I recommend listening to: "Helena" by The misfits

For my second year at school Simone was gone, not only from my life but from school too, she was offered a scholarship somewhere, I really didn't want to know. At the end of first year we weren't that close. I was really hurt.

The girls seemed to be more interested in me, particularly first graders. I thought it was a bit pedobearish to bang them, but I still did it. They made some noise on the silence Simone left.

Between all of them there was Jenna.

I met Jenna a week before classes officially were started, when I was on the garden, just observing everyone else and resting under a tree's shadow. She sat next to me and said:

"Please act normally"

She stank to alcohol and tear stains were on her cheeks. I didn't understood

"What's happening? What's wrong?"

"I just don't want to be here and if my brother founds out I'm drunk he's gonna get pissed"

"So let's go hide somewhere"

I knew her brother. He was a guy everyone was afraid of, he was huge, intimidating and a bit psycho. He and his friends were real douches and enjoyed causing harm.

As I said it, I took her to the main building's rooftop, just as Simone had done with me, but this time it wasn't subtle or romantic. I fucked her right there. Jenna captured my interest because of one important reason; She looked like a younger Simone with a more average beauty.

She had wavy auburn hair, pale skin she didn't have freckles and had the same plumpy lips but redder. The eyes were blue too but a darker one and without brown. She had amazingly long lashes that made her eye look even bigger. She was really pretty and everyone noticed it. All guys wanted her. Some of them really badly. Her brother didn't like me. He was on my year and knew about my reputation. His eyes gave me the meanest looks.

When we got to the rooftop she asked:

"You look sad too. Are you ok?"

"Its nothing. I'm always like this" I lied. "Some people feel sad, on the other hand I AM sad"

We talked a little more, she fell for me on that very moment. I had my doubts about her. For me, she was dumber than Simone but a bit smarter than the rest of the girls. She wasn't that special.

She turned down guys because of me. I still slept with every other girl who asked for it. We were in a relationship but not really, she was mine and I was more hers than I was for the other girls. She knew it and it hurt her deeply. She wanted me as her knight in shining armor. I only liked her because she reminded me of Simone.

She was interesting and funny but she always was automatically compared to Simone in my mind, even if I didn't want to. She was under a shadow.

She said she loved me. She said she loved me because of my eternal sadness and melancholy. My nihilism made her go crazy. That was another reason why I didn't liked her. She was immature and didn't know what love meant. I didn't want her to love me.

When it came to sex, when we first did it, she was a virgin but she learnt quickly. At first it was really enjoyable, but as time passed she started to develop weird tendencies. She was into sadomasochism without even knowing it. She would bit me until I bled. She dug her nails on my back so hard my skin was on a perpetual state of bright pink. She choked me. She liked I bit her lips until they were literally purple. She liked me biting when I did oral. She liked all kind of perverted things that I found quite worrying. One day she asked me to hit her. That was it. I didn't want to be involved on her sick practice. I told her I didn't want to see her again. She started crying. Tears were falling on her naked body, she said she needed me. I responded by walking away. She got closer, still crying she took my hand and started slapping her face. I wasn't pleased with the idea but I didn't stop her. I stood there, still, watching her face get redder and redder. She looked into my eyes and smiled, it sickend me.

After that night I ignored her.

A month after she took some pills, trying to kill herself. She went to the hospital and then she got into a psychiatric one. Her doctor called telling me she wanted to see me. I didn't visit her. She was crazy bitch and I didn't want to be involved with her.

Some days after that call, her brother came to talk to me. He was really mean. He said I spoiled her sister just as I spoiled every girl I touched. That I was dickhead. That her sister was a very sensitive girl that needed someone who cared about her, not a sex addict that was to idiotic to realize when a girl truly loved him and other insults that went the same way. I didn't try to correct him because he wasn't wrong, I was all that and more.

After screaming at me for several minutes, he started to punch me. He punched me on the stomach taking my breath away. I was on my knees and then the crazy happened; He got on his knees too, took my face in his huge troll hands and whispered into my ear with his nasty breath and his annoying voice " You don't know how much I've been waiting for this" and then he kissed me. Rough and violent. My lips hurt but I was too tired to pull away. My body hurt and I had a hard time keeping my head up. His hands were wandering around my body and I couldn't stop him, I couldn't move or speak. I was about to cry. By work of magic he stopped. He pulled away from my face and punched me again, repeatedly. Finally he said "you can say I hit you but if you tell anyone anything else, you are a deadman Howell" and then he left my room. I stood there in pain until somebody realized I was missing. They took me to the hospital immediately. I had lost an unbelievable amount of blood and the punches on my stomach looked worrying. I stayed there for two Weeks and I never told anyone who was the responsible of my wounds.

Jenna's parents took away their kids. Nobody at school knew anything about them anymore. Mr. and Mrs. Chenski are two persons I would never like to meet. Because they probably think I ruined their children but mostly because I don't know what they did to raise such messed up individuals.

The worst thing about all that thing that happened is that I actually deserved it. It made me think that I should change my ways, get a girlfriend, be stable, be honest. Love completely.