CHAPTER 6:

I AM AN EMPTY VESSEL

Mikoto's eyes flickered open. Pain shot through her head in a sickening jolt. A moan of pain wormed from her lips. "Ah, so you're awake," came the voice of Freya. The Burmecian was sitting in a chair near the bed, with another chair occupied by Wedge, who was sleeping, looking dishevelled and unshaven.

Mikoto frowned, then looked around. She seemed to be in an opulent bedroom. In a nearby bed, Zidane slumbered. "Where am I?"

"The guest bedroom of Lindblum Castle," Freya said. She looked over at Wedge. "He cares for you, you know. He stayed awake for nearly three full days, by your side, worried sick."

"…I'm not worth it. I'm not worth anything anymore," Mikoto said, the memories of that night in Alexandria coming back to her with a vengeance. "I…I have no purpose," she said, her voice catching in her throat.

Freya looked at her, before saying, "Purposeless you may be now, but worthless you are not. Wedge did not think so."

"Then he is a fool."

"You pushed him out of the way of rubble about to fall onto you. In a moment of instinct and crisis, you chose to help someone you had known for but a day or so. That speaks more about your character than anything Kuja or Garland said. That being said, Cid is keeping you under guard. Zidane has proven himself, but I am afraid it will take some time for you to gain trust here."

Mikoto fell silent at that. She looked at Wedge, stubble marring his handsome features.

Seeing her look, Freya said, "One of those travelling with Cid told him to leave you to die. But Wedge, along with Vivi, pulled the rubble off you."

"What of Zidane? Garnet? Eiko?"

"Zidane suffered a concussion like you did, by getting thrown into a wall. One of his compatriots in Tantalus, who was in the city at the time, carried him out. Eiko is well, but Garnet…she hasn't spoken to anyone since the disaster. Much of Alexandria was destroyed by both Bahamut, as well as whatever attack the Invincible used on Alexandria. The death toll is still being counted. Garland obviously cared little for the collateral damage he caused when he destroyed."

"He wouldn't," Mikoto said bleakly. "The more death, the more advanced Terra's plans are. That is why we were created. Kuja, Zidane, and myself. Angels of Death."

"So that's why Kuja manipulated Queen Brahne to starting that war," Freya mused.

"No. While he enjoys causing conflict, he used the war as a means to an end: obtaining Alexander. The war was meant to act partly as camouflage to convince Garland he was doing his job as an Angel of Death while he sought to overthrow him."

"And why are we needed as Angels of Death?"

The voice startled Mikoto, who turned in her bed, to see Zidane sitting up in his bed. "…How long have you been listening?"

"From when you said that the more deaths mean the more advanced Terra's plans are," Zidane said, his usually cheerful features (save for his inebriated interlude) set in serious concentration. "Mikoto, please. Tell me."

"…Most of what I said was true when we first met," Mikoto said. "Terra is a dying world. It is through Gaia that we will survive."

"Mikoto…much as I want to hear this, and Zidane would like to too, I think it best if you save the story until everyone else can hear it," Freya said quietly.

Blank then entered the chamber. "Hey, you're up, Zidane. So's your sister, too. You feeling all right?"

"I feel like I got run over by a bus," Zidane said. "But I'm okay, I guess. Mikoto probably feels like shit, though. How did we get to Lindblum?"

"With difficulty. It was pretty hectic, y'know, trying to find you amongst all that chaos. Besides Mikoto and yourself, nobody in your little team got hurt. I heard you pulled some crazy stunt trying to rescue the Princess and that Eiko girl. Always showing off, aren't you?"

"They were in trouble, and Garland was about to blow up the castle."

"Garland?"

"It's a long story. Apparently he's my creator or something. What happened next?"

"When the castle was destroyed, the shockwave made you have an argument with a wall. The wall won. You've been out cold for three days."

Zidane's eyes widened. "You what?"

"Yeah. Everyone's okay that we know of, though there's a lot of people dead."

"And Garnet hasn't spoken for the past few days," Freya said quietly. "The last I heard, she was at the observatory balcony. Perhaps you might be able to cheer her up. I suggest if you do so, you should hurry. Cid wishes to debrief us on this debacle."

After a moment, Mikoto got out of the bed. "I will go with you."

"Keep an eye on her, Zidane," Freya said.

As she followed Zidane, Mikoto wondered what she was doing, following him. What could she do now? She had no purpose. And as an Angel of Death, as a Genome with a soul, purpose was everything. Garland, her creator, had discarded her, left her stranded on this primitive world, not caring if she lived or died.

She could go through with her original purpose. Kill. But how? How before she died? And how could she kill these people when they had been so damned nice to her?

I am empty of purpose. I am empty of life. I am an empty vessel, she thought. No better than the other Genomes.

They ascended to a rooftop garden, and then, to the highest point, where a telescope was pointed at a mountain range. There, standing at the balcony, peering morosely at the city below, was Garnet. "Well, look who's here," Zidane said. "Man, we went through some crazy crap, right? I honestly didn't know whether we were going to make it this time."

Garnet didn't reply. Meanwhile, Mikoto looked over the edge near the princess, at the city below. At the people scurrying around, like ants in a nest from this height. Even they had more purpose than she did.

The dizzying heights between the balcony and the streets below seemed to call to her. As she peered down, she heard Zidane say, distantly, "Dagger…Freya told me. You haven't spoken since we escaped Alexandria. I'm sorry I didn't get there in time. I truly am. But we did the best we could, right?"

Garnet didn't reply. Mikoto stared down at the people below as Zidane tried to get Garnet to talk, not listening to his words. The ants nest, calling to her. Feed us with carrion.

Yes. So fitting. Once an Angel of Death had no purpose, there was nothing left to do, save for one thing.

Die.

She clambered onto the parapet. "Hey, Mikoto, what are you doing?!" Zidane demanded.

"I have no purpose. No reason to live. I am an empty vessel," Mikoto said bleakly. But as she leapt, she found something grip her ankle in a vice-like grip. She caught a glimpse of Garnet holding onto her, her eyes wide with shock. Then, she slammed painfully into the side of the building, upside down. She slid down more as Garnet struggled and failed to hold Mikoto's weight, about to be dragged over the edge with her, only for Zidane to grab Mikoto's other ankle.

"On three. One, two, three, HEAVE!" Zidane yelled, and Zidane and Garnet hauled Mikoto back onto the observatory.

Mikoto stared at them bleakly. "I have no purpose. Please let me die," she sobbed.

"Thanks, Dagger," Zidane said. "Look…let's get back to the guest bedroom. I'll leave you there, while I bring Mikoto along to the briefing."

Garnet nodded morosely, and began helping escort Mikoto away. Mikoto couldn't even muster up the energy to resist anymore. She was…empty. Hollow. She just stared blankly ahead.

I am an empty vessel. I am an empty vessel. I am an empty vessel…

Wedge roused himself from his sleep to find that Mikoto had gone. "Where is she?" he asked Freya, who was sitting next to him.

"Mikoto woke a few minutes ago. She went with Zidane to see how Princess Garnet was," Freya said. Her eyes widened when Zidane and Garnet came in, all but dragging Mikoto, who seemed to be mumbling something under her breath with a vacant look on her face. "What happened?"

"She tried to jump off the bloody castle!" Zidane snapped. "She tried to kill herself!"

"I am an empty vessel," Mikoto said. "I am an empty vessel. I am an empty vessel…"

"Mikoto!" Wedge exclaimed. He was on his feet and next to her. "Why would you do such a thing?"

"I have no purpose. No reason to live. I am an empty vessel," Mikoto said in a dull monotone. Her green eyes glistened with tears.

Freya shook her head. "Zidane, we can't have her at the briefing like this. Let's leave her here for the time being. Princess, could you please help Wedge look after her?"

Garnet nodded sadly, but said nothing. Instead, she helped Mikoto into the bed she had only recently vacated. She just laid there, staring at the ceiling with her green eyes, mumbling the same refrain over and over again. "I am an empty vessel. I am an empty vessel…"

As Freya and Zidane left, Garnet gently touched Mikoto's forehead. Curative magic flowed into her, curing what little injury Mikoto had suffered during her suicide attempt. "Thank you, Your Majesty," Wedge said quietly to Garnet. "Thank you for helping her."

Garnet pursed her lips, but said nothing. Wedge then said, "Doctor Tot spoke very highly of you, you know. One of my best students, he said to me. And my most enthusiastic, especially where plays and literature were concerned, though she liked learning in general. I wished I could have met you. I like some plays, though Lord Avon isn't my thing. I like Ipsen's Travels, though. But while I wished I could have met you, I never dreamed I would. My father may have, and perhaps my brother, but the scholar brother would probably have never met you."

More silence, though Garnet was looking at him, and giving him a rather melancholy smile.

"I just missed you, you know. I was the one who helped get the Supersoft. Doctor Tot told me it was for you, to use on one of Zidane's friends. He had sent you to Alexandria along Gargan Roo. I helped him renovate that, you know, find some more Gargant Grass. He was just emerging from the trapdoor when I came back. And now, here you are. I wish you could speak, Princess. I mean, people get irritated at me because I witter on. I just…have so much inside my mind, I just need to talk about it."

Garnet smiled sadly, and then pointed at him, and then at her lips. Then, she pointed to herself, and then to her ears.

"Oh, I'll talk, and you'll listen?" She nodded. "Very kind of you, Your Majesty. Or would you prefer Princess, or Garnet?" Garnet shrugged. "Well, I will call you Garnet for the moment." Wedge looked at Mikoto. "I mean, if you could speak, you could call me Wedge, not Wedgewood J Bishop. Thanks for helping her. I…you know, until she came along, the only vindication I had for my theories was Doctor Tot's approval, and that of a few of his friends. Most scholars on the Mist Continent dismissed my theories of hereditary characteristics, discrete ones. And then, she comes along, speaks of all these new terms, genetics, genes, genome, chromosomes, DNA, codons…it was as if I was blind, and suddenly, could see, and see in a way that made sense. Until that day, I felt like I had wasted my life. My father and brother, especially my brother, did little to discourage those thoughts. My brother sneered at my scholarly pursuits. You know, I even once considered finding a poison amongst the chemicals I liked to experiment with, and…well, Mikoto tried the same path I have sometimes contemplated."

Garnet reached over, and gently patted his hand. "You are most kind to me, Garnet," Wedge said. "To a rational person, suicide is a truly repugnant course, for what can you achieve after your death? When Mikoto came along…it felt like my purpose in life, my reason to live, it had been resurrected, reborn. A pretty girl, and one with a brilliant mind. I don't think it's love, though I daresay there is a touch of infatuation. But there was a desire, all the same, to learn more about her, and what she knew." He looked down at Mikoto, who was staring at him in blank incomprehension. "At least one person would mourn your passing. I care not if you were made as a weapon. You didn't choose to be one, and you can choose not to be. Zidane has obviously chosen his own destiny, away from this Angel of Death nonsense. Why can't you?"

"…It was my purpose, instilled to me my whole life," Mikoto said.

"And yet, look at Princess Garnet!" Wedge said, waving at the mute princess. "The same thing could be said of her. And yet, while you were working on your radio, I heard Eiko, Vivi and Freya tell tales of their travels. It may be her destiny to be a queen, but there is no reason for that to be the be-all and end-all of her existence! She is not only very beautiful, but she is quite intelligent. Why, if it were possible, I would gladly be married to her as a prince consort." Noticing the flash in Garnet's dark eyes, he added quickly, "I am sure your heart belongs to another, though. Besides, I am considered the less-useful son of the family. In fact…until Doctor Tot came along…I was wavering in the purpose of my studies. Self-study, mostly. All I can tell you, Mikoto, is that I don't really have a purpose in life myself, unless it is to learn everything I can. Sometimes, if a purpose in life is taken from you, or you don't have one in the first place…you have to look for it. You may spend the rest of your life looking, that's what Doctor Tot said. But better to look for a purpose in life than to throw it away."

Mikoto didn't look convinced, subsiding into sullen silence. And Wedge wondered if his words had had any effect. Damn it, he felt so helpless. He met Garnet's eyes, and saw a similar helplessness within. His gaze returned to Mikoto, who was sobbing gently. He wanted to help her. If only he knew how…

CHAPTER 6 ANNOTATIONS:

Sorry about the pretty dark chapter. It occurred to me, though, that Mikoto, having had her purpose torn away from her like this, with her own creator disowning her existence, would react badly. The suicide attempt was partly an impulsive act, and when it failed, Mikoto basically blue-screened. Garnet is too dutiful to consider suicide seriously, and I like how Garnet and Wedge have bonded a little. Garnet saw that Wedge wanted someone to talk to, and being the good, dutiful princess that she is, she encouraged him to do so.

No numbered annotations this time.