year.
When our fifth anniversary approached, Jake was supposed to visit me down here for a week. As the date drew near we began to plan the trip. Jake was excited to visit and even suggested things to do. I hadn't seen him since Christmas, so I was in total romance mode. I thought we could spend a couple of days in Palm Springs, just the two of us, and then hang out around town. But the day before flew down, we got into a fight and he canceled on me.
I had just come home from work and had been able to clear my school and work schedule. My cell rang as I struggled to unlock the door, shifting the bags of groceries I had in my hand. When I got inside, I put everything down and searched in my purse for my phone. I had a missed call from Jake. I called him back.
"Hello, my darling," I said when he gruffly answered.
"Hey," he replied.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing," he replied sourly.
"Well," I asked carefully, "what's going on? You called?
"How come you didn't answer?" Jake was suddenly angry. "Where were you?"
"What?" I replied, not sure where this was going. "My hands were full of groceries and I was carrying my backpack. What's wrong with you?"
"Bella, I can never find you," he started. "You're always out and not home. Living in Los Angeles has really changed you. It's really hard on me."
"Wait just a goddamn minute," my voice rose. "What the fuck are you talking about? I've been nothing but committed to our relationship, school and work. So don't start getting all high and mighty about what I'm doing. What the hell are you doing up there? I visit you every chance I get. What about you? You never come down here."
"Don't put this on me," he shot back. "I'm doing what I have to, to get ahead. I'm working so hard for us and you're not here. You're having fun living the life while I'm home, waiting."
"What? Jake, where's this coming from?" The room suddenly went blurry as the tears started to fall. "Why are you fighting with me? You fly in tomorrow and this isn't how I want to start our vacation."
"That's another thing I wanted to tell you," his voice cold. "I don't think I'm coming down."
"Wait, what?" I nearly screeched into the phone. "What do you mean you're not coming?"
"Bella, that's exactly what I mean," he replied. "I have a lot of work to do and I need some time to think."
"Jacob, what the hell are you saying? What do you mean you need time to think?" The questions spewed out. "You have a lot of work to do? It's our fifth anniversary and you're pulling this shit now? "
"I have to go." Jake avoided my questions and concern. "I will call you later in the week. Bye."
I cringed as I remembered that strange confrontation. I continued to scroll through Jake's inbox and came upon his March/April chats with her.
Chat Saved – April 10
LilLamB: Pssst.
Blackitude: Yes, dear?
LilLamB: I'm engaged.
Blackitude: Really? Well that's exciting news. To who?
LilLamB: It's this young, hot stud with long, dark hair and sexy as hell.
Blackitude: Huh, sounds like someone i know. Well, Mrs. Black to be, what did you think?
LilLamB: I must say, you surprising me with a trip to Canada was beyond amazing. I can't believe you proposed on the train. The combination of the beautiful forests, the weather, you, was perfect.
Blackitude: All for you, my sexy. I'd actually been planning for awhile. I just didn't know when to actually spring it on you.
LilLamB: The ring was perfect – beautiful. I will never take this off. Forever, babe.
Blackitude: Forever.
The last threads holding together my heart and sanity were finally severed. The truth was staring me in the face – Jake fell in love with another and proposed. The lies he wove were complex and it was obvious to me that Leah didn't care either way. And I realized I wasn't sad, I was pissed. My heart was pounding and I was trying to keep calm by taking deep breaths. More questions flooded my mind – why hadn't I seen this? How much of our relationship was a lie? Did he ever love me? Now what? Jake said everything he was doing was for us, but he really meant her.
I realized I had been reading for over three hours and needed to get some sleep but was too amped up to even try. What do I do now? I started my own email to Leah. When I was done, I had a whole page explaining exactly who I am, my relationship to Jake and attached some of our pictures. I thought it was a pretty good email to send to her, but being the chicken I am, I saved it instead. I closed the laptop, placed it on my dresser and gathered up all the printouts I made. After stacking them neatly into an envelope I finally decided to go to sleep.
I woke up the next morning to my cell buzzing. Groaning, I reached for the phone but found I was tangled in my sheets. As I tried to free myself, I ended up falling out of bed and landed on the cold, hardwood floor. My cell went with me, nailing me right in the head.
"Stupid phone," I said directly to it. I had two text messages from Alice and Rosalie wondering what happened the night before. I texted them both back to see if they wanted to grab some breakfast.
The girls and I met up at a local sidewalk café around the corner from our place. Alice and Rosalie were seated outside. I walked up to the entrance, carrying my laptop and printed out emails.
"Well, you look like hell," Rosalie blurted out, twisting her finger around a lock of her perfectly styled blonde mane. "Hangover?"
"Ha-ha," I replied, as I smacked her with the envelope. I wore a fitted purple zip up hoodie, a pair of jeans and flip flops. I kept my sunglasses on. "I wish it was that simple."
"Hey, Bella." Alice got up to give me hug. She had pinned up the front of her hair, almost 1940's style, and was wearing slim fitting black jeans, a white tee and long black sweater coat with her ballet flats. I hugged her back.
"You guys look nice," I commented. Rosalie was dressed in a flowy, navy blue peasant dress embroidered with orange stitching, with long bell sleeves, and wore dark tights and brown knee high boots. She had straightened her hair out.
"Thanks, I have a lunch meeting today to sample some makeup lines for an upcoming shoot," Rose stated.
"I don't need an occasion to look nice, thank you," Alice said rather smugly and was almost kidding. "But I do have a study group this afternoon. I am so jealous Jas is done with the semester already. I can't wait to go home and relax and maybe do some Christmas shopping, since I haven't really started."
I had to stop Alice when she started her to-do list. Thankfully she wasn't writing anything down or making a chart or something. She'd probably forget and start a new list later.
"So anyway, girls," I said loudly. But of course the waiter interrupted and we placed our orders. "It's done with. It's completely over. And now I don't know what to do."
"Wait, what's with the cryptic movie dialogue?" Rosalie asked, waving her hands around dramatically. Alice tried not to giggle and Rosalie suddenly lowered her voice. "Hey, did you end up hacking into that asshole's email?"
"You mean his three email addresses?" I answered seriously. I tossed the envelope onto the table and it landed with a thud.
"Oh my God!" The girls exclaimed together. They pulled out the papers and began sifting through it.
"What the hell is this?" Rosalie was reading the chats. "Sexy Libra 69? Really? Wait a second. Bella, these emails go back awhile. Is he living with her? Oh shit. He's not living with Quil, is he? FUCK! His dad has no clue what's going on, does he?"
"Jesus, Rose," I said. "Breathe. You're starting to sound like Alice."
"Hey," Alice interrupted, placing her sunglasses on the table. "I resent that. It might be true, but still. Bel, how'd did you get these?"
I shared exactly how I started with the baby registry which lead to me getting into Jake's email, how I discovered his secret email and his other online profile. The girls' faces froze in pure surprise as I retold my night.
"I can't believe this," Alice finally said, breaking the long pause when I finished. "This sucks so much. This totally explains his behavior last year."
"Check this out," I said, taking the folder back and looking for the Vegas/Visiting L.A. emails.
Rosalie and Alice were shoulder to shoulder reading the emails together and their faces grew from surprised to disgusted in one fluid motion. Rosalie glared at the page and drew her eyebrows together.
"That's why he left suddenly the night after your birthday?" Alice asked.
"I never told you guys this. He picked a fight with me after we all went back to our rooms," I answered. "He left me in the hotel room alone and when I woke up the next morning, he had slept on the floor. He would have rather slept on the floor than be anywhere near me! He caught a cab later, grunting a goodbye and left. I was just too embarrassed to tell you, so I made up that lie that there was an emergency back home."
They nodded, but thankfully didn't say anything. They continued to read and the only sounds audible were curses and gasps.
"So now what?" Rosalie asked, moving the emails off the table as the waiter brought our food.
"Well, first I thought I should email her," I answered, while cutting up the pancakes I ordered. "Which is something I should have done the first time around."
"That's a good start," Alice replied. "What do you think you'll say?"
"Funny you should ask." I fired up the laptop and pulled up the saved email. "Here."
"Fuckin' eh, you wrote a lot," Rosalie exclaimed, moving her cheesy omelet out of the way as I handed her the laptop.
"Rose, read it out loud," Alice chimed in while focusing on her food, which happened to be a ham and cheese patty melt. Only Alice would think to eat lunch at breakfast time.
"Alright," Rosalie cleared her throat and began. "I just want to say, I don't know what the hell is going on, but I need to know what you are doing with my supposed fiancé. I think it's quite disgusting the way Jake is carrying on with this and the likes of you. What possessed you to entrap a twenty-one year old man with a girlfriend of over 5 years?"
"Jacob Black and I began dating our junior year of high school and have been together ever since. He proposed to me two years after we started dating on Christmas Eve. We've known each other since we were children, growing up in Washington. Our fathers are best of friends, or were I should say, after the shit we all saw him pulling. As long as I've known him, Jake loved working on cars and hoped some day to open a body shop of his own. For the last three years, he's been working as an apprentice with the shop on the reservation.
"I thought I knew everything about this man – his deepest secrets, his desires, his passions and his interests. Little did I know, he was completely lying to me for who knows how long. The Jake I know is not the boy in your pictures. I only found out about you when I was on his profile. He claimed you were no one, just some crazy bitch who was stalking him. He was always such an honest person, and I have no idea how everything changed so quickly.
"I've attached some pictures for you.
"So my question to you is how long have you been screwing around? You are a grown ass woman. I'm completely flabbergasted at everything. I don't have anything left to say, except that I loved him and honestly thought we were destined to be together forever. He stole my heart and always made me feel number one.
But he is a goddamn liar. His father has absolutely no idea what Jake's been up to. Have you even met him? Do you even know that you've walked into a life that was already made? That you're interrupting? Who the fuck do you think you are? I don't have anything left to say to you. Except karma's a bitch."
It was painful to hear Rosalie read my email. It was written as the thoughts hit my mind. I had no idea how cruel I sounded, but it didn't matter. I hated her. I hated everything about Jake and her. As far as I knew, she had to have known. Rosalie finished reading and her and Alice's reactions were hard to read.
"Wow, Bella," Rose stated. "I didn't think you had it in you to say what you really think. Most of the time you keep everything bottled in until you explode. I'm proud of you."
"Rose!" Alice retorted. "She can't send this to that woman. We don't know if she knew anything. You can't insult her like that. Seriously, I'm all for sending her an email, but it will just make you look immature and crazy if you're blaming her and calling her names. It's sort of harsh."
"Really?" I was a little shocked at Alice's reaction. "Don't I deserve this? What do I care what she says? I've learned way too much about their relationship. She grosses me out."
"Bella," Alice started. "You know very well that you can't send it like this."
"Al, she can do what she damn well pleases." Rosalie defended me. "That bitch and her boy toy fucked with Bella. She should tell her exactly what she thinks."
"Rose, she can't write things like that." Alice responded to her. "Look, it's not going to solve anything if she straight out calls her names. It needs to be a more informative email, stating who she is, what Jake is to her and leave the insults out."
I knew they were both right.
"You guys, look." I finally spoke. "I probably won't ever send this to her. I don't want to talk to her or anything. I want nothing to do with her. It's stupid. I just wrote exactly what I was thinking and didn't edit myself. I just need to come up with a plan for Jake. You know, since he's still denying the very fact that he's having a child. I don't know."
They both nodded, but didn't offer anything else.
"What do you think of this?" I continued. "You know how Jake agreed we could meet up to talk about things? Well, he's never going to be able to, not with that baby arriving soon. I could still play stupid, see how far he takes his lies and then hit him with the truth. I don't know what I'm going to say without ripping him a new one, but I can do it. He has no idea I know anything except what he's told me and the pictures I found."
"I guess you could do that," Alice said. "But again, what good will that do?"
"Al, why are you so calm about this?" Rosalie said as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and stared expectantly to the left at Alice.
"It's not that I'm so calm about Jake and his lies," she replied, shifting her gaze between the both of us. "For one, obviously, I'm on your side, Bel. Always. What Jake has done is unforgivable. However, I also think Leah has been screwed with too. She's obviously made some poor choices, but I feel pity for her and I don't think name bashing is going to solve anything."
"I so don't agree with you, Al," Rosalie said. "I don't care who this woman is or how she got fucked with. I don't care. Bella's been lied to over and over again by someone we all trusted and cared for. She should feel free to do what she pleases, and that includes handing Jake his balls on a platter."
"I get it. I really do," I finally said, speaking up. "I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I still want to finish reading those emails, if I can still get in."
We changed the subject for a little bit and finished our breakfast. After saying our goodbyes, I walked home, lost in my thoughts. I couldn't figure out why I was so calm about this. In my mind, I thought I should be rocking in the corner or something. Yet I was more intrigued and wanted to keep reading these emails. Everything felt so surreal.
The day was sunny and crisp, and I made a turn away from the house and walked over to the park. There were some kids playing on the swings. I took a seat under a tree. I watched a couple walk their dog and some moms push strollers. It made my stomach flip. The thought of Jake fathering a child still made me dizzy. I decided to text him instead of calling him. I thought if I heard his voice I'd scream.
hi. so i was thinking, want to meet up on the 22nd?
Sent 12/10 11:55 a.m.
I waited, pulled out my laptop and tried to log into his email again. I got in using the same password I created last night. I was actually surprised it worked. I noticed he had new emails from today that were marked read. I thought that was odd. I suddenly realized he'd changed the password to what I had changed it to. I continued reading some emails I hadn't gotten to the night before. There was nothing earth shattering or different from his previous ones to Crazy.
The most interesting ones I read were the resume submissions to local markets in our hometown for employment, which I thought was odd since he said he was living in Portland. They all said the same thing-- that his former employment was with a different market chain. Why was Jake looking for work at a market? What happened to his mechanic career he was dying to be a part of? I continued to read and my question was answered. Apparently, he was working for that shop on the reservation, but was fired for coming to work high. The email was dated over six months ago. I just shook my head. I didn't know this man as well as I thought I did. My phone beeped.
Hi back! That date sounds good. We can meet in Port Angeles.
Sent 12/10 12:10 p.m.
I couldn't believe he agreed. I texted him back.
sounds good. i'll be driving in from seattle that day, so we can meet in the late afternoon.
Sent 12/10 12:11 p.m.
Ok.
Sent 12/10 12:11 p.m.
That was the extent of our communication, so I just went back to those emails. I stumbled upon his home address and phone number. He was not living with Quil. I googled his address and saw it was not far from our old high school. It was a small little house. My head was spinning from my latest discovery. It was all too real. I pulled out the envelope and jotted down this information.
When I looked at my phone, an hour had passed and I needed to go study. My finals were next week, luckily I only had three exams, but I still had two papers to finish. I got up, brushed off my jeans and headed home to study.
The week passed quickly and I finished up my finals. I couldn't get myself to concentrate enough to finish editing my last paper, so I logged into Jake's e-mails instead. There wasn't anything new I could read. I decided to go over my email to Crazy, for the third time. It was probably never going to be sent. I took Alice's advice and took out the nasty comments and kept it informational. It was longer and had more examples.
The night before Alice's last final, she and I were sitting in the living room watching TV, while I quizzed her with flash cards.
"Thank God, I'm done," I blurted out, smirking at her. Alice just rolled her eyes at me.
"Thanks, kid," she responded. "Next card, please."
I was about to read the next card when my phone beeped.
I can't meet up that week, I have to work. Ttyl.
Sent 12/16 10:45 p.m.
"What the hell!" I yelled. "I knew it!"
I looked at Alice and started laughing. I handed her the phone. Her eyes went wide as she read the text. I got up and brought the laptop out. I called him back, leaving a voicemail to call me back immediately. I logged into my email and sent it off to his other email.
Subject:
Date: 12/16
To: Jake
From: Bella
Jake –
I just want you to know that I know everything about your other life with your Leah, your baby, everything. You've lied to me long enough. Everything you've ever said to me has been a complete lie. I gave you five years of my life and for what? For you to fuck me over so you could play house? Not anymore. You should have 'fessed up the first time when I asked you what was going on.
Bella
I sent it to him without a second thought. I tried to go back to helping Alice study, but she stopped me and we just stared at each other in our pajamas. Time passed and my cell rang. I panicked a little.
"Hello?" I said into the phone.
"Hey, what's going on?" His husky voice asked in a very normal tone.
"What do you mean what's going on, Jake?" I hissed into the phone. "So you have to work, huh?"
"Oh, yeah, I'm actually pulling a second shift and then I have to go into the shop and finish a job I started on a car," He smoothly replied.
I was so annoyed at this point.
"So are you ready for the baby?" I suddenly asked, remembering how I asked him a couple of months ago.
"Oh stop, Bella. There's no baby," he said. I rolled my eyes and huffed into the phone.
"I call bullshit," I said louder. "Isn't little Matthias due on the nineteenth? Is your fiancée ready?"
"No. What? Bel?" Jake sounded a little taken aback. "What are you talking about?"
"I know you're really not living with Quil," I continued. "I know everything, you stupid fuck. I know more about what you've been doing that I would have liked."
"No, what –," but I cut him off.
"So you don't live on 555 E Street?" I blurted out matter of factly. I was met with silence.
"How did you know that?" Jake asked quietly after a long pause.
"Don't fucking worry about how I know that," I said angrily. "Get it through your head! Your lying stops now."
There was another pause.
"I have to call you back." With that Jake hung up the phone.
There was a knock on my door and Alice walked in. She sat on my bed and I relayed what happened.
"Wow," she said.
"Oh my God, Alice," I said. I had just checked my emails and Jake responded back to the email I sent. Except it wasn't from him, it was from Crazy.
"She wrote back," I told Alice. "It says, 'I don't know who you are, but I'm Jake's fiancé and I would like to know if he's been playing you a fool? I just need to know what's going on. He says you're lying but I'm about to deliver and I need to know what's going on. So if you could write me back, that'd be great. Leah.'"
"Oh, shit," Alice said when I finished. "What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to send her that email I originally wrote to her," I answered, shaking a little as I sent off that long email. "I reworked it and took out the insults."
"Good. Jeez, Bel," Alice said getting up. "I need to go finish studying, but I'm right out here if you need me."
"Thanks, Al," I shut the door when she left and waited.
After what seemed like forever, my cell finally rang. I was met with a sobbing Jake. I didn't know how to react to that.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Hey," Jake responded, sniffling.
"What's going on now?" I was genuinely curious.
"I'm not going to ever see my kid," he cried into phone. "She kicked me out."
"What?" I said. I didn't know what to think. He never wanted to admit it was true and now he was crying to me about her. He was actually sobbing into the phone. My heart sank into my chest.
"Do you love her?" I asked quietly.
"Yes," he wailed into the phone. "I'm a bad person. I'm going to hell."
I was speechless. He loved her. This had absolutely nothing to do with me. He didn't love me. I bet he never did.
"Oh, shut up," I said into phone. "Nothing's going to happen and you know it! Stop being a fucking martyr, you brought this on yourself. You and your goddamn lies. It didn't have to be like this."
"I have to go," his voice was shaky. "I'm sitting in my car."
He hung up on me again. I check my email again and Crazy wanted to talk to me. She asked for my number. I sent her the landline number. The phone rang almost immediately.
"Hello?" I said hesitantly.
"Hi, um, Bella?" a very unfamiliar, small voice asked.
"Yeah," I replied.
"What's going on?" She asked. "Please tell me. I just don't understand."
"Everything I sent you is one hundred percent true," I told her.
"Jake said you only dated a couple of months and that was years ago," she said. I wanted to reach into phone and strangle Jake.
"That is a bold face lie," I retorted, snorting in the process. "We've been together for so long. I've given him presents, like his personalized jersey, and we've gone on trips, like last year to Vegas for my birthday."
"What?!" Leah yelled away from the phone. "You were in Vegas with her last year?"
"No," I could hear Jake quietly deny the trip.
"He said he got that jersey from his cousin," she said to me.
"He certainly did not," I replied. "That number is our anniversary. He proposed to me that year. Is he not working in the body shop?"
"No," she answered. "He's looking for a job right now."
I wanted to ask her how they met and how long they have actually been together, but the words didn't come out. She continued to interrogate me and every time I told her something about us she would turn her voice to him and he would deny me over and over again.
"How many times has Jake moved?" She asked.
"Never," I replied honestly.
"Where are you living?" Leah's questions become more urgent.
"I'm in L.A.," I said calmly. "I've lived here for the past three and a half years."
"Oh my God," she turned her voice towards Jake. "You brought me to California and knew where to go because of her, didn't you?"
Again, he denied my very existence.
"Our dads are best friends, and since I moved back to Forks, we had been inseparable for a year and a half until I moved to California. I thought I was going to marry him. I loved him. I even gave him a ring to wear for his birthday. It's just a simple white gold band."
"What!?" Again, she questioned him. "Is that the ring you said was your grandfather's for Matthias?"
"No," his dead voice answered. There was no life left in it.
"Thanks for talking to me," she said to me. "Is it okay to contact you if I need to?"
"Yeah, sure." I said goodbye and hung up the phone.
I had no idea what to make of this conversation. I wished I thought better on my feet when cornered in a situation like that. I wanted to keep asking her things, but I couldn't form the words. I wanted desperately to erase everything. I can't believe it had been almost four fucking months since the first time I found evidence of Jake's betrayal.
When I woke up in the morning, I almost forgot the strange conversations from the night before. I looked at the clock, it was around nine in the morning. When I sat up, I remembered hanging up with Leah, I mean Crazy. I checked my emails and there was one from her email.
Subject: Jake
Date: 12/16
To: Bella
From: Leah
Hi. I received an email from Jake's dad this morning and he denied everything you said last night. He said you never have been to their house and you didn't date Jake that long. He says he doesn't even know your dad. I don't know what else to tell you but I don't know if you're lying to me. Jake's dad has no reason to lie. Please do not contact Jake again. There is enough stress going on with the baby and we don't need any unnecessary drama.
Leah
I was pissed when I read that. I didn't believe for a second that Billy emailed her. My dad and his dad did not do the email thing, let alone use computers for things other than work. I didn't even know how to answer this. I couldn't keep fighting from afar. I was done defending myself. It's one thing to talk about me, call me names, tease me, but do not call me a liar.
I walked out of my room to get Alice, but remembered she had finals all day. I had to go home. Today. Our flight didn't leave until Saturday. That was almost four days from now. I needed to confront Jake and Crazy in person. I found my courage. It was time. I had been patient enough. I went back to my room and pulled out a suitcase. I packed what I could and pushed the Florida trip to the back of my mind. I could figure out my clothes situation later.
I pulled out the Jake and Bella box. I found a lid and duct taped it shut. I'd probably have to check it in. The box was bulging and photographs were sticking out. I picked up the box and could hear the frames rattling inside. I grabbed the folder of emails and my laptop. I placed everything in the living room. I took a quick shower and got dressed, wearing my jeans and a white long sleeved t-shirt. I grabbed my red fitted zip up hoodie and my down jacket. I dried my hair a bit and braided it into two pigtails.
I walked out to my car and completely forgot my truck didn't run. I didn't know what to do. I quickly walked back to the apartment. I paced the living room, calculating how much an airport shuttle van would cost. I thought of my friends, staring at the new photos Alice hung, but knew they all were busy with work and finals. I landed on Edward's face and thought he might be the only with a flexible schedule. I realized I didn't have his cell. I looked on the fridge where Alice had everyone's cells posted and luckily his was there. I called him, but before he answered, I heard a lot of muffled noise.
"Shit. Sorry, um, hello?" Edward's voice was very hoarse and filled with sleep. I paused. "Hello?"
"Uh, Edward. Hi," I stated like an idiot. I'd talked to him before. Hell, we'd had that argument before. "It's Bella."
"Bella," he cleared his throat. I could hear him shifting in bed. "Is everything okay?"
I was trying to control my rage and tears at the same time, realizing I was going to confront Jake in a few short hours.
"I know this is a lot to ask," I said very calm and even. "But can you give me a ride to airport?"
"Sure, it's not a problem," he answered calmly. "We're not leaving for a couple days, I thought Alice wanted to ride together anyway."
"No, I mean right now," I said with more urgency. "I need a ride this morning. Please? My truck's dead and I can't pay for a cab to take me to LAX. I need to get there now and I don't even know if I can even get a ticket."
"Whoa, Bella," he was alert now. "Slow down, what's the matter? Are you okay?"
"Edward," I started, my voice shaking and my throat tightened. "Please don't ask me questions. Not right now. Can you drive me or not? Please?"
"Okay, I'll be there in fifteen," he relented. "Bye."
"Thanks. Bye." I hung up my phone. I wrote Alice a note explaining most of it and that Edward was driving me.
I walked outside to wait for him. My fists clenched as I stood on the sidewalk next to my suitcase and bulging cardboard box, as I thought of Crazy's words. I heard Edward's truck before I saw it. It raced down my street and skidded to a stop.
He jumped out and sort of stared at me which made me feel very self conscience, especially when I realized that I didn't put any makeup on and hadn't slept a full night in almost two weeks. He was in black track pants and a black hooded sweatshirt. He wore a pair of black rimmed glasses and a beanie with pieces of his bronze colored hair peeking through. His jaw was scruffy and it looked like he hadn't shaved in a couple of days. He helped me place my things in the backseat. I got into the front seat and began fidgeting with one of my pigtails. As I stared out the window, I began to suck on my bottom lip.
"Bella, what's going on?" Edward asked. I could feel his green eyes focusing on me.
"I'm sorry for waking you," completely ignoring his question. "Do you think there will be a flight I can get on?
Edward entered the freeway and traffic was pretty light. I stopped talking and didn't look at him.
"Bella, please," he continued to prod with me.
He sighed suddenly pulled over on the shoulder of the freeway. I finally turned my face to him, my eyes wide with surprise. Edward shut the truck off and lowered the radio.
"What the fuck is going on?" He turned his body towards me and grabbed my left hand. "Please tell me."
He was calm this time. Not like the time we went to the bank and he sort of yelled at me. I looked at our hands and actually felt comforted.
"Why didn't I meet you first?" I whispered so low that I hoped he didn't catch it. My tears finally surfaced. After months of sort of crying, they flowed freely. I realized that I didn't care if he saw me completely raw and bare. He awkwardly pulled me into his arms, since the center console was between us. I continued to cry into his chest.
After a few minutes, I finally took a deep breath. I was instantly enveloped in Edward's scent. It was a slightly musky cologne mixed with just him. I calmed down just enough to speak.
"I'm going to kill Jake with my bare hands," I turned my head, still leaning into him. "So, I just need you to get me to the airport."
He let me go, nodded and started the car again. By the time we reached the airport, the tension was still ever present, but I retreated into myself and didn't speak. When Edward stopped at the curb, I jumped out and opened the back door to grab my suitcase. When I went to pull the box out, I hit the corner of the door and some pictures escaped falling in the gutter. I almost dropped it, trying to pick them up, but I felt defeated and thought, what's the use? I left them there in the water and trash filled gutter. I yelled a hasty thanks to Edward and started to roll everything to the sliding doors.
"Bella, wait!" I turned and saw Edward running around the front of the truck to me. "Just wait a couple of days. We'll all be going home together. Alice, Jasper and I can help you. We can come up with something, whatever the problem is. Please wait?"
I was so close to giving in to his request, but I was so angry and hurt. I needed to confront Jake now or I'd lose my nerve. I turned to fully face him.
"Edward, you don't understand," I calmly said. I couldn't meet his gaze. "No one understands. My soulmate, my fiancé fucked me over. He used me. The one person I trusted most with my heart betrayed everything I ever knew about love. He just broke me and I feel it. I got sucker punched and when I turned to fight back, nothing was there. I was going to marry him. My ring is in this box, Edward! My life is in this stupid box!
"You haven't seen my room, but it's just a room now. There aren't any pictures hanging up because Jake's in all of them. He's having a baby and living with her! She's almost forty years old! He's been getting away with this for who knows how long! Now she's calling me a goddamn liar! I'm taking these emails I found and shoving them down their throats! All my pain lies where my heart used to be. It's a gaping empty hole. Jake's been rewarded for his god-awful behavior."
When I finally looked up at Edward, his green eyes were filled with worry. I'd never spoken most of this out loud before. Instead of freeing me it weighed me down. I felt heavy with emotion and so defeated. Edward took a step closer to me and enveloped me in his arms. I held on to him so tight. We were interrupted by airport security yelling at him to move the truck. Edward hesitated and looked like he wanted to say something, but security wasn't letting him.
"Bella, I'm sorry," he said. "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"
I shook my head no and was about to say something when security finally walked over to us. I hugged Edward goodbye again and left him to deal with them. I walked quickly without looking back and entered the check-in area and found the airline we were going to be taking. I managed to find a flight that was leaving in forty five minutes. After checking in everything, I ran to the security lines and barely made it to the plane in time to board.
As I settled in my seat, I looked through my bag for the manila envelope that contained the emails. I panicked a little when I couldn't find it. I figured it must be in the box or luggage. As the plane took off, confusion and anxiety set in because I didn't know what I was going to do when I landed in Washington. For almost three hours, I sat fidgeting in my seat. I tried to focus on anything but my thoughts.
When the plane finally landed in Seattle, it was raining. Big surprise, I thought. I made my way through baggage claim to retrieve my belongings. I didn't even bother to turn my phone back on. Some minutes later, my luggage rolled around the windy conveyer belt and I grabbed the suitcase first. When I pulled the box up I heard the tinkling of glass. I sighed, but forced myself to not care that my frames broke. I ripped open the top, very messily I might add, and the envelope wasn't there. I unzipped the suitcase, right in the terminal, and dug through my clothes and nothing. Shit, I thought. It might be in Edward's truck. I prayed that he wouldn't read them. Groaning to myself, I re-packed my suitcase and walked over to the car rental office and picked out a Jeep.
After packing up the car, I hooked up my mp3 player and began the long ride to Forks. I blasted the angriest rock music I had. I began giving myself pep talks. I drove the fastest I could in the pouring rain. I knew I had to muster up the strength to confront Jake and Crazy. I just hoped it was enough.