So, here's another update. I hope you are somewhere comfy because this is a mighty big chapter. Thanks to those who reivewed last chapter and like always, I want to thank suburbs a bunch for always looking over my work (hope those shoe didn't kill you). I don't know how she doesn't get tired of my mistakes. Well, enough of me...
ENJOY!
---
Confessions of Danny Zuko
Chapter SEVEN: Is it too late to Apologize?
---
Oh there's no place like home for the holidays…
What a lie.
I arrived in New York with an aching heart that wanted nothing more than to be back at the quarters. It felt odd to not want to be around my family during this time of the year. But it's not that I didn't want to be with them, I've just grown accustomed to being around Caitlyn and she's the only one I wanted to be with. I feel horrible saying that I rather be with Caitlyn than family. I mean, really, ten days without Caitlyn? Maybe next year she could be with me and my family…no, that won't ever happen.
I smiled at the elderly couple who just opened their door to find us dressed up in suits (and dress for mom), wearing Santa hats with bells at the tip.
I cleared my throat.
"I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents under the tree
Christmas Eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams."
"Lovely arrangement," clapped the elderly man.
"Merry Christmas." Jason said.
In the Grey household, or hotel hold, we had a tradition of caroling the heck out of the holidays. It never failed. Last year, we had the opportunity to throw a small group together and carol for some fans outside a hotel. Did I mention it was in Hawaii? Anyways, this year was different (every year is). Shane was nowhere to be found. He was in Chicago with Mitchie, supporting her because she'll be performing at their Christmas parade.
There was something about that city that sounded so familiar. I've been there twice but I know it's more than that…
---
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I winced at the shriek of the girl in front of us. Her parents and sister quickly joined her which meant another shriek. The parents looked confused as to why their daughters were freaking out.
"Merry Christmas." My dad greeted.
I weakly smiled as my dad pushed me forward.
"Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glo-"
I was tackled to the ground by the two girls. Their parents were quick to take them off of me, and Jason helped me up and dusted me off. My mom and dad didn't look the least bit concerned. In fact, they were chuckling at me.
"I'm so sorry! I don't know what's gotten into them!" One of the parents apologized.
"Mom!" One of the girls whined, "You can't be serious! It's the Grey's! Connect 3?"
Their dad shrugged, "Maybe I should start watching more television."
"Would you like to hear another song?" My dad offered.
"WAIT!" The two girls (whose names appeared to be Leila and Lisa), ran off and came back with a camera in their hands.
Great. I had a feeling this was going to be posted up on the internet very, very, very soon.
"Sing Nate." My mom urged.
I sighed and put my best holiday cheer for everybody.
Oh there's no place like home for the holidays…
---
Have you ever eatenso much that you knew you were going to be sick but you ate everything anyways and then washed it down with a tall glass of champagne? I just did and I'm feeling strangely fine. I was curled up into a ball on my bed watching A Christmas Story. Jason was on his phone talking sweetly to his girlfriend. My mom and dad went out to "talk to the manager". Yeah, I used sarcastic air quotes. I'm sure they're out getting some last minute gifts for all of us, including Shane, the missing link.
Jason assumed that they were at the post office mailing out his present. I wasn't really pondering what my parents were up to. I was a bit preoccupied with Caitlyn and smoldering in jealousy because Jason was happy.
Jason smiled into his phone, "Yeah?…Well I can't wait to see you too…Remember to bring a thick jacket. It gets cold up here…I love you…Alright. Bye Alice."
I get it. He loves his girlfriend. He doesn't have to announce it to the world and make those of us who don't have anybody miserable. I sulked as I watched tv. I hate the holidays. They're only great when you have someone to snuggled up with, and when I say someone I mean Caitlyn.
"What's wrong lil bro?" Jason suddenly asked.
I sighed, "My business."
I didn't want to go into detail as to why I'm a single idiot that fell for his friend who is probably interested in someone else.
"Caitlyn?" Jason guessed.
"Is it that obvious?" I mumbled.
"Yup."
I groaned, "I blew it."
"Blew what? The biggest opportunity to have Caitlyn all to yourself because you weren't too sure about how you felt about her?" Jason smiled.
I wasn't sure why he was smiling. This was no happy situation.
"I know how I feel now. I know that I like her like crazy." I shoved my face into my pillow, slightly embarrassed I was having this talk with my oldest brother.
"And she isn't talking to you…is she?" Jason repeated the information I had passed along to Shane during my many phone conversations with him.
I shook my head, "It's like we're taking turns at this stupid game. I think I have a valid excuse for my actions."
Jason rolled his eyes, "And that is?"
"I had no idea I was going to fall for her." I defended, "And that's the last thing I wanted to happen."
"Why? Falling in love is good." Jason shrugged.
"Falling in love is complicated." I mumbled. "I like you. I can't talk to you. I might love you. I might be over you… I hate you."
I recalled when Caitlyn shouted at me, telling me she made a mistake harboring feelings for me. Thinking back to that I wondered how I survived that. The thought made me wince in pain.
"So you like Caitlyn and you're afraid that she hates you now?" Jason repeated out loud to himself.
I nodded.
"Nate," Jason said, "I think before you expect anything out of Cait. You should be her friend first."
"Friend?" I sighed. It was so different from the advice Shane was feeding me that I hesitated to even think about it. But then again, since when has Shane's advice worked?
Try to flirt with Caitlyn? What was I thinking?
I was about to closed my eyes and reallythinkabout what Jason hadsaid but my butt buzzed. I shifted to take my cell phone out of my back pocket and saw something totally unexpected.
My jaw dropped. Her name was brightly flashing on my cell phone, telling me that she was calling. Caitlyn was on the other line, calling me. I quickly ran out of the room, searching for some privacy. The moment I was out of Jason's ear shot, I answered.
"Cait?" I said breathlessly. It wasn't much of a greeting. Don't get me wrong, I love saying hello. Her name just spilled out before I could process anything. My mind was thinking of several ways to apologize because I finally figured out(thanks to Jason) that an apology was needed. There was nothing more that I wanted to do than to have Caitlyn speak to me again and this was a golden opportunity.
"You're a douchbag." Caitlyn spat.
I really wasn't expecting that. It caught me off guard to say the least.
"What the hell?" I muttered to myself. I knew Caitlyn was upset about this whole ordeal but I didn't think she hated me that much.
"Shut up and listen. I want to you to quit talking about me to your brother because it's really annoying that you go around talking about me when you hardly pay attention to me. So if you're going to pretend I don't exist, like you have for the longest time, at least go along with it. If I don't exist, don't pass along any information on me to Shane. It doesn't make things better that Shane tries to sugar coat things and make things up. I mean c'mon, you trying to flirt with me? What a big laugh that is."
Once again, my jaw dropped. I finally made that connection. Caitlyn lived in Chicago. Shane and Mitchie were in Chicago… My fist tightened at the thought of Shane talking to Caitlyn. I'm sure he mighthave hinted at something that caused Caitlyn to be mad and that made me mad. Damn it Shane, why can't you keep your trap shut? What bothered me more is that Shane told Caitlyn about my pathetic attempt to flirt with her.
"He said that?" I asked.
"Yes and I think I've been talking to you more than you deserve."
CLICK.
Remember what I said about overstuffing? Yeah, I think I'm about to be sick.
---
"Nate, would you just let it be?!" Caitlyn shouted at me. She continued to walk down that familiar path to the set. The night was warm with an overcast sky above us. None of the millions of stars were shining tonight. Not tonight. Tonight was yet another fight with Cait. She threatened to walk away, leaving this fight up in the air. The strange thing about this fight is that I had no idea what it was about.
I shook my head, refusing to let her go. I ran after and the moment I caught up with her, I reached out for her shoulders to make her face me.
Her face wastearstainedand it tore me apart. Now if I could only figure out what we were fighting about, then I could fix everything.
"Nate," Caitlyn frowned, "We're not gonna work this out tonight. No we're not gonna make this right. So I'll give a kiss and say goodbye. Cause we're not gonna work this out tonight."
Caitlyn stood on her tiptoesand kissed my cheek before she continued on her way.
Once again, I raced to catch up with her and wrapped my arms around her waist, restraining her so she couldn't take another step.
I duckedmy head down to her ear and whispered, "There's no need to fight, we're just wasting time. If you give it a try well then maybe you'll find, we might work this out. Well, we know we're in love so let's keep it alive. Please?"
Caitlyn wiggled out of my embrace and threw a weak smile up at me, "No. Not tonight."
---
"A new song?" Shane narrowed his eyes. Mitchie smiled at me. At least I know someone agreed with me. Shane and Mitchie just got in from Chicago a couple of days ago. I haven't found the time to yell at Shane for provoking Caitlyn but the minute Mitchie is out of the picture, I'll give him a piece of my mind.
"What's wrong with the songs on our album?" Jason frowned.
I bit my lip, trying to figure out how to explain this to them.
"I have this song inside me and I know it's going to be a hit. Icanfeel it." I pieced out.
Shane made a face, "Wait. So you haven't written any lyrics yet? No chords? Nothing?"
"Not really." I admitted.
Mitchie cocked her head, "So…I don't get it."
Jason nodded, "You want to perform a new song at our New Year's performance, but you don't have a clue on the lyrics and you don't have a melody. How does that work?"
I frowned. Maybe my idea was farfetched. I was planning to write a song for Caitlyn that was subtle enough to hint at my feelings for her without exposing my secret to the whole world, including Mitchie. I wasn't sure how to get Caitlyn to forgive me. A song seemed like the perfect way to apologize and ultimately reveal everything.
"Never mind." I mumbled. I threw my guitar on and began to strum some chords out.
We were at one of our countless rehearsal before the big countdown. Mitchie was handed a microphone and was ushered into a mock stage for a sound check. Finally.
I turned to Shane and punched his arm as hard as I could.
He glared at me, "What was that for?"
"You know damn well." I spat, "What the hell did you tell Caitlyn?"
Shane tried to hide a smile but he quickly replaced it with his serious face, "I didn't tell her anything!"
I punched him again, "Then tell me why she knew that I was trying to flirt with her?"
Shane cracked up, "Because it was too lame to not tell her."
"Shane you're an ass. Because of you, Caitlyn hates my guts." I shouted.
Shane shook his head, "Oh no fro bro. Cait is still in love with you. In fact, I think she wants you to pin her up against the wall and-"
I threw another punch.
"Don't talk that way about her." I hissed.
Shane rubbed his arm, fuming, "Nate, learn how to take a joke. Loosen up for once."
Jason cleared his throat, "Shane, seriously, that wasn't cool. Nate, you need to relax."
I was about to throw an insult Shane couldchoke on but someone unexpectedly (but it really was expected) showed up.
Jason's mouth curved up into a smile the moment Alice bounced in. She jumped into Jason's arms and he spun her around. She let out a giggle as he placed her down. I frowned. I vowed thatI'dtreat Caitlyn that way, one day. Jason looked around before he planted a kiss on her forehead. I turned away. I'd usually rather not pry into that part of my brothers' lives, and watching them knowing that I was alone for the first time in two years around this holiday didn't make me feel better. Not when I have someone in mind that I want to kiss to bring in the New Year.
"I missed you." Jason said before his gave her another kiss.
Alice giggled, "I missed you too."
---
"You are only moments away from a performance of a lifetime. The crowd here has nearly doubled in size from last year and everybody is assuming it's because this new vibe we're getting from the band is infectious. Can you comment on that, Nate?" The reporter shoved his huge microphone into my face.
"I guess this new album is more personal and more fans are relating to our music than before." I answered.
"Also, I think since Nate is busy with his movie, we haven't treated our fans to as many performances as they deserve." Shane said after me.
"Not to mention that Mitchie Torres is burning up the charts right now as well." Jason added.
Mitchie blushed.
"Well, I believe that all the time I've been given. I hope the performance goes well."
"Thank you." I said before I was pushed into a small nook behind the stage to get ready.
Mitchie was smiling widely, "Oh my God, I'm so nervous!"
Dad popped out of nowhere and grouped us together, "Alright boys, I received word that some special people will be introducing you. Nate remember to thank them before you start the song."
I nodded.
"Mitchie, remember don't hesitate to run on stage when their song is over, ok?" My dad directed Mitchie.
Mitchie took a deep breath, "Got it."
We all huddled in before Shane, Jason and I ran onto the stage. I scanned the huge crowd before looking up at the infamous Time Square New Feed Screen.
My eye's landed on Caitlyn looking positively stunning. She was wearing this dark purplish bluish dress that was improper for any type of cold weather. Bare shoulders and bare legs? Was she trying to drive me crazy? Her voice was booming across Times Square from the live feed we were getting from Chicago. My knees almost gave out when she looked straight at the camera as she was introducing us. It felt like she was staring straight at me. And for once, she was smiling brightly. I wished she was smiling for me, but it was obviously not the case. She still hated me but the way she was just glowing on the screen made me hope that I still had a chance. It took me a while to notice that other people were around Caitlyn as well.
I chuckled, "Thanks Caitlyn! What's up Jennie? Marcie? Taylor I miss you man."
Shane rushed to the mic, "You all look beautiful!"
He pointed to the crowd as the music started and a couple of pyrotechnics blew off the stage.
I played my guitar like a mad man, "C'mon New York City! Put your hands together!"
Shane began the song as I jammed out with Jason in the back. The crowd'sroar was almost deafening. If it wasn't for my ear piece that allowed me to hear Shane's voice and our instruments, I wouldn't be able to hear anything at all.
"No we're not gonna work this out tonight
No we're not gonna make this right
So I'll give a kiss and say goodbye,
Cause we're not gonna work this out..
Tonight."
I looked back at the screen to find Caitlyn dancing around. It made me smile. Well half smile. Taylor was not far off dancing along with her. If it wasn't for that detail I would have been elated. I mean, Caitlyn was dancing around to my music, looking…very nice. I found myself stealing glances at the screen and before I knew it our song was nearing its end.
"Well, there's no need to fight, we're just wasting time.
Tonight
If you give it a try well then maybe you'll find.
We might work this out.
Well, we know we're in love so let's keep it alive.
Keep it alive, keep it alive.
I'm starting to see the morning light.
We finally worked this out."
I played the last chord and then quickly strummed another chord when Mitchie came strutting out.
"Hello hello!" She waved at the crowd, "Happy New Years!"
---
After our performance we were told that I was going to get the chance to talk to Caitlyn and the rest of the cast. I couldn't help but be happy. I was inside MTV's Studios, putting away my things when I had another big surprise.
"Nathaniel Grey!"
I turned around, to find Emma rushing over to me.
"Happy New Year! You did an amazing job out there!" She congratulated. Emma quickly hugged me and sighed. I was still in shock from seeing her here.
"Emma! What…why?"
She playfully shoved me, "Don't tell me you expected me to miss that amazing performance!"
I laughed, "Umm, no?"
"How was your break? Did you get to talk to Caitlyn?" Emma asked.
I raised my eyebrow, "Um, not in the way that I wished, but I got to hear her…"
Emma threw me a questioning look but that's all she got to do. We were immediately attacked by my brothers and Mitchie.
"Emma Watson!" Shane tackled her into a hug.
Mitchie and Jason followed, surprising Emma. She beamed.
"You all were fantastic out there!" She complimented.
"Well I think I did alright." Mitchie shrugged.
"No, no, no. The performance rendered me speechless." Emma said again. Shane genuinely smiled down at Emma. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mitchie frowning.
Dad came bouncing in, "Come on, the interview is out in the balcony."
"Hey Dad, can Emma be out there with us?" Shane asked.
Mitchie gave Shane a bewildered look as Emma shook her head.
"It's your interview." She insisted.
"It'sfine. We're only going to talk with some of your friends." Shane explained.
Emma looked at me, "Friends?"
I smiled, "Caitlyn and Taylor and couple of more people."
She beamed, "I would love too, but I can't."
Shane threw her a crooked smile, "You know you want to. Can she dad?"
Dad shrugged, "It won't hurt."
Emma threw a thankful look at me as all five of us were shoved out into the cold balcony. We were all given ear pieces to hear them loud and clear. The moment I saw Caitlyn once again, I smiled. I couldn't wait to talk to her. Maybe instead of that song I was thinking about, I could somehow pass along the message that I reallywanted her back.
All four of us waved to the camera. Emma was still getting mic-ed up.
"YOU WERE GREAT MITCHIE!" Caitlyn's voice blasted in our eardrums. The four of us winced. I think someone should tell Caitlyn to talk normally. It's not like we can't hear her.
"Hey Caitlyn." Shane smirked. He threw a glance at me and I frowned. I knew he was trying to egg me on to talk to her but I needed the perfect timing.
Caitlyn smiled, "What's up."
Emma walked over and squeezed between Jason and me.
"Emma?!" Taylor's jaw dropped along with Caitlyn's.
"Hi! Happy New Years guys!" Emma waved.
"I thought you were in London." Caitlyn blurted. That made two of us.
"Oh no no no. If I would have stayed there my flight would not make it in time for tomorrow!" Emma explained.
Marcie, another girl from out cast, cut in, "Oh my gosh. I've missed you, Emma! My cousin is crazy over you. I should introduce you two. He's a charmer."
I saw Caitlyn and Taylor exchange a smile and it warmed me with jealousy. What was going on?
"Emma, how's your boyfriend?" Caitlyn asked.
A gust of icy cold wind blew by us. I shivered.
"He's doing wonderful" Emma answered, "I told him about you and he's curious to meet you. Oh Dan and Rupert as well. They really can't wait until the movie premieres there."
I frowned. Daniel Radcliffe and Rupert Grint wanted to meet Caitlyn? I didn't want to look visibly upset but I couldn't help it. Why did they want to meet her? They don't know Caitlyn. I'm sure Caitlyn didn't care much for them in the first place.
A voice interrupted my thoughts. A voice that could only belong to Ryan Seacrest.
"Well Caitlyn can you tell us about the movie?"
Caitlyn averted her eyes to something off screen. I'm guessing she was going to read off some cards.
"Grease will be premiering in New York and in theatres across America on December 1st, 2009 and will be global on December 10th, so London watch out because we'll be…" Caitlyn's voice tapered off. The moment she fell silent is when Marcie and Jennie began to wildly scream. I had to take my ear piece out so I wouldn't suffer from permanent damage.
"Caitlyn I can't wait to show you London!" Emma said.
I looked at her. What does she mean show her London?
Are we traveling there for the premiere? As much as a vacation there sounded fantastic, the idea of having Emma introduce Caitlyn to her friends was unacceptable. I don't want Caitlyn around Emma's friends. Nothing against Emma, really, I just don't want Caitlyn around those two boys.
I looked back at the screen where I found Caitlyn bouncing around. She faced Taylor and then began a dancing with him. Taylor is my friend, and I shouldn't be jealous, but I at that moment Taylor picked Caitlyn up and spun her around, just like how Jason spun Alice around. I should be the one spinning Caitlyn around. Not Taylor. He put her down and beamed down at her.
I couldn't help it; I had to say it.
"Don't you try anything funny Taylor." I said under my breath. And if he does, he'll be hearing from a very angry Nate once we get back to the Quarters.
---
-
---
I have to say sorry. I HAVE TO. I got to the Quarters a bit later than I would have wanted. My family insisted on lunch to formally say goodbye to Alice and I. I couldn't refuse and I couldn't use Caitlyn as an excuse.
I laughed as I imagined myself using Caitlyn to get out of the lunch.
"Sorry mom. It's just that there's this girl back at the Quarters and I really need to see her because ten days without Caitlyn is pure agony."
I was sitting on the schools bleachers next to Emma. I was fiddling my thumbs because it was a form of distracting myself. From what you ask?
From watching Caitlyn parade herself for Taylor who was just sitting back enjoying the 'view'.
You have no idea how hard it is not to look at her when she has this playful smile on her lips. It's amazingly sexy. It's just that having her sit on top of Taylor's lap is NOT what I wanted her to be doing. Unless if was me. I narrowed my eyes at Taylor. Lucky guy. I hate him. I really do.
Before you jump to conclusions, no Caitlyn is not with Taylor (I hope she isn't). We were in the middle of a photo shoot for the promotional posters and what not for Grease. All the cast pairings were surrounding Emma and I for the 'Main' Poster. So Caitlyn was only acting like she loved teasing Taylor. Well, I hope she was acting. I felt a pair of brown eyes match my glare…and it wasn't Taylor. I quickly looked away from Caitlyn's gaze and frowned.
She was still mad at me. I couldn't process in my mind how could she still be mad at me but she was. I thought back to yesterday when I finally reached where my heart wanted to be. Everything turned out so unexpectedly.
---
Yesterday
The moment I stepped inside of the Quarters I knew Caitlyn was in the kitchen. Sure, I might have seen her walk into the kitchen after giving the cast a huge bowl of who-knows-what to eat but regardless, I know she's in there. That's why I decided to quickly throw my things up in my room and run back to greet Caitlyn. After New Years I got the impression that maybe she wasn't as mad as she let on. She did introduce me…well Connect 3, right?
I stumbled into the Kitchen. Caitlyn's small back was facing me but I doubt that she didn't notice my oh-so quiet entrance.
I cleared my throat.
No answer.
Confused, I cautiously approached her. I peered at her face and rolled my eyes. Figures. Another one of her trips to the moon, leaving her body unaware that I'm right behind her.
"Cait?"
She twitched and her shoulders drooped, "What do you want Nate?"
I grimace. Maybe she wasn't over it. Her harsh tone punched my already bruised ego.
"Nothing. I just," I bit my lip, "wanted to say hi."
She finally looked over her shoulder but her brown eyes didn't look directly at me. Instead, her gaze swooped over me.
"You said it." She bluntly replied.
I frowned, "I guess I'll see you around."
I was about to leave when out of the corner of my eye I saw Taylor bounce in.
"Hey Caity, need any help?" Taylor smiled.
Who does he think he is calling her Caity?! I glared at Taylor and wondered what else happen during the New Years that I didn't get to see.
Caitlyn shook her head, "Did Emma force you to come?"Taylor did a single nod, "What me to take that out?"
He pointed to an over stuffed trashcan.
Caitlyn looked over at me once again, "Oh no."
She smiled and for a second I thought she had a change of heart. I mean, she was smiling at me.
"I believe Nate wanted to do that. Isn't that right Nate?" Caitlyn sweetly asked.
But then she shows me that her only interest is to make my life as miserable as it can get.
I sighed, "No, but if you insist."
I yanked the trash bag out of the trash can and tied it up. I threw the contents over my shoulder and marched out.
Caitlyn is definitely still mad.
---
It was an hour of uncomfortably watching Caitlyn rub against Taylor. When Debora, our photographer, released us from this shoot I was relieved. I don't have to see any more of Taylor gawking at Caitlyn. I made a mental note that I have more people to talk to than just Caitlyn.
"Nate!"
The perkiness of Jaclyn materialized beside me. Emma eyed me before she left with Taylor and Caitlyn.
"Don't be late for the next shoot." Emma warned before she left.
"Hey, what's up Jacs. How was your holidays?" I lamely asked.
Jaclyn pulled me away from the ear shot of some people that were curiously looking over at me.
"They were great. Nate can I talk to you for a sec?" Jaclyn smiled.
I looked at my watch, "Um sure. You want to get some hot chocolate or something? I have time to site down."
She glowed, "Yeah, that would be great."
The moment we were sitting down in a cozy Starbuck with out drink in hands Jaclyn leaned over to kiss my cheek.
I knitted my brows together in confusion, "I don't want to sound rude but what was that about?"
Jaclyn's smile got weaker, "It's what I wanted to tell you about."
Still confused I asked, "Which is?"
Jaclyn's finally sighed and a pained expression took over her face, "It stupid."
I rolled my eyes, "I'm sure it's not."
"It is!" She exclaimed. Her wide eyes looked into mine. "I just- it…Do you want to know what my New Years Resolution was?"
I nodded, still completely confused.
"I wanted to be honest with everybody. I didn't want to hold in secrets because my grandmother said that bottling up your feelings makes you age faster." Jaclyn smiled softly, "It's a joke but it made me realize that I didn't want to hide my feelings from people."
Feelings?
"And you wanted to start with me?" I asked.
Jaclyn nodded, "I guess somewhere between the lines of our lunches and advising you, I developed a crush on you."
My hands began to sweat a bit but I think it's because I had a death grip on my hot chocolate.
I sat back feeling horrible about this.
Jaclyn shook her head, "I know you still like her a lot. I wanted to let you know just in case things don't work out the way you want them too… but I do hope you get what you want. That would make one of us."
"Jaclyn," I started, "You're a really nice girl. You really are but I can't change what I feel over night and even if I could that wouldn't be fair for you. You need someone that would drop to his knees to be with you."
Jaclyn sighed, "I know, I just thought it would be nice to be with someone like you."
"You'll find him." I assured, "It's just not me."
Jaclyn nodded, "I'll find him."
"How about we take these," I lifted my cup, "and go back to set. I think we can snag some muffins from the snack table."
Jaclyn rolled her eyes, "I hope Caitlyn can keep up with your strange eating cravings."
---
"Emma tilt your head a bit more to the left…that's it. Nate squeeze the air out of Emma if you can." Our photographer, Teddy, directed. It was nearing 8 p.m. and we were still shooting photos inside a random classroom. Unfortunately for me I still had an interview after this while everybody else got to go home. Aren't I lucky?
A flash blinded my sight like it has for the past two hours.
"One more…" Teddy said.
FLASH.
"Great! Looks like we are done!" He patted my back as I let Emma go. Her hands shot up to her ribs.
"Nate squeeze me any tighter and you would have snapped my ribs." Emma tenderly said. I gave her an apologetic look.
"Sorry." I muttered.
The moment we spilled out into the hall ways we found Caitlyn and Taylor far off doing some crazy dance. I could hear Caitlyn's laugh echoing through the halls. Emma smiled and walked towards them. I, having nothing else to do but to stall for my interview, followed Emma.
The moment we neared them their laughter tapered off. Taylor wrap an arm around Caitlyn and protectively brought her close.
"Are you guys done?" Taylor asked Emma. He wouldn't ask me because somehow I think Taylor is mad at me too. I think Caitlyn told him a thing or two about me.
"I am." Emma said, "Nate isn't. He still needs to have his interview."
Caitlyn looked at me and carelessly shrugged, "Oh well, lets go Emma. I'm starving and I know exactly what I can cook up."
I should have just gone to the interview so I could have avoided this awkward situation.
"See you Nate." Emma half-heartily. I whispered my goodbye to her.
"Peace." Taylor pulled me into our tiny handshake that I unwilling took part of.
I looked over to Caitlyn expecting her goodbye but she simply grinned.
"Okay, lets go!" She pivoted on her heel and floated towards the doors. Taylor and Emma looked at me but I waved them off.
"I'm late for my interview." I stated. So much for this grand apology I was waiting to tell Caitlyn. I'm not even sure that she might listen to me if I ever gather enough courage to talk to her.
The moment they took their eyes off of me I ran for the room that I was assigned to be interviewed in.
"14G…14G…." I breathed out. The blur of class numbers came to an abrupt halt when I crashed into Steven.
I rubbed my head as I balanced myself up, "Sorry about that and sorry for being a bit late…"
"No need to be sorry, I'm fed up with all this. Do you mind if we can reschedule your interview. Frankly, I don't want to put up with this DVD crap this early."
"I don't have the interview?" I questioned.
Steven shook his head, "Sorry if you were looking forward to it."
I smiled, "I wasn't!"
Steven chuckled, "Ah, nobody was."
I thanked Steven before I marched off into the sea of trailers. I was beyond happy that I got to go home earlier than what I expected. I was thinking of the perfect way to catch up to Jaclyn when I noticed something horribly wrong.
My feet were carrying me towards the wrong trailer. I gulped when I found myself facing Caitlyn's trailer. I'm not sure why or how I ended up here but I did and I was scared out of my mind. Out of the blue my arm reached out and push the door open and I walked in.
I noticed she wasn't around so I thought about leaving but my body was telling me otherwise. It sat me down in the couch I haven't sat on in the longest time. I was fearing for my life. Any moment now, Caitlyn would barge in here and have me as her dinner. She won't like that I was in here with no reason or motive.
Wait.
But I did have a reason.
Right on cue the door creaked open and a pair of shoes were sent flying my way.
She already almost attacked me.
"Ahh." Caitlyn moaned.
But then again, maybe she didn't mean to attack me.
I smiled, "Watch were you throw those things. You might end up hitting someone."
Caitlyn body stiffened up and her head slowly turned to me. I shyly bit my lip and waited for her to start shouting at me.
Much to my surprise she didn't.
"I thought you had an interview." Her voice failed her. She didn't respond the way she did in the kitchen or just a few moments before. She let her guard down and she didn't like it. Caitlyn scrunched up her face mad at herself.
I shrugged, "They canceled it."
"Oh."
Caitlyn looked around, anxious to occupied herself with something other than to look at me. She turned her back to me and faced the mirror.
"Cait. Talk to me." I begged.
Caitlyn muffled something out that sounded like "I am".
I stood up, a bit flustered. I'm not sure Caitlyn was understanding what I was trying to do here.
"I know you are but," I said, "like before."
"You expect me to forget that you were a jerk to me?" Caitlyn sharply said.
"No, well yeah," I paused to think, "I don't know what to expect."
"I think I know what you want." Caitlyn turned around to face me. She had this strong aura about her that I feared she might hurt me for once.
My eyes widen, "You do?"
Did she know that I like her? What if Shane said something in front of Mitchie?
Caitlyn sighed, "You want me to forgive you and pretend that everything is fine and butterflies between us."
I was relieved for a second I thought she was going to…never mind. I thought back to what she just said.
"I can do without the butterflies…" I mentally said to myself.
Caitlyn continued staring at me and I finally summed up the courage to ask that question.
"Can we be together?"
Wrong question. WRONG QUESTION. I began to panic inside. Maybe I should reword that again so it won't sound like I-
"As friends?" Caitlyn crossed her arms.
"Yeah, friends." I repeated.
"Yeah." Caitlyn smiled up at me and I knew I had her back, "But you need to apologize for being an ass."
I held up my hand as a signal of conformity, "I'm really sorry for the way I acted. I was an ass and a jerk."
Caitlyn's smile grew, "You forgot prick, idiot, and umm I think I'm missing a lot more…"
I had her back.
I did.
She was joking around, which made me roll my eyes but I was so happy that I brought her into a hug. In an instant I needed to show her more than what I wanted her to know. Cinnamon can have that affect on me. A weakness?
Two people popped into my head.
Jaclyn and Jason.
Bottling up your feelings makes you age faster…
Be her friend first…
I was torn between two good words of wisdom. Should I let my feelings out before they explode into something messy or should I take one step at a time?
I inhaled.
"You smell like cinnamon."
Caitlyn loosen her grip on me and took a step back. Did I really say that out loud?
I bit my lip, "Uh, my mom uses that shampoo."
Smooth, Nate, smoooooth.
"I forgot you say stupid things." She laughed
I tried to laugh too but it got stuck in my throat, "Yeah, I forgot too."
Caitlyn sighed and lightly pushed me towards the door, "Get out, I need to change."
Without arguing I nodded, "Will do."
I was so glad to have Caitlyn back again that a bright idea popped into my head a second before she was about to close the door on me. I quickly stuck out my hand to block her.
"Do you mind telling Taylor that I want to walk you home? For old time sakes." I begged.
Caitlyn cocked her head, deep in thought. I was about lose hope but then she smiled down at me
"Sure, you owe me." She said
"Cool." I replied and with a final look at her I walked away from the door. I looked over my shoulder to make sure her door was completely close before I punched the air in victory.
Apology accepted.
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So this Chapter was way longer than I expected it to be. Like...really long. But I hope you didn't mind. Hmm, there isn't much I have to say except for the kind favor of asking the readers to tell me what they thought about it...
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Thanks a bunch.