Disclaimers: 'Castle' is the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC Studios Productions. No copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: Castle and Kate talk to Dr. Burke.

A/N #1: Sorry that I've taken so long to update. My real life hasn't been particularly pleasant lately.

Chapter 7: Breakthroughs

February

"So, you've said that you feel guilty. What have you done to feel guilty about?" Dr. Carver Burke asked his patient on a cold February afternoon.

"When I first started shadowing Kate, she told me that her mother's murder consumed her for a long time until she knew that it was going to destroy her if she didn't let it go. I didn't listen to her. I kept digging and now here we are."

"But, in the end, the bad guy went away. I saw on the news that the former Senator will likely spend the rest of his life in a maximum security prison. You helped her to get justice."

"But, at what cost? She and our son almost died. Not just once but several times. She almost bled to death after his birth."

"How is that your fault? Or do you think that it is?" Burke asked gently.

"What? You think that I blame Kate?"

"Don't you?"

Kate and Castle had been coming to her former psychologist for a month now. At first, he'd hated it. Humor had always been his way of dealing with his emotions in the past. But, he learned that Dr. Burke didn't deal in humor. He dealt in digging the truth out of you. They'd discussed his past in great detail, only just beginning to talk about his relationship with Kate. "She's driven and obsessive. It makes her a great detective," Castle sat leaning forward with his fingers tented on his knees.

"Do you think that the timing of the pregnancy was bad?"

"Well, it wasn't ideal," Castle admitted. "But, we were both happy. We'd been trying to have another baby for over two years. I guess neither of us thought that the stress would affect her and the baby like it did."

"Because her pregnancy with your daughter was near perfect?"

"Yeah."

"Are you angry because she didn't heed your advice after the first time she went into pre-term labor?"

"Not just because she didn't listen to me, she also ignored her doctor. When she went to the sentencing, her doctor actually came to the house."

"She was angry."

"You could say that. She jumped all over both of our asses. I haven't been chewed out like that since I was in school."

"Let's talk about the children," Dr. Burke looked at his patient. "Do you have concerns about Ariel's imaginary playmate?"

"Other than the fact she's named for Kate's mother, no, I can't think of any," Castle said sarcastically.

"Children react to stress in different ways. Let me tell you that your daughter's is actually quite healthy. Her playmate is someone that she can tell things to that she wouldn't feel comfortable coming to you or Kate about. Kate's mentioned her concerns about Ariel knowing things that she couldn't possibly know about her mother. But I think that Ariel has probably heard all of these things somewhere before. Maybe listening to conversations when she shouldn't be. In any case, please don't worry. The playmate will probably disappear when she feels safer. When there's no more tension between her parents. How do you feel about your son?"

"I love my son. Why do you ask?"

"You don't spend more time with Ariel than you do with Jackson?"

"Well yeah, but Kate's a nursing mother and we had a baby nurse for three weeks while Kate recuperated. So, of course Kate's going to be the more hands on parent, at least for right now."

Had Kate actually told Dr. Burke that he wasn't spending time with Jack? That was ridiculous, wasn't it? "Does Kate feel that I'm not spending enough time with Jack?"

"You know that I can't disclose anything that Kate and I have talked about," Dr. Burke reminded Rick.

"In other words, yes."

"Let's change the subject a little, okay? How old was Alexis when you divorced her mother?"

"Almost four."

"Were you surprised when your ex-wife decided to let you have custody?"

"No, not really. It was something that we talked about and we both agreed that living with me would provide Alexis with a much more stable environment. I'd already been taking care of her almost exclusively for most of her life, so it didn't change things that much."

"When Kate gave birth to your daughter, was it difficult for you to share responsibility for her care?"

"At first. I had to learn to relax. Where are you going with all of this?"

"That's up to you to figure out. Anyway, our time is up for today. I'll see you on Friday."

Castle's cell rang as he was coming down in the elevator. He smiled at the picture that came up. It had been taken at Rockefeller Center when they'd gone to see the Christmas tree. Kate had been hugely pregnant with Jack, but he couldn't resist snapping a picture of her and Ariel in front of the tree, both of them pink-cheeked from the cold. "Hey," he answered his cell.

"Hi. I'm leaving Dr. Caldwell's office and was wondering if you wanted to meet up," Kate's voice came over the line.

"What did she say?"

"Castle, let's meet at the Starbucks near the loft."

"Okay, I'll meet you there in 20 minutes."

He walked out of the office building and into the waiting Town Car, giving his driver instructions to go to his usual Starbucks. He couldn't help worrying about Kate. She'd developed an infection a week after coming home from the hospital. Her incision site had become red and inflamed, while she'd run a fever of 102, which prevented her from nursing Jack for several days until the fever went away. Dr. Caldwell had told her that it was because she was trying to do too much, too soon.

"Your husband has hired you a baby nurse. Take advantage of it, Kate," the doctor had told her. "You had major surgery with complications. You need to rest and get your strength back or you're going to end up right back in the hospital."

Kate had complained that she didn't like the baby nurse. On more than one occasion, she'd accused the woman of keeping Ariel and Jack from her, which Castle knew wasn't true. In turn, the nurse had complained that Kate wouldn't let her do her job. It had gone back and forth for the entire time the woman had been in their home, which had been just over three weeks. Now it was just the four of them figuring it out, with occasional help from Martha and Alexis.

The car stopped outside of the Starbucks and Castle walked inside. He smiled when he spotted Kate with their coffees. "Hi," he kissed her before sitting down and taking his coffee from her. "Are you drinking tea?"

"No," she shook her head. One of the things that were hurting her right now was because she'd gotten sick and Jack had had to go on the bottle, now it was difficult to get him to nurse.

"Kate, please don't give up. I know that you're frustrated—"

"Yes, I'm frustrated," she ran her hands through her hair. "I almost killed our son, my body is betraying me, you hate me—"

"Hey, stop," he reached for her hand. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. We're going to figure this out. Now, what did the doctor say?"

"The incision still hasn't healed in a couple of places, but I could've told her that. She told me to keep trying with Jack. It's just so hard to listen to him screaming because he's hungry, Castle. And then if I do get him to start nursing, I get interrupted by Ari wanting something or some other distraction. It's maddening."

"I'll tell you what," he began to suggest as she looked at him. "Lock yourself away when you go upstairs to nurse him. Put on some soothing music and lock the world away."

"But Ari—"

"Will have to learn to come to me during those times. Kate, neither of us has to do this alone, remember? So, do you want me to dump that and get you some tea?" He looked at her cup as she handed it to him. "I'll be right back."

By the time they entered the loft almost an hour later, Kate's spirits were a little better. Or they were until Ari flew into her arms in tears. "What's the matter?" Kate lifted her into her arms, ignoring the tugging of her scar.

"My finger," Ari wailed, holding up her tiny index finger. Kate could see that the nail was already black and blue.

"How did that happen?" Kate glanced over at Martha.

"She got into a fight with her toy box and lost," Martha explained.

"It hurts!"

"I'm sure that it does," Kate walked over to the recliner and sat down with Ari in her lap. "Did grams kiss it and make it better?"

"It doesn't work!" Ari cuddled into Kate's breast and continued to cry.

"I'll call grandpa and get him to fix that mean old toy box so that the lid doesn't fall on you again," Kate took the tiny finger and covered it with kisses while Ari continued cuddling. "When did Jack eat last?" Kate looked at Martha.

"Almost two hours ago. Ariel and I gave him his bottle."

"You're such a big help," Kate smoothed the little girl's long hair.

"Can I play games on daddy's computer?" Ari sat up and looked at her father.

"And my popularity just dropped," Kate teased.

"Come on, let's go play games," Castle walked over and hoisted Ariel from her mother's lap, before taking her into his office.

"You look tired," Martha observed. "Is Jack still keeping you awake at night?"

"I keep worrying and thinking. I think I'm going to go and check on the baby."

Martha watched Kate struggle out of the recliner and go upstairs to the baby's bedroom. After a few minutes, she got up and went up the stairs herself. She stood in the doorway watching Kate standing by the crib staring at her five-week-old son. "I can't get over how much he looks like Richard," the older woman said, coming in to stand next to Kate.

"I know," Kate smiled. "I just wish that I felt well enough to enjoy him as much as I enjoyed Ari. Instead, I just feel exhausted all of the time."

"You had major surgery. It takes time to get your strength back."

"I know. It took me almost a year to completely bounce back after I got shot."

"So you see? Stop pushing so hard and just enjoy this beautiful baby that you and Richard created," Martha smiled at her just as Jack started to stir. "I think someone's trying to wake up."

"I guess I'd better get ready before he wakes up and starts howling," Kate told her mother-in-law.

"I think I'll go see what Richard and my granddaughter are up to."

After Martha left, Kate thought about what Rick had told her earlier about having peace and quiet in order to nurse. She walked over and closed the door. She then went and got a clean diaper and baby wipes. She'd gathered everything just as Jack woke up and started to fuss. "Hey, little man," Kate scooped him up and took him over to the changing table. She got him changed without too much fuss before taking him over to the rocking chair and settling into it. "Gram said that you just had a bottle about two hours ago, so you can't possibly be hungry."

Jack stared at her with eyes that were slowly turning into Castle's deep shade of blue. When she'd brought him home, she and Martha had poured over old photo albums, marveling at the perfect clone that she'd created of her husband. Everybody commented on it. Kate wondered if maybe he was ready to eat, because her boobs were killing her. She hummed softly to him just as she'd done with Ari as an infant. When she sensed that he was relaxed, she lowered her shirt and the flap on her nursing bra. After a few tentative moments of uncertainty, she felt him latch on and begin to actually nurse for the first time in what felt like weeks. She kept up her humming as he finished with one breast and she switched him to the other side. Unlike Ari, who'd nursed with a focused determination no matter what was going on around her, she couldn't have interruptions when she was nursing Jack. If he was interrupted, he'd refuse to latch back on, which led to him screaming because he was hungry. In turn, both mother and baby ended up stressed out and often in tears.

Downstairs in his office, Castle was sitting in his office chair in front of his laptop with Ariel in his lap. "So, what starts with the letter 'A?'" He asked her.

"Ants," she moved the mouse and clicked on it.

"Very good."

"Apples," she clicked again.

"Terrific," he kissed her cheek.

"Ariel," she looked at her father, who grinned proudly.

"We should just send you to college now."

"Daddy, is my finger going to fall off?" She held the injured digit up for him to inspect.

"No, but your fingernail might," he took her tiny finger and put a soft kiss to it.

"Where's mommy?"

"I think she's upstairs feeding Jack. I need you to listen to me. From now on, when mommy's upstairs with Jack, you need to stay down here with me. Jack doesn't eat if there are a lot of people around."

"That's okay. We can just give him a bottle," Ariel declared stubbornly.

"But mommy likes to feed him the way that she fed you when you were a baby. It makes her feel special, and we want mommy to feel special, don't we?"

Kate had stopped just outside of the office door to listen to Castle talking to Ari. She loved listening to the conversations the two of them would have. "I have the prettiest mommy in the whole world, don't I?" She heard Ari ask.

"Yes, you do."

"What are you two doing?" She walked into the office.

"Finding 'A' words. Mommy, Ariel starts with 'A,'" Ari ran up to her mother.

"Yes, it does. Why don't you go see what grams is doing?" Kate suggested as Ari skipped out of the room. "I got him to nurse, Castle. No distractions. He didn't let go once."

"That's great," he got up and walked over, embracing her tightly. "I was thinking that I could get reservations at Drago for Valentine's Day."

"You're going to get reservations this late?" She smiled at him.

"I'm charming, remember?" He grinned at her.

"You know, Madison Queller owes me a favor. Why don't you call Q3 and see if you can get us in there?"

"What favor does Maddie owe you?"

"Uh-uh," she shook her head. "I'm not telling you."

"That's okay. I'll just ask her," he kissed her.

"You can try, but she won't tell you, either."

***CCC***

Kate rolled over and reached out for Castle, only to find his side of the bed empty and cold. He'd been up for some time. Rolling back over, she reached for her cell to look at the time. Her heart began to thud frantically in her chest when she saw that it was almost four in the morning. Was Jack all right? Why hadn't she heard him cry to be fed? That was when she saw that the receiving end of the baby monitor was missing from her side of the bed.

She threw the blankets back and got out of bed, wincing at the ever present soreness in her abdomen and breasts. She walked through the office and stopped in the doorway, smiling at the sight that met her still bleary eyes.

Castle was in the recliner, his huge arms engulfing their small son. The look on his face while he gave Jack his bottle erased any doubts that Kate had regarding his relationship with their son. He looked up and his eyes met Kate's. She motioned that she was going to go back to bed while he nodded. They'd both learned that Jack had to have absolute quiet while he ate.

She was lying on her side when she heard Castle's soft footsteps beside the bed. She smiled when he got into bed with Jack, who was now full and sleepy. "I thought you might want to have him for a while," he handed the baby over to her.

"I freaked for a second," she admitted, settling Jack under her chin, feeling him snuggle much as Ari had when she was a baby. "When I saw the time, I thought that something was wrong."

"Oh Kate, I'm sorry. You've just been so tired. I wanted you to get some sleep. Besides, I always used to get my best ideas when I gave Ariel a bottle in the wee hours."

"I like that you want to be involved. I hope that Jack grows up to be the kind of man that you are," she smiled tenderly at him.

"You made me want to be that man. So, I can't take all of the credit. I don't want you to think for one second that I don't love our son."

"Rick—"

"No, it's okay. Things were just so crazy after he was born and for the months before. I guess a part of me thought that if I detached myself, I couldn't get hurt if things didn't go okay."

"When are you going to tell me how bad it was?"

"As soon as I can work through the realities of that night. Give me a few more sessions with Burke, okay?"

"Is he helping?" She breathed in the warm scent of Jack, who was now fast asleep on her shoulder.

"Yeah, he's actually helping quite a bit. I can understand why you like him so much. If we have to send my mother and our kids to him, he'll have seen the whole family," he teased.

"Alexis was telling me that's why she changed her major. She wants to help people like he helped her after Paris."

"He sure knows a lot about me. I wonder why that is," he smiled at her.

"I might've mentioned you a time or two," she handed Jack out to him. "If you'd put him back in his crib, we can go back to sleep for a little while longer."

***CCC***

"Richard Castle!" Madison Queller exclaimed when Castle walked into her restaurant, Q3, the next afternoon. "You have to show me pictures of those Castle babies! How is Kate? I haven't talked to her in ages!"

"Kate's great," Castle beamed. "She's still recuperating from Jack's birth, but she's why I'm here. I need to get a reservation for Valentine's Day. She said that you might owe her a favor or two. What favors do you owe her?"

"Pictures first, Castle," Maddie looked at him.

Rick took out his phone and showed the proprietor several photos of Ariel and Jack. "Okay, tell me about the favors, Maddie."

"Well, they aren't favors exactly. Do you remember when she took me in for questioning that night?"

"Oh, is this about your comment about Kate wanting to make little Castle babies?" He teased.

"Oh, I forgot that you heard about that," Maddie bit her lower lip.

"It's not exactly a favor when I already know about the conversation. So, can I get a reservation or not?"

"Yeah, but the earliest I can get you in is 8:30. Is that okay?"

"That's fine. Can you do me a favor? Like I said, she's still recuperating and the last few months have been rough on both of us. Can you make this as special as you can?"

"I think between the two of us, we can cook up something that will blow her mind," Maddie smiled. "In all sincerity, I'm glad that she finally got the man who had her mother killed. I didn't see much of her after her mom's funeral, but she was just so different from the girl that I knew in high school."

"Yeah, I met her when she was still in a dark place. That place has gotten a lot brighter. Anyway Maddie, I will text you with details on what I've got planned. Thank you so much."

"Anytime, Castle. Go home and make more Castle babies," she teased.

***CCC***

"Well, your mood seems a little brighter today," Dr. Burke noticed as he watched his patient, who was standing at the window, watching raindrops splattering against the glass.

"I woke up earlier this morning and saw that Castle had gotten up. But, I slept through Jack's two o'clock feeding. I thought something awful had happened to him. But when I got up—"

"You saw that Castle had him?" The doctor guessed.

"After he fed him, he brought him into bed with us and we talked, for the first time in what felt like months. It reminded me of how things were before I got pregnant with Jack. Before Bracken's trial consumed me."

"Kate, you do realize that the pregnancy with Jack could've gone South even without Bracken's trial hanging over your head?"

"Yes, of course. But, I still feel like I contributed to everything that happened. If I'd listened to my doctor after the first scare. If I hadn't discounted Castle's fears. I didn't listen to anybody."

"We talked when you first started coming to me about how you ended up in therapy the first time. Do you remember what you told me?"

"Yeah. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping. I was spending every spare second poring over that case file. I had every sentence memorized. I still do. It didn't help that my father was drunk all of the time, so I couldn't talk to him."

"But you were as driven then to find what had been missed. Just like you were driven this time to see Bracken brought to justice. Do you wonder where that focus is going to go now that you've finally achieved your goal?"

"Probably into my job or into my kids. Into my marriage with Castle."

"So, your job is your number one priority?" Burke stared at her pointedly.

"No, of course not," she turned to face him, looking across the room to the infant carrier where Jack was peacefully sleeping. She was thankful that her therapist had no problem with her bringing either child to her sessions.

"Then why did you say your job first when I asked you where your focus was going to go?"

"It was the first thing that popped into my head. Do you think that I care more about my job than I do about my family?"

"I don't know, Kate. That's something only you can answer," he looked at the timer beside his chair. "Our time is up for today. I'll see you at the end of the week."

A/N #2: The next chapter will be a short filler chapter for Valentine's Day. Everything will wrap up in the next few chapters.

I can be found on Twitter Caskett1960.