Chapter 7

Eva smiled as Elizabeth sat down in the chair opposite her. They'd dropped their sessions back to once a week and from what she could see it looked like the women was coping just fine with the new arrangement. "You seem well rested. How are you feeling, sleeping better?"

Elizabeth nodded, folding her hands into her lap as she made herself comfortable. Carson had made the same observation confirming she'd managed to put on some much needed weight though she credited the gain to John's movie nights rather than the doctor's diet plan. "I'm good and I've been sleeping better recently."

Eva picked up her pen marking the note down on her tablet. She was relieved to hear the news knowing the nightmares had been a recurring problem and her lips curved loosely as she glanced up again, "is there anything you've been doing differently, a change in routine that you think might be helping?"

"I've started training with Ronon and Teyla." Elizabeth subconsciously rubbed her shoulder, the muscles still sore from her last workout. She hadn't really thought about the connection but her appetite had definitely increased since she'd started exercising more regularly.

Eva watched the movement, her gaze drawn to the flash of discomfort in the women's expression. She fully supported physical activity but there was such a thing as overdoing it and her tone held a note of warning as she addressed her concern."Exercise can be a useful tool to relieve stress but it's important you don't find yourself relying on just one method, it's about finding a balance."

"Unless it's therapy right?" Elizabeth's mouth quirked into a smile as she dropped her hand down. Their appointments had been useful and she was grateful for the support but the more she remembered the more she realized she wasn't the sort of person that felt comfortable opening up about her problems. It was a conundrum, one that had become increasing apparent in the last few weeks.

Eva sensed the underlying tension and clasped her hands over the tablet. She understood the women's frustrations but for the moment the visits weren't optional and she sincerely hoped that when the IOA did finally clear her they would continue to work together. "I know you'd rather these sessions weren't mandatory but the next stage is building on your progress and if you give it a chance I think some of techniques could really help. The training has obviously been working, is there anything else that's changed recently?"

Elizabeth breathed out a sigh ducking her head as embarrassment tainted her cheeks. She didn't know how to admit that the reason she'd been sleeping more soundly had nothing to do with therapy and everything to do with John's instance that she call whenever the nightmares became too much. It wasn't often and he was usually up anyway maintaining that he needed the break or was ready to call it a night, but finding him always eased her anxiety even if it was just five minutes spent together on the balcony. It helped even though she was at a loss trying to explain why.

The silence stretched between them and Eva regarded the women carefully. She seemed hesitant to voice whatever she was thinking about and a gentle smile touched her lips as she tried to coax an answer. "Elizabeth I'm not here to judge. Whatever you're worried about I promise it will stay between us."

She swallowed roughly, trying to collect her thoughts in order share them. There was no reason why her relationship with John should be perceived as an issue, it was completely innocent but the words still felt strained as they left her mouth, "Colonel Sheppard and I have been spending a lot of time together recently."

Eva tilted her head in surprise trying to hide a flicker of amusement as she floated the pen in her hand. She been silently hoping the two of them would confide in each other but it was a tentative situation, one that was best approached with caution. "The two of you are close."

Elizabeth nodded awkwardly, her gaze falling to the tablet and Eva deliberately turned the surface so it was facing her lap. She didn't feel it was necessary to note the relationship down especially if it was going to make anymore observations uncomfortable. "Is that something you're worried about?"

Elizabeth breathed in slowly, sitting up a little straighter as she considered the question. It had started to to play on her mind for a range of different reasons but there was only one she was currently willing to admit to. "I guess I'm afraid I'm becoming a distraction."

It was a valid point but the suggestion didn't raise any cause for alarm bells particularly when Eva factored in the Colonel's recent change of command. Dealing with his new responsibilities and finding a balance was going to take time but so far she hadn't seen any evidence to suggest he was struggling with the task. "Do you think his work is suffering?"

"No, of course not-" she jumped in quickly defending the comment, "I just don't want to turn into an obligation, something he feels he has to take care of."

Eva fought a small smile as she crossed her legs, finally getting a sense of where the real problem was stemming from. They were clearly dealing with some heavy commitment issues, possibly even a fear of rejection and given her pending review with the IOA the doubt was perfectly understandable if not slightly misplaced. "Do you consider Colonel Sheppard a distraction?"

Elizabeth glanced up twisting her hands nervously as her gaze darted around the small room. She didn't exactly have a full schedule to keep her occupied so being around him, or anyone else for that matter, always came as a welcome reprieve from her thoughts. "I suppose I do, yes."

"And what if you didn't need a distraction, if the IOA reinstated you tomorrow?" Eva posed the possibility watching as a look of confusion settled over Elizabeth's features. She didn't like leading her patients but sometimes it was necessary and she thought for a moment before rewording the question, "if you had that certainty now, would you still feel guilty about spending time with him?"

Elizabeth opened her mouth to answer but the response wasn't as readily available as she'd expected. It was complicated and she breathed out a sigh realizing just how much weight rested on the IOA's decision. She was like a deer trapped in headlights, powerless to do anything except wait for the impact.

The silence was telling and Eva knew she'd made the connection, that she was seeing the situation for what it was; a lack of control. Previously the memory loss had kept the emotion contained, her vulnerability acting as a bubble but the more Elizabeth identified with her old self the faster her independence broke through the barrier. John's influence was clearly having a positive effect but if she started to view it as a weakness then they'd be right back to square one again. "You don't need to feel guilty or justify why somebody cares Elizabeth-" she smiled gently as she presented the fact, "if you do then chances are the problem isn't really about them."

The truth hit a little too close to home and she drew her lips together considering the advice. Maybe she was projecting but it didn't change the fact that until the IOA came up with a decision she was effectively gridlocked, though for the first time since her arrival the idea of contemplating her options no longer felt quite so daunting.

Eva watched her relax slightly, the shift barely perceptible to the untrained eye but recently it had begun marking the official start of their sessions. She suspected it was a tell from the old Elizabeth Weir, the one who approached her emotions with a little more caution, and Eva found it intriguing that it had only taken a few minutes to drop her defenses. It usually took a lot longer fueling her suspicion that Sheppard had actually listened to her and a smile crept onto her face, idly wondering if he'd ever commit to a session with her.

It was highly unlikely.

But then again, if she continued working with Elizabeth, maybe he wouldn't need to.

-X-