Author's Notes: Alright folks, Chapter 7 is here! Midterms are long done and the grades I got are really good! Now, with my extra free time, I can focus on FCP! again. Thank you for all of your support so far and thank you for following me on this journey of writing. It has been a pleasure and I hope to continue on like a train on the Trans-Siberian railway or for as long as there are traffic problems in EDSA. You guys are awesome!
Full Court Press!
Chapter 7
An eight year old girl sits tall in her seat in a normal classroom of a normal all-girl's school, surrounded by her normal female classmates, living her normal life. The cheerfulness that usually comes with youth could be seen in the girl's sparkling eyes and the smile on her face was one of pure innocence… pure happiness. Everything was peachy. Everything was fine. Then, there came a question… a question that would change the life of that eight year old girl forever. This is where my story began.
"What is beauty?"
The young teacher of the class turned to her pupils and asked that seemingly simple question. Being the enthusiastic girl that I was, I was quick to raise my hand and the teacher called me without hesitation.
"Ah, Akiyama-san," the teacher said intrigued, "So tell me. What is beautiful for you?"
"Everything!" I said without a care in the world, "Everything is beautiful!"
Honestly moved by the question, I, the young girl then stood up and went on to say, "My classmates are beautiful, all of them are! You're beautiful too, sensei! The clothes you all wear, the way you all speak… it's all… nice!"
I said this without any trace of hesitation in my voice. My classmates' response was just as unfiltered, but a million times more harsh. Hearing my strange but honest answer, one my classmates shouted, "Mio likes girls!" and the classroom exploded with a laughter that taunted me. For the first time in my life, I felt frightened. I felt cold.
Years would pass, and the once happy girl who had never been shy in her life had a change for the worse. I became faint of heart, shy and easily embarrassed. This was all because of my honesty in answering that stupid question… all because I found women beautiful. From the moment I realized that, I knew I was different from everyone else. And along with that difference was fear and discrimination.
For a while, the other girls avoided me, called me names and played pranks on me. Come Middle School, everyone soon forgot about that day and the teasing thankfully came to an end. The pain and humiliation I felt in all those years though were engraved in my mind and turned me into who I was today… I couldn't hold up a candle to the girl I used to be. So much about me had changed by then… but one thing remained constant throughout all of that – the way I looked at women. No matter how hard I tried to 'snap out of it', seeing other girls made my heart race… being in front of them made me blush. Wasn't that the way girls are supposed to act around guys? Once I made that connection, I realized why I answered that question the way I did. I really did like girls. I was a lesbian.
Despite having made that realization, this was a secret I had to keep to myself. I couldn't tell anyone about it. I knew that if I was to be found out, then those latter years of Elementary school which I so terribly hated would repeat themselves. I didn't want them to happen again. Thus, the already gaping distance between me and the other girls grew even more. The fear I felt grew stronger… the coldness I felt grew deathly. Living in a world that wouldn't accept me for what I was, I didn't know how to move on. I didn't know if I even wanted to move on at all. Then, I met her – Ritsu Tainaka.
"Hey-yo! The name's Ritsu Tainaka. Tis' pleasure! Let's do our best in this project, m'kay?"
I still remember the day Ritsu and I were assigned to be group mates in class, the wide grin that she wore that looked a little stupid, the blatantly colloquial way she spoke that mangled the very fabric of Nihonggo… and the friendliness and the warmth she gave off. She was just like the old self I had left behind, weathered by the years of torments and diluted by the cruel limits of memory. Though I was shy and reserved, the girl reached out to me and the two of us naturally became friends. Slowly but surely, my jaded heart started to regain hope. Maybe there was someone in this big bad world that would accept me for what I am… maybe there was someone who might reciprocate these unusual but true feelings I hold inside… maybe there was someone who could turn me back into that girl I used to be. The project ended long ago but yet my relationship with Ritsu grows stronger till this day. She was the one true friend I had… the one person I felt secure with… the one person I felt I would someday be able to trust with this secret of mine.
Time flowed on and Ritsu and I found ourselves going to the same High School; Sakura-gakou. I knew this was fate. Standing out in the crowd, reading our names on the class list on the first day, I promised myself to tell Ritsu my little secret. However, every single time I tried to approach her about it, the shyness and frailty I had developed always held me back. Even though I agreed to help her restore the Light Music Club… even though I bought that left-handed Precision to support her endeavor… even though I met Yui, Mugi and Azusa, a wonderful bunch, in the course of it all… I couldn't get myself to say what I wanted to say. I couldn't say these sorts of things as shamelessly as I used to as a kid, and thus, silence prevailed and my secret remained hidden. I was silently at a loss.
Before long, the fateful Cultural Festival came upon us. With a few hours before the performance, the Light Music Club was without a Lead Guitarist and a Drummer. Ritsu, as lazy a leader as she was, had a dream of performing at Budokan and told me once that every performance they made brought them a little bit closer to realizing that dream. Since she and Yui were sick though, I, as the de-facto leader of the club, was split about cancelling the performance. I didn't want to hinder Ritsu's goal, but I didn't want to humiliate the club either. Then, that was when "Yui" and "Ritsu" appeared for practice.
There was a lot on my mind that day as I considered cancelling the show and seeing "Ritsu" arrive made my heart throb. In the same way the teacher's question moved my eight year old self to speak honestly, the moment I saw "her" again moved me to act honestly. I don't know what came over me then, but I decided that that was the day I would finally tell her about my true self and ask her if she wanted to accompany me on this... unusual path I was taking. Just like that time many years ago, it was a hastily-thought resolution and the results were disastrous. Rather than ask for "Ritsu's" acceptance, I made a rushed confession. On top of that clumsy mishap, the "Ritsu" I accidentally confessed happened to be her little brother Satoshi dressing up as her to substitute her in the performance.
Out of confusion… or maybe out of fear, I lashed out against him and Ui who apparently was also dressing up as Yui to cover for her absence. I shouted at them, cursed at them… angry at Ui for going headlong into a performance without having memorized the lyrics and disgusted at Satoshi for his laughable cross-dressing stint. As the two explained themselves though and played their hearts out on stage, my fury diffused but what replaced it was a rude awakening from the hopeful dreams I had been immersing myself in.
It took me a while to figure it out, but if I told Ritsu about myself… then I was risking the friendship I valued the most. My friendship with Ritsu was the only good thing left in this pathetic life of mine – I didn't want to lose it. That is why I decided to defend it at all costs. In order to avoid estranging Ritsu, I had to act straight… and the first boy that came to mind was Satoshi.
Ever since our little encounter, that boy has been acting strangely around me and I know it has something to do with what transpired that day. Seeing that he and Ritsu are close, it is only natural for him to think of me in a different light. He knows my secret, or at least he thinks he does. If I could flirt around with him for a bit, I'm sure he'll forget all about it. Flirting with guys makes me a straight girl, right? I'll be able to deny being a lesbian then and I will have nothing to worry about. That's all I am going for anyways. I've been testing the waters with Satoshi for the past few weeks, but I had to take decisive action soon. I just needed a chance… a chance fate was kind enough to provide.
A few minutes ago, I received a text message from Ritsu, saying that Satoshi had been asking her about writing lyrics. She said he wanted to learn how to write them and asked me if I could help out. This was a perfect chance. Not thinking twice, I took my phone and texted her back saying that I would be happy to help Satoshi learn to write lyrics.
I then told her that I could meet him at a café downtown, a perfect place to begin my little feint. I just have to make a few passes at him and my friendship with Ritsu will be safeguarded. Throwing myself into bed, I looked out to the night sky and started planning my little scheme. I'm sorry for using you Satoshi-kun like this, but this is something I need to do.
The next day came and I arrived at the downtown café early and waited for Satoshi to arrive. Seated in a booth, I waited in silence, going over my plan over in my head. Breath easy Mio, everything is under control. I had worn an especially nice outfit today, just for the occasion. Looking around, I already saw a number of boys stealing glances at me from afar. This was going to work.
Moments later, Ritsu's younger brother came, quite decently dressed himself. I waved to him to call him over and he froze on the spot, his face turning a little bit red. Just as I planned… Taking a quick breath, the boy walked on over to where I was and joined me.
"Good afternoon Mio-senpai." He said, avoiding my gaze, "Thanks for agreeing to help me out."
"Don't worry about it Satoshi-kun." I said in a sugared voice, flashing a smile at him that made him gulp, "So do you have what I asked you to bring?"
"Uh… yeah." Satoshi said, pulling out a pen and a pad of paper, "Here."
"Perfect." I said happily, "Let's get started then, shall we? Your sister told me you were a good writer, so this shouldn't be too hard. Okay?"
The boy, unable to speak all of the sudden, could only nod. He was already fidgeting, I could tell. This was going to be easier than I thought.
"Before we get to the lyrics," I said, talking about the actual matter to keep him from leaving, "do you know the chords or the tabs of the song you're trying to make lyrics for?"
"I think so." Satoshi said plainly, having recovered from the shock already "Give me a minute, I'll write them down."
The boy then took the pen and started writing down the chords. Apparently, Satoshi-kun was a leftie, writing the chord progressions with his left hand. Every so often too, he would tap his chin with the butt of the pen and groan, the same way Ritsu would during tests. Just as I thought, the two of them were very much alike. Also, there was a hint of determination in his eyes as he wrote – he was really serious about learning to write lyrics. This might make my plans a little more bearable - he wouldn't be a bad target.
Eventually, the boy finished and passed the paper to me.
"There. Done."
Unlike earlier, when he was buckling under the pressure, there was an air of confidence about Satoshi as I took the paper. Why was he so happy all of the sudden? Turning my attention to the paper, I could see why. Written there was a simple chord progression, nothing too fancy, no special effects. Then, written at the top of the progression was the title 'Ui's Unnamed Song'.
"This is…" I said, turning back to Satoshi
"It's a song Ui composed." Satoshi explained, "She let me listen to it yesterday when she went over to my school."
"Ui-chan made this…" I repeated in disbelief
"Yeah." Satoshi said with a smile on his face, "This was a song she had been developing for a long time now – the only thing missing is the lyrics."
"So you decided to make the lyrics for her." I deduced. Satoshi replied with a happy nod. The boy then went on to explain why he was doing this. He told me of Ui's dream of being an artist like her sister Yui, of how Ui feels love whenever she plays music, of how Ui wants to share that love and of how he intends to support her all the way.
This boy truly loved Ui. Hearing such inspired words come from him, I couldn't deny it. He would be willing to do anything for her… I'm such a fool. In order to preserve my relationship with Ritsu, I try to attack the relationship Satoshi shares with Ui. With such determination in his tone too, I knew I wouldn't be able to sway him away from her even if I tried.
I was asked once about what I thought was beautiful. Seeing this precious bond these two kids shared, I think I just saw something beautiful again. For the past few years, I had been silently fighting for what I thought was beautiful. It would be heartless of me to desecrate this any more than I already have. I have to make up for it.
"I see." I said with an honest smile, "So let's get down to writing those lyrics, alright? I'm sure it will make Ui-chan really happy."
"Thanks Mio-senpai." Satoshi said smiling back.
With that, my plan to make a pass at Satoshi ended. For the next hours of so, the Satoshi and I discussed the song and slowly started to formulate the lyrics – no more flirting, no more nonsense. This was my silent token of apology to Satoshi – helping him to make Ui happy. It only was the right thing to do. Soon enough, Satoshi finally got a good handle of writing lyrics and I had taught him everything I knew about writing lyrics. Well… almost everything. There was one last thing I had to impart.
"By the way Satoshi-kun." I added as he prepared to leave, "The single most important thing you should keep in mind when writing lyrics is this; always be true to yourself and write from your heart."
"I'll be sure to remember that." Satoshi said graciously. He then gave me a bow and said, "Thank you very much for your time Mio-senpai!"
"You're very welcome Satoshi-kun." I said with a smile. The boy then went off on his merry way, humming the tune of the chord progression as he left. He was happy. I however sat there in the booth alone once again, making me sigh.
"Be true to yourself, huh…" I repeated to myself, "I'm such a hypocrite…"
Now that Satoshi is out of the picture… what do I do now? Argh... I need some tea.
To Be Continued