Anxiety, murder and serious talks.
Wednesday, the day of the Sin Bin. Lila had been an anxious mess all day, clucking round like a mother hen asking the boys if they had all their shit ready, if they had enough ammo, if the guns were clean. The boys were exasperated with her but it was endearing at the same time how worried she was. They understood her acceptance over the situation, but they knew it was still shitty for her, having to just wait at home and worry until they got back. So they were patient with her constant mothering, giving her smiles and being reassuring. She had just followed Murphy into the kitchen with a barrage of questions, the same questions she'd been asking all day.
"Yes m'girl, we got everythin'." Murphy sighed for the millionth time as he turned to face her, giving her a smile. He took both her hands and he was surprised to feel them shaking slightly, the poor girl really was scared, it made his heart ache a little. He pulled her closer, hands going either side of her face as he looked down at her.
"We're comin' back aye? Don't need te worry so much, we'll always come back home te ye." He whispered firmly, looking her dead in the eye with such confidence it made her relax just a little. The boys clearly believed in themselves, she should believe in them too. God wouldn't have sent them on this mission if they couldn't do it after all. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself as she nodded, making Murphy give her a beautiful smile. He leant down, capturing her lips with his own, hand tangling into her hair and pulling her even closer if that was possible. She melted into the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck as his tongue tangled with hers, dominating her mouth. When he pulled away, she was breathless, looking up at him with that dazed look that always gave him a surge of male pride. He flashed her a boyish grin and she couldn't help but smile back, kissing his cheek sweetly before moving away to let him finish what he was doing.
She glanced at Connor then, watching as he stuffed some rope into a bag. She quirked her brow wondering what on earth he'd be using that for but didn't ask. She walked over tentatively, trying to channel some of Murphy's confidence. She didn't want them to think she didn't believe in them, she was just worried. She loved them, of course she'd be worried. Connor stopped what he was doing as he saw her, watching her carefully with an amused smile.
"Yes mother, I have what I need." He teased playfully, making her blush and look at the floor. He felt guilty then, he had only been joking, he didn't want to embarrass the poor girl. He closed the gap between them, hands either side of her neck as he looked down at her lovingly.
"I'm only teasin' sweetheart, I know ye mean well." He said softly, thumbs stroking her neck as her hands rested on his chest.
"I just...worry." She replied, her brow furrowed a little.
"I know ye do lass, but we'll be fine and be back wit' ye soon enough." He promised, looking at her earnestly. She gave him a little smile and nodded, leaning into him as he kissed her firmly. His kiss was slow but sensual, taking his time to claim her mouth. Her knees went weak and when he pulled away she blinked up at him, making him smirk at her. He kissed her forehead before turning back to his task at hand.
She turned to look at Rocco then, he was fidgety and she couldn't work out of he was nervous or excited. He was the variable that had been thrown in. He hadn't had the dream, the calling from God, yet at the same time, everything happens for a reason. He was on this mission by God too in his own right, things had been aligned to make it so and despite Rocco not being as devout as the boys, she knew his mission was just as holy deep down under the surface. It was meant to be, just as God wanted it, like everything else. He saw her walk over and he gave her a lopsided grin, pulling her in for a hug instantly. She smiled to herself as she wrapped her arms around him.
"We'll be fine, you'll see." Was all he said, and Lila nodded, squeezing him a little before moving away.
"Just ...be safe." She said softly as she looked up at him, he smiled and nodded to her.
The boys slung on their coats, grabbing their bags and they glanced to her. She was wringing her hands looking ready to climb out of her own skin and they knew how hard it was for her to just let them go. They were grateful she wasn't making this too hard on them, she wasn't begging them not to go, making a huge scene and making them feel guilty. Because honestly, if she did that, they probably wouldn't step out of the door. She was just worried and that was understandable.
"I...uh.. Just be careful and for fuck sake, have each others back." She demanded firmly, looking between the three of them.
"Always." The boys replied in unison, Rocco nodding in agreement as he stood next to them. Lila stepped closer, giving Rocco one last quick hug before moving over to the boys. She wrapped her arms around them both and they just took a moment, the three of them connected, taking strength from each other.
Since they had started this mission from God, they had been pretty closed off from her with their bond. She knew they were probably trying to protect her from knowing too much, but it bothered her to feel not as close to them. Being linked like this, they were still closed off but she felt that spark light between them, the way it always did when the three were connected, completing the circuit. The boys kissed either side of her head before moving away. Connor gave her a confident smile but Murphy looked at her sympathetically, he didn't really want to leave her. He didn't want her to sit there worried about them. He wanted nothing more than to be curled around her and just be with her. But he knew he had to do this, it was God's mission, why he came back from the dead. He was God's soldier now, a shepherd, as was his twin, and they had to see this through.
"We love ye Lila." The twins said, once more in unison. It always made her smile when they did that.
"I love you both too." She replied softly, stepping back so they could leave before she decided to cling to them like a barnacle on a fucking ship. She understood their righteous mission, but she was scared, and it was so tempting to just throw herself at them and beg them not to go. She wouldn't though, it wasn't her place to argue with God. They had been called for a reason and it wasn't her job to interfere with that. Connor had told her that her place was by their side as it had always been, her job was to be here for them. To wait for them and help them in any way she could. To believe in them and let them carry out God's work. She watched as the boys cast her one more look, giving her loving smiles before they left the door. She felt the lump form in her throat then and she took a shaky breath trying to will it away. She needed to stay strong for them, they believed in themselves wholeheartedly. She wished she could do the same, and she did believe in them, but she was also worried sick which overrode the belief because she loved them. It was hard not to worry when they were doing something so dangerous.
She tried to occupy herself, she cleaned even though the place was already spotless, and then she sat down with one of Connors books. When she looked through her bag she blushed seeing the copy of Romeo and Juliet, remembering just what happened the last time she read that. She opted for Macbeth instead. She kept glancing at the clock nervously as she read and when she heard the door open, she stood up and dropped the book. Connor walked in first and she ran over, launching herself at him. He caught her just in time, hands on her ass as her legs wrapped around him and she kissed him hard. He squeezed her ass and kissed her back just as hard and when she broke the kiss, he looked at her thoroughly amused at his greeting.
"Fuck me, remind me te walk in first next time." Murphy grumbled as he walked past them, scowling at his brother good-naturedly. Lila smiled down at Connor, glad they were back, glad they were okay. He set her down and she went over to Murphy, grabbing his shirt and yanking him towards her. His lips found hers effortlessly and he kissed her almost bruisingly, the pair of them getting lost in themselves. He gave her a devilish smirk when she moved away and she blushed slightly with a smile.
"I missed you both." She said softly, looking at him through her long lashes, it stole his fucking breath away.
"You miss me?" Rocco asked, making them all look to him. He smirked suggestively and opened out his arms, causing Murphy to tut and reach over, thwacking him over the head. Lila laughed and shook her head as Connor looked on amused.
"Of course I missed you Roc." Lila grinned, walking over and wrapping his arms around his middle, squeezing him as he hugged her back. When she moved away he gave her his usual grin.
"Not quite the same greetin' as the boys, but I'll fuckin' take it." He smirked. Lila huffed a laugh as this time Connor reached over and hit him around the head.
The boys took their coats off and Lila walked over to Connor, Murphy coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her, head resting on her shoulder as his hands rested on her stomach. Lila was exhausted now from all the worrying and it was late, she looked up at Connor and played with the bottom on his shirt.
"When are you coming to bed?" She asked softly, leaning into his touch when he stroked her cheek affectionately. It was nice coming back to their beautiful girl after doing what they did, keeping them grounded, reminding them why they were doing what they were doing. She felt Murphy nuzzle her neck sweetly and she smiled.
"Roc just wants te talk te us about some shit, then we'll be right in." Connor replied, giving her a warm smile as he leant forward and placed a soft kiss to her forehead. Murphy kissed her cheek before releasing her and the boys moved away. She gave them a smile before walking off to the bedroom they were staying in.
She got undressed and into Murphy's shirt that she slept in, slipping into bed in the middle as usual. They had their own routine even for sleeping. She would lay on her side with Connor spooning her and Murphy would either curl around her like he was climbing a fucking tree, or lay on his back so she could lay her head on his chest. It depended on how needy he was feeling at the time. She started to drift off, feeling more relaxed now the boys were back and knowing they were okay. She felt the bed dip behind her, Connor settling in pressed against her, his arm winding around her middle and pulling her flush to him. Then Murphy got in facing her, smiling when he saw her eyes flutter open. He couldn't help himself as he leant in, kissing her deeply. His hand on the nape of her neck, fingers brushing her hair as his tongue explored every inch of her mouth.
She moaned into the kiss as she melted into him and he responded to the sound, a rumble of a growl in the back of his throat as his kiss turned more desperate. Connors' hand started to wander up her shirt, palming her breast as he kissed her neck, making her shiver. When Murphy finally came up for air, a thought struck her and she tensed.
"We...We can't, we don't have protection." She muttered shyly, her cheeks burning bright. She wasn't on the pill anymore and they didn't have condoms here. Murphy looked at her like he'd been smacked across the face.
"Ye don't want a baby wit' us now?" He asked sounded offended and hurt, eyes narrowed as he glared at her. She heaved a sigh, moving Connors hand so she could sit up and face them. The boys sat up too, Connor looking at her warily whereas Murphy was just scowling at her.
"I do but, you can't tell me having a baby with all this shit going on is a good idea guys." She frowned, looking from one to the other seriously. Had they not even thought about that? Connor and Murphy glanced to each other. She could almost see the understanding on Connor's face. He knew she was right, it wasn't the time now for a baby, as much as it pained him. He wanted nothing more than to get her pregnant and start a family with her, but it was dangerous now. They would need to wait until they were done with this, but the problem was, he didn't know when that would be. Murphy felt like someone cracked open his ribs and his heart was spilling out. He hadn't thought about it, and as much as he knew what she said made sense, it hurt him beyond words that what he wanted most had to be put off. Just like Connor, he wasn't sure when they would be done with this, how long would he have to wait to have a child with her? He had not questioned this calling once since it happened, but right now he was fucking cursing it.
"This is fuckin' bullshit." He growled, glaring at her like it was her fault and she narrowed her eyes at him.
"Murph, she's right, it's far too dangerous te bring a wee babe inte this right now. We'll just have te wait." Connor reasoned, making Lila relax that he was on her side with this. Murphy turned his glare onto his brother then, jaw clenched and nostrils flaring.
"If it's God's will then it'll happen. If it's meant te happen after all this then that's when it'll happen. If it's before then so be fuckin' it." Murphy glowered, making Connor shake his head. Of course his twin had to take this personally, always the sensitive little fuck he was.
"È già abbastanza brutto Lila è in pericolo con questo, vuoi davvero rischiare la vita di nostro figlio? (It's bad enough Lila is in danger with this, you really want to risk your child's life?)" Connor asked his brother harshly, switching to a language he knew Lila wouldn't understand, he didn't want her to worry about this, to know they were both concerned with her welfare just by being involved with them. Honestly, Connor was scared she would run if she knew, and he wasn't about to risk it.
Murphy looked at his brother, chest heaving as his words sunk in. Connor reached over, grabbing the back of his neck and pushing his calm onto him, letting the anger ebb away so his brother could actually think rationally about this. His words had struck a chord within the darker haired boy. Lila was in danger, just being associated with them and fucking Rocco after the deli. Connor was right, if they had a child, they would also be in danger and that wasn't something he was willing to risk. They would have to wait, as much as it cut him deep. He just hoped they'd be done with this fucking shit sooner rather than later. Murphy licked his lower lip, lowering his head submissively as Lila looked on confused and a little worried. She hadn't understood Connors words but his tone had been rough. She just blinked at them, waiting for them to say something and Murphy lifted his head again, nodding in acquiescence to his brother, making Connor untense and nod back in understanding.
"Aye, we'll wait m'girl." Murphy bit out, clearly not happy with this turn of events. Lila was relieved his brother got through to him though. Connor reached out, pulling her back to lay down. The mood was gone now, the seriousness of the situation hanging over them and he just wanted to hold her. He wrapped his arm around her once more as Murphy lay down. He shuffled down, settling in his rightful place wrapped around her with his face buried in the crook of her neck, inhaling her wonderful scent that always soothed him. Lila rested on hand over Connors whilst the other went into Murphy's hair, massaging his scalp affectionately and making him hum against her neck.
"When do you have to go back out?" She asked hesitantly, dreading the answer.
"Not until Saturday sweetheart." Connor murmured into her hair. Rocco had told them about a man that apparently made all others pale in comparison and he was more than happy to take the fucker out. But he was glad he would have a few days with Lila before they went back out there. Lila relaxed a little, glad for some time with them. She hated being away from them and the anxiety that came with it, knowing how dangerous it was. The three just lay there together, a tangle of limbs as they soaked each other in. Murphy was still brooding over the baby thing, he should have known, it should have been obvious, but he hadn't thought about it. He held her tighter and Lila rubbed his scalp, sensing his mood and his neediness. She was sad about the whole thing too, but there was no way they could bring a baby into this mess, not now. She wondered if they'd ever have a kid, wondered if they'd ever truly be done with this. The thought filled her with dread, that they might never be done with this, but she had to have faith. God wouldn't have put her with the boys if things were destined to fail, to be doomed. Their connection made that much clear, it wasn't just a passing relationship, a fleeting fancy. What they had was real and strong, a bond forged with steel, and she had to have hope that one day they could settle down and all of this would be over.